relapse prevention The Quitnet Lounge

[Genecanuck]

10 Steps to Starting Again (Quitnet Repost, 12/22/1997)

 

Many years ago, I started  a journy to stop smoking and found a lot of wisdom and support at a site called Quitnet. I did have long stretches where I stopped smoking as a result of the awesome support and wisdom from this site. I did save a large library of quotes and information from this site that I like to go back to from time to time to help me keep my quit strong. 

 

I will start to share some of the wisdom of this site in this thread in the hope that it will help others in their smoke free journey.,

 

Keep the Quit.

 

Gene

 

REPOST: 10 Steps to Starting Again From Pic on 12/22/1997 11:58:35 PM

 

10 Steps to Starting Again

 

1. "Try" to quit (try, as opposed to "do")

2. Idealize what life will be like without smoking

3. Associate your daily problems and disappointments with the fact that you’re not smoking.

4. Begin to buy into the idea that you’re more miserable now than before you quit

5. Start responding to your problems with, "If this keeps up, I’m going to smoke" then add "anyhow" then add "so why suffer anymore?"

 

(Alternate 3-5:

3. Associate your success with the idea that you’ve licked the nicotine habit.

4. Begin to buy into the idea that you could smoke without getting hooked again

5. Follow-up this idea with, "I haven’t smoked in ___ days/weeks/months/years" then add "I haven’t had any cravings" then add "I could have just one" )

 

6. Buy, borrow or steal a cigarette.

7. Find a quiet, secluded place where you can be alone with the substance to which you have attributed all power and promise for fulfillment of your needs.

8. Feel yourself calming down even before you light up, which is actually the beast ceasing to scratch at your insides as you prepared to feed the addiction.

9. Light-up and suck in all the poison you can get in that first drag, while beginning the battle against being disappointed in yourself, noticing that this fight is not half as ferocious as it was to get the nicotine.

10. Within a few hits, feel dizzy, cough a little, smell the stink, and realize you’re not going to stop smoking that cigarette, you’ll keep smoking despite the bad feelings, and wish you hadn’t given in.

 

I hope this scenario scares you as much as it scares me.

In writing it, I drew from my personal experience and noticed some things that might be helpful in the future:

 

A RELAPSE STARTS IN MY HEAD Steps 1-5 all have to do with how I think. IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO FULLY RELAPSE without doing some or all of 1-5. A CIGARETTE IS NOT THE ANSWER AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ONE.

Edited September 27 by Genecanuck

[Genecanuck]

A Slip Most Often Ensures a Relapse, Quitnet Re-Post, October 16, 2013

 

RE: From my library: A Slip Most Often Ensures a Relapse
From SilverlakeDavid on 10/16/2013 1:27:25 PM

The answer to how to prevent a slip, how to prevent a relapse is simple: Never take that first puff. Simple.

But if you take that first puff, simplicity is out the door. And in it's place, difficulty and unpleasantness. "I feel so guilty I smoked." "I was doing so well and now I blew it." "I can't believe I just threw away 12 months." "Why did I do this?" "Why do I keep doing this?" "I hate smoking." "I hate myself." "I hate the government for keeping cigarettes legal." "Should I quit right now or wait to finish the pack?" "Should I tell my partner or keep it a secret?" "Should I reset my gadget? (Whoa, that conversation is always crazy!) "I was so happy while I was quit, but now I can't stop smoking and I'm so disappointed." "How could this have happened?" "I want my smokefree life back."

Who wants any of that? Just as Jason said, it's just not worth it...not one infinitesimal bit.

I love my smokefree life, and like Loreal, I'm worth it!

Good re-post Gene.

David

Edited October 6 by Genecanuck

[Genecanuck]

Do you know him?, Quitnet Repost, 1998

 

from Billi Peel, on another site in 1998

Hi Everyone, 

My name is Nicotine. This is my story. For many years no one knew I was a killer. I am very cunning, while looking so innocent. I am dressed in a white wrapper. I think my shape is great. I am long, slender and easy to hold. This is great for the 90's image. I've come a long way baby. Billions of dollars have been spent to keep me looking good.

My favorable image is an illusion. My addictive power is reality. My advertising team has worked very hard to continue to present me as a positive influence in daily life. I have been showcased as making men strong, sexy, and full of life. I have been packaged to make women think they are sexy, daring, and provocative. It took longer to get the women to use me, but in time I won them over.

I am a liar. I tell you that you can enjoy and be more comfortable in every situation if you use. I am always there for you when you are bored, nervous, or upset. I will tell you how cool you appear while you smoke me, how good I taste. I especially like to tell younger folks how much I can do for them. I lie.

I have some friends and associates: Caffeine, Alcohol, cough medicine, and Mouthwash. I make money for a lot of other industries, beyond the tobacco folks. Doctors love me too.

Now caffeine, alcohol, and I go way back. We have worked together on almost everyone. You may think you can get rid of us, but we will make your life miserable if you try. I will cause people to leave their homes in the middle of the night in search of me.

I am powerful once I have you. I will require a lot of your time. I need to have ashtrays and lighters. I make a mess as my ashes drop on your carpet, car seat, furniture, and loved ones. It delights me to see the little burn marks in your expensive clothes, furniture, counter tops, and carpets.

Did I mention how awful I smell? I have a particular aroma that will linger in your hair, clothes, and your furniture. I can turn your car into an ashtray. I will mark you.

I am an addiction. I tried for a long time not to let this secret get out. It was bad enough when people said I was a nasty habit. Now everyone knows I am an addiction. Once I get in your grasps, you cannot easily put me down. If you try I will make your stomach crawl, I will give you bad headaches, the shakes, and make you nervous. Once you are addicted to me I own you.

I have no conscience. Loyalty is important to everyone. I certainly enjoy your loyalty to me. Do not ever be confused that you have mine. I will have you standing outside in the rain or bitter cold for a few precious puffs while others enjoy the comforts of staying indoors.

I am demanding. You will walk away from loved ones to get your fix. You will try to hold babies in one hand while grasping me in the other. I will make you uncomfortable with people who do not smoke.

I am a killer. I will take your breath away. I will eat your lungs. I will render you voiceless. I will cause you bad sinus problems. I will embarrass you with the ugly cough I give you. I will make you unable to walk up a flight of stairs without having a hard time breathing. I will hurt your loved ones around you who don't even use me or have a choice.

My name is Nicotine. I am an addictive and powerful DRUG!!! 

Edited October 6 by Genecanuck

[Doreensfree]

Great post

[Genecanuck]

 

I have NEVER slipped , Quitnet Repost, November 11, 2006

 

Good morning, 

We never just have one. Today I committ to getting off the treadmill of being a serial quitter. Here is another gem from Quitnet. 

Keep the quit! Gene

 

 

Smoke free for 8 Days

 

REPOST: I have NEVER slipped written by Feziwig on 11/28/2006 9:40:17 AM

 

I have never slipped. Not once. I have never had just one. I have never smoked a cigarette and then gotten right back on the horse. I have never, ever slipped. I have completely and fully relapsed. I have had one that led to two that led to three that led to months and months of full time, take over my life, smoking. It may have been that one cigarette on a Friday night out with friends that felt so good after so long. Perhaps it was the one the next day because after all, if I had one on Friday and was fine, then I could certainly just have one on Saturday... and then it's Sunday and you know what? I'll quit on Monday... and now it's Monday and I may as well finish the pack.... and the next thing I know it's three months later and I'm always quitting tomorrow. I have never ever slipped.

 

I have never had just one. Ever. I'm writing this for the newbies here. There will be an occasional post from someone writing that they have slipped and had one or two cigarettes but have gotten back on track. People will reply to them that it's okay and to just keep on trying to quit. That's the right thing to do. We need encouragement here. And for the people who have slipped and come back to try again, kudos. However, for a newbie it may seem that slipping is almost accepted, that it's something that happens often and that it's okay.

A newbie may get the impression that it may even be easy to slip and come back. It is not. It is not by a long shot. In fact, it is probably harder. If you feel like you can have just one and then come back and try again, please remember me. Remember that I have never, not once slipped. Remember that even when I thought I could just have one, even when I was sure that I could just have one, even when I knew that I could just have one, I have always, always, always relapsed. I have always gone right back to where I was before I quit and it takes no time at all to get there. Like I said, I have never ever slipped.

 

Claire

Edited October 6 by Genecanuck

[Genecanuck]

Hi again,

 

Smoking is a choice. We either keep our quit or we jump back on the serial quitting treadmill.

 

NOPE

Gene

 

 

 

RE: A Slip Most Often Ensures a Relapse
From Gym_Genecanuck on 2/27/2006 2:28:29 PM

The Bare Facts About Relapse
From joyinca


Nicotine Users Are Drug Addicts, And Therefore Are Subject To All Of The Rules Of Drug Addiction

The very first cigarette you smoked started you down the road to addiction. You arrived without knowing where you were going. Now you know. You have joined the millions of nicotine users who are and will always be drug addicts. There is no changing this fact, and the only thing you can do now is to learn to control your response to your addictive impulses. Luckily learning to be a quitter can be done, as attested to by the millions of people that have gained their Independence from smoking. This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions.

Relapse Won't Happen Unless You Put Nicotine Into Your Body

Once you have become a quitter you begin to condition yourself to being an ex-smoker. Each hour and day brings you closer to total comfort. But first you must learn to function in situations that would have formerly called for smoking. After getting through the initial few days, and getting the nicotine out of your system, you may begin to worry that after all of this effort you might end up relapsing. There is only one way that you can possibly relapse, and you have complete control over it. As long as you keep in mind that you are a nicotine addict, subject to the laws of addiction, and that you can never put nicotine into your system again, and therefore do not take a puff, you will not relapse. This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions.

Relapse is the result of awakening your addiction

While you are learning to be an ex-smoker you may find yourself thinking that you must have a cigarette to cope with x, y, or z. When you find yourself thinking this way you are having a bad case of Junkie Thinking. If you act on thoughts like this and start puffing, you have stepped onto the slippery slope of relapse. If you don't act on your junkie thoughts, but instead turn your focus to other things, notably your reasons for quitting, then you won't relapse. This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions

Relapse Will Happen If You Don't Acknowledge and Respect Your Addiction

You must come to terms with the fact that you are a drug (nicotine) addict, and therefore as subject to the rules of addiction as any other type of drug addict. One puff is all it will take to put you back into the control of Ole Nic. The only way that you can keep your Independence is by admitting to the certainty that one puff will result in total relapse . This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions.

Relapse Means Having To Start Over From The Beginning

Once you awaken your addiction you loose all of the ground that you gained. You must begin again, that is if you are even able to bring yourself to do so. Most quitters that relapse spend months or years trying to get themselves to quit again. Some quitters that relapse are never able to try again, and die as smokers, plus frequently they die early because of their inability to break away from smoking. This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions.

 

Edited August 27 by Genecanuck

[jillar]

Thank you @Genecanuck for posting these topics from the quitnet site. I totally agree with there is no slip ups, only relapses and have also wondered many times the same things as the poster

[Doreensfree]

Great posts G 

No such thing as a slip .. that’s when you fall over 

Smoking again is a choice to give up your beautiful Quit 

Deliberate actions 

Never take another Puff 

Even if your arse us on fire

[Lust4Life2016]

Early on- one of the greatest motivations for keeping my quit was the thought of having to quit all over again. 

Edited August 27 by Lust4Life2016

[Gus]

Lighting up and taking a drag off of a cigarette requires forethought and deliberate actions. You choose to do it. No way it could be classified as a slip up. Definite relapse. And then you have to go through quitting all over again. Never doing that again. Can’t. NOPE!

[Genecanuck]

11 hours ago, Gus said:

Lighting up and taking a drag off of a cigarette requires forethought and deliberate actions. You choose to do it. No way it could be classified as a slip up. Definite relapse. And then you have to go through quitting all over again. Never doing that again. Can’t. NOPE!

Thank you @Gus

 

This is so true. Relapse begins with a thought. I can have one. Or often for me, it is a vision in my head of smoking. Not even a conscious thought. The story line movie starts running. Then the psychological story line starts triggering a physical craving. Now those nero-associations and brain receptors wanting nicotine that were dormant (nicotine receptors) in certain situations (read, having fun, after sex, with a loved one, writing term papers, pick your situation) come alive and the brain starts to fire off those nicotine desire chemicals, triggering a real physical reaction. Then that voice in your head screams; it wants to smoke!!

 

All successful quits are about interrupting this Nero-chemical process and re-writing the Nero-pathways in the brain. If you never feed the brain nicotine, they do go away. Many years ago, I associated smoking with writing term papers when I was in University. I would smoke like a chimney until the paper was done and then feel really sick afterwards. Then I dreaded having to write a paper when I quit smoking. I just decided that I would live through and survive writing a bad paper if I had to because my quit and health was more important. Guess what? I learned to write again, WITHOUT SMOKING. And the desire to smoke while writing went away. This was concrete evidence for me that if I could survive cravings while writing and I could survive and overcome any craving and remain smoke free.

 

Keep the quit!

 

 

 

[Genecanuck]

 

Herer is another favourite post from Dan1, someone that became a mentor for me on Quitnet many years ago. He was celebrating a 9 month quit.

 

 

The Story of a Full-Term Quit - The Chain

Dan1: March 24, 2007
(9 month ramble)

Starting in my youth, and working across the decades, I forged a chain, and anchored it to the wall of my cell. No one made me do it; dungeon cells simply aren’t fashionable without chains. One day, I decided to see what was beyond the walls of the dungeon. Part I remembered from youth, part I heard from others, but I knew there was a life outside, and I was sure it had to be brighter than the haze I knew here. I knew I must either become free, or die in this wretched place.

If I was going to be free, I knew I would have to break the chain, and I was afraid I might not be equal to the task. But until I really pulled against it, I never realized how strong I had made it. I put my back, my arms, my legs into the effort; the harder I pulled, the more it hurt; but the chain never budged. Every effort I could manage, over and over again. I cried, I screamed, I groaned against it; I couldn’t even bend a link. I looked at it’s fastening to the wall - perhaps there was a tool I could use against the anchor. But the only tools I could find would not fit this nut.

I called out for help. Other prisoners called back - They couldn’t come help me pull, for they were busy with their own chains, but we were always there for one another with shouts of encouragement and advice. Once in a while, someone who had become free would shout over the walls, but once free, most never returned to the cells. Occasionally, someone would break loose, only to be recaptured by our common enemy. Some prisoners came to believe that it was impossible to ever be truly free; still, they pulled bravely at their chains, hoping to stretch them a little. `Pull Harder!` `Never quit pulling!` `You made the chain, you can break it!` my comrades yelled. We cheered together each time there was the slightest bend in any chain; cried together whenever someone stumbled in exhaustion.

After so much work and so little gain, I no longer had the strength, the will to pull. Still, I could not escape the dream of making it to that other, brighter world. There had to be another way. Just then, it happened. Someone on the way out, someone who had found his freedom, whispered to me. `Your hands` was all I managed to hear, and he was gone. I scarcely knew what to make of it. I searched. I read. I looked everywhere for the secret. How could my hands have the solution? There was no way I could ever grow them to be strong enough to break the chain. Days later, I did what should have been obvious: I looked at my bruised, bloody, beaten hands. Wrapped inside of them was my chain. All these years, all this turmoil - how could I not have noticed?

Day 10. The day I saw the chain in my hands. It wasn’t holding on to me; I was holding on to it. All that was ever necessary to claim my freedom was to drop the chain and walk away. Yes, it took a while for the wounds to heal, the bruises to clear, the pains to go away. Sometimes when it’s cold, I can still feel a distant ache in my hands. But I will never again pick up that chain. There is no reason, no temptation, no urge to do that ever again. It is a chain I don’t want attached to an anchor I don’t need, in a cell no longer mine. I’m still not sure why I ever made that chain.

A simple story, really. How I forged my chain, hardening it in fires of smouldering tobacco. How I struggled to break the chain, and how the struggle made me weak, but did nothing to the chain. The story of finding that strength of the chain wasn’t the problem, that my own weakness was irrelevant. Only my belief in its power held me; only by refusing to let go was I enslaved.

A simple story, but nine months later, I’m still not done telling it. Then again, maybe I am.

Look at your hands. Why are you still fighting? Why are you still holding on?

[Doreensfree]

What a great post …

Love it !!!

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

 

I decided to re-read this gem from Dan1 (Quitnet) today. I think I am going to re-word the title of his post and call it:

 

No More Battle Stress

 

No more battle stress because fighting the stress cauased by not smoking creates more stress. If we do not mentally resist the waves and figure out nicotine just screwed up the reward system in our brain, then it is no longer a battle or a fight.

 

What we resist, will persist. Instead of fleeing, we can just flow. 

 

Keep the quit!

 

I WAS WRONG!
From danl1 on 3/12/2004 10:21:00 AM

 

I was wrong.

That does it.


That is the secret to quitting this nasty thing forever. Park the egos at the door and be willing to recognize that nicotine's effects on our brains duped us. Played us for the fool. Made us the rubes. Smoking did not ever help us, never gave us a single good thing. All it ever did was flip the 'ooh, that was good' switch deep inside our brains, without ever bothering to actually give us anything good. Our goofball minds just connected the dots in the wrong way, and gave smokes credit for things they didn't do.

Once we understand that we've been had, we've got the tools needed to make this thing really start to happen. If there's a 'craving', it suddenly breaks in half. Half is a minor physical or mental discomfort that will be gone in a few moments. Sucks, but oh well. The other half is a thought that smoking would somehow improve the situation that smoking had caused. Oops! Error in the brain! We know it's an error, just toss it aside. Have an 'urge', thinking, "gee, a smoke would be nice" Bzrzrzrzrttt! Wrong! Another small wiring problem - hang on - there, it's fixed. In no time, it gets funny, totaling up all the screw-ups the brain has accumulated.

See? There's nothing to fear. Nothing to fear, so nothing to fight. Nothing to fight, so much less stress. Less stress, so greatly reduced symptoms. Less symptoms, so less cravings. Less cravings, so less deal with. And as we build our success, we start firing off that 'reward' switch honestly, and the brain begins to learn proper lessons. The lies are erased.

We get to decide if this thing spirals up, or spirals down. The only difference is the willingness to acknowledge...

I was wrong. About everything I ever believed about the 'good' parts of smoking, and about their power over me.

And strength, and willpower, and fighting? Not a thing to do with success. For most folks, they get in the way of success, by having them believe there is something to fight, by causing 'battle-stress' and a sort of fatigue that only leaves folks 'craving' all the more. Once I stopped fighting long enough to realize that the craving was only a lie I was telling myself, a tiny error in my brain, there was suddenly nothing left to fight.

Edited August 29 by Genecanuck

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

 

Here is another gem from Dan1 in Quitnet.  Dan is reminding people to examine their values related to smoking. You know those values and beliefs that all tobacco advertisers drilled into our heads into our heads in the  50s, 60s and 70's. Women might remember, "You've come a long way baby".  Women were also told by the tobacco industry that they should smoke to "believe in themselves" and that smoking was their pathway to "freedom".

 

There was also the slogan "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should".  Or men were told that Camel was "ever inch a man's smoke". 

 

I mention this tobacco industry propaganda because they understood that if they could convice people to re-align actions like smoking to a set of pleasurable values, we would all get hooked on smoking. AND IT WORKED.

 

Dan1 is reminding us that  we also have the power to reset those values. In his words, "A cigarette is not capable of making us think, feel, or experience a single thing".

 

Keep the quit.

 

 

If you struggle, there is one simple reason: You believe that smoking provides you with something you want or need -

Why is this so hard?
Dan1 (Quitnet, 2007)

It's a question worth asking, and I'm convinced that the usual answers aren't good enough. After all, continuing to smoke is easy - just ask anyone here. And being free of smoking is even easier - just ask anyone who's made it, or anyone who's never smoked, or simply consult your own common sense. So why is the path from 'easy' to 'easier' so hard?

Maybe you're taking the wrong path. And no, I'm not engaging in the senseless debate about Cold Turkey vs meds. That has an answer as individual as your personality. How you answer that question is in no way related to how someone else did or should answer it.

No, the wrong path is in thinking of this as a battle of will. It simply is not, and making it seem like one is the only thing that makes this difficult. “Will” can only do one thing: follow your own pre-existing values. You can use it to smoke or to not smoke with equal ease. The thing that you can't do for long is turn it against you - to make yourself act against your own self interests.

If you struggle, there is one simple reason: You believe that smoking provides you with something you want or need - in short, you value smoking. When you struggle to not smoke, all you are doing is asking your will to act against your values. That is a source of tremendous stress and anxiety, and those in turn cause all of the 'quit symptoms' that make this so hellish.

Every failed quit is simply willpower finding it's triumph - by re-aligning your actions to your values. In this state of affairs, smoking is a victory of the will, not a failure, No wonder we find that it feels so good.

But it doesn't have to be this way. Instead of fighting against the thought to smoke, get to know it a little. Find out where it came from, what it's real purpose is. Your body and brain don't want to smoke - but they may desire some change that you incorrectly believe smoking can give.

A cigarette is not capable of making us think, feel, or experience a single thing, other than a bit of nausea and a somewhat elevated heartbeat. It can't make us happy, contented, or relaxed. All these other things (and a thousand others) are strictly a question of the interpretation of that otherwise meaningless event. But by believing the myth that cigarettes have the power to change our thoughts, fears, wishes, or circumstances, we run from something that we needn't fear, and strengthen the very notions that have us reaching again and again for that little white tube of death.

21 months ago, I quit smoking with the assumption that I would smoke again. It was not that I wanted to, planned to, or thought I would need to. Instead, it was a confidence in my ability to be stupid. I simply assumed that sooner or later I would screw up.

This turned out to be a great benefit. Instead of growing tense over an impossibly high-seeming perfection, I could instead think about how to prevent the inevitable stumble from turning into a fall. And on that path I found a signpost to freedom: That the "stumble" wasn't in actually smoking, but in thinking positively about smoking. The "fall" wasn't smoking the pack, not even taking a puff. The "fall" was in holding on to incorrect values. Smoking was simply the most obvious external sign that my beliefs were screwed up. At that point, it could hardly matter if I smoked or not - fighting was in itself a failure.

That might sound like I'm setting the bar even higher than not smoking - that you're somehow not allowed to even think of smoking. But that's exactly wrong. I'm inviting you instead to think deeply about smoking, about what it means to you, about why you believe these things that the vast majority of the world can't even understand. Each thought of smoking becomes an opportunity to understand how and where your beliefs and values are wrong, and to realign them to your greater truth - that you do not want to smoke. That's why you started this journey, isn't it?

Now, changing beliefs isn't easy, but it's not hard, either. Mostly, it just takes time. And you have plenty of time. Instead of spending time fighting with yourself, spend it understanding that the very thing you are fighting over is a mistake, an error. Suddenly, the fight is gone.

Yes, it's still annoying listening to that endless 'wanna smoke?' mental drumbeat. But that fades as the belief that 'smoking helps' fades. And yes, you will from time to time experience symptoms. But as long as you recognize that quitting didn't cause them (at least, not in the sense of 'needing' nicotine) and that smoking has no way to help them (that power resides only in you, and always did), they will pass, and there will be no struggle.

Yes, it can be hard. But it doesn't have to be. If you find too much 'hard' between 'easy' and 'easier', check your map. Either you've made a wrong turn, or you're using the wrong map.

Dan. 640 days (21 months) smoke free.
12798 cigarettes not smoked.
$2,240.00 and 3 months, 7 days, 18 hours of your life saved.

"Life is either a great adventure, or it is nothing."

 

[Genecanuck]

Good morning. This is another reminder that smoking does NOTHING to change any situation in life.

 

Keep the quit!

 

RE: Why do I keep making excuses to smoke?
From Belle650 on 5/9/2004 8:35:46 AM

 

Part of being ready to quit includes having the willingness to look at quitting in a new light. Quitting smoking is NOT a punishment! It is NOT a vindictive thing we do to ourselves to atone for the smoking. It IS a difficult journey, not for the weak of heart.

We fail in our attempts to quit because we ALLOW ourselves the "comfort zone" of lighting up at the first twinge of discomfort. Smoking does not change any of the situations in our lives but it DOES put a barrier between us and the rest of the world. We STINK and people keep their distance. Smoking is a wonderful aid in isolation.

You do NOT have to want to quit more than you want to smoke. Most of us wanted to smoke. You DO have to be willing to take the control of your life and your emotions away from that small amount of paper-wrapped tobacco and become responsible for your own destiny.

Who is in control here???? Who's life is it, anyway???

Wendy

205 days, 19 hours, 17 minutes and 3 seconds smoke free. 8232 cigarettes not smoked. 2 months, 2 days, 21 hours of my life saved! My quit date: 10/16/2003 1:10:00 PM

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

 

On this day in 2004, I was feeling depressed and reached out to quitnet for some help. And Dan1 responded to remind me that what I was feeling was normal and thinking that having a cigarette would have anything to do with making me feel better was just more stinking thinking: a MISTAKE.

 

As Dan1 said in this post, its all about discovering new ways of coping with emotions without smoking.

 

Keep the quit!

 

RE: Depression
From danl1 on 10/25/2004 11:49:56 AM

It's a tough time you are going through, but don't let it bug you too much. The feelings you are having are more about an exaggeration than about an 'unmasking.'

It's a critical error that often gets made - thinking that soon after we quit is "how things are" without smoking. It's not - this temporary time is unique, and will pass. Unfortunately, it's a time when many people start to form beliefs about the way "they really are" and that they need to learn new ways to cope without smoking.

The danger of this thinking is that it gives cigarettes a power that they don't have. Cigarettes have no way whatever to improve our moods or emotional states, and never did. But because of this rapid change in emotional state as we quit, it becomes easy to believe that they did, and people form a permanent belief that cigarettes were somehow useful - and that belief is responsible for a lot of recidivism.

Don't fall for it. Understand that these feelings are simply a part of the quitting process, related in part to the physical and mental stresses that accompany this process - stresses that addicts can't fully appreciate since they've long since forgotten what reality is all about as smoking is concerned. A time will come when you regularly feel better than you ever did as 'normal' as a smoker. Smoking will soon be recognized only for what it is - a way to make yourself feel worse, never better. Sadly, that change occurs gradually for most folks. It's never as fast as we'd like, but it's always as fast as we need.

 

[Genecanuck]

Another take on working through cravings when they pop up.

 

Keep the quit.

 

RE: Identifying triggers....
From MutinyFever on 2/12/2004 1:22:08 PM

My take on triggers was written a long while ago.

Triggers
From MutinyFever on 5/12/2003 6:43:46 PM ~ 219 dayz

Anything can be a trigger. An ashtray, snow, a pack of cigs, a good dinner, a movie, waiting for a bus, getting off the bus, a fight, a birth, a victory, a joy, sex, drinking, dancing, singing, asthma, winning a bet, losing a bet, work, stress, bedtime, waking up, a commercial, a baby crying, seeing an old friend, losing an old friend, breathing...

The thing is no one can really control triggers. They happen. People say, stay out of the situation, but that is not the trick to quitting. That is just a way to make it easier.

The trick to quitting is enduring cravings, one after another, one at a time, FOREVER. If that sounds hard, it should because it is. Thankfully cravings don`t keep coming forever, or they get spaced very far apart at least, eventually. But don`t count on that time. Don`t think about that time. Don`t wish that time were here. Experience what is now. There`s a good reason to.

It is because if you experience the pain of this moment, you will realize that smoking caused this. If you really let yourself realize that, you will never want to do this to yourself again.

There`s another good reason. It is that if you are really honest, you will realize this is not that bad. Chemo would be a good deal worse than this craving. Admit it. You can handle this. Commit to handling this craving each and every time it comes. Face it. The monster has blunt teeth.

I am sorry you are craving. I totally sympathize, because I have been craving pretty hard myself from time to time. I can only say, this is the way our lives are now. I don`t avoid smokers. I don`t avoid triggers. Cigarettes and the triggers to smoke are just everywhere. I am simply committed to enduring all my cravings, one at a time, without ever smoking.

I wish for everyone, the strength to endure. Long and long from now, you will realize you haven`t had a craving for as long as you can remember. Be happy now.

Michael

[Genecanuck]

22 hours ago, Genecanuck said:

Another take on working through cravings when they pop up.

 

Keep the quit.

 

 

Good morning. 

 

I read this old quitnet post again and realized this is a story about recovery. The only thing that I think I would add to this post is that it is not really about lifiting the cloud in the mind left by smoking. It is all about the mistaken belief that smoking could do anything to help us cope with the normal things that happen to all of us in life.

 

Smoking never did help us cope with thoughts, feelings or emotions. That belief is a MISTAKE. And accepting that we have the ablitity to ride any of the life's waves without smoking is the real juice that powers' recovery from nicotine addition.

 

Keep the quit.

 

 

REPOST: Taking off your cloak of smoke
From AniCat on 1/27/2005 10:55:53 PM

Taking off your cloak of smoke
From: healing2 on 9/16/2000 11:50:03 AM


As the cloud of smoke lifts from our lives when we quit smoking so many of us sit in our wooden chair looking around the room at the blank walls wondering where we are and what we do next. It's like the smoke leaks out of a dryer vent or other small hole in the room, taking its time, leaving behind residue that needs scrubbing. Some of it is entirely hidden for months and months. We are surprised that we had yet to discover these facets of our lives that were permeated by the smell of smoke.

It seems that as the layers of smoke are scrubbed away we barely recognize the room we call our lives and ourselves we call the ruler of that life. It's funny how we thought we were present for our lives and yet when we quit, we discover that not unlike the smoke we were kind of hovering around, above, and under that thing which we called living.

Just as are bodies become cleansed from not smoking our lives need cleansing of tamped down emotions, unrecognized dreams, and unresolved conflict. Yes, we do have lots of work to do. Knowing where to begin, what deserves our immediate attention, and how to go about cleaning up the mess we feel we've made is a tremendous challenge.

But as we sit in the barren room, the old curtains torn down and the windows bare we are but naked as the walls. We've torn off those cloaks of smoke and begun our lives again and we are as naked as a baby. What a blessing we've given ourselves. We get to rebuild, redecorate, pick a new wardrobe, and plant a new garden. Another season of our lives is before us and unlike the baby, we can express ourselves with more insight than we ever thought possible.

Something transforming happens when you dispense with something as negative as smoking. The light is turned on; the glasses sharpen the image; and the ability to verbalize becomes simpler and clearer. Even though we feel overwhelmed at the magnitude of the restoration of our lives, we feel in awe that we were so unaware of its becoming rundown. How could we not have noticed that things had become such a shambles? Ah yes, the smoke blurred the lines, it made everything appear a comfortable shade of gray.

Now as the vibrancy of life becomes once again apparent we want to hurry the process of reclaiming what is ours. We want to shine every crystal, polish every marble table top, and scour all the negativism of our former selves. We feel an urgency to repair damaged woodwork, paint the flaking and peeling relationships of our lives, and scour our bodies inside and out. Of course a project of this grandeur will take time but oh how anxious we are to begin.

Now though it may seem daunting, this rebuilding of our lives, what a more worthwhile project? Would we choose to sit in the dark another five years, waiting for someone to pull us from the choking smoke of death? Would we cover our eyes, and hearts, and minds as life went on around us, just outside our prison walls? Would we perpetuate the false, fog like existence that years of smoking had draped around us? Nope, let's take off that cloak, put on some rubber gloves, grab a bucket and get busy.


THE AWAKENING
A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . . when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough of the fighting and crying and struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of `happily ever after` must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are . . .and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace & contentment are born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

You begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive; and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a `consumer` looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, that it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and you learn the importance of setting boundaries and of learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love: Romantic love and familiar love. You learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love. And you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up”.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK, and you learn that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want--and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you decide you won’t settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch . . . and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you deserve . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes `bad` things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to settle for less than your heart’s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown

[garry mhudson]

Stay strong and you will beat this. You have it in you and your doing great . Best wishes.

[Reciprocity]

Something to be generally aware of at this time of year also is that with changing of seasons, there are often new, unexpected triggers that will stir smokey thoughts within you. One of them may be at Thanksgiving. In Canada that comes around early-mid-Oct which isn't far off. Family gatherings are always a trigger as is the great food at that time of year. Other things you might not even connect to smoking like a walk in the woods checking out the changing colour of the leaves; it could be almost anything.

 

If you're aware that may happen, you're less likely to have trouble getting through those times. Carry on and build that forever quit!

 

 

[Genecanuck]

 

We are all familair with the Quitting Paradox. We need to support people wherever they are at in their process.

 

Not one puff ever!
 

Gene

 

The Quitting Paradox

From Alan (QuitNet Staff) on 9/9/2004 3:46:25 PM

 

Hi, everyone:

 

I'm Alan, head of QuitNet's Counseling Department. We rarely venture into public forums because the Qmunity works best member to member, but myself, Liane and Christine felt compelled to weigh in on the recent slips & relapses debates.

 

The slips argument is so intense and eternal because members are fighting from two mutually exclusive points of view, both valid.

 

When you're quit, the only philosophy to live by is: Not One Puff Ever. "Just one" can undo all your hard work, and you can never guarantee another recovery.

 

But if you slip, the most important thing is to avoid the Abstinence Violation Effect, the message from the addicted brain (and sometimes from other members) that says, "You already blew it, so you may as well go all the way." The more a quitter believes in AVE, the more likely they are to relapse completely. A slip is not a moral issue. It's most often a result of weaknesses in one's quit-plan, and doesn't have to turn into full relapse.

 

We all need different things for our quits. Most of us gather information and quit-strategy advice from others; we may not know what will work for us until we try and either succeed or fail. Some of us have hormonal/chemical/mental health issues that further complicate things. Meaning it's not that hard to plan incorrectly for our quits, and be caught unprepared in a crisis.

 

We realize that even suggesting slips may be common will be seen as offering an 'excuse to smoke'. Someone with a weak program may even use that rationalization to relapse.

 

But to say that smokers who slip are almost certain to go back to smoking permanently is absolutely unsupported by any data. In fact, study after study proves the opposite:

*nearly every successful quitter has slipped and/or relapsed in the past

*many quitters slipped in their 'final' quit

*the faster one gets back on the beam after a slip the more likely they are to stay quit.

 

To summarize: N.O.P.E. while you're quitting. Most slips begin by entertaining thoughts that you can have one or two. You may not be accountable for that first obsessive smoking thought, but all thoughts and actions that succeed it are your responsibility. Keep your quit #1, and do whatever it takes to not smoke TODAY.

 

If you do slip for any reason, you are NOT necessarily doomed to return to your old smoking ways, unless you believe you are and choose to do so. Resetting your gadget is a personal decision, based mostly on how you feel about it in your heart, and how important a part of your quit-plan days and numbers are. Identify the weakness in your plan, and set a strategy for how you will overcome that situation next time. And go right back to N.O.P.E.

 

If you find yourself slipping repeatedly, you may simply not be ready to quit, but that's YOUR CALL, no one else's. Seek out interactive tools and examine yourself and your smoking. There's no shame in saying, "I'm just not ready to make this a priority right now"; see what you can do to make it more of a priority, and DON'T QUIT QUITTING UNTIL YOU QUIT.

[Doreensfree]

Never give up … giving up

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

 

I think this quitnet gem reminds us that we have to change the way we think about our quits. This is an important part of recovering form nicotine addiction. Smoking cigarettes never had anything to do with helping us overcome any anger, depression, anxiety or stress in our lives.

 

So, lets stop giving it that power and change the way we think about living a smoke free life.

 

Keep the quit.

 

 

Adopt ~ Adapt ~ Improve: Repost
From Hart1800 on 11/17/2005 9:02:20 AM

As quitters, we are going to experience all kinds of unpleasant symptoms. But like a virus, there is nothing that will take them away; they need to run their course. Therefore, we need to develop ways to handle them. I keep reading posts along the lines of, "I'm not going to smoke, but I really want or need a cigarette right now." This is treading on dangerous ground. By saying this, we're giving cigarettes more power. The reason we want this cigarette is because we still believe that smoking is the cure for what ails us - stress, anger, and depression. We need to change this way of thinking: Adopt Adapt and Improve.

ADOPT: “to Accept or Embrace”

Adopt a new way of thinking. Smoking is not an option. When we’re feeling anxious, tense and/or depressed, we need to quit thinking it’s our bodies telling us it wants a cigarette. We need to recognize what it really is: Our bodies telling us its anxious, tense and/or depressed. Our bodies do not need a cigarette, nor have they ever "needed" a cigarette.

ADAPT: “To change or Familiarize”

Now that we recognize what’s really going on with our bodies, we need to adapt new, healthy ways of dealing with how we feel. Change our routines, change our attitude, and familiarize us with the symptoms of quitting. Read, read, and read. Post, post, post. Be prepared. And of course, take a few deep breaths, drink lots of water, and visit our friends at the Q.

IMPROVE: “To Get Better”

I think this speaks for itself. Every day we don't smoke, we are improving our lives.

KTQ ~ Sue

 

Edited September 5 by Genecanuck

[Genecanuck]

**********Leaving the City of Regret -repost**********

 

Good morning,

I found inspiriation in this post years ago when I had slipped. I won't go down this road again.

 

Not one puff ever!

 

*******From AngelLady on 2/10/2001 4:52:20 PM******

I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I found myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it. I'm talking about my
annual "Guilt Trip."

I got tickets to fly there on Wish I Had airlines. It was an extremely short flight. I got my baggage, which I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what might have been. No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport. I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town.

As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting the year's most important event, the Annual Pity Party. I wasn't going to miss that great social occasion. Many of the towns leading citizens would be there.

First, there would be the Done family, you know, Should Have, Would Have and Could Have. Then came the I Had family. You probably know ol' Wish and his clan. Of course, the Opportunities would be present, Missed and Lost. The biggest family would be the Yesterday's. There are far too many of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share.

Then Shattered Dreams would surely make an appearance. And It's Their Fault would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in his life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don't Blame Me and I Couldn't Help It.

Well, to make a long story short, I went to this depressing party knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very depressed. But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent "pity party" could be canceled by ME! I started to truly realize that I did not have to be there. I didn't have to be depressed.

One thing kept going through my mind, I CAN'T CHANGE YESTERDAY, BUT I DO HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE TODAY A WONDERFUL DAY. I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging. Knowing this, I left the City of Regret immediately and left no forwarding address. Am I sorry for mistakes I've made in the past? YES! But there is no physical way to undo them.

So, if you're planning a trip back to the City of Regret, please cancel all your reservations now. Instead, take a trip to a place called, Starting Again. I liked it so much that I have now taken up permanent residence there. My neighbors, the I Forgive Myself and the New Starts are so very helpful. By the way, you don't have to carry around heavy baggage, because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival. GOD BLESS you in finding this great place. If you can find it -- it's in your own heart -- please look me up. I live on I Can Do It Street.