Cycle of desire

[Kdad]

I want to describe what I experience in my quit journey. I’m not sure what to call this but it’s not a physical craving. In fact the first few days of my quit had no physical symptoms. I sure missed smoking, but it wasn’t a drug withdrawal. I am chewing plain gum and that works for me in this regard. It replaces smokes in the cycle of desire and satisfaction. This cycle is a main part of what I miss. I want a cigarette, I have a cigarette. That in itself, the wanting and the having, is the addiction. Just wondering if anyone one can relate to this.

[jillar]

I believe what you're experiencing kdad is normal and part of our addiction to nicotine.

The physical part of smoking is actually easier than the mental part. This is the part that we talk about taking a full year to get past most of the cravings that come up because each time we get past one it gets weaker and loses its strength over us. Alot of us, me included, take the One Year Pledge so I hope you think about taking it too

https://www.quittrain.com/topic/318-the-one-year-commitment/

 

[Genecanuck]

Hi @Kdad,

 

I believe I experienced exactly what you are going through in many past failed attempts to stop smoking for good. I also got really good at getting over the physical withdrawl symptoms. But what I had to learn is that I had to quit wanting to smoke.  The post below from Dan1 in quitnet helped me to examine my underlying beliefs about smoking to learn how to quit wanting to smoke.  

 

I re-read this post often when I had those flighty out of the blue thoughts that I wanted to smoke. I always countered with the idea that a thought of smoking is not a command to smoke. Then, I moved to just feeling the urge to smoke but stepping back and just observing that urge. Yes, the craving felt like a mental buzz, but I was just going to ride that mental buzz crave.  I recall Dan1 saying that people pay thousands of dollars to buy drugs to experience this kind of temporary alterted state. That made me laugh out loud.

 

Then, as Dan1 suggests below, really examine your beliefs about smoking and challenge them. Smoking has no inherent value whatsover. It does not fix anything, cure anything, or make us feel better. The underlying desire, if you look carefully, is always rooted in some false sense that smoking one cigarette will make you feel better or offer any kind of short term pleasure or relief. 

 

Dan1 one says, 'the concept is simple - quit wanting to smoke, and this thing is over".

 

I hope this  helps. You are doing awesome @Kdad.

 

Helpful Thoughts From DanL1
From DanL1000 on 4/2/2006 2:38:06 PM

 

Helpful thoughts
1,000 days ago, I quit smoking - AGAIN. Obviously, this time was different, or I wouldn't be here talking about 1,000 days, or about how there is simply no sense of craving, want, or need for cigarettes. The thing that made the difference? The helpful thoughts that came from participating here at the Q. I'm not talking about the shared dreams and prayers, though those certainly don't hurt. I'm talking about the new way of thinking about smoking that came from sharing, caring, discussing - and even arguing now and then - here at the Q. Here, I offer a few of the thoughts that helped me turn "impossible" into "done."

 

Addiction is not a thing. Addiction does not cause uncontrollable want. Addiction is merely a word that describes being in a state of uncontrollable want. The difference is important, as it puts the power to change where it belongs - with us.

 

We don't need to quit smoking, because unless we've got hot smoke in our lungs this very instant, we've already quit smoking. The thing we need to quit is the wanting to smoke. Unfortunately, most quit plans focuses exclusively on trying to do what is already done, and spend no time at all trying to change the only thing standing between us and freedom. Does your plan include a way to end the want? Some folks imagine this change impossible, and so don't even try to end the want. Then they wonder why quitting seems so miserable and failure so common.

 

The concept is simple - quit wanting to smoke, and this thing is over. How to do that is less obvious.

 

We don't want to smoke because of some flaw in our personality, or because of some chemical changing our brains. We want to smoke for the same reason we want anything else in this world - because we believe that it will make our lives better or more enjoyable in some way. This is the only way that it's possible to want or crave anything.

 

It just so happens that this particular belief - that smoking can improve one instant of life - is an error. Understand this, and you will find freedom.

Smoking does not end withdrawal; it causes it. The end of withdrawal comes from someplace else. Understand where, and you will find freedom.

 

The nasty feelings that we call withdrawal are the same things the rest of the world calls stress or anxiety. Smoking doesn't help with these things, relaxation does. And no, smoking doesn't help with relaxation, either. In truth, it only makes it harder - and at the same time causes those stress symptoms that make relaxation all the more necessary. 

 

Smoking doesn't provide energy, or a 'pick-me-up.' It does make our bodies work harder for a short time, resulting in being more run down, not less. Avoiding smoking helps. Moving our bodies a little helps more. 

 

-Smoking does not help with weight loss, and quitting does not cause weight gain. The cause of these errors is the belief that eating can end craving for a cigarette. It cannot - only ending the belief that smoking can make things better can end craving. Movement burns calories. Whether that movement is the result of the jitters of smoking or the result of living a full life makes no difference. 

-Smoking is not capable of providing enjoyment. No thing is. Enjoyment resides with the person doing the enjoying, which is why I enjoy things that you don't, and vice versa. You simply need to change your understanding about smoking. Think of the first cigarette you ever smoked. Nasty, wasn't it? Cigarettes never changed, but you changed your beliefs about them. The time has come to change those beliefs back.

 

-The change from smoker to non-smoker happens when you change your beliefs from those of a smoker to those of a non-smoker. This change happens in three easy steps, repeated whenever the urge to smoke is noticed.

 

1) Feel the urge. Don’t fight it, because that only adds to the stress, giving the smoker-mind another battle to fight. Don't accept it, thinking that it's something that must be endured or tolerated. DO learn from it. Paying careful attention, figure out what your smoker-mind thinks smoking will improve, and in what way. 

 

2) Accept that your understanding of how smoking will improve the situation is an error - just plain wrong. Recognize that in this one small way, you are simply an idiot, and have a laugh at your own expense. Finding the humility to admit you are wrong about something might be the hardest part of the quitting process.

 

3) Understand that smoking does not, cannot, and never did make this situation or feeling better. Strive to understand what it was in past, similar situations that really did help. Was it relaxation? A mental break? A moment to move, stretch, or to breathe deeply? Chatting for a few moments with a friend? Permitting a short daydream? Taking a moment to switch gears? The power of these things cannot be overestimated. Smokers rarely think of them, because they wrongly give credit to the cigarettes instead. Non-smokers rarely think of them, because they are simply a part of life. 

 

-Beware of willpower. Sometimes the brain just won't work, and then willpower is a necessary tool. Recognize that the enemy is not some unstoppable force, but only a false belief. When the crisis passes, take time to find the source of that belief and correct it. Using willpower too often means you are shortchanging the healing process.

 

- Saying "I will always be an addict" is the same as saying "I will always believe this lie." Does that really make sense? There is danger here, because it shuts down the only process that can provide real freedom - working to correct the lies and errors. You are an addict only as long as you believe the lies, and your beliefs are entirely in your control. Unfortunately, there are groups that prey on addicts, and find it useful to leave them with a sense of powerlessness. That phrase is part of their venom that has seeped into the public consciousness. Instead, try "I am still an addict." It reminds us to be vigilant, but also reminds us that there is work to be done and freedom to be won. This is not a forever thing.

 

-I don't know if this makes sense to you or not. I know I struggled to understand early on, and took longer still to find the words to explain it. Ultimately, any words fall short - you have to live it to prove it. Have patience with yourself and with the process. This freedom is worth it, and especially, so are you.

 

Peace to all,
Dan (aka DanL1)

1000 days, 2 minutes and 39 seconds smoke free.

20000 cigarettes not smoked. 
$4,250.00 and 5 months, 2 days, 18 hours of your life saved.     
 

[Kdad]

Still smoke free! I haven’t been having cravings right now. Watching all the documentaries again and the Joel videos. I am trying to deprogram. I feel that I am finally seeing that cigarettes do nothing for me.

[Doreensfree]

Love this post K

Its good to hear you sound positive 

I’m proud of you

[Genecanuck]

6 hours ago, Kdad said:

Still smoke free! I haven’t been having cravings right now. Watching all the documentaries again and the Joel videos. I am trying to deprogram. I feel that I am finally seeing that cigarettes do nothing for me.

[DenaliBlues]

[jillar]

[Reciprocity]

Congrats bud! Carry on as the smoke-free person you now are!

[johnny5]

You are doing great @Kdad

[Kdad]

Thanks for your support. I really feel that this is my forever quit!

[catlover]

Well done Kdad, feeling so happy and positive for you.

[Kdad]

Still no smoking! Been over a month. I have been chewing plain sugar free gum though. Plan is to stop that at some point. I feel that this is a new quit still so I am cobbling together all kinds of ideas into a quit smoking philosophy of sorts. I came across a video for the CBQ method. It states that willpower won’t work in the long term. We need to no longer DESIRE cigarettes. What do you guys think? Joel says we always want a cigarette for long term nonsmokers, is he right?

Edited 14 hours ago by Kdad

[DenaliBlues]

Congrats on making it over a month @Kdad! That’s awesome! How does it feel?

[DenaliBlues]

Personally, I think my inner nicotine addict will always be there, ready to pounce if I let it.

 

But it’s how I relate to those impulses that counts.

 

Abstinence is essential - but not sufficient. I say this as someone who lost a 7 year quit… 7 years of merely not smoking was not enough to protect me. 

 

What I lacked then, but am building now, is a deeper understanding of addiction and a commitment to recovery from it. So yes, I still experience the desire to smoke sometimes. I probably always will. But I can see it more clearly now, I know it for what it is (no good), and I don’t let the thoughts take root or give them any power. 

 

Kind of like a fart cloud. Sometimes unpleasant, sometimes funny, sometimes, “Where did that come from?!” But you wave it off and get on with your day.

 

[Penguin]

2 hours ago, Kdad said:

Still no smoking! Been over a month. I have been chewing plain sugar free gum though. Plan is to stop that at some point. I feel that this is a new quit still so I am cobbling together all kinds of ideas into a quit smoking philosophy of sorts. I came across a video for the CBQ method. It states that willpower won’t work in the long term. We need to no longer DESIRE cigarettes. What do you guys think? Joel says we always want a cigarette for long term nonsmokers, is he right?

 

I think it definitely helps to reframe the way you think about cigarettes. Every time I failed my quit, it was because I thought, "I'm missing out on something smokers get to do." These days, I do have times when I miss certain aspects of smoking, like the measured routine of lighting up, breathing in, exhaling, feeling the tension abate. I don't miss the addiction, nausea, stench, health problems, and worry that came with all of that, though.

 

I don't desire cigarettes. I hate them. I can't stand the smell of them. It irritates me to see people smoke openly and endanger the health of others. I do desire the stress release, tactile feel, and the breathing routine cigarettes provided for me once upon a time. Thankfully, I've found other avenues for those things. One reason gum is often recommended is because it gives you something to "play" with as you roll it around in your mouth, stretch it out, and blow bubbles with it; that's all tactile response that keeps you busy. They recommend coin flipping, card twirling, and toying with straws for the same reason, because it gives your fingers something to do.

 

I'm not sure I agree willpower isn't enough, but I'm also not convinced Joel isn't correct on that point. I do know one of the key differences between this quit and my previous attempts is that I think of cigarettes as unhealthy, nasty, cancer sticks, not a treat I'm missing out on.

[jillar]

58 minutes ago, DenaliBlues said:

 

 

 

  LOVE it!!

 

Congratulations @Kdad, you're doing great. 

I also get a thought to smoke pop into my head. I stop short of calling it a crave because it has no power when it comes.

[Doreensfree]

Don’t rush to stop your gum , if it helps 

your journey  it will take , as long as it takes 

The only time I think of smoking now is when I come here , 

Not to smoke … but to help you not to…

Im so proud of you …