I relapsed and didnt even know it...

[slovenka177]

I don't understand how well you can go and all of sudden the little monster takes over and you reach for the nearest fag or go and buy some. I had been smoke free for quite sometime and hardly a trigger sent me off and I light one. I mean, I think in my mind I was rewarding my self for not smoking - which I know is absolute horse crap. But here I am... absolutely horrified and disappointed in myself. Closet smoking and lying not only to my loved ones but to myself. 

 

I cannot stand doing this any more. I have been down this path for a year now. Up and down smoking and not smoking. Allan Carr said it perfectly... you need to be a happy non-smoker. The problem is how do you get there? I have been trying everything it seems. The worst part of all... I am the 2-4 a day smoker who still holds on to the fact that I am a non smoker who smokes occasionally (does not exist) yet I cant give up the stupid things. 

 

I am setting out another quit date and giving it another go... My mind hasn't been clearer but the fear is setting in. Not fear of losing smoking, the fear of failure...  :(

[Sazerac]

" Up and down smoking and not smoking.

Allan Carr said it perfectly... you need to be a happy non-smoker.

The problem is how do you get there? "

 

Stop putting cigarettes in your mouth.  

 

Be a non-smoker happy or sad.

 

You know how.

 

Love,

S

[action]

Hi Slovenka,

 

I'm sorry to hear this... I would recommend you watch all of the Joel videos on the library here, and read up on this terrible addiction... And then, let's do this. No 'try', just 'do', no smoking, no matter what. Show this addiction who's boss.

 

Come here every day, and pledge NOPE, and participate on the board with us. If will really help!

[slovenka177]

Thanks Hugglemonster for the kind words, will look at the videos and info! :)

[sgt.barney]

 

The problem is how do you get there? I have been trying everything it seems.

It seems to The Sarge that you have not tried "everything".

 

In fact, it seems you have been actively ignoring the only thing that will work. The only thing that can work.

 

Have you thought about, y'know, giving the whole "Not Smoking, Ever" thing a shot?

 

Sarge promises it will work.

 

He promises.

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[Devil Doll]

These documentaries are a great watch.

Joel's videos are also filled with great information.

We are here for you! Post with us. 

Play games with us.  We have a few different ones and all of them are fun and keep your mind off of smoking. 

Write a post to yourself.  If you feel a relapse, read that post, it might save your quit. 

 

We are here to help and listen to you but we can't do it for you, only you can... I believe that you can do it! :D

[slovenka177]

Thank you for the links, was trying to find them! :)

[Doreensfree]

I don't quite understand how you smoked and lost your quit....but you didn't know......

The two sayings here that has saved my quit very often are.....

Never stick anything in your mouth and set fire to it......and

Smoking is not on the table no matter what.....

Somedays I would need to scream this out loud.....

All you can do is learn my your mistake ,dust yourself down....and carry on....

[El Bandito]

Hey Slovenka

 

Practice quits are OK. 

 

A key thing here is going to be honesty. Let's start with you. Tell yourself the truth. 

 

YOU ARE AN ADDICT.

 

So am I.

 

I quit smoking. So can you.

 

But we need to be honest...

 

Smoking kills every person that persists with it. (except those dying of smoking, killed by something else).

 

We quitters choose not to let the addiction kill us. It's that simple.

[slovenka177]

I don't quite understand how you smoked and lost your quit....but you didn't know......

The two sayings here that has saved my quit very often are.....

Never stick anything in your mouth and set fire to it......and

Smoking is not on the table no matter what.....

Somedays I would need to scream this out loud.....

All you can do is learn my your mistake ,dust yourself down....and carry on....

 

I didn't know in the sense it was so mindless, it wasn't until after I smoked half way through I realized what I was doing.

 

We are all different. Some struggles are harder then others.

[Doreensfree]

I didn't know in the sense it was so mindless, it wasn't until after I smoked half way through I realized what I was doing.

 

We are all different. Some struggles are harder then others.

Stay close to the board,to get support

Posting a s.o.s gives us a chance to help,before you light up....

It's not always easy.....but it is doable....

[Tink]

 yet I cant give up the stupid things. 

 

 My mind hasn't been clearer but the fear is setting in. Not fear of losing smoking, the fear of failure...  :(

hi slovenka please change the can`t to CAN

 

and is your fear of failure or SUCCESS?

 

as an addict I was exactly the same before I quit, posting here and with support and education changed my mindset, now for me it wasn`t a bowl of roses there have been ups and downs and I have been close to the wire many times the thing that saved me was my mind set

 

I wanted to quit more than I wanted to smoke and realised I can do this and keep doing this and then it gets easier

 

change the Can`t to CAN then take it one step at a time, keep posting, keep learning stick close to the board until you have a handle on it, which could be a week or a year but for now just know you CAN one day at at a time

[Leanna]

You have to tell yourself smoking offers you nothing. Smoking will not fix your problems. It will not make stress magically disappear.

 

Commit to your quit.

 

Change your attitude.

 

Say I CAN instead of I CAN'T.

 

When I first quit, I didn't think in a million years I'd make it, but here I am two years later. If I can do it, so can you, but you have to work for it -- you have to hold onto your quit and not let go, no matter what. No more excuses. Everyone here is a testament to successful quitting. There are people here who have smoked for 40+ years. What's stopping you?

[sgt.barney]

I didn't know in the sense it was so mindless, it wasn't until after I smoked half way through I realized what I was doing.

 

 

You knew *exactly* what you were doing.

 

It's time for some honesty, or your next attempt is just as doomed.

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[bakon]

dumbest title to thread ever- like walking into the emergency room and saying you didn't realize you cut off your head....how did that happen. I wasn't playing with a chain saw, a lot. just a little.

[JackiMac]

Relapsing makes you think doesn't it, I know it made me think, it made me understand that I truly want to kick this addiction once and for all, the addiction makes our brain believe we really want a cigarette but if you look past that little thought and dig a bit deeper you will see that you really and honestly don't need, want or desire it, its only when you give that little thought a bit more room and then some more that it takes over, do not allow it to take over, you have control over the addiction, not the other way round, re-train your thoughts to I am a non smoker, nothing more nothing less. xxx

[beacon]

May I suggest that you come here, hang out , focus on your quit, commit each day so it is in the front over your mind for a while. I committed to one year. Don't let yourself drift from your commitment, get busy with other things, so that you end up smoking again without much thought. ?

[slovenka177]

Thanks to everyone's positive feedback. It was hard for me to express my struggles and for those whom offered great advice I truly appreciate it. I figured if I made my mistake public it would help me understand the nature of the addiction - because as the addict I didn't see it. 

 

Cheers everyone. 

[Nicole Diver]

I have honestly found that staying close to ex smokers here has helped me stay the course.

Everyone has responded here with one purpose, to help you find your sticky quit and be happy and healthy.

 

In my heart I think that I was the most addicted smoker that ever lived. Probably a few others here that feel the same way. But in reality I think that blasted addiction grabs us all the same.

Time has got to come one way or another where we quit. Some of us are lucky enough to do it on our own terms.

 

We have your back! Don't be the 5 year closet smoker I was after my last failed quit attempt. It's a helluva lot of work, and it is detrimental to your own self worth.

 

Plus smoking is just too friggin expensive.

[queen greenlover]

Sweetie-just like it TOOK TIME to become that HARD CORE Daily Smoker it takes time to disengage from that mindset. Even tho you don't think its possible to get cig free IT IS & guess what the rewards/pluses are so rewarding BUT you need to give it time. For some it takes 4 months to accept & love being free for some diehards it takes longer. Trust me if it wasn't great being cig free NONE of us would be here. :rolleyes:  :rolleyes: 

[Nicole Diver]

Trust me if it wasn't great being cig free NONE of us would be here. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Exactly! Sums it all up right here.

[slovenka177]

I have honestly found that staying close to ex smokers here has helped me stay the course.

Everyone has responded here with one purpose, to help you find your sticky quit and be happy and healthy.

 

In my heart I think that I was the most addicted smoker that ever lived. Probably a few others here that feel the same way. But in reality I think that blasted addiction grabs us all the same.

Time has got to come one way or another where we quit. Some of us are lucky enough to do it on our own terms.

 

We have your back! Don't be the 5 year closet smoker I was after my last failed quit attempt. It's a helluva lot of work, and it is detrimental to your own self worth.

 

Plus smoking is just too friggin expensive.

 

 

This just struck close to home in the best way possible. Thank you! Tomorrow is a new day♥

[BAT]

NOPE

[Still winning]

I don't understand how well you can go and all of sudden the little monster takes over and you reach for the nearest fag or go and buy some. I had been smoke free for quite sometime and hardly a trigger sent me off and I light one. I mean, I think in my mind I was rewarding my self for not smoking - which I know is absolute horse crap. But here I am... absolutely horrified and disappointed in myself. Closet smoking and lying not only to my loved ones but to myself. 

 

I cannot stand doing this any more. I have been down this path for a year now. Up and down smoking and not smoking. Allan Carr said it perfectly... you need to be a happy non-smoker. The problem is how do you get there? I have been trying everything it seems. The worst part of all... I am the 2-4 a day smoker who still holds on to the fact that I am a non smoker who smokes occasionally (does not exist) yet I cant give up the stupid things. 

 

I am setting out another quit date and giving it another go... My mind hasn't been clearer but the fear is setting in. Not fear of losing smoking, the fear of failure...  :(

 

This post confuses me. I'm not sure I can be any help to you but I will try to help you understand where from the outside looking in it would seem you have holes in your quit plan.

 

You don't understand how it can go well, then not - easy, we are nicotine addicts. We will ALWAYS be nicotine addicts who choose not to practise as non smokers. You will never undo having been a smoker. However, you can make a conscious choice to not smoke. The more you do that, the less you think about smoking and the easier it is to dismiss the thoughts. It ends up being a fleeting thought of "oh, I used to smoke here, will I, duh, no I don't smoke" and your day continues.

 

Rewards for not smoking by smoking??  All I got for you is that seems a bit counter productive and I'm confused by it.

 

Closet smoking, yeah I done that a lot, sympathies. Sucks to be a smoker, sucks to be a liar, I never liked being either, sympathies honestly, but still I and now you made that choice, at least acknowledge that for yourself. 

 

Finding yourself half way through a cig .... awww c'mon now.... i have relapsed in fairly epic style myself a number of times, most of my quits were only hours long. I have self congratulated at only smoking 2 or being just a social smoker - Never did I confuse myself and "come to" half way through a fag! I made a choice, to smoke or not to smoke, to scream NOPE or think F it - I always knew what I was doing. I literally say this as you need some more honesty for yourself, not for me, I quit and am on the road to recovery...my post here is literally saying stand and acknowledge that you made a choice otherwise you will always make excuses for yourself. That only hurts you hun, it matters that you give yourself the right tools and part of that is mindset! You are going to battle your own brain at times, you need to come from a mentally strong standpoint...not looks at that will ya, I'm halfway through a cig.

 

I have a saying on my ticker...whether you think you can or think you can't...  SOOO true in quitting! And life in general actually.

 

I have helped a number of people change their mindsets S, it all amounts to this - you need to find your reason why not smoking is more important than smoking to you. Write a list of reasons, carry it with you, read it often. Read, 70 cancer causing agents in EACH cig, 2-4 or 40, it matters not! What if the next one you smoke is the lung cancer one, the copd one, the heart failure one, the needing a hysterectomy for cervical cancer cells one, the pulling teeth out one - all things that have happened to me and the two smokers I'm close to - 3 people ALL those illnesses from smoking. I may be able to add rhematoid arthritus soon, they are testing, I don't know how to spell it mate, but it hurts like hell at times and quitting never caused me an ounce of pain, just mental discomfort. How much do you want to play russian roulette with your body and health.

 

NOPE, Post. I will honestly support you, so will others. But the best gift you can give yourself is self worth and honesty. Hope to see more from you. Let me know if I can help you in anyway. You absolutely can do this, anyone can do this, I promise that! It's a choice, choose NOPE. xx

[Chrysalis]

Wow, Marti, what an honest and powerful post! Slovenka, I hope you appreciate the time it takes to write a post like Marti's. And that you appreciate even more the guts it takes to admit publicly how stupid and self-destructive you have been in the past. Marti is examining her own failings and putting them out there FOR YOU, Slovenka! So that you will see that what you are doing is telling yourself addiction-powered lies that all smokers tell themselves. Those lies will end up killing you. 

 

Like the others have said, get honest with yourself. At least have the guts to say, "I choose to smoke even though I know it's stupid, dangerous and expensive. I am making a conscious choice every time I light a cigarette." Stop trying to quit smoking. Go ahead and smoke often and openly. But you MUST accept responsibility for your choice every time you light up. Maybe if you start to accept responsibility for what you are doing rather than hide from the responsibility, you will some day realize that you have the power to quit smoking, if that is what you want to do. 

 

These days you are saying to yourself, "I want to smoke more than I want to quit. " I hope that someday soon you will start saying to yourself, "I want to quit more than I want to smoke." When you truly believe that, we can help you accomplish it.