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Timing!


Apeezy

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Wow!!! What a see saw of emotions I have been on for the last few days. Well, let's start with Friday. I have been feeling really good about myself for not smoking. So, I decided to go get a haircut. I showed the stylist a picture and said "I want that style, but a little longer". Well, she did the opposite. She kept me turned away from the mirror until she was done. When she finally turned me around.....WHAT A WHACK JOB!!!! My hair looked hideous!!! I paid quickly and walked out. I immediately started crying and crying and crying. Boy does crying trigger a craving so fierce! What a backfire!! I had to do an eye exam and then go straight to work. Thank God!! Because I am almost positive I would have smoked if I was able to just go home!

 

I cried all the way to work. Cried as soon as I walked into work and everytime someone complimented my hair. I wanted to send out an SOS but I couldn't. My phone was almost dead and I wait tables so I just didn't have time or access. Well, I made it through my shift. Even though pretty much everyone I work with smokes. They are all running out for a smoke. The thought that I could go out there and have just one was right there in my mind much of the night. I was strong. I didn't give in. I kept telling myself that I could have a drink as soon as I got home. I stopped by the store on my way home and picked up a big beer. I cry some more on the way home. I am just an emotional wreck!! I get home and change into something comfortable and wash my face. I feel a little better. I pop open my beer and maybe drank half. I felt much better.

 

I had a revelation! I don't need to smoke. A drink can take the edge off when needed.  My smoking dreams went away and all was good. 

 

Well, yesterday something just wasn't quite right. I went to the store and got a pregnancy test. Yes!!! 2 lines people! I am pregnant!!

 

Talk about timing. I quit on my own because I wanted to 3 weeks ago!! I will confess and say that I was unable to quit my first pregnancy and smoked the whole time. I felt like the most selfish Ahole person in the whole world when my daughter was born. I didn't know then what I know now. I didn't have the support and knowledge that is crucial to a successful quit! I will not make that same mistake again!! 

 

Lengthy, but I just needed to put it out there. 

Btw, the first person I thought of was Action. I know you quit for fertility. I wasn't ready for my first one and had just recently come to terms with the fact that I probably wouldn't have another child. Everything happens when it is supposed to. Your time is coming!!

 

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What great news Apeezy!! Good job staying strong through the hard stuff! And I'm sure that your hair is lovely.

 

And congratulations on your wonderful, wonderful news! :d

 

Oh, and hugs (((Apeezy))), you are a sweetheart ;)

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Congratulations on your pregnancy, great news and really well done on not smoking, doesn't it feel great getting through the craving, makes you wanna celebrate when you do lol

Sorry the hairdresser made a balls of your hair but it can't be that bad if people were complimenting it x

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