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Nancy

By Nancy
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Nancy Mentor

Nancy

Posted
Posted

I found this here.

 

I have to have a cigarette, RIGHT NOW  
By tahoehal  on November 26 2008 at 10:17 pm 

 

 

Picture yourself a second or two after you stub out that quit-breaking cigarette. The one that you just had to have because the craving was so strong you couldn't hold out any longer, when that voice inside you was saying.. "Go on, life sucks, you may as well smoke a cig.. y'know for your nerves.." or the other one.. "you've got this beat now.. you are in control.. you can have one just now and again.. go on have one for old time's sake.." So you bum a cigarette, and smoke it and in 2 and 1/2 minutes, you stub it out.

Now what. Your mouth feels like crap. Your lungs are tightening up. You managed to stifle the coughs .. but barely. You began to squint again because the smoke hurt your eyes. and your fingers and clothes smell again. You either want to throw up, grab some mouthwash, take a shower, or have another.. maybe buy a pack.

But then you realize what you've just done. After all those times when you said you were going to quit, and then when you finally did, and your family and friends were so happy for you - but not exactly over the moon, because after all they've been hopeful before only to see you relapse - all that enthusiasm is now smashed to pieces on the floor. And all the pressure that drove you to grab that cigarette in the first place - it's all still there. Nothing has changed, except now you've added one more problem: you just blew it. 

And then you realize what you've really done. You had invested days, maybe weeks and months, in this quit. You had made a great decision, one of the few things you really and truly felt proud of in your life, and you just blew it. You just blew the quit that you swore to yourself was the last one. You were so positive, so motivated, and encouraged, you were really on top of it, ahead of the game for once, you had taken control of your life and it felt like a whole new beginning.. and you just blew it.

You look at that stub in the ashtray. The grey ash and the brown edge to the burnt paper, and the tar stain on the end of filter. You remember the thousands of cigarettes you have stubbed out and think about the tar that came into your lungs as smoke. And you think if smoking that one cigarette was worth it. Nothing's better. You feel a little dizzy now as the nicotine hits your body, even a little nauseous - certainly don't feel the pleasure that you remember the adverts and billboards were promoting during your early years as a smoker. In fact it's hard to remember any time when you felt that pleasure.. just another tobacco company lie.. They helped you to become an addict the first time, but when you smoked that cigarette after you quit.. well that was a whole new decision. You made that one all by yourself - there's no pointing fingers now, you know that cigarettes kill, so when you lit that one cigarette, the choice to smoke was all yours - no-one else to blame. And you just blew it. 

It wasn't worth it.. time after time the slippers' and relapsers' lament how they feel like crap, how ashamed they are, how they have lost confidence and hope, how they hate themselves, how much it hurts, how depressed and they cry and hide and cry some more. And now you are one of them.. the quit losers. Lost in the wilderness, not quite a smoker.. yet and not sure you are a quitter, searching for some dignity, some self-respect out of this. All because of that one cigarette. Because you blew it. 
WITH JUST ONE 
One Puff
One Cigarette
One Pack
One Carton
One Oxygen tank
One Lung
One Chemotherapy
One Funeral
One less.


Hal 08-20-2004
A puff is too much, a thousand cartons are not enough. 

  • Like 29
Sazerac Enthusiast

Sazerac

Posted
Posted

receptor_saturation.jpg

 

 

This image will forever blow my mind and help me keep my quit.

N O P E  not one puff ever !

 

Thank you Nancy.

N O P E   not one puff EVER

  • Like 7
slovenka177 Newbie

slovenka177

Posted
Posted

This was a wonderful read. Seeing as I WAS a relapser... (NEVER going down that path again).

 

I was just about to post how this is my second day and last night, I was put into such a corner but for the first time it clicked and I thought, if I smoked right now.. Would the problem go away? Or am I just going to add more stress by smoking? I was up tossing and turning until 3am but not because of the withdrawal, but because I was so shocked that I finally could confront a problem and not have to smoke alongside. For the average non-smoker this is normal behaviour - for the ex smoker this is revolutionary. FEELS AMAZING, and just gave me that much more confidence to keep going and to NEVER EVER look back :). 

 

Ps. Thanks for sharing - will keep this close by! ♥

 

S

  • Like 10
Still winning Newbie

Still winning

Posted
Posted

This was a wonderful read. Seeing as I WAS a relapser... (NEVER going down that path again).

 

I was just about to post how this is my second day and last night, I was put into such a corner but for the first time it clicked and I thought, if I smoked right now.. Would the problem go away? Or am I just going to add more stress by smoking? I was up tossing and turning until 3am but not because of the withdrawal, but because I was so shocked that I finally could confront a problem and not have to smoke alongside. For the average non-smoker this is normal behaviour - for the ex smoker this is revolutionary. FEELS AMAZING, and just gave me that much more confidence to keep going and to NEVER EVER look back :). 

 

Ps. Thanks for sharing - will keep this close by! ♥

 

S

I can completely relate to this "wake up". It's one of two EUREKA moments in my quit, how fab you got it this early on. You just kicked one of the key factors of a relapse, cigs will not trick you again that they will help!! I am so pleased for you. Also I felt a bit of grief actually, it's ok if the thought makes you delighted but also a bit sad I think.

 

Nancy, I love this post for me too. I remember the sheer dissapointment with relapse time. The excuses that faded far too quickly. x

  • Like 3
  • 4 weeks later...
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  • 8 months later...
... Newbie

...

Posted
Posted

Well I feel like a moron.  I didn't see this post. Oh well.  I just knew I had seen that somewhere. 

 

Sorry,

  • Like 3
babs609 Apprentice

babs609

Posted
Posted

Well I feel like a moron.  I didn't see this post. Oh well.  I just knew I had seen that somewhere. 

 

Sorry,

why do you feel like a moron, silly?  

Doreensfree Grand Master

Doreensfree

Posted
Posted

Well I feel like a moron.  I didn't see this post. Oh well.  I just knew I had seen that somewhere. 

 

Sorry,

No morons here....just beautiful non smokkng peeps..xxx
Doreensfree Grand Master

Doreensfree

Posted
Posted

Aww jess....your not lost....the freedom train is still at your station....

Come back on board...take your seat....you can do this.....

Never give up....giving up....

Hugs xx

  • 2 months later...

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