Group Discussion WK/45-Hey, you smoked for 42 years! Why on earth would you think you can get past the addiction in a couple of months? Cut yourself a

[JB 883]

Sazerac - because my nerves are a mess without them. I am easily annoyed by stuff and also was before i started smoking.

 

brand new ela - Sometimes weird triggers do pop up. Thje best defense we have of course is to not have cigarettes handy. Or just we gotta tell ourselves "no". I went to get gas today and they had smokes for $3.50 (normally close to $6) I looked but then just thought, "No, isn't worth throwing out my quit. Besides, they will go back up soon as i am re-hooked".

 

I do not really associate with any smokers so avoiding the temptation when around them - I have no advice.

Edited May 6, 2018 by Jetblack

[Sazerac]

32 minutes ago, Jetblack said:

Sazerac - because my nerves are a mess without them. I am easily annoyed by stuff and also was before i started smoking.

 

 

J,

I am sorry your nerves are a mess and you are locked into being easily annoyed by stuff.

There are better ways to deal with your nerves than romanticizing any relief you think smoking will provide.

That ain''t getting you anywhere, it's just keeping yourself tied to smokes.

 

I know the idea of intensive concentrated breathing , meditation, sometimes sounds cliche

but, it is the best thing on the planet to deal with nerves, annoyances, anger, fear, craziness, idiocy.

Ask me ! I've used meditation successfully  for all those things and I'm here to tell you, when you get serious...it friggin works.

[stzr500]

For me my triggers were stress and boredom. I have learned though over the past year I can deal with stress and I can find something to do when bored. Not everyday is easy but much easier than in the beginning. It short it's so true it does get easier, it may seem like it never will but it does, just hang on the ride will slow down.

[Giveintowin]

In the beginning everything was a trigger. Now it's seems to be when I do something new.

 

I like the message of this post. I need to have patience with myself. I mean I think I've been quit for a while so I should feel good and not want to smoke. I don't think about smoking often but sometimes do have a thought to smoke. I think about how horrid withdrawal is and how I don't want to go through it again. It seems to help when I have a flippant thought of having "just one".

[onthemark]

I'm approaching 3 years. The first months were hard. I fell into a depression and had a lot of anxiety. At first, the morning, after meal, and cigarettes to take a 'break' from whatever I was doing were the hardest to let go of. Now I don't have those triggers but still occasionally think about smoking when I am bored. I had to believe that I really could quit for good after so many failures. Participating on a forum made all the difference for me.

[TravellingSunny]

20 hours ago, Jetblack said:

I am at 7 months and so far the only real bad time was exactly three months in. I was rummaging through some old magazines and of course every other page is a cigarette ad.

 

I would love to smoke really but probably best to avoid that bad habit

 

@Jetblack:  I think you and I are struggling with the same demon.  I don't want smoke in my lungs, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to smell like a cigarette, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to spend half of my disposable income on tobacco, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to die a slow, painful death, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to set such a horrible example for my kids, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to be out of breath when I'm walking up a flight of stairs, but I want to smoke.

 

So, I'll keep reading about addiction and NOPEing until it finally sinks in to my thick skull.  Maybe I'll always want to smoke, who knows?  I am an addict after all.  But, as long as we want to be non-smokers more than we want to be smokers, we can still win this battle.

[Sazerac]

6 minutes ago, TravellingSunny said:

 

@Jetblack:  I think you and I are struggling with the same demon.  I don't want smoke in my lungs, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to smell like a cigarette, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to spend half of my disposable income on tobacco, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to die a slow, painful death, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to set such a horrible example for my kids, but I want to smoke.  I don't want to be out of breath when I'm walking up a flight of stairs, but I want to smoke.

 

So, I'll keep reading about addiction and NOPEing until it finally sinks in to my thick skull.  Maybe I'll always want to smoke, who knows?  I am an addict after all.  But, as long as we want to be non-smokers more than we want to be smokers, we can still win this battle.

 

I didn't feel romantically inclined once the reality of my/our addiction set in.

This takes some time but, it happens if you learn and understand.    Study till your eyes bleed if that's what it takes.

Don't allow it to take up space in your precious brains.  Save romance for ROMANCE. 

Spring is here,  go fall in love again.  Go encourage a crush or something.

 

Nicotine is a fierce opponent but powerless when you understand how it worms it's way into your consciousness.

Addiction makes you lie to yourself.  Addiction is completely self serving.

I understand that it takes time not only to identify it's hold over us but, to mercilessly weed it out. 

But, you need to be the aggressor here and squelch any idolized version of smoking.

 

There is no use for addiction, no reason to woo addiction. 

Smoking is not romance, it is not glam or fun.  That is just junkie talk. Stop Listening.  The junkie wants to kill you fgs, and keep you enslaved.

What kind of life is that ?  What kind of death will that be?

Nicotine addiction is a burden and Smoking, however romantically applied,

may provide you a long,  gruesome and painful death, that is if you are lucky enough to die early. 

Otherwise you get to linger..in horror of yourself and a horror to your family, to your carers. 

A complete Horror show, ask Doreen, ask others how romantic it is.

 

I'm sorry for the rant.

Please,  take what you need and leave the rest.

This romance siht is holding you back, making it harder on yourself.

Be merciless and rip out all the roots of smokey romance

and give yourself a hug from me.

[lml]

Quote

Please,  take what you need and leave the rest.

 

I need it all! Thank you.  

[TravellingSunny]

51 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

This romance siht is holding you back, making it harder on yourself.

Be merciless and rip out all the roots of smokey romance

and give yourself a hug from me.

 

@Sazerac, I know.  I know.  It certainly IS making it harder.  Everytime I think I've got a head start on the junkie thinking, I'm slammed back with a stupid "I want a cigarette" thought.  How I've been addressing that is to remind myself that it's NOT what I want, and then I just try to think about something else.  Anything else.  Whatever I've gotta do to divert my attention. 

 

This isn't the first time your advice has mentioned being aggressive or merciless in stopping those thoughts.  But, HOW?  They just creep in there without my permission.  It feels like all I can do is dismiss the thought (or ridicule it) and move on.  But, when you say we should be merciless - what do you mean?  I'll be minding my own business, not even thinking about smoking, and then all of a sudden - BLAM!  I feel that "longing" for a cigarette, and I have to put the damnable thoughts aside and ignore them until it passes.  My brain knows I don't want it, but the thoughts pop in there anyway.  How do I stop those thoughts?

[JB 883]

2 hours ago, Sazerac said:

 

I didn't feel romantically inclined once the reality of my/our addiction set in.

This takes some time but, it happens if you learn and understand.    Study till your eyes bleed if that's what it takes.

Don't allow it to take up space in your precious brains.  Save romance for ROMANCE. 

Spring is here,  go fall in love again.  Go encourage a crush or something.

 

 

Actual romance has caused more people more problems than tobacco ever has. Giving up tobacco then diving into a relationship (that probably won't work) is called "out of the frying pan and into the fire".

 

For Travellingsunny - the desire to smoke does decrease over time. Not sure how long til it is gone gone but it does decrease, I assume you have noticed it. I do not think we can stop them from trying to creep in any more than we could stop thought of sex when we were younger.

[brand.new.ela]

22 hours ago, Jetblack said:

 

brand new ela - Sometimes weird triggers do pop up. Thje best defense we have of course is to not have cigarettes handy. Or just we gotta tell ourselves "no". I went to get gas today and they had smokes for $3.50 (normally close to $6) I looked but then just thought, "No, isn't worth throwing out my quit. Besides, they will go back up soon as i am re-hooked".

 

I do not really associate with any smokers so avoiding the temptation when around them - I have no advice.

I don’t have any smokers around either. 

 

Recently a craving hit me when i was leaving the metro station. I had been leaving stations for six months without any issues. This shows how strong this addiction is, the might may appear clear but it’s still there 

[TravellingSunny]

16 minutes ago, Jetblack said:

I do not think we can stop them from trying to creep in any more than we could stop thought of sex when we were younger.

 

I think you're right, and when I look at Sazerac's earlier post, I think that might actually be part of it. Perhaps I AM being aggressive.. because I recognize the junkie thinking for what it is (most of the time) and make it a point to remind my silly self that those are NOT my thoughts, and then try to distract myself so I'm not listening to them.

 

Put in that context, I suppose I'm actually a lot tougher than I was giving myself credit for.

[Sazerac]

8 hours ago, TravellingSunny said:

 

@Sazerac, I know.  I know.  It certainly IS making it harder.  Everytime I think I've got a head start on the junkie thinking, I'm slammed back with a stupid "I want a cigarette" thought.  How I've been addressing that is to remind myself that it's NOT what I want, and then I just try to think about something else.  Anything else.  Whatever I've gotta do to divert my attention. 

 

This isn't the first time your advice has mentioned being aggressive or merciless in stopping those thoughts.  But, HOW?  They just creep in there without my permission.  It feels like all I can do is dismiss the thought (or ridicule it) and move on.  But, when you say we should be merciless - what do you mean?  I'll be minding my own business, not even thinking about smoking, and then all of a sudden - BLAM!  I feel that "longing" for a cigarette, and I have to put the damnable thoughts aside and ignore them until it passes.  My brain knows I don't want it, but the thoughts pop in there anyway.  How do I stop those thoughts?

 

 

Sweet darling Quitter,

In the beginning, you just say NO, with all the bravado you can muster.

You say NO,  as in N  O..

That is all you can do, just say NO and commit to NOPE a zillion times a day.

 

Your job is to root out the romantic thoughts that addiction has planted in your brain, root out your junkie thoughts because they don't serve you anymore.

You Don't Smoke.

Stand up straight and realize,  you don't smoke.  

End of discussion.

 

 

[JB 883]

Well not just smoking but any form of tobacco is bad. The worst is chew. I mean it is gross and vile and BLEH.

EDIT - I use NO tobacco but have chewed before. It is horrendous. Like putting a piece of poop in your lip

 

But as we know, unless your name is Keith Richards, you cannot just poison your body for years and expect to live long. How the hell do some people survive like that?

 

If you are struggling to KTQ -

You think you got it rough, imagine being that guy and trying to quit. He just couldn't at this point. I mean it just could not happen no matter what.

YOU, on the other hand, have a chance still.

 

For Sunny -

You are handling this. Yes, stand like a marine and realize you can beat the cigarettes. Giving up the quit - Stephen Hawking certainly would not stand for it.

Ok that was a BAD joke but yeah, hang in there.

Edited May 8, 2018 by Jetblack

[Boo]

10 hours ago, TravellingSunny said:

Everytime I think I've got a head start on the junkie thinking, I'm slammed back with a stupid "I want a cigarette" thought. 

 

Sunny, you quit smoking.  Congratulations, that's a fine achievement.

 

That being said...don't beat yourself up over some random thoughts.  We're addicts.  We conditioned ourselves for years with cigarettes.  One day, we all made a decision to stop smoking.  Eventually, our minds and bodies caught up with the new program.

 

You thought: "I want a cigarette."  The thought came, and you didn't smoke.  Thoughts have exactly as much power as we give them.  You are in full control of your quit.  It has been estimated that the average human has over 50,000 thoughts per day.  That averages 35 thoughts per minute.  There's bound to be a few curveballs thrown in there.

 

The dichotomy of the quitter is something we all dealt with; I don't want to be a smoker, but I sure could go for a cigarette right about now.  We all sorted it out over time, so will you.

[Doreensfree]

Romancing the cancer stick ...!! I want just one !!!!.

Read some more...you need to know exactly what you are missing  ????.......you are missing nothing...you are gaining everything...

I was that terrified the day I quit...the only thing that bothered me was...will I fail again....

I knew this quit was different...I never romanced a smoke at all...welll...when your faced with amputation or a smoke...I chose my plates of meat ( feet ).....

I know not everyone has...they have lost limbs.... This is the true nature of this addiction... It takes away reality....

The reality is..this is one hell of a addiction that is maming and killing millions...

Once you had read and watched all the stuff..you have it  in your mind..you are making the correct decision to rid yourself....you will be comfortable in your quit...

Embrace being free...

PS...if anyone is not quit sure how living with emphysema will effect your life..I would be more than happy to enlighten you...

Shout as loud as you can...yipeee I'm a non smoker  ....( Allen Carr )......

 

[TravellingSunny]

10 hours ago, Boo said:

The dichotomy of the quitter is something we all dealt with; I don't want to be a smoker, but I sure could go for a cigarette right about now.  We all sorted it out over time, so will you.

 

Can I just say that I love, love, love your very matter of fact, almost over-simplified way of describing things?  It really has a way of minimizing the scary stuff for me.  Thank you!

[Boo]

1 hour ago, TravellingSunny said:

Can I just say that I love, love, love your very matter of fact, almost over-simplified way of describing things?  It really has a way of minimizing the scary stuff for me.  Thank you!

 

You're welcome.

 

I took a circuitous route to my simple approach.  In the early days of my quit, I needlessly complicated things.  It wasn't helping the cause.  I was already a foggy-headed newbie and I compounded that with unnecessary mental gymnastics.  Then it hit me that the way to quit smoking is just to quit smoking.  Don't put things in your mouth and set them on fire.  Dead simple.

 

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." --Confucius 

[Doreensfree]

Then it hit me that the way to quit smoking is just to quit smoking.  Don't put things in your mouth and set them on fire.  Dead simple.

 

This is it !!!!....any think else is just over thinking !!!!!!....

[Sazerac]

On 11/2/2014 at 4:03 AM, MarylandQuitter said:

Hey, you smoked for 42 years! Why on earth would you think you can get past the addiction in a couple of months? Cut yourself a break, for Pete's sake.

 

The physical dependence ends rather quickly but the mental side of the addiction is how we beat it or why we relapse.

 

All of the things that cause triggers after nicotine has left your body are mostly mental.  They can be memories, smells, a particular song, a ritual like smoking after dinner or with morning coffee, the first snowfall and the list can go on and on.

 

It's going to take an entire year to experience the full cycle of life without smoking.  For some the triggers are few and far between while for others they're daily.

 

What were some of things that caused you triggers early on and how often do you get them now and what are they?  One thing we know for sure is that the longer you stay quit, the less frequent they become until you can't even picture yourself smoking.

 

It doesn't matter if your 1 week quit or 5 years.  Please share your experiences, past and present regarding triggers because with that comes hope and confidence for those who are struggling on their journey of their first full year without smoking.

 

bump

[Mee]

There was always a lot of family drama in my life and dealing with the dysfunction could lead to many moments of chain smoking.  I always thought that, if I was the better person, I could change things.  I thought I was relieving  my stress by smoking but I was actually just being self destructive.  By facing those triggers,  I learned that the only responsibility I had was to myself and my happiness.  Quitting has finally given me the power to take back the control over my own life.  

[notsmokinjo]

I knew going into this quit that the mental/emotional side of my addiction was what my issue was and recent posts by another member made me really open that up and look at it. I know there will be others out there who won't get this and will think I'm off with the fairies or have a few roos loose in my top paddock but this is why a quit can be so different from person a to person b to person c... for some of us smoking has just as much to do with nicotine addiction as it has to do with filling an emotional and psychological void. Right so I know some of you are just itching to fire off and rebut the shit out of this but please just read it first then have at it. I'm just sharing my perspective and it might give some of you an insight into some of the more challenging personalities here. 

So my first smoke was the night my grandad died of emphysema and I was legally an adult adult at the time so shoulda known better. Confession: I've kinda always liked the smell of smokes, right from when I was a kid...because that smell meant my grandad was around, or my aunty and it meant I was safe. So right from the get go that smell meant safety, and warmth, and love and acceptance...so mentally, long before I smoked, I was building associations with smoking that it was part of being safe, and loved, and protected.  I know this is bull, and most of those voids are now scars. I mean come on, smoke was never going to fill anything for more than a moment. But you see I could control smoking, it was never going to abandon me, or kick me out, or shut me out, it sure as shit wasn't gunna reject me...it was the safest  ( ) relationship I had. It made me feel good and wanted and needed. It was never going to take that away from me I could reject it IF I WANTED to...but it was never going to reject me or find me wanting or lacking. 

So @hesteralumni23 sweetie, if you're still lurking this post is for you and all the other smokers who have given it an emotional value it doesn't deserve .. see HA23 had a sucky childhood too... Her mum died when she was young (abandonment)...she was the thrown into an unstable and abusive home life (massive list) so here she is trying to navigate the chaos that is her new home life and stay safe, grieve her mum, puberty, her sexuality and then along comes an abusive older girl who takes advantage of a confused, scared, lonely little girl and because she is so starved for love and affection she associates those feelings with smoking because after her abuser (no offence but no 18yo old, male or female, should be anywhere sexually near a 13yo....at that age 5 year gap is huge....5 years down the track not as much) made her feel loved, and touched tenderly, and wanted they smoked... So to feel those things again, she would smoke....it filled the void...and unlike her abuser who would vanish to the other side of the country or her mum who would die the ciggies were never going to abandon her... She controlled that ..they were always going to be there...I get it, because the story might be different but that's me. It's stupid, junky thinking....and where is this all going...right, it's all Bull!... But when your addiction is tied up into such an emotional need you kind of have to deal with that shit as well as all the other quit stuff. So .... Doesn't mean you can't quit you can, I did... It just means the journey is different.

1. Deal with the emotional voids.

2. Realise that your nicotine addiction feeds all those bad thoughts you have about yourself, those nicotine receptors play on all your insecurities and exploit them so that you will have a smoke "to feel better"....smoking does nothing to improve your worth and it certainly doesn't love you.

3. Learn about how nicotine addiction works, how it changes your brain.

4. Love yourself enough to stop the cycle of self abuse. 

So for all of us it is as simple as committing to the decision to not put something in our mouth and smoking it...but for some of us that includes stripping down the why, looking at it and rebuilding into the person we should be.

 

[Sazerac]

14 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

1. Deal with the emotional voids.

2. Realise that your nicotine addiction feeds all those bad thoughts you have about yourself, those nicotine receptors play on all your insecurities and exploit them so that you will have a smoke "to feel better"....smoking does nothing to improve your worth and it certainly doesn't love you.

3. Learn about how nicotine addiction works, how it changes your brain.

4. Love yourself enough to stop the cycle of self abuse. 

So for all of us it is as simple as committing to the decision to not put something in our mouth and smoking it...but for some of us that includes stripping down the why, looking at it and rebuilding into the person we should be.

 

Rebuilding the person we really are.  A free person.

 

Thanks, Jo.  Awesome post.

[QueenB]

On ‎5‎/‎7‎/‎2018 at 10:48 AM, Sazerac said:

 

I didn't feel romantically inclined once the reality of my/our addiction set in.

This takes some time but, it happens if you learn and understand.    Study till your eyes bleed if that's what it takes.

Don't allow it to take up space in your precious brains.  Save romance for ROMANCE. 

Spring is here,  go fall in love again.  Go encourage a crush or something.

 

Nicotine is a fierce opponent but powerless when you understand how it worms it's way into your consciousness.

Addiction makes you lie to yourself.  Addiction is completely self serving.

I understand that it takes time not only to identify it's hold over us but, to mercilessly weed it out. 

But, you need to be the aggressor here and squelch any idolized version of smoking.

 

There is no use for addiction, no reason to woo addiction. 

Smoking is not romance, it is not glam or fun.  That is just junkie talk. Stop Listening.  The junkie wants to kill you fgs, and keep you enslaved.

What kind of life is that ?  What kind of death will that be?

Nicotine addiction is a burden and Smoking, however romantically applied,

may provide you a long,  gruesome and painful death, that is if you are lucky enough to die early. 

Otherwise you get to linger..in horror of yourself and a horror to your family, to your carers. 

A complete Horror show, ask Doreen, ask others how romantic it is.

 

I'm sorry for the rant.

Please,  take what you need and leave the rest.

This romance siht is holding you back, making it harder on yourself.

Be merciless and rip out all the roots of smokey romance

and give yourself a hug from me.

This is just what the Dr. order..... I needed to see this today !!!!

[Sazerac]

Hey @QueenB,

 

These links may well help you, too

 

Red Flags

 

Nicodemons Lies

 

and a keeper list of our friend, Joel Spitzer's, videos,  

Use Rationalization Videos

 

You are building a sturdy, successful quit Queen B !

Hold fast to your NOPE and protect your precious quit.