Living with a smoking partner

[QuittingGirl]

You are doing really great Gene!! 

[DenaliBlues]

1 hour ago, Genecanuck said:

He may never quit smoking, but that is not about me.

Roger that!

 

You’re finding your very own freedom - a beautiful thing. KTQ

 

[DFINALJ]

Happy 3 weeks Gene! So proud of you!!!!

[Genecanuck]

12 hours ago, DFINALJ said:

Happy 3 weeks Gene! So proud of you!!!!

Thank you @DFINALJ

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

My hubby works shift work and his weekend this week is Monday and Tuesday. Last night, he was in relaxation mode and of course, for him that involves smoking. I came home from work and was feeling tired. You know what happens when you feel hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Your body screams that it needs self care. I always use to mistake that as a need and a reason to SMOKE.  And that old mistaken belief last night caused some stinking thinking.... screaming that it wanted to smoke. And of course, hubby had lots of those nasty ciggies around. 

 

But this time, I knew what was happening. And I decided not to smoke. As long as I keep recognizing that I have to take care of myself and respond to my needs, I won't make the mistake of believing that SMOKING has anything to do with making me feel better when what I really need is some self care.

 

Keep the quit.

 

 

 

 

Edited September 10 by Genecanuck

[DenaliBlues]

Well done for recognizing your HALT triggers… and for the great work you are doing with breaking your old associations with smoking and tuning in to your root needs. (Rather than nicotine.) Every time you redirect your attention past a craving you contribute to the long term rewiring of your brain. Soon you’ll be celebrating a month of freedom! KTQ!

[johnny5]

Keep up the great work @Genecanuck

[QuittingGirl]

You are doing really great Gene!!

[Doreensfree]

Well done G …I see that first month is close by …upwards and onwards 

Edited September 11 by Doreensfree

[Genecanuck]

Thank you @DenaliBlues @johnny5 @QuittingGirl and @Doreensfree

 

I appreciate your support..

 

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

 

Last night I came home from work, and I felt tired. And partner was rested and relaxed because it was his day off work. We were talking and I eyeballed his pack of cigarettes on the table. My stinking thinking flashed in my head. A momentary flash that said I wish I could have a cigarette with him. 

 

WHY?

 

Because in that moment, I was tired, and I momentarily forgot that the belief that smoking could make me feel better was a MISTAKE.  I know that thought only lasts about three to five minutes and it will go away. In fact, I confronted that stinking thinking in the moment and told my partner that this was the lie I was telling myself.

 

He was supportive and told me that my addiction must be different than others who had quit smoking. Somehow cigarette addition had a tighter hold on me than others and this is why I was struggling. This advice coming from someone who is still in the throws of stinking addicted thinking.

 

I realized that he was just projecting. This was his belief. The truth is that nicotine addiction grabs everyone in the same way. It causes our brain to misfire when we are feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.  If I bought into his belief, I know I would say I might as well give in. If you can't beat them, join  them, right?

 

WRONG stinking thinking. The way to recover from this addiction is not to smoke. 

 

Keep the quit.

 

 

[QuittingGirl]

Exactly!  Just don't smoke! I know it's not easy at times, but as the time goes on, it will get easier.  As I mentioned in one of my previous posts on this thread, my mom is a smoker and I live upstairs from her.  When I go down to visit, there are times she is smoking.  She would put it out for me but I tell her not to.  I can't change the way people are and I think having her smoke makes me stronger.  The smell doesn't really bother me like it bothers some people, I guess because I am so used to it.  The longer you stay quit, the more you will start to not think of smoking all the time.  In the beginning of my quit, every morning I would think about that first cigarette.  Now I rarely ever think about it in the morning and most of the day as well.  This will happen to you too, so just hang in there.  You are doing so well Gene!

[jillar]

I agree, you're doing great Gene ☺ 

 

[Doreensfree]

One day at a time Gene , your fighting the battles 

We are proud of you

[Genecanuck]

@QuittingGirl @jillar @Doreensfree

 

[johnny5]

Keep up the great work @Genecanuck

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

 

Last night, hubby was home and we had a friend over. Our friend did not smoke but hubby was going outside on our balcony to smoke. In the middle of our conversation, I started fixating on the pack of cigarettes that were sitting on the table. I was also fixating on the smell of his clothing, smelling like cigarette smoke.

 

And then it happened again. That flash in the pan thought that I wanted a cigarette. I asked hubby to put his cigarettes away. And that momentary craving for a cigarette went away in a few minutes. 

 

I was just reminded that having a desire to smoke is not a command to smoke.

 

I'm keeping the quit.

 

Regards,

 

Gene

[QuittingGirl]

Great job Gene!!  I have that sometimes with my mom too but it's easier to deal with after a while.  Just keep doing what you are doing and as time goes on, it will get easier and easier for you as well.

[DenaliBlues]

Thats right, cravings are not commands, just loud annoying commercials for s—t we don’t need or wanna buy. Just a loud smelly noisy trash truck rumbling by. We wouldn’t follow a trash truck around, and we don’t need to give into our cravings, either. Let em roll on by!

 

Good for you for sharing your need w/ your husband and then moving on to focus on other things. You’re laying an awesome foundation for a forever quit, Gene!

[Doreensfree]

Well done Gene …

Getting your head in the right space is most of the battle with the monster , 

Your Hubby has to smoke , he’s still in the grips of addiction . 
You broke the chains ,and are getting stronger very day …

Maybe Hubby will join you one day , kept showing  it can be done . 
I think deep down every smoker wishes they were free 

Your doing great

[jillar]

Yay Gene, you're doing AWESOME!  

[Genecanuck]

Good morning.

 

Yesterday, I had a very stressful day at work. I felt lots of pressure. I worked through it and when I got home last night, and settled in to watch tv with parter. And at some point, he went out to smoke on our deck. And then that stinking thinking thought emerged... I could have just one. Or how come he gets to smoke and I can't smoke?

 

Wow. A lot of stinking thinking. Why was I feeling like I was missing anything? Why was I romancing that smoke in the moment? I challenged it in the moment and told myself that smoking was off the table. But... I still have recovery work to do if I think in any instance that smoking has anything to do with relaxing, or dealing with stress or causing any pleasure, satisfaction, fun or relaxation. I simply DO NOT GIVE MY FUTURE SELF ANY PERMISSION to smoke or use the patch to deal with any of  life's normal trials or tribulations. 

 

Thans for listening.

 

Keep your quit.

 

Gene

 

[jillar]

1 hour ago, Genecanuck said:

how come he gets to smoke and I can't smoke?

 

I remember feeling the same way Gene but then reminded myself that I CAN smoke I just choose not to. 

I choose not to stink of stale smoke, I choose not to throw away my hard earned money, I choose not to ne an addict.

Then if the craving was still strong I would use my air cigarette to trick my mind into thinking it was getting the real thing and that worked EVERY time ☺ 

[Doreensfree]

I remember sitting on my back step , crying smoking my last cigarette , 

My choice was …Quit now or face double feet amputation in the future . 
Thankfully I made the right choice . 
Gene 

My hubby never made that choice and passed away due to Emphysema due to not making the right choice .

Make sure you choose the right one Dear Friend

[DenaliBlues]

Temptation lurks in the tall grass, waiting to pounce when we are stressed, angry, sad or otherwise vulnerable. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to fend off a big wave of “longing” to smoke. Those waves come… and then they go. Just let them pass on by. 

 

As addicts, we may always miss our drug of choice. That’s natural for longtime smokers. But it doesn’t need to control us. 

 

I have found that it sometimes helps if I reframe those moments as memories or nostalgia. I know smoking sucks and won’t make me feel better, so I’m not actually craving smoking per se. I’m just having a strong memory… a recollection of smoking, not an actual temptation to smoke again. A subtle distinction, perhaps, but one that I find empowering. 

 

Keep the quit!