Living with a smoking partner

[DenaliBlues]

You’re doing great @Genecanuck! It does take a while to break those associations. Cravings come… and cravings go. They are not commands, just annoying commercials for junk you don’t wanna buy any more. Good on you for tuning them out and protecting your own precious quit! 

[Genecanuck]

8 hours ago, DenaliBlues said:

You’re doing great @Genecanuck! It does take a while to break those associations. Cravings come… and cravings go. They are not commands, just annoying commercials for junk you don’t wanna buy any more. Good on you for tuning them out and protecting your own precious quit! 

Thank you @DenaliBlues. 

[Genecanuck]

20 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

G…. We are so proud of you , you are fighting your battles … soon you will have won the war 

Great work ….

Remember they are addicted , they have to feed that monster every so often 

You my friend are Free

Thank you @Doreensfree In a way, it did not feel like a battle but rather just  decided not to resist the crave wave and let it go. What popped into my mind is an ism.... "What you resist, will persisit". I decided to not resist or fight the craves and just let them flow! Many thanks for your support. It does mean a lot. 

[DenaliBlues]

[QuittingGirl]

I see you got the ticker Gene, that's great, and now you can watch your progress! 

[Genecanuck]

15 minutes ago, QuittingGirl said:

I see you got the ticker Gene, that's great, and now you can watch your progress! 

Thank you so much for helping me figure out how to set this up @QuittingGirl

[QuittingGirl]

Glad I can help.  Now just keep watching how the days will pass on that ticker!

[Reciprocity]

I remember when I was quitting I finally got to the point one day where I was around some smokers and the thought that I had was one of feeling sorry for them. Sorry for them because they just HAD to have their smoke and I no longer did. What a great moment of Freedom I experienced that day.

 

You know @Genecanuck, quitting smoking is mostly a mind game we have to play with ourselves. We often have to force ourselves to focus on not smoking when around others who smoke because our subconscious makes us think we're missing out on something wonderful whereas the reality is you are missing out on nothing! You are building a new & better life for yourself.

 

Sounds like you're doing great in following the right path here. It's not always easy, especially in the beginning but very well worth it in the long run! When you find yourself in those situations (around other smokers) try forcing your mind to look at what they are doing not as something you're missing out on but take pride in yourself for being able to reject what your addict mind is trying to make you think of the situation.

 

You are progressing to a much better life while they are stuck with being ruled by their addiction! You're the winner in that senario 

[Genecanuck]

15 hours ago, Reciprocity said:

I remember when I was quitting I finally got to the point one day where I was around some smokers and the thought that I had was one of feeling sorry for them. Sorry for them because they just HAD to have their smoke and I no longer did. What a great moment of Freedom I experienced that day.

 

You know @Genecanuck, quitting smoking is mostly a mind game we have to play with ourselves. We often have to force ourselves to focus on not smoking when around others who smoke because our subconscious makes us think we're missing out on something wonderful whereas the reality is you are missing out on nothing! You are building a new & better life for yourself.

 

Sounds like you're doing great in following the right path here. It's not always easy, especially in the beginning but very well worth it in the long run! When you find yourself in those situations (around other smokers) try forcing your mind to look at what they are doing not as something you're missing out on but take pride in yourself for being able to reject what your addict mind is trying to make you think of the situation.

 

You are progressing to a much better life while they are stuck with being ruled by their addiction! You're the winner in that senario 

Thank you @Reciprocity Truth

[Genecanuck]

Feeling normal not smoking with a smoking partner

 

 Yes, thats right, you read that statement correctly. Last night I had a really nice evening with hubby. We had friends over, and yes, hubby and friends went out on the deck for their ususal smoke breaks. And I stayed in the house and kept myself busy reading while they were smoking. And I also felt totally normal and ok with not being with them.  Hubby was even bragging with his friends about how proud he was of my quit. I know this sounds ironic but its true. And hubby also started thinking out loud that maybe he would one day join me and stop smoking. I won't hold my breath. This is my quit.

 

We are going to a wedding this weekend. And I am going to a celebration of life.... both emotionally charged events. 

 

But my plan is to keep the quit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[DenaliBlues]

Yep, parties... a job well done... a beautiful sunset on the back porch... funerals... arguments with one's spouse... BS at work... all can be triggers. But none of them require smoking to enjoy/endure. Good on you for going into the weekend with your eyes wide open and a commitment to not smoking, come what may. Keep the quit!!

 

 

 

[QuittingGirl]

You are doing great Gene!! It's not easy, but as you can see, it's definitely doable.  We have all gone through those trigger moments at one time or another and as Denali says, none of them require smoking to enjoy/endure.   You are doing this and you will continue to do this!!  One day at a time is all it takes and you will see how fast all those days add up!

[Doreensfree]

You have the right attitude G 

Never doubt yourself … Your doing great

[johnny5]

7 hours ago, Genecanuck said:

But my plan is to keep the quit.

 

 

That should always be the plan.  Keep up the great work @Genecanuck

[Genecanuck]

21 hours ago, DenaliBlues said:

Yep, parties... a job well done... a beautiful sunset on the back porch... funerals... arguments with one's spouse... BS at work... all can be triggers. But none of them require smoking to enjoy/endure. Good on you for going into the weekend with your eyes wide open and a commitment to not smoking, come what may. Keep the quit!!

 

 

 

You nailed it @DenaliBlues Nicotine trains the brain to the point that a cigarette becomes an exclamation point for everything that happens in life.... until it takes your life away for good! I am keeping the quit. Many thanks!

 

20 hours ago, QuittingGirl said:

You are doing great Gene!! It's not easy, but as you can see, it's definitely doable.  We have all gone through those trigger moments at one time or another and as Denali says, none of them require smoking to enjoy/endure.   You are doing this and you will continue to do this!!  One day at a time is all it takes and you will see how fast all those days add up!

Yes @QuittingGirl One day at a time. Many thanks

 

19 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

You have the right attitude G 

Never doubt yourself … Your doing great

Thank you @Doreensfree   I remember all those previous lost quits where I just decided to shut down my logical thinking and sucumb to the moment... those moment when I did not care about my quit and just went with that stinking thinking... and smoked. In those moments, I was not thinking about the lie that smoking could do anything to enhance any fun, pleasure or relaxation. Or those moments when I was upset, anxious or feeling pressure. The thruth is that after I smoked, and kept smoking for a brief period, I always felt shitty and then had to come back to reality: THAT SMOKING ADDS NOTHING TO LIFE EXCEPT BECOMING A PATHWAY TO DEATH. I won't doubt myself and I will keep my quit. Thank you Doreen.

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

 

I am starting my day smoke free with my quit in tact. I went to a wedding celebration and there were lots of smokers all around me. I went outside with hubby and he had his nasty smokes. And I chatted with him, but I did not smoke. I was the designated driver, so I did drink during the reception. But I did had a few drinks with hubby's sister when I got back to her place. When my head was buzzing a bit, yes, I did was craving a cigarette. But I just let that feeling flow. I heard that little voice in my head saying, you can have just one. But the bigger voice in my head said, ITS NEVER JUST ONE. The bigger voice in my head also reminded me that I did not want to wake up in the morning coughing out shit and having to start my quit all over again.

 

Today, I am going to a celbration of life. This will be an emotionally charged day for me. My former parter of 25 years passed away in February. We are getting together to spread his ashes on a lake that he loved. So many memories. The grieving process continues. But smoking will not make any of that go away. I am not smoking today because In the midst of grief, I choose life.

 

Just one more step along the road I go!

 

Keep the quit.

 

Edited September 2 by Genecanuck

[Reciprocity]

Sorry for your loss @Genecanuck.

 

You've gone through some challenges this weekend for sure but your attitude toward keeping your quit above all else shows just how committed you are which is a great thing. All these trying experiences we go through successfully while quitting are the things that help strengthen our quit. Getting through those challenging times is an important part of all successful quits.

 

Keep up the great work 

Edited September 2 by Reciprocity

[DenaliBlues]

I'm very sorry for your loss @Genecanuck. You already know that smoking does not bring joy... and likewise cannot heal sorrows. Well done for protecting your quit during all of the ups and downs that you are facing. You've faced some big tests early in your quit, and your success so far is a good indicator that you're truly ready to be free. KTQ! 

[jillar]

I too am sorry for your loss @Genecanuck, you've been given some pretty big triggers to get past so early and should be proud of yourself for keeping that awesome quit. You're doing great!

[QuittingGirl]

So very sorry for your loss @Genecanuck  It most definitely is times like these that can break a quit, and you are doing fantastic not giving into that quit!  You should be very proud of yourself!  Onward to day 15 and before you know it, you will be quit a month.  The time does pass by quickly, and the longer you go without smoking, the less of an urge you will have! 

[Doreensfree]

My sympathy G 

You are fighting for your Quit .
This shows your strength and dedication . 
Well done a well earned Pat on the back

[Gus]

I’m so very sorry for your loss. You have been doing a wonderful job fighting through these triggers you’ve had to endure. Keep fighting. 

[Genecanuck]

21 hours ago, Reciprocity said:

Sorry for your loss @Genecanuck.

 

You've gone through some challenges this weekend for sure but your attitude toward keeping your quit above all else shows just how committed you are which is a great thing. All these trying experiences we go through successfully while quitting are the things that help strengthen our quit. Getting through those challenging times is an important part of all successful quits.

 

Keep up the great work 

Thank you @Reciprocity 

21 hours ago, DenaliBlues said:

I'm very sorry for your loss @Genecanuck. You already know that smoking does not bring joy... and likewise cannot heal sorrows. Well done for protecting your quit during all of the ups and downs that you are facing. You've faced some big tests early in your quit, and your success so far is a good indicator that you're truly ready to be free. KTQ! 

Many thanks @DenaliBlues

18 hours ago, QuittingGirl said:

So very sorry for your loss @Genecanuck  It most definitely is times like these that can break a quit, and you are doing fantastic not giving into that quit!  You should be very proud of yourself!  Onward to day 15 and before you know it, you will be quit a month.  The time does pass by quickly, and the longer you go without smoking, the less of an urge you will have! 

Thank you @QuittingGirl

[Genecanuck]

16 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

My sympathy G 

You are fighting for your Quit .
This shows your strength and dedication . 
Well done a well earned Pat on the back

Many thanks @Doreensfree

9 hours ago, Gus said:

I’m so very sorry for your loss. You have been doing a wonderful job fighting through these triggers you’ve had to endure. Keep fighting. 

Thank you @Gus

20 hours ago, jillar said:

I too am sorry for your loss @Genecanuck, you've been given some pretty big triggers to get past so early and should be proud of yourself for keeping that awesome quit. You're doing great!

Thank you @jillar

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

 

I feel like I am returning to my normal state feeling like a non smoker again. Hubby has been working out of town for the past week and is coming home on Sunday. I had been a nonsmoker for a long time before we started dating. Met him in the midst of grieving my former spouse. He became the new love of my life in the midst of grief. This felt bittersweet. Funny how life works that way sometimes.

 

But the new love of my life was a smoker. I knew that was the one thing I did not like about him but I made a conscious decision to accept him into my life anyways. Unfortunately, what awakened in me was the old triggers of associating smoking with pleasure. I observed him having fun and smoking. Taking breaks and smoking. Dealing with his stressors and smoking. For every event in life, smoking. Smoking for him was a life exclamation point event.

 

And that became a pathway for me to relapse. Yes, those old triggers to want to smoke returned in me. And suddenly,  all the stinking thinking about believing that smoking could enhance pleasure, help with stress and help me relax, all returned. The stinking thinking belief that I had to resist the urge to smoke. On reflection, I realize that I was on the road to relapse long before I had that first cigarette with him. 

 

And once again, I was in fight or flight mode and thinking that I had to FIGHT the urge to smoke. All the psychological triggers to want to smoke had returned.

 

I am almost three weeks into this quit and I am returning to a state of equilibrium. And I am finding that balance again because I am not smoking. When hubby comes home on Sunday,  I will observe him on that smoking treadmill, thinking that he needs to smoke to cope with life events.

 

I can walk with him in life, but I choose not to smoke with him. He may never quit smoking, but that is not about me. Those old psychological triggers to want to smoke when he is around will go away as long as I don't smoke again.

 

I'm keeping the quit.