Living with a smoking partner

[Genecanuck]

Good morning.

I am a long standing quitter and have been at this for a long time. I'm not proud of this. I have done a great job of overcoming the psycological reasons for smoking and I no longer romance the smoke. BUT I obviously have to work on the stinking thinking that smoking can give me anything: pleasure, satisfaction etc. I live with a partner who smokes and I started smoking with him again occasionally. Oh yes, that stinking thinking that I can have just one or I can smoke for the night with him and stop the next day.

 

We all know how that story ends. I know that if I want to protect this new quit, I can't have one puff ever.

 

I decided that I need to get back to basis and focus on not one puff ever. I am not going to smoke today.

 

 

 

[Genecanuck]

I am interested in hearing from others who have a successful quit while living with a smoking parnter.

 

How are things going for you? What is working for you? How are you maintaining your quit?>

 

Cheers,

 

Gene

[Genecanuck]

Just re-read Nicodemon's Lies.

 

My partner smokes, but I have to be the one to stand up and lead the way. This is my quit, not his.

 

 

 

Edited August 21 by Genecanuck

[DenaliBlues]

Welcome to your Forever Quit @Genecanuck!! You’re wise to get off the slippery slope of an “occasional” smoke. I lost a 7-year quit that way back in the day. Like they say, 1 is too much and 10,000 is never enough. Get off that road to Crazy Town before your nicotine receptors get totally reprogrammed, which happens in a flash…

 

You do you. NOPE = Hope. There are buckets of affirmation and support here to help. 

 

 

Edited August 21 by DenaliBlues

[jillar]

@Genecanuck, I can't imagine how much harder my quit would have been if there was still a smoker here but we've had quite a few success stories. You have to remember and keep telling yourself that you are quitting for you and that you choose to quit. That helps make it a little easier imo. Also ask your spouse to smoke outside and avoid those areas when they are out there or until you feel more comfortable with your quit.

@Stewbum still has a smoking spouse at home I believe so maybe he can give you some clues as well  

[QuittingGirl]

Hi @Genecanuck  I know how difficult it can be to have someone in the house who smokes.  Thankfully when I quit, my husband was already quit several years before me, and when I smoked, I never did it in the house.  But, my mom who lives downstairs from me (we own a 2 family house), she smokes.  In the beginning for me it was not easy because I would see her smoke and smell it and want one.  She tried not to smoke around me but I still would smell it.  Now I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me much anymore.  In fact, I think it might make me stronger.  Does your partner smoke in the house?  If he does, can you ask him to go outside and smoke?  That will be a big help to you.  It's definitely not easy to live with someone who smokes, but it is definitely doable!  You can definitely do this.  If I can, anyone can as I was so addicted to cigarettes!! I won't sugarcoat anything, in the beginning it's very hard.  I was climbing the walls and if it wasn't for these people on this site, I don't think I would have made it.  Keep coming on here venting to us and we can help you get through it!  It's a big commitment but so worth it and you are doing this all for you!  Maybe if your partner sees that you have quit for a while, he just might get on board too! Good luck to you and I hope you stay on board the train!  

[Doreensfree]

 Quitting Girl has given you great advice ..

It is hard , but if your spouse is willing to go outside this is and will be a big help ..

Keep reminding yourself you are doing this for you ….your health is your priority…

Remember you never know which cigarette has that red button 

Stay close to the board …

[WeegieWoman]

Hey I live with a social smoker, and my father in law visits once a week and he smokes.  My husband has never even tried to quit, he only smokes when he is drinking, so once a week at the weekends. I find it very frustrating hes never even tried to quit, but gave up the fight trying to persuade him long ago. All you can do it hold strong, you are quitting for you, noone else can do it but you.  Im a seriel quitter too btw, but had one very long quit prior to this decent length quit right now.  I think in the very beginning I quite liked the smell of the smoke but I tell you what, once you get some time under your belt you will soon be so grossed out by it!!!  I think you just need to be very selfish and self indulgent and just focus on yourself, and your quit and doing things you enjoy, will keep you busy, occupied etc. Im a big NRT advocate, they really take the edge off massively, have you tried patches or gum before? Wishing you all the best and keep us posted

[Genecanuck]

Good morning @DenaliBlues , @jillar , @QuittingGirl , @Doreensfree and @WeegieWoman

 

Thanks so much for your kind words, wisdom and support. What are are saying makes complete sense to me. Yes, this is my quit. My partner does go outside to the deck off our Condo and smokes there. I chose to loose my quit when I followed him out to smoke with him. I am using the patch at the moment but plan to step down from that as soon. I have also given up on expecting him to smoke. He is deep into his addiction. I just have to get off the smoking treadmill for me.

 

Not one puff ever.

 

Many thanks.

 

Gene

[QuittingGirl]

Hi @Genecanuck  I'm glad he goes outside to smoke as that makes it a lot easier.  Yeah you can't take that first puff at all.  If you do, it's all over because one puff will lead to two, three, four, and more!! Just keep doing what you are doing and if you get to the point when you want to take that puff, come on here and vent to us.  There is always someone on here to help!!  I love this group and as I said, if it wasn't for these people, I don't think I would have made it past the first week or two!!

 

Your partner may actually stop smoking after you have been quit for a while, don't think that he won't!  My husband quit about 5 or 6 years before I did, and he actually never thought I would quit either, but here I am over a year later Smoke Free and I had a really deep addiction too!!!   But, right now, just concentrate on YOU!!! 

[Doreensfree]

When hubby goes outside to feed his addiction think positive thoughts , your freeing yourself of this killer addiction , think positive thoughts , who knows your hubby just may follow .

Take it one day at a time … we have your back … just stay close

Edited August 22 by Doreensfree

[Reciprocity]

Stay on the train here and get the very best support you could hope for. It'll make a positive difference!

 

Not only do I not have a smoking spouse but I smoked for many, many years after my wife quit. I always tried my best to smoke away from where she was and she never said a thing to me as to whether my smoking bothered her or not - I suspect it did just based on the fact I stunk of cigarette smoke every time I came near her shortly after indulging my addiction. Like you she was smart enough to know that you can't persuade a smoker to quit until they make that decision themselves. I did quit when it was MY decision. I supose I owe her an apology for all those years I subjected her to MY smally smoking escapades?

 

In any case, hang in with us and accept all the support and knowledge offered within the pages of posts here. It will help you overcome your addiction once again.

Have a look at starting; or ending, every day with the NOPE pledge on "The Daily Nope Pledge" page. It may help to keep you grounded in your commitment to NOPE!

 

Hope to see you around with the rest of us Quitters  

[Genecanuck]

18 hours ago, QuittingGirl said:

Hi @Genecanuck  I'm glad he goes outside to smoke as that makes it a lot easier.  Yeah you can't take that first puff at all.  If you do, it's all over because one puff will lead to two, three, four, and more!! Just keep doing what you are doing and if you get to the point when you want to take that puff, come on here and vent to us.  There is always someone on here to help!!  I love this group and as I said, if it wasn't for these people, I don't think I would have made it past the first week or two!!

 

Your partner may actually stop smoking after you have been quit for a while, don't think that he won't!  My husband quit about 5 or 6 years before I did, and he actually never thought I would quit either, but here I am over a year later Smoke Free and I had a really deep addiction too!!!   But, right now, just concentrate on YOU!!! 

Thank you @QuittingGirl I know all too well that if I have one puff, I will be all in with a pack a day in a few days. I know the power my addicted brain has when gets a shot of nicotine. Right now, its relatively easy for me not to smoke today because my partner is not at home. He is working out of town. But I find myself already thinking about how I will cope when he returns. He does go to smoke outside on our balcony. I am devising a plan in my mind to keep myself busy when he does that. I will also stay close to the new friends I am making here and come and post if I am tempted to smoke with him. I appreciate your support. Gene

[Genecanuck]

15 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

When hubby goes outside to feed his addiction think positive thoughts , your freeing yourself of this killer addiction , think positive thoughts , who knows your hubby just may follow .

Take it one day at a time … we have your back … just stay close

Many thanks @Doreensfree .... I will do that. He will be back home on Sunday. Right now, he is working out of town. There are a few situations ahem ....  that have recently become big triggers to want to smoke with him .... I have to distract myself and remember that this quit is for me., Thanks for having my back!! 

[Genecanuck]

Thank you @Reciprocity

 I will stay in the quit train. Your words give me strength. 

Edited August 23 by Genecanuck

[QuittingGirl]

Just keep coming on here for support and you will get through it.  You will get tons of great advice and there is a Games section to take your mind off of smoking.  Check it out, especially the Chicks and Sticks game!  That one is a real blast, especially since the chickies are always winning...LOL!!!!  What I would do in the beginning of my quit is take a cinnamon stick and make believe I was smoking by sucking the air in from the hole.  It really helped me and it tasted good.  If you don't like cinnamon, you can use cut up straws.  You can definitely do this @Genecanuck

[Genecanuck]

Thanks @QuittingGirl I am honestly not that big of a online games person.  But I will go there and check it out. And I do like cinnamon .... Thanks for your support... much appreciated 

 

[Doreensfree]

Hi G ,

You couldn’t call the chicks and sticks a game as such … it’s just throwing in the odd number , it can be so much fun , specially when the girlies here thrash the boys , it can keep your mind of things for a while

 

[Genecanuck]

Good morning,

 

Well, I  have had some ups and downs emotionally this past week but I am keeping my quit. Tonight, hubby is coming home. He has been working out of town all week. Now I know he will be smoking. He goes out on the deck and does not smoke in the house. Thank goodness! But I have to remind myself today that this is my quit. There is no such thing as just one. We all know that. I know that. One always leads to another.

I am keeping  my quit today.

 

Many thanks everyone for all the support.

 

Gene

 

 

 

[Doreensfree]

No such thing as 1 

Think of all the thousands that will follow , all the dollars thrown Down the drain , till you muster all the strength to quit again , it may be years

[Genecanuck]

Yes, thank you @Doreensfree

 

 

Smoke free for 9 Days

[Genecanuck]

Hello everyone,

 

Well hubby came home yesterday, and we invited another friend over for dinner. Hubby and his friend were both smokers. I had a few drinks and yes, was experiencing a major craving. I really wanted to go out on the balcony with them and smoke. But I chose not to do that and stayed inside and read the news. 

 

There are two craving situations that I dealt with last night. I used to smoke big time when I had a few drinks. Years ago, I learned to be ok with drinking and not smoking, but this took time. I had to live through a few major cravings to break that smoking-drinking association. The second craving I dealt with last night was living through and experiencing not smoking with hubby and his friend during a relaxing and fun social situation. I chose to stay inside while they went out to smoke. 

 

I know that in the past, I have  been able to be ok sitting beside smokers and not smoking. And I know that I will be able to do this again without experiencing a craving for cigarettes. As long as I no longer indulge in smoking, that craving situation will go away.

 

I can't put my head in the sand and expect the world or smokers to go away just because I decided to be a nonsmoker.

 

This is my quit and I am doing this for me. 

 

Keep the quit!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 28 by Genecanuck

[QuittingGirl]

You are doing fantastic @Genecanuck  I know what you mean about when having a few drinks and smoking....it's like they go hand in hand.  In the beginning of my quit that was very hard, for me but somehow got through it and you are getting through it as well.  When your husband and his friend went out to smoking staying inside and reading the news was a very good idea, a very good distraction.  You need to be distracted when these situations arise.  Keep up the fantastic work!!!  You can do it!!

[Genecanuck]

7 minutes ago, QuittingGirl said:

You are doing fantastic @Genecanuck  I know what you mean about when having a few drinks and smoking....it's like they go hand in hand.  In the beginning of my quit that was very hard, for me but somehow got through it and you are getting through it as well.  When your husband and his friend went out to smoking staying inside and reading the news was a very good idea, a very good distraction.  You need to be distracted when these situations arise.  Keep up the fantastic work!!!  You can do it!!

Many thanks @QuittingGirl

[Doreensfree]

G…. We are so proud of you , you are fighting your battles … soon you will have won the war 

Great work ….

Remember they are addicted , they have to feed that monster every so often 

You my friend are Free