The Blue Room

[Nancy]

The Blue Room

author: tony1951 who passed away on September 1, 2005

 

 

The walls in this room are light blue. It’s a long narrow room with comfortable looking chairs placed along both the right and the left hand walls.

 

There are twelve chairs on each side of this room. In the middle of this room between the rows of chairs are two long counters and a small

refrigerator.

 

Each of the twelve chairs has a small fold up table on each arm. On one side of each chair is a portable IV rack.

 

Some of the IV racks have one or more IV bags with IV tubes hanging from them. The IV tubes run from the IV bags into either the arm or the

abdomen of the person sitting in the chair next to the IV rack.

 

Some of the IV bags are filled with clear liquid and some are filled with a milky colored liquid.

 

Some of the people in the chairs have gray hair and some of the people in the chairs have no hair at all.

 

I am sitting in this room. I have my own IV rack. My IV rack has its own IV bag and IV tube. The IV tube leads into my arm.

 

Many of the people sitting in these chairs come back once a week to sit in these chairs. This is my second visit to this room.

 

They won’t let me smoke while I’m in this room.

 

This room is called the Providence Cancer Center’s Chemotherapy room.

 

Do you get the picture?

 

Simply Don't Smoke Ever!

Hal 08-20-2004
A puff is too much, a thousand cartons are not enough. 

 

 

Note from Nancy:  I found this at Quit Smoking Journals.

[Sazerac]

While I was smoking,

 

I was in COMPLETE denial about how smoking was hurting my body.

 

Any cough was something caught in my throat,

 

or pollen

 

or a flu that was going around.

 

It scares me now to think how delusional I was !  

 

I could have easily lost my life ! 

 

I was easily smoking my life away.

 

Now, I am so lucky to have this opportunity to NOT SMOKE...

 

and very grateful.  

 

I am immeasurably grateful to have an opportunity to be Free.

 

Thank you, Nancy,

 

for posting another great thread.

[bakon]

Little different in our town, still real, but the chairs are partitioned off, half walls, one big room but looks like individual stations... there is about 5 on each side of room, but multiple rooms. Some have a view of a window, some of the nurses station, some just look across at each other. Most people come back every three weeks and sit for 4-6 hours getting multiple bags, others come weekly because they get too sick, so less dose at 1-2 hours.

 

The tv is hanging down for each station to watch, people sit next to some as company while the treatment is going on, sadly others sit all alone getting their bag of cell killing solution. Just sitting there getting sicker, waiting for the bag to drain into them so they can go home and lay down.

 

Kills cancer but also health fast growing cells, like hair and nails, digestive tract, and skin, mucus membranes. After all done you get something cut out and then everyday you come back for radiation. Burns the spot but also things around it.

 

Depending on what is cut, fried or poisoned....your weight will go down from no appetite, your skin will pale from lack of sun and activity, you will have to watch who is near you and what activities because all your white blood cells are killed off too. Cant risk injury from bike riding or infection from someones careless sneeze... and it will take most of the three weeks between doses for white cells to rise enough for next dose. Also food gets a unique metal taste and your favorites...well they aren't eaten much because you don't feel like food or going out...looks of wig, pasty skin, week muscles and plain run down makes getting around a chore most rather avoid.

 

This is what the lucky get. A cure is possible or life is extended some. Cancer is better than dying.....but only slightly

[beacon]

My mom has lung cancer. I remember smoking outside of the hospital chemo room while she was inside. I tried to hide in a corner so noone could see me and I felt so vile.

[Doreensfree]

Wow nancy....scarey stuff.....

The thought of cancer terrifies me.....yet I stayed smoking for 52 years.....

In totally denial of what was really happening to me....

I have a lot to be thankful for.....and I am......

[Nicole Diver]

I'm reading this while on a stair stepper at my gym, and I just feel incredibly lucky right now. But for the grace go I...

[bakon]

Guy I know plays in band. Thursday played first set. Falls over dead. 50.

Heart attack.

 

Everyday is gift.

 

Chemo treatment movie should play for school kids. Better than just say no bs. Scare them little droolers good. Smoking wouldn't be looked at so cool. Rather dumb.

 

Kind of how we see it now. Not missing anything and sorry for people still suckin on them every hour to get edge off.

 

What moron came up with smokes? Hope he is in the darkest places in hell.

[SanDar]

 

Everyday is gift.

 

 

Thanks for posting Bakon, Nancy and Beacon.

I feel so fortunate that I was able to quit. 

 So true, every day is a precious gift. 

[Still winning]

Taken a while for me to answer this post, all still a little raw, although luckily I never made it to that room!!  I am greatful.

 

I think the term use is rodeo - I was no stranger to having dodgy cervical cells, I don't know as if I ever believed the link with smoking, certainly I quit not putting the two together in my case. So yes, smear tests yearly, 5 sets of burning or freezing or cutting bits of cervix off. Been happening since I was 21. No kids they said, had 2, it's me, I never could listen well.  So I was quite blase about it in honesty.

 

So yes in July 2011 getting called back for a repeat smear was more annoying then anything else. It was friday and I had a real busy weekend planned, my in laws were down to help and my then useless husband was even off work, probably more for his parents! So I went thinking here we go again and all I really came out of that doctors office with was the words "it's developed". I feel like the word developed was on a loop! 

 

Of course I was supposed to take someone with me, but there wasn't really anyone and who knew that story was coming anyway! In hindsight of course I was in shock but I decided I needed starbucks coffee?! So walked into town. They'd blocked part of the pavement off, I was supposed to walk in the road to go around but I was furious so I walked straight under scaffolding and building work and literally yelled at a guy who dared question me. Got my coffee and walked home. I looked around at my sister, husband, mum, in laws and thought no, not one of you is worth telling and walked away to be alone.

 

I wasn't in the blue room, I was in the space age looking burning room. Few minutes is all and you could even drive after if you like but god it was like sunburn, terribly so both inside and out. Radiation. That and tons of tablets and I had no idea why, or for how long but it wasn't the Blue room and I was greatful, I couldn't hide that could I! Went down to 8 stone through sheer fatigue and nausea all the time! Kept running a pub, two kids, kept it all inside, never told a soul till 2 weeks before. Told 3 staff as I needed people to cover. I'd decided a hysterectomy was the only way to be sure it was all gone. They talked of shrinking and meds but I just wanted it out of me!! Get it out so I can stay with my kids was my only thought really. Told everyone else it was due to problems and it was a long term solution to bad periods. Weekly by that stage due to the crazyness and they all believed that. Did tell Chris (my now fella) the week before, he was the only one I confided in.

 

2 months later in September, the then hubby dropped me to the hospital and went home to look after the kids as I'd asked him too. I didn't want him there in case he heard the unmagic word. Still amazed to this day he agreed to that? It's a contributor to being an ex now. Went down alone, no tears,no drama and it was done. All I asked was is it gone I heard and what I needed was yes thankfully. There apparently was not as much as they'd expected.

 

I cry as I write this line but I wait everyday to hear they missed a bit, or it went somewhere else. 

 

In hindsight being busy was no reason to delay my smear test which I was supposed to have yearly but had left it two years through being busy.

 

I really wish I hadn't smoked and I really wish I could of stopped sooner. 

 

I agree with Bakon. This is the real story of smoking. It's people who can explain to other people. Perhaps someone can read his story or mine even and just know it's time to be done and that smoking really is a mugs game. Like russian roulette only, with your health.

[Doreensfree]

I've said this before....sometimes I read things here,that stop me in my tracks.....

Sweetheart.....I've read this with tears.....

I'm so sorry you have been through this horrible ordeal....

after smoking so long....Im scared of the shoe to drop....

Hugs xxx

[Still winning]

I added my experience and what the post made me think of and although the support is lovely and thank you, I told it because it might help someone to quit, or stay quit. x

[Tink]

Cancer is a scary word

 

I faced my demons years ago I am not scared of dying, I am more scared of living in a dead body

[Nancy]

Taken a while for me to answer this post, all still a little raw, although luckily I never made it to that room!!  I am greatful.

 

I think the term use is rodeo - I was no stranger to having dodgy cervical cells, I don't know as if I ever believed the link with smoking, certainly I quit not putting the two together in my case. So yes, smear tests yearly, 5 sets of burning or freezing or cutting bits of cervix off. Been happening since I was 21. No kids they said, had 2, it's me, I never could listen well.  So I was quite blase about it in honesty.

 

So yes in July 2011 getting called back for a repeat smear was more annoying then anything else. It was friday and I had a real busy weekend planned, my in laws were down to help and my then useless husband was even off work, probably more for his parents! So I went thinking here we go again and all I really came out of that doctors office with was the words "it's developed". I feel like the word developed was on a loop! 

 

Of course I was supposed to take someone with me, but there wasn't really anyone and who knew that story was coming anyway! In hindsight of course I was in shock but I decided I needed starbucks coffee?! So walked into town. They'd blocked part of the pavement off, I was supposed to walk in the road to go around but I was furious so I walked straight under scaffolding and building work and literally yelled at a guy who dared question me. Got my coffee and walked home. I looked around at my sister, husband, mum, in laws and thought no, not one of you is worth telling and walked away to be alone.

 

I wasn't in the blue room, I was in the space age looking burning room. Few minutes is all and you could even drive after if you like but god it was like sunburn, terribly so both inside and out. Radiation. That and tons of tablets and I had no idea why, or for how long but it wasn't the Blue room and I was greatful, I couldn't hide that could I! Went down to 8 stone through sheer fatigue and nausea all the time! Kept running a pub, two kids, kept it all inside, never told a soul till 2 weeks before. Told 3 staff as I needed people to cover. I'd decided a hysterectomy was the only way to be sure it was all gone. They talked of shrinking and meds but I just wanted it out of me!! Get it out so I can stay with my kids was my only thought really. Told everyone else it was due to problems and it was a long term solution to bad periods. Weekly by that stage due to the crazyness and they all believed that. Did tell Chris (my now fella) the week before, he was the only one I confided in.

 

2 months later in September, the then hubby dropped me to the hospital and went home to look after the kids as I'd asked him too. I didn't want him there in case he heard the unmagic word. Still amazed to this day he agreed to that? It's a contributor to being an ex now. Went down alone, no tears,no drama and it was done. All I asked was is it gone I heard and what I needed was yes thankfully. There apparently was not as much as they'd expected.

 

I cry as I write this line but I wait everyday to hear they missed a bit, or it went somewhere else. 

 

In hindsight being busy was no reason to delay my smear test which I was supposed to have yearly but had left it two years through being busy.

 

I really wish I hadn't smoked and I really wish I could of stopped sooner. 

 

I agree with Bakon. This is the real story of smoking. It's people who can explain to other people. Perhaps someone can read his story or mine even and just know it's time to be done and that smoking really is a mugs game. Like russian roulette only, with your health.

(((Marti)))

[bakon]

several members here have fought it off. don't think anyone personally got lung cancer here, but others are scary enough...

 

my mrs is in the final hard part. 5 more radiation treatments.  she gets up everyday and drives to hospital before work. gets there by 7 and work by 8, then comes home around dinner time. She went alone to radiation more times than with me...I go everytime I am not working..many times as I can, just so she don't have to walk down there alone.

 

chemo I always took a sick day if needed but usually it fell on day off.

 

glad your there smarti,  one week and a few days to mouse town

[Nancy]

several members here have fought it off. don't think anyone personally got lung cancer here, but others are scary enough...

 

my mrs is in the final hard part. 5 more radiation treatments.  she gets up everyday and drives to hospital before work. gets there by 7 and work by 8, then comes home around dinner time. She went alone to radiation more times than with me...I go everytime I am not working..many times as I can, just so she don't have to walk down there alone.

 

chemo I always took a sick day if needed but usually it fell on day off.

 

glad your there smarti,  one week and a few days to mouse town

So glad the radiation is almost over...I've heard Mickey has a big party planned...

[El Bandito]

Sobering and moving posts.

 

Food for thought. Glad you guys are here and winning.