A False sense of freedom

[beacon]

Something that Holly said on another thread made me think about a thought that still comes up and troubles me from time to time. This is that smoking is part of being youthful and free. When I was younger I partied allot. I drank and danced in clubs until the wee hours; spent days sizzling at the beach; went to house parties that lasted for days; went out all night and went to work right after. I ate like an animal or not at all. I looked and felt great and had allot of fun. And of course I smoked a pack a day or more for years.

 

As I grew older and my work became more important, i stopped going to parties. My body started to rebel and i stopped the binge drinking and other party favors and began to eat healthy and to run. Friends married, kids came, houses were purchased. Etc. My life changed. But still I smoked for many many years, after everyone I knew had quit, after my father, a smoker, died, after my mother got lung cancer.

 

And now that I am quit there is still part of me that thinks of smoking as freedom, as fun, and at times I think about having a binge of food and drinks and smokes with some of my friends who still at this later age do this. Why can't I be like them? Why do I care?, Why must I live this straight and narrow life? Why can't I be free?

 

But then I know this: Ingesting harmful substances is not freedom. It is not youthful. It is addiction. Self harm. It is time to learn other types of fun. To get pleasure from other types of activities.

[Chrysalis]

Beacon, the secret to having a wild and crazy youth is ignorance and stupidity. As you start to gain experience and wisdom, the appeal of such selfish and high-risk behavior wanes. It's just a fact of life. 

 

I remember talking to a young man in his early 30's. He loved his lifestyle of going out to clubs and drinking and dancing every weekend. This particular day was a Monday morning and he was very depressed. He said that he was at one of his favorite clubs as usual when after an hour or so he realized that he wasn't having any fun. The music was irritating and too loud, the conversations were repetitive and banal, he didn't really feel like getting drunk yet again. He finally just left at 11:00. He realized that he really didn't like clubbing any more but he had no idea what he was going to do for fun instead. He was really bummed out.

 

I told my friend, "That's what jazz clubs are for." In other words, I had been in exactly the same place as he and I, too, suddenly discovered that I had lost my taste for clubbing (my "time" was back in the days  of disco). It happens to everybody. Really. And it's not just clubs. You will find that they just don't make movies like they used to. Today's music is raucous and unintelligible. Loud, crowded parties get on your nerves. etc. etc. Even amusement parks-- rides you used to love as a teen or a 20-something now leave you bored and/or physically sick. 

 

My observation (and my experience) is that as you get older you need to find different interests and activities that you enjoy. They are usually quieter and more sober pursuits that end by 11 o'clock at night. You will not have the wild, screamingly funny experiences you had in your youth. A lot of that joy was due to your new-found sense of freedom, the novelty of various situations, and to imitating your equally youthful and hormonally-driven friends. You will get more pleasure from a back yard barbecue with a half-dozen close friends than from a wild party weekend at somebody's grandmother's vacant lake cottage. 

 

All this may sound sad and dull. It is sad and dull (even if unavoidable). But there is also a lot of good to be said for experience and wisdom, too. You become comfortable with yourself and who you are. You no longer have to try on different persona to find the right "fit" for you. You come to realize that you will probably never win a Nobel prize or become the president of a Fortune 500 company, and that's OK with you. A pimple is just a pimple that will go away in a couple of days, not a tomato-sized deformity that is going to ruin your life. You settle in to and come to rely upon the comfort of one, solid relationship rather than getting dressed up and cruising the singles scene every night trying to see if you are still attractive to the opposite sex.

 

Beacon, your wheel of life is turning. Learn to embrace and appreciate your new calm and contentment. If you have friends who still go for the wild parties and the drinking and the smoking and the man-chasing, you probably  have little in common with them any more and you should probably let them go. People grow and change and that's OK. 

[Doreensfree]

Aww beacon....this post made me sad....made me miss my youth ....that boats well sailed...

The friends you mention who are still partying,drinking and smoking having fun....

I'm sure they are in some way paying for that.....the hacking cough....the coughing up.....ect

I bet they are secretly envying you.....

There are young ones too who come to the board....to quit and have a smoke free life....that party.....

Don't envy them....feel sorry for them.....they are still in prison....

And you my sweetheart have escaped....

Hugs xxxx

[Tink]

I can relate to your post beacon

 

I started smoking to be a rebel and 44 years of age and I am still a rebel albeit slowed down somewhat 

 

The cigs were with me during many an escapade and I think thats why we associate it with our youth but I also had some good mad friends which I dont speak to now just due to growing up and moving on I dont miss them but I can think of them with nostalgia and laugh

 

I cant actually remember that I laughed at smoking, just the situation I was in at the time - thats how I know its addiction not situation

 

time to make new memories, new fun and push the smoking memories way back in the head

 

you dont have to smoke to lead a fun life, it took me a while to get this one in my head because of the association

 

I hope beacon you can find your fun as its there for the taking

 

sorry for the ramble but it made sense to me lol

[Sazerac]

I want to experience all the joys or toils that each age in life provides.  

To be stuck in my 20's or stuck anywhere sounds like Hell to me.

Live Now.

 We are beautiful creatures and Life holds different lessons for us in All of our seasons.

Don't miss out.

It is a Great and Precious Ride.

 

(edited to add)

To be smoke Free and living your wonderful life is priceless.

[Nicole Diver]

I can completely relate. So much. I'm so glad you put into words what I still sometimes think about.

I just remind myself when I can, that I had all the fun *despite* the smoking, not because of it.

Think how we would feel about ourselves had we not grown up and been responsible though. That would be worse.

[action]

I expect that a lot of never smokers could say exactly the same thing, in that they miss their youth... And they felt free back then, without the mortgage, car payments etc. The truth is that you just had a cigarette in you hand at the time - the cigarette didn't make you feel any more free, it is just attached to those memories... That's what I think, anyway...

 

(((Melanie)))

[Still winning]

Hmmm, your post made me think. Associating smoking with fun, yeah I think I did that, wonder why? But when I think, well it's because I smoked from an obscenely early age! My whole life has been done with smoking. My few non smoker friends seemed to have the same fun? Yeah, they were there, not smoking and partying with us.

 

That kinda partying is no longer really fun tho. Not at dinner party stage yet either! Fun now is good company and good conversation. Or walking in nature, or by the sea..man I love the water, any water really. Hanging with my girls and chatting nonsense or my kids. 

 

I think fun changes but I don't think smoking does. You see, I think we smoked for so long that we can't work out whether it helped the fun...but I have to think of those non smoker friends...they had as much fun...it was an age thing.

 

Wish I liked Jazz now :(

 

Don't be sad about what has passed my friend. Life is to be lived and there is a lot to be said of the wisdom that years give us. We were slaves both physically and financially....now we can get joy from physical exercise and financial liberty that simply weren't available to us before. Age is but a number :) You did good my lovely, be happy. xx

[babs609]

Beacon...as I was reading it I was thinking you got in my head somehow...like they were my own thoughts..lol..totally relate.

 

Great post

[bakon]

I agree with everything except we don't have to do any of the growing up. It's not a requirement. I am still very immature at times and refuse to act my age.
I can act responsible but given the chance I am the kid in the crowd of old farts. The guy who plays the radio a little too loud. Or has "one more" when with some friends and everyone starts yawning. I also peer pressure you into staying young with me. Nobody ever said we had to act old, just had to grow old. And I never listened to anyone say grow up. What's that mean?

I am the Uncle who gives you fireworks too. I love messing with kids and getting them to be mischievous enough that everyone laughs.

Party doesn't need to end but if it was stuck on disco we would all soon hate disco. Best to just keep moving and find next fun thing. Even if its poking fun at all you.
Notice I didn't mention smoking. It was cool at time but not needed now. We know this best.

[rww]

I think most people can relate. It's not the cigarette or the parties though that gave us that (I'd like to say 'false' but I guess it was true at the time) sense of freedom, I think that feeling is just a part of being really young, inexperienced and as some have said - ignorant too. Trying to recreate that out of nostalgy decades later never ends very well, and usually results in regrets of varying degrees - from embarassment to lung cancer. It's like trying to wear shoes that are two sizes too small because they used to be a perfect fit. Funny thing though, - how often we romanticize the past when the present is just a million times better. I don't think we really miss being angsty teenagers, it's more that we miss how we THINK we felt about ourselves.

 

P.S: I think a good indicator for the 'point of no return' is when you start sympathising with the parents and not their offsprings in movies, lol.

[Nancy]

I think most people can relate. It's not the cigarette or the parties though that gave us that (I'd like to say 'false' but I guess it was true at the time) sense of freedom, I think that feeling is just a part of being really young, inexperienced and as some have said - ignorant too. Trying to recreate that out of nostalgy decades later never ends very well, and usually results in regrets of varying degrees - from embarassment to lung cancer. It's like trying to wear shoes that are two sizes too small because they used to be a perfect fit. Funny thing though, - how often we romanticize the past when the present is just a million times better. I don't think we really miss being angsty teenagers, it's more that we miss how we THINK we felt about ourselves.

 

P.S: I think a good indicator for the 'point of no return' is when you start sympathising with the parents and not their offsprings in movies, lol.

Good to see you, rww!

[sgt.barney]

Why can't I be free?

 

Au contraire - it is only now that you are free.

 

You did not know of freedom before.

 

Now you do.

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[REZ]

Then you are young, you feel invincible!

 

You feel bullets will bounce off you!

 

As you get older & wiser, you know bullets will hurt you!

 

Smoking is the same way, so the older & wiser ones like us quit!

 

We know now that smoking gives you a false sense of  invincibility or freedom!