Cranky quitter!!

[Still winning]

Wow, I felt really positive day 1, excited and scared my poor Mum is just scared :(  I am flunking majorly on the support, apparently I'm patronising, the people on forums are silly with their if I did it you can do it and so it goes on. Spent an hour trailing two kids round every chemist this morning looking for quit aids (nrt) and come back to her smoking :(  I think she's started now?

 

So explaining the dangers of smoking health wise is a no, forums support is a no, any ideas on any "yes's" I could get or should I back off? She's a miserable bugger when the mood takes her with no worries at laying it at others doors lol.

 

Panic not, my quit is secure and I pledged already today :)

[sharonsiff]

You know....she might find reading Allen Carr's Easy Way helpful Marti. She's scared, so, at least she can smoke while reading it...as per book instruction....she might find she can relate to him?

 

It's worth a try due to her current fear....at least it removes the fear and exposes the truth about smoking.

 

Unless of course she has already read it? Mind you if she has no harm in reading it again.

[babs609]

awwww...Marti...I know it's so hard to watch someone you love struggle with this.  It's disappointing but in no way did you do anything wrong.  It all comes down to wanting to quit more than we want to smoke.  Unfortunately, no matter how much we want it for our loved ones (my husband, son, and older sister)  we can't do anything but lead them.  The rest is up to them.  You are a wonderful support system for her.  Now, all she has to do is accept it.

[El Bandito]

Of course she is scared Marti! for her - more than most she knows the consequences...

 

Keep her talking, talking isn't scary...

 

She can be as cranky as she wants with me....what does she want to know?

[action]

I always hated people telling me I needed to quit in the past. In hindsight I wish I'd listened to them.

 

It sounds like her inner junkie is telling her that it is too hard to quit. I would have hoped by now that she would have seen how well you are doing and seen that it is possible.

 

I am no expert in these matters but I think if you stay smoke free (I know you will) I think she will finally see that it is possible to quit and stay quit. I just hope she sees it sooner rather than later...

 

I think it is sweet that you went out and got all those NRTs for her - is she willing to try.

 

Boy do I hate addiction.

[Still winning]

Ok just going to keep my head down. I gave her the allen carr book, think she read a few pages!! Suggested 3 quit forums, that's not for the win. She has stopped smoking for now, think she's just going to traumatise herself and me and then say it can't be done again - but she phrases it like, I only had 5 today - code for fail.

[Trish]

Hey Marti,

 

 

I like the reading Allen Carr idea if she hasn't already.  But babs pretty much nailed it.  She has to want it!  You haven't done anything wrong.  

[Soozie]

Marti is sounds like you're doing everything that you can for your Mum, big pat on the back. Is your Mum subborn ? 

[El Bandito]

The book is a huge step!

 

She is reading that - and everything he is saying is ringing bells with her.

 

Marti - you are doing all the right things. Keep positive, keep light, keep engaged.

 

I would gladly lend your Mum a lung if I thought it would work - but it won't. As the others have said - She must decide.

[action]

Marti, sorry I forgot to say you are doing everything you can and you sound like a wonderful daughter!!!

[MarylandQuitter]

When I read this, Marti, it reminds me of this video that I post all the time.  It says it all, especially because we smoked despite knowing the health risks.  Maybe if your Mum watched this, something might speak to her and plant that seed of motivation and confidence that she's not alone in these feelings and can quit.  It's from Allen Carr's successor.  :)

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVEyGdqwjmQ

[Still winning]

Thank you all. Rest of the info is she wanted to quit for months, literally hated smoking and couldn't understand why she still was apart from quitting is too hard.  She set today as her quit date but the chemist systems went down to get the prescription nrt on friday. So I thought I'd get it before she woke, only to find one of the things she wanted had a supply issue, I knew her junkie would cling onto any reason to delay so went round 5 chemists to find it. Came back and found her smoking, so was gutted. But it was only one and she started straight after so we are go....

 

I calmed down and just asked what I could and couldn't do. Apologised for sounding patronising and she says she needs things to do. So we are setting up things she can do to distract herself when the craves come.  I find it weird she doesn't feel ready to make all the connections like I wanted to, but maybe just maybe she will have her own way, I really hope so as she's the last of us smoking!!  More than that though her copd scares me silly, I hate that we are so limited where we can go and what we can do, if she could even get a little breath back we could do more. But I do respect I can't force her.

 

Quick question if she's using NRT she doesn't need the fruit juice for the 3 days does she, or will she still get tired?  

[Pippa]

Marti - (((hugs))) - all you can do is support your mum but unfortunately you can't make her decisions - so keep leaving around information and point her in the right way - but most importantly cherish your own quit - hugs

[Soberjulie]

I was the last...the very last to quit in what once was a family FULL of smokers.

 

The nagging never worked. The teasing ticked me off. People telling me I stunk just made me give them the mental finger. Planting books and pamphlets around my house gave me kindling for my fireplace. 

 

What always made an impression on me was the compassion and understanding that some family members offered.

They were able to communicate the exact same message that everyone else was trying to convey, but because they did it with kindness and compassion, my ears were generally more open.

And they talked about themselves.....their own experience. They never once used the word "YOU". They stuck to "I" :)

And when the opportunity presented itself, they would talk about the personal benefits they were experiencing from quitting. 

[Aine]

Blood sugar goes out of whack with the removal of nicotine from the system. If the NR is comparable to her smoking, IMO no.

[El Bandito]

No expert Marti but sugars should be OK...

[sharonsiff]

Marti....how's things?

 

How you getting on?

 

How's your mum getting on?

[Still winning]

We are alright. She doesn't understand why the emotions are coming. I am trying desperately to re-assure her there is the other side where it is thoughts rather than the control thing. But she is holding on for dear life, and being honest. We are ok.x

[ChristaC]

Ok just going to keep my head down. I gave her the allen carr book, think she read a few pages!! Suggested 3 quit forums, that's not for the win. She has stopped smoking for now, think she's just going to traumatise herself and me and then say it can't be done again - but she phrases it like, I only had 5 today - code for fail.

 

Marti...babs quit like 9 months before me....she mentioned the support forum, told me occasionally how good she feels, and that's about as far as she went. Eventually, I came around...

 

But you know, even if I didn't, there would've been nothing she could do to change it. Hopefully, your mum will join you soon. :)

[sharonsiff]

We are alright. She doesn't understand why the emotions are coming. I am trying desperately to re-assure her there is the other side where it is thoughts rather than the control thing. But she is holding on for dear life, and being honest. We are ok.x

I'm glad you're both ok Marti...was thinking of you both. Xx

[Still winning]

Oh Christa, I'm pushing harder because it was her that wanted this, and she can barely breath but you're right and I am trying so hard to be calm....

 

But Sharon, I wish I could take this one for the team, I would go through it again i it meant she didn't have to... cause wow, this breaks my heart far worse than me doing it, it's pretty harsh to watch it in action.  But I think we're ok, I did say earlier you haven't exploded yet right, it will get easier to say no. x

[El Bandito]

Thinking of you both Marti! Keep calm. Keep breathing.

[sharonsiff]

Oh Christa, I'm pushing harder because it was her that wanted this, and she can barely breath but you're right and I am trying so hard to be calm....

 

But Sharon, I wish I could take this one for the team, I would go through it again i it meant she didn't have to... cause wow, this breaks my heart far worse than me doing it, it's pretty harsh to watch it in action.  But I think we're ok, I did say earlier you haven't exploded yet right, it will get easier to say no. x

Awww Marti, it must be torture watching someone you love struggling. If only we had a ruddy magic wand. Keep yer chin up mate and post on here to express how you feel, might help hopefully.

 

I know you know this Marti....but...no matter what remember your quit must come first. Please don't hate me for saying that Marti and I only say it because I don't want you to feel you are quitting for both of you....as much as I know you would give anything to do. I really will be thinking of you both, give us an update tomorrow.

 

Such a shame she doesn't want to join although I can understand folk are too private, or proud, to expose themselves on the Internet.

 

Tomorrow's a new day....as they say.

 

You still sound as solid as a rock in your quit Marti...good for you. :)

[Still winning]

No worries guys, my quit is secure. I don't want this for me anymore, I signed off on March 12th and I refuse to go backwards. My base is all set and strong. My fella is calm and in control with his 2 weeks in the bag and a calm quit, unlike mine. My poor mama suffers and I so wish she didn't but the only way is forwards. Her mind set is so wrong, mine was so strong and I can only hope she catches up. Meh, dead hard to watch. 

[sharonsiff]

No worries guys, my quit is secure. I don't want this for me anymore, I signed off on March 12th and I refuse to go backwards. My base is all set and strong. My fella is calm and in control with his 2 weeks in the bag and a calm quit, unlike mine. My poor mama suffers and I so wish she didn't but the only way is forwards. Her mind set is so wrong, mine was so strong and I can only hope she catches up. Meh, dead hard to watch.

 

I would have bet my last pound that you were strong Marti...comes across in your posts.