Afraid of going social

[natalie_3]

This weekend I had to face my first party as a non smoker. And, to be honest, it was hell. I had always used cigarettes to feel more confident in this kind of situations that make me very anxious. I had to face the anxiety and also huge cravings of watching other people smoke. It´s also like this "intimate moment" between people who smokes, that have to go outside to do it and I felt left out. It was awful. Advice?

Thanks,

-Nat

[Chrysalis]

...this kind of situations that make me very anxious. I had to face the anxiety... It´s also like this "intimate moment" between people who smokes...

 

 

Natalie, it sounds as though you, like me, don't like to be in crowds of people. You prefer the intimacy of small gatherings. 

 

I heard a long time ago that there are 2 types of people. Some people are energized by interacting with other people. It's like their emotional batteries get recharged in large groups and they just LOVE IT (think Bill Clinton, for example). The rest of us get their emotional batteries drained by other people. I know for myself that I can sincerely enjoy the company of another couple for dinner and conversation (about 3 hours), I can enjoy the company of 6 people for about an hour, more than 6 people and I'm looking for the exit within 15 minutes. I need solitude in order to recharge my emotional batteries. Luckily, my husband is the same way.

 

It sounds like you were using smoking as a way to sequester yourself with a small group of people so didn't drain your emotional batteries. Why force yourself into uncomfortable social situations? Try to structure your social life to be in small groups of people in situations where you don't feel anxious. And definitely cool it with the alcohol until you are really secure in your quit. That level of anxiety plus alcohol could spell disaster.  

[comrade simba]

Think of it as crack. Stay out of the crackhouse. That may seem a bit harsh but why play with fire so early in the game? I don't like being around people smoking even after 7 months.

 

Keep your quit as the most important thing and you'll probably keep your quit :D

[bakon]

They can still be talked to, through the glass window, by yelling.

 

Don't go outside. The boggie man does exist in each smoke and if too close, he will get you.

[Still winning]

I'm with Chrys, big groups and I'm pretty uncomfy. Like you, used smoking as a crutch to excuse myself. Now I just refill my drink and there's a strong possibility people think I have a bladder problem haha, I excuse myself to go to the toilet now. Take a breather (hope for pot pourri) and go back. My other trick is making myself an indespensible sub host, like taking over the drinks or washing up so I have something to do. x

[El Bandito]

I find it OK.

 

At the start - I had to brace myself - but I kept remembering that every single one of those smokers is looking at me saying "How in hell did he do that? A couple of packs a day to nothing. Overnight. I wish I could quit/Im going to quit next week/month/year/before I'm 40"

 

You are not left out - they are. Literally - they have to leave the room, stand outside (regardless of weather) and feed the addiction. 

 

You quit a fierce addiction. You can do anything. Use quitting as a springboard.

 

Careful with the booze of course - but of everyone in the party - YOU have the most reason to celebrate. You gave yourself the gift of life. The ones inhaling poison have reason to be anxious.

 

The most important thing is to enjoy yourself - if you are at a party and stop enjoying yourself, then leave.

 

Rejoice!

[action]

Hi Natalie, I'm more like you and Chrys too, and I used to love to 'get away' from everybody by sneaking off for a cigarette - I was a very unsociable smoker. But in the beginning at parties, and meals out, I always felt a little 'left out' when people went outside to smoke, like I no longer had my 'out' to get away from the larger group of people - it was exhausting in fact. Now, I sometimes go out with them, but just don't smoke. However, it took me a while to get to that point...

 

Why not try telling yourself that they don't GET to smoke, they HAVE to smoke... They are in the chains of addiction, which you are breaking free from. You might see them 'enjoying' a few cigarettes at a party, but it doesn't stop there - when they leave the party, they will carry on, the next day, they will go through a pack or more just because they HAVE to. Smoking cigarettes is 24/7, not just at parties.

 

Plus, each time you face this demon and win, you will get stronger.

 

Big Tuesday morning hug (((Nat)))

[Doreensfree]

I tried to stay away from social occasions as much as possible in the early days.....

When it couldn't be avoided...I tried to turn it all around to being positive....

Every smoker out there.....wishes deep down they were you....

It will get easier......you won another little battle towards winning your war.....

Your doing great Natalie......we are all proud of you.....

Hugs xxx

[Sazerac]

I'm like action, I like taking a break away OUTSIDE and NOT with smokers.

I just go outside and look at the sky or snoop around the garden.

It isn't about smoking.  It is a time to 're-group' and gather my wits.

and the fresh air is GOOD.

[ChRiSpY]

This weekend I had to face my first party as a non smoker. And, to be honest, it was hell. I had always used cigarettes to feel more confident in this kind of situations that make me very anxious. I had to face the anxiety and also huge cravings of watching other people smoke. It´s also like this "intimate moment" between people who smokes, that have to go outside to do it and I felt left out. It was awful. Advice?

Thanks,

-Nat

 

Natalie... one of the greatest benefits of my quit was my confidence.  I feel as though I am a badass that can quit a horrible addiction.  My confidence is soaring...I am doing more...talking to people more and I am ready to take on the world.  So to hear you say you were more confident with a smoke in your hand is poppycock (Love using that word).  Hold on.. you are in a holding pattern of your quit right now... it will get better and better and better. 

 

2ndly...  I am the kind of person that what to get the sh it over with now... anticipation sucks.  So I went out on my 2nd night quit.  Went to BW3s to watch the National Championship.  it sucked... the guy sitting next to me kept going outside to smoke and then he came back in and smelled magnificent.  I almost asked him if I could lick his fingers... then I realized that was a little bit homosexual.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.  But I don't think my wife, whom was with me, or the biker dude would have appreciated it.  Anywho... I remember want one sooooooo f ucking bad.  I asked my wife if we could stop on the way home and get some... luckily she said no.  In the morning I felt GREAT about my quit...it was stronger.  Next time I went out partying it got easier and the next ....easier... until it was not even an issue anymore. 

 

Do what you want...no one knows you more than you.  if you can handle it... do it... it will get the bad stuff over with sooner. 

 

You got this... hang on and keep on keepin on.

[Tink]

Hi nat I still do when out drinking for a moment feel oh I could just...... then I switch it to really look at them, study their face etc its a complete turn off then i pity them

 

I understand how you feel about the confidence thing but really you should have more now, be proud hold your head up high you do not stink and people are no longer looking at you or away from you thinking stupid stinking smoker!

 

protect your quit and stay away for a while, socialise with non smoking friends until your confidence grows and it will!

 

pat yourself on the back though as you did great to get through this situation xx

[SanDar]

Wow, just wow! Natalie, you have received some excellent advice from everyone!

As for myself, I faced any triggers head on from day one. If something bothered me - I simply didn't do that again. 

Do what works for you.

You're working on 2 weeks now, awesome!

 

Sandy

[natalie_3]

Wow! I´m not the only one who goes through this (sometimes I feel like I am). All of you are right. At the moment it looks desirable but I have to remember they´re hooked and will continue smoking not just at the party. I have to feel proud of myself. And I think starting to go to social situations slowly, as I feel more confident with my quit. 

And don´t worry guys, I don´t drink much  ;).

Thanks!

-Nat

[SanDar]

You got this Natalie  :rolleyes:

[REZ]

Agree with everybody's advise from above too!

 

Take it slow and a little at a time until you feel strong enough!

 

You have the rest of your long and healthy smoke free life to go!

 

You will also make new smoke free friends along the way!

[JackiMac]

Not much I can add to all the fantastic replies above, I can be a bit of both depending on what mood im in a Social butterfly flitting from group to group, causing the most noise to a quiet timid little mouse in the corner, I must admit on my previous 7 month quit the social aspect was one that didn't seem to effect me regarding smoking, and again this time too, but I did stop drinking a year ago also, I think if I had a drink in me my resolve would be very little and the desire to smoke would return, so Nat just take it at your pace, do what makes you feel comfortable, if the sight of smokers is unsettling you, move yourself, go and join another group, start a conversation with someone, close your eyes and take a deep breath and remember you are where you are because you achieved it, wow isn't that amazing,xxx

[Apeezy]

Everyone I know who smokes, talks about how they want to quit. They are still slaves and you are not!!!! They envy you!!

[Doreensfree]

Everyone I know who smokes, talks about how they want to quit. They are still slaves and you are not!!!! They envy you!!

This is sooo very true.....they all want to be where you are.....

[natalie_3]

Everyone I know who smokes, talks about how they want to quit. They are still slaves and you are not!!!! They envy you!!

 

I know. It still makes me anxious but I´m proud of myself  :)