Tough day out of Nowhere..

[Stewbum]

I have been doing so well, the thoughts and cravings have become surprisingly easy and a fairly rare occurrence on a day to day basis. I knew that something was going to disturb my "seemingly" easy pace and put pressure on my humble thoughts.

 

 I own an Aluminum boat building, specialized equipment design and fabrication business of 45 years. Well today it started in early morning when I decided to go out on the floor and help out with some welding. I put on my common garb that consists of a sweatshirt and a Carhart heavy vest, picked up a welder, it only took me about an hour of very easy " what we call gravy welding"!

From the start i was having cravings and blaming the process of the work, the smoke from the welder, crap they were brutal. I would pick up my helmet and just say man I want a cigarette!!!

Well after this I got a call and went to a project in the field. I grabbed the shop truck and took off.... all the way for 3 hours there and back fairly constant cravings putting on the pressure. I ate a whole bag of sugar free Jolly Ranchers!  What the hell is wrong....

Well I figured out how to solve the problem.... no not pick up a nasty stick and smoke it! 

 

For months in my office, I have been involved in drafting a new hull design and the equipment to go with it. Fairly complicated all electric vessel 70' long by 24' wide. This has been since before my quit, I haven't worn my welding gear for probably 6-8 months,,.. (yea your getting it aren't ya). Yep even though the gear didn't smell horrible it did have a faint odor of cigarettes, didn't really even notice. This is not a regular jacket it just hangs with the welding gear that maybe gets washed 3 time's a year.

So then I jumped in the shop truck (that I used to smoke in), again not horrible with cig smell but it is there, old habits and surroundings, just didn't put 2 and 2 together!! Got seriously pissed off that that nicodemon was so frickin hard on me and wtf was this brutal day. There were lots of little, almost subconscious reminders that I would like a smoke.!!!

 

Well when my son said at the end of the day how could I handle driving the shop truck because it still smells like cigs......... Me be a dummy!!!!!

 

Yep I had the constant smell picking at my mind and the nicoman addiction talking crap.

Funny because if I am around someone that's smoking it has no effect, but this constant little unexpected faint odor, that was mine from the past really put a powerful almost overwhelming charge in my addiction... 

Wow. Tough day but >>>-------------------------> I win.

 

 Cheer's and Be Happy.

 

 

Edited October 26, 2023 by Stewbum

[jillar]

Good job @Stewbum on getting past multiple triggers, now maybe think about getting those clothes and truck cleaned? Or reward yourself with new gear? And what the hell, get yourself a new truck too! 

[Doreensfree]

Aww Stewpot

You have been tested today ..

Your still early in your quit ,so of course you still get reminded of old days gone by 

See if you can clean the equipment you use ..

On a brighter thought ..

You didnt smoke ..you won that battle ..look at the positives

You got through the day ,with your beautiful Quit intacked ..

Niw go throw in a number or two !!

Edited October 26, 2023 by Doreensfree

[intoxicated yoda]

good job @Stewbumi've been quit for a little over 2 years now and I still have days where I could.  It's easier to just don't than it used to be but i imagine those days will always pop up here and there.  Another chicks/sticks victory will put that trigger to rest for good, though.  

[Gus]

[DenaliBlues]

Sorry you had that bad day. But I love this story, of coming into awareness of something that felt like a visceral tug, of not surrendering your power to it. Yeah, some days it does seem like triggers are everywhere I look, too. But each time we stay free it makes us even stronger. Pffft on triggers. NOPE!

[Brioski]

That’s some MAJOR pat-on-the-back, strong, and amazing shit right there. Reward yourself for coming out of that on the better side

[jillar]

Nice Halloween pic @Brioski!  

[Reciprocity]

There's a couple things at play here I think.

1. You did some welding that you haven't done for awhile, possibly since you used to smoke? That would for sure bring on those cravings.

2. You just reached your 3 month smoke free milestone and I have often heard people say ... "Beware the 3's"! 3 Days, 3 Weeks & 3 Months. Weird shit tends to happen at these points.

3 months and you're no longer a new quitter but you're not completely there yet as a non-smoker; still some work to do. Because you no longer have daily challenges you may tend to let down your mental guard a bit. Use this experience to remind yourself to be on guard always for those sneaky, out of nowhere assaults by the nicodemon. You done good today by realizing what was actually happening! You stood tall and refused to be seduced back to having a smoke. Keep this experience in mind for future when you get bush-whacked out of nowhere and you'll be fine!

[Stewbum]

2 hours ago, DenaliBlues said:

Sorry you had that bad day. But I love this story, of coming into awareness of something that felt like a visceral tug, of not surrendering your power to it. Yeah, some days it does seem like triggers are everywhere I look, too. But each time we stay free it makes us even stronger. Pffft on triggers. NOPE!

DB. Visceral tug... perfect term for those bewildering moments of confusion throughout the day. The term fits in other aspects of my life, visceral relating to the viscera a term my cardiologist uses directing to the internal organs, of which my 50 years of abuse has sadly damaged. Luckily my body still has the ability to mend.

Thank you for your comments they are taken to HEART!

 

But on the lighter side as each day passes and we can (as my father said) sit up and sip soup, hopefully realizing that we are here, we have started this journey to better ourselves and how lucky we are that we still can.

Cheers.

Stew.