Any suggestions ????

[Soozie]

Some of you have commented on the fact that hubby gets home from work tomorrow for 2 weeks. The last time he came home I was fine for a couple of days, then we had the stabbing his ciggies with a cocktail stick episode.  Then a couple of days later I lit up with him ! 

 

I think I've mentioned before that I don't have a lot of support at home from family and friends. The reason being they are all so used to my quits. Nobody even comments anymore. Because of this I find it hard to make requests for smoke free zones, mainly because I feel like a hypocrite, because when I have smoked I've smoked, in the house, in the car anywhere I choose to. 

 

Last year I managed a 9 month quit, so I know I can deal with hubby smoking I've just got to have the right mindset. I'm feeling confident at the moment, largely due to yesterdays wobble, the fact that I didn't smoke made me feel empowered. 

 

I'm trying to get together a plan should I start to get the wobbles. I won't be able to spend as much time on here because we have got loads to do while he's home. 

 

I'm sure many of you have smoking partners, or when you were a smoker yourself you partner was a non-smoker. Any suggestions/advice would be much appreciated. 

 

Incidentally, for the two weeks that hubby is at work, he doesn't smoke. They're not allowed cigarettes on the platform. He's been working like this for years. As soon as he gets to the airport he lights up and when he's home he would smoke maybe 40 - 50 a day. 

 

Sue x

 

 

[action]

You are not a hypocrite Sue, you are merely asking for some boundaries in the early part of your quit. That is completely fair. When you have smoked 'anywhere', was someone else around you trying to quit? If not then this is not the same situation.

 

My wife never smoked - she hates smoking. So that meant that I always smoked outside, and never in the house. I just had to respect her on this.

 

Remember that you are not denying yourself of cigarettes, you simply choose not to smoke them anymore. You have chosen freedom over smoking. Great choice :)

 

I know what it's like not to receive support from friends and family - that is why I am here. That is why I spend so much time here. To get support. And I am always here to give that back. So remember that I will give you support whenever you need it. There is no limit to the amount I will give. I am here for you. :)

[El Bandito]

Hey Soozie

 

Ummm.....

 

Tough.

 

I am only guessing - but if you asked your family and friends whether they would want to help you - you might be surprised how much they were prepared to do.

 

Certainly I know that people in my life were unsure whether to mention it, to never mention it, to pretend it wasn't happening - they had no clue. The moment I started talking to them about it and asking for help - THEY felt tons better. 

 

This doesn't need to be demanding that nobody smoke within 500 yards - but I think asking for a smoke free zone somewhere in the house is probably doable?

 

Certainly - I have allowed smoking to continue in the West Wing and the rooms beyond the library but the rest of the Castle is strictly non-smoking...

 

(I wish)

 

I think you need a safe place - somewhere you can retreat if the craves come. 

 

For the sake of his ciggies and life expectancy, hubby might want to ensure his cigarettes go somewhere safe when he goes to bed!

[Soozie]

 

 

Certainly - I have allowed smoking to continue in the West Wing and the rooms beyond the library but the rest of the Castle is strictly non-smoking...

 

 

lost it when I read this  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[babs609]

soozie...my husband smokes too.  From the beginning I just looked at his smoking as very sad. I just would repeat over and over that he HAS to smoke.  I no longer did.  I was free...and he was (and still is) shackled.  

When I quit 21 months ago...he was supposed to join me, but didn't.  When I tell him how many cigarettes I have avoided since then...he cringes.  (I try not to rub it in too much ;) )

 

When he smoked outside..at the beginning of my quit...I joined him.  I watched him smoke.  I mean, I really watched.  Putting the cigarette to his lips, lighting it, taking a drag.....god, he looked stupid. 

I never want to be there again.

[Still winning]

I'm with Babs here, I actually watched my Mum smoke a number of times a day, truly...listen to the cough, watch for the "catch" as too many poisons try and enter their system, know that they HAVE to smoke but you CHOOSE not too anymore. I think it's all about mindset. A number of times when she smoked so did I but I chose to change my thinking. I won't say there wasn't twice I literally stood looking at her cigs rfom the edge of the room (I didn't dare enter it!!) but I knew I didn't want that life.  You also know, you told us, you don't want to be that addict anymore. You sounds different to the last time you quit, I can hear it so talk to your hubby, bet he hears the difference too!!  Beg him to help you, plead if you need too but do talk...

 

That said if he's an ar*e about it, give him the finger mentally and go pat yourself on the back that you are way stronger than that idiot anyway ;) You are though, you really have got this Sue, believe in yourself!  xx

 

Bandito, west wing, just lol.

[Paul723]

Write "It" down on a piece of paper and carry the paper with you at all times.  If you are tempted to smoke, read the paper or remember what you wrote.  The "It" is different for everyone but "It" will keep you from smoking.  This will help you make smoking not an option.

[Doreensfree]

Sue,

If you just had a word with your family and tried to explain you are really doing your best to quit,and have joined a support group,

Hopefully they will show their support....

I don't have this problem as tony carnt smoke .......

But there are some on here who partners still do......

This quit is about you....what you really want.......

Try and stay as close to the board while he is home as much as you can.....

You may surprise yourself......

Hugs

Doreen

[Soozie]

Hi Everyone, 

 

Thankyou so much for the advice so far, I am reading it all and taking it in ...

 

so far I have made a quick list of my ten commandments to get me through the first 24 hours, these may change drastically over the course of the next two weeks  : 

 

 1. I will request a smoke free zone

 2. I will ask hubby not to smoke in the car when I pick him up from the airport tomorrow 

 3. I will be nice and offer to pull over so he can smoke

 4. I will go to the gym in the morning, while he has twenteen cups of tea and a packet of smokes for breakfast

 5. I will give him a mental finger if he deserves it 

 6. I will remind myself that he HAS to smoke because he is shackled to it and I am not 

 7. I will remember at all times that I choose not to smoke

 8. I will tell him in four days time that his chest was clear when he first came home from work but now his chest sounds horrendous and it scares me 

 9. I will not stab hubbys smokes with a toothpick or put them in the deep fat fryer

10. I will not stab hubby with a toothpick or any other pointy object that may be at hand

 

Sue x 

 

Almost forgot, if all this fails I will ask hubby to build me a castle so I can have my own wing  ;)

[Tink]

I like your list Soozie :) especially the I wont put hubby in the deep fat fryer - did I read that right ;)

 

having a plan gives you confidence and also knowing you will get threw this is a plan xx

[Trish]

Soozie

 

I love this list..esp #5.  I do that a lot but I don't think it is ever a secret bc he can see it in my face!   :) I would definitely request a smoke free zone.  Personally, we have never smoked in the house.  I wouldn't have been able to put up with that even as a smoker.  If he can not smoke for two weeks at work than he can definitely step outside to have a smoke.  My hubby still smokes...but outside.  Also, it won't hurt him to put his cigs somewhere when he goes to bed at night so they are not just sitting out.  Then they might be safer from the sharp objects!

[Soozie]

I like your list Soozie :) especially the I wont put hubby in the deep fat fryer - did I read that right ;)

 

having a plan gives you confidence and also knowing you will get threw this is a plan xx

no you didn't read that right .. god I'm not that bad, last time he was home I threatened to put his ciggies in a deep fat fryer, not him lol love him too much ... but I did stab his ciggies with a toothpick, but I blame that largely on Bandito and Julie ...lol 

[Tink]

no you didn't read that right .. god I'm not that bad, last time he was home I threatened to put his ciggies in a deep fat fryer, not him lol love him too much ... but I did stab him ciggies with a toothpick, but I blame that largely on Bandito and Julie ...lol 

LOL you gotta watch that julie ;)

[Soozie]

LOL you gotta watch that julie ;)

 

her and Bandito ... bad influence ???  :lol:

[BAT]

Borrow Bakon's wife's mood ring.  ;)

[Still winning]

ooo I love a plan and a list Soozie - the virgo in me totally salutes this solution (sorry massive astrology fan) :)

 

Brilliant though, we are women, as if we can be led, pfft, none of that. You choose your future and live it. x

[Soozie]

ooo I love a plan and a list Soozie - the virgo in me totally salutes this solution (sorry massive astrology fan) :)

 

Brilliant though, we are women, as if we can be led, pfft, none of that. You choose your future and live it. x

I'm a gemini, this could be dangerous lol 

[El Bandito]

There is absolutely nothing that frightens a man more than an icy cool, determined woman being logical, calm and independent.

 

He is a smart guy. (He married you - so he can't be all that bad ;) )

 

Be the life and soul too. Show him that being a non smoker is about having more energy, more vitality, more va-va-voom :wub: .

 

Show him that you are in the promised land - not him.

 

As for Castles - just don't get a moat - they are such a bother to clean, and that's two postmen we have mislaid now...

[sharonsiff]

Soozie I have no suggestions as hubby is a non smoker.

 

I have every confidence in you that no matter what you will Nope each day and keep your promise to yourself, you stike me as a woman who keeps her word.

 

I bet you can't wait to see him!...how exciting, I get excited when Lee comes home for a 12 hour night shift..lol. ;)

[Doreensfree]

Sue,I'm impressed with your list.....a woman on a mission ....I like that.......

Keep reading it.....I have no doubts you are going to stay smoke free.....

Hugs

Xxxxxx

[Soozie]

There is absolutely nothing that frightens a man more than an icy cool, determined woman being logical, calm and independent.

 

He is a smart guy. (He married you - so he can't be all that bad ;) )

 

Be the life and soul too. Show him that being a non smoker is about having more energy, more vitality, more va-va-voom :wub: .

 

Show him that you are in the promised land - not him.

 

As for Castles - just don't get a moat - they are such a bother to clean, and that's two postmen we have mislaid now...

 

oh Bandito belly laughs here ... what a great way to start the day ... thankyou 

[Pippa]

Soosie - sounds like you have a great plan there - and I am sure if you ask you can get smoke free zones - if not just arrange to meet hubby at the Bandito's humble little digs !!

[Lynn]

Love the toothpick idea. My husband smokes, maybe I will try it on his sometime- lol.

 

I agree, it is all in the mindset. My husband and I used to smoke in the same places and when I quit, his smoking got bumped outside and/or in the garage. He does not smoke in my car, even when I am not there (because I can smell it-yuk). We have agreed on this. So I would suggest talking to your husband so you both can come up with some agreements you both can live with. You are doing great planning for this, super job.  Enjoy your time together.

[babs609]

great advice for those who feel they may be tempted around smokers

 

bumping

[Petra]

:)  AWWWW  - how is our Lynn???