Living with a smoking partner

[Genecanuck]

On 10/29/2024 at 9:47 AM, jillar said:

 

I remember feeling the same way Gene but then reminded myself that I CAN smoke I just choose not to. 

I choose not to stink of stale smoke, I choose not to throw away my hard earned money, I choose not to ne an addict.

Then if the craving was still strong I would use my air cigarette to trick my mind into thinking it was getting the real thing and that worked EVERY time ☺ 

Thank you @jillar

[Genecanuck]

On 10/29/2024 at 1:47 PM, Doreensfree said:

I remember sitting on my back step , crying smoking my last cigarette , 

My choice was …Quit now or face double feet amputation in the future . 
Thankfully I made the right choice . 
Gene 

My hubby never made that choice and passed away due to Emphysema due to not making the right choice .

Make sure you choose the right one Dear Friend

Thank you @Doreensfree,... so sorry to hear that your hubby did not make it... but happy that you made a life saving choice...  hugs... everytime I hear my hubby cough at night, I think about how smoking is killing him. 

Edited October 31 by Genecanuck

[Genecanuck]

On 10/29/2024 at 11:31 PM, DenaliBlues said:

Temptation lurks in the tall grass, waiting to pounce when we are stressed, angry, sad or otherwise vulnerable. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to fend off a big wave of “longing” to smoke. Those waves come… and then they go. Just let them pass on by. 

 

As addicts, we may always miss our drug of choice. That’s natural for longtime smokers. But it doesn’t need to control us. 

 

I have found that it sometimes helps if I reframe those moments as memories or nostalgia. I know smoking sucks and won’t make me feel better, so I’m not actually craving smoking per se. I’m just having a strong memory… a recollection of smoking, not an actual temptation to smoke again. A subtle distinction, perhaps, but one that I find empowering. 

 

Keep the quit!

 

 

 

Hi @DenaliBlues ... i love this.... reframing smoking craving as memories or nostalgia. Many thanks.

[QuittingGirl]

Hi @Genecanuck, I know you will do this right because you come on here mostly every day, and you are so determined!! I see that.  I just hope you see it as well!!

[Genecanuck]

14 hours ago, QuittingGirl said:

Hi @Genecanuck, I know you will do this right because you come on here mostly every day, and you are so determined!! I see that.  I just hope you see it as well!!

Thanks @QuittingGirl... I have just had so many failed quits that I know I can't take things for granted.  

[QuittingGirl]

20 minutes ago, Genecanuck said:

Thanks @QuittingGirl... I have just had so many failed quits that I know I can't take things for granted.  

 

OK, this time you aren't going to have a failed quit!  Keep telling that to yourself! NO MORE FAILED QUITS!! You can do it Gene, just DON'T SMOKE!!  Not easy, I know, but 100% doable as all of us here are proof. Keep coming on here like you are and you will succeed.  I truly believe this site has helped me not to light up again. We will always be addicts that's why we need to be here.  You are over the two month mark and things will start to get easier at this point, at least for me they did.  I found that the urges weren't as frequent or as strong at that point in my quit.  The longer you stay quit, the urges will get less and less in both frequency and strength.  So hang in there Gene, you are doing great!!!

[Genecanuck]

Thank you @QuittingGirl.... 

Hugs

[Breath-of-Power]

I havent read all the replies but i want to dive in and tell my experience. Twin brother who also smokes. Lots of people I know that smoke. 

 

One time i was 2 weeks quit and venting to a neighbour. This was away from home. As I venting out I see my twin brother coming from affar down the road and that was the end of that quit, to spare the details I smoked right there and then.

 

So, what gives!!

 

There is a lot of psicological thing with me and the fact that I have and share time smoking with my twin.

[Genecanuck]

Hi @Breath-of-Power.... I hear you and can't walk in your skin. I know how difficult it is to live with a smoking partner. BUT... this quit belongs to US and not any significant other or twin brother :):)

 

I had to stop using my partner as an excuse to smoke.

 

How are you doing?

 

 

[Breath-of-Power]

From what Iv3 gleaned reading some stuff, i think that in order to quit smoking I have to pick a strategy, and as much as Id like to be rational or intelectual, as I understand those qualities, I cant use those as a manner to quit smoking. It seems I have to feel my way out of it. Whatever it is. 

 

Id like to say one thing.

 

People fear themselves and dont want to have willpower. What makes me say this? Observations and personal experience. One time i gathered willpower and I remember vividly that when I went to smoke, my body jerked and convulated(?), my willpower felt the tobacco and refused to smoke. That lasted a bit, a bit of not really want to smoke 

[Doreensfree]

Our brains are our worst enemy, 

when I look back at my early quit it wasn’t as hard as my brain made it out to be . 
Ifs an addiction … once my junkie brain accepted this … it made it easier …

 

[Genecanuck]

18 hours ago, Breath-of-Power said:

From what Iv3 gleaned reading some stuff, i think that in order to quit smoking I have to pick a strategy, and as much as Id like to be rational or intelectual, as I understand those qualities, I cant use those as a manner to quit smoking. It seems I have to feel my way out of it. Whatever it is. 

 

Id like to say one thing.

 

People fear themselves and dont want to have willpower. What makes me say this? Observations and personal experience. One time i gathered willpower and I remember vividly that when I went to smoke, my body jerked and convulated(?), my willpower felt the tobacco and refused to smoke. That lasted a bit, a bit of not really want to smoke 

Hi @Breath-of-Power... find a stratagey that works for you and just go for it.  You know you want to quit more than you want to smoke or you would not be coming to this site.  

[QuittingGirl]

On 11/5/2024 at 6:56 AM, Breath-of-Power said:

I havent read all the replies but i want to dive in and tell my experience. Twin brother who also smokes. Lots of people I know that smoke. 

 

One time i was 2 weeks quit and venting to a neighbour. This was away from home. As I venting out I see my twin brother coming from affar down the road and that was the end of that quit, to spare the details I smoked right there and then.

 

So, what gives!!

 

There is a lot of psicological thing with me and the fact that I have and share time smoking with my twin.

 

Hi @Breath-of-Power I totally get where you are coming from.  My 98 year old mother lives downstairs from me and has been a lifelong smoker and I am with her a lot her a lot.  It was difficult in the beginning of my quit to see her smoking in her space. She was even willing to not smoke when I was around, but I told her that she should still smoke because it's her space, and in reality there are going to be people who smoke , but I can't make them quit because this is my journey, not theirs. I actually think that this has made me stronger because I see it and smell it all day long, although I'm so used to the smell that I don't really smell it anymore, but other people who go into her house smell it a lot. Anyway, this quit belongs to YOU, not your brother or anyone else, just YOU!  Is it difficult, absolutely, it will be very difficult, but it will get easier and easier as the time goes on.  The withdrawal symptoms will go from being constant every second to where you don't even think about smoking at all or at least not very often, unless you come on here which makes me think of it...LOL!! The frequency of the urges will also get less and less. The longer you stay quit, the easier it will become thankfully!  This is the 2nd time I quit....the first time I found it easier because I used Chantix and it makes you forget to smoke.  I quit for 6 years but went back because my husband was having a heart procedure and I was very nervous and afraid.  Of course, the smoking didn't make me any less nervous or afraid.  The 2nd time which was May of last year I started with the weaning method working my way down from 3/4-1 pack a day to none.  That was the worst idea, because I was in constant withdrawal all day long.  In addition to having the physical cravings, I was always in a bad mood and on edge, it was just terrible.  About the time that I was down to 2 cigs a day is when I joined Quit Train. I found them after I saw a few other online support groups but they didn't look as active or as good.  Quit Train is the right fit for me!  After I posted my story, everyone said you cannot wean yourself because it will put you in perpetual withdrawal, and ohh were they right. So after about 2 weeks of being on here every day, I decided that I'm done, I'm giving them up, I'm not gonna smoke anymore!   Well, here I am, a year and a half later.  This is definitely my last time because who the H3ll wants to go through withdrawal a third time! , NOT ME!!  But, do I still get an urge?  Uhmm yes, but not the same thing like I got in the beginning.  I'm not climbing the walls anymore, it's more like a passing thought that passes quickly and then it's gone when I am in or WITH certain triggers.  I imagine that in a few more years I won't even get that, I hope.  My advice to you @Breath-of-Power, is make your decision for you, and ONLY you,  and then just go with the flow.  Just don't smoke, that's how all the cravings will end. Just keep doing it every day, day in and day out and you will get to where I am and where all the others on here are. JUST DO IT!! We are all here for you to help you succeed!  

 

Best of luck to you and we hope to see you soon!

 

P.S. Sorry it's so long! 

Edited November 6 by QuittingGirl

[Doreensfree]

Great post QG

[Genecanuck]

Good morning.

 

Parnter continues to smoke outside and I don't join him anymore and this is becoming our new norm.

 

BUT an odd thing happened. He brought home nicotine patches from work. Leftover stock. He did not say he was going to quit smoking but said they were there when he thought he was ready to make an attempt.

 

Maybe he is in some kind of a pre-contemplation mode about quitting because I don't smoke anymore? 

 

I won't focus on that because I am not quitting for him but I really do he also quits smokng one day.

 

 

[QuittingGirl]

50 minutes ago, Genecanuck said:

Good morning.

 

Parnter continues to smoke outside and I don't join him anymore and this is becoming our new norm.

 

BUT an odd thing happened. He brought home nicotine patches from work. Leftover stock. He did not say he was going to quit smoking but said they were there when he thought he was ready to make an attempt.

 

Maybe he is in some kind of a pre-contemplation mode about quitting because I don't smoke anymore? 

 

I won't focus on that because I am not quitting for him but I really do he also quits smokng one day.

 

 

 

Yes, he might be contemplating quitting.  He sees you are doing ok with it, so he might get on the bandwagon as well.  Yeah don't say anything and just see how it goes.  Hopefully he will quit, be patient! 

[Doreensfree]

Gene , He see,s how well your doing ,and may be thinking he has lost his smoking partner , so has done some hard thinking , 

I agree to just let him decide when that time is right . 
Deep down every smoker wishes to be free and regret ever starting 

Keep showing him the way

[QuittingGirl]

16 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

Gene , He see,s how well your doing ,and may be thinking he has lost his smoking partner , so has done some hard thinking , 

I agree to just let him decide when that time is right . 
Deep down every smoker wishes to be free and regret ever starting 

Keep showing him the way

 

Ohhh that's for sure Doreen, we all wished we were free, and and regret smoking when we were smoking! I had a dream last week that I smoked a whole cig and then after I finished it, I was so pissed and upset.  When I woke up that morning I wasn't sure if it was a dream or not, but then, when I saw that I was in bed, I knew it was just a dream! Thank God!!!!  I honestly wasn't sure, if it were a dream or reality! Do you still get dreams where you are smoking after 10 years of being smoke free?

[Doreensfree]

Many folks on here have had a smoking dream , and have been so relieved when reality has set in . 
I never did have one of those dreams , 

maybe deep down in my conscience I knew I couldn’t smoke again due to fear of amputation. 
I can only imagine how pleased and relieved  you were QG your precious quit was safe

[Genecanuck]

Good morning.

 

My partner works out of town a lot so I see him at home every second week. One thing that I've found very annoying is the smell of cigarette smokes on his cloths. I notice it more acutely when he is gone for a week.I start feeling angry inside that I have to be subjected to the nasty smell of cigarette smoke on his cloths.

 

I love him BUT...... 

 

 

[QuittingGirl]

Did you mention this to him?  Have you tried spraying his clothes in the closet with Febreeze?  

[Doreensfree]

It’s amazing G the way our noses come alive when we quit …

Your poor partner is still nose blind 

I agree with the Febreeze… 

That and maybe he can launder his clothes with a nice softener . 
Hope you can sort this out between you both

[Genecanuck]

On 11/21/2024 at 8:01 AM, QuittingGirl said:

Did you mention this to him?  Have you tried spraying his clothes in the closet with Febreeze?  

No, but I will mention it to him  Thanks @QuittingGirl

20 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

It’s amazing G the way our noses come alive when we quit …

Your poor partner is still nose blind 

I agree with the Febreeze… 

That and maybe he can launder his clothes with a nice softener . 
Hope you can sort this out between you both

We will sort it out:) Thanks @Doreensfree