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WHOLLY SHIT !!

Stewbum

By Stewbum
in The S.O.S. Board

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Stewbum Grand Master

Stewbum

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Wholly shit that was close!!  I checked myself into the ER to have heart test's done of which I failed all. They did an emergency procedure to install another stent.

The cardiologist's comment was the artery was at least 95% blocked and another heart attack was imminent. Close call. 

So 1 day out of the hospital my wife decides to let her alcoholism sneak into the day, stress out of site along with blood pressure and risking additional problems I stayed at my (phycologist) daughter's place. Came home yesterday and another argument ensued. Tried to go to my cabin but this proved to be too much activity. Came home and locked myself in the shop with my motorhome.

So my wife still smokes in area's around the house. At about midnight with no real sleep for now a couple days I took a walk around the yard and found an area where her one puff butts were. Shit I guarantee if I had a lighter on me or in sight, I may have lit one up!!!

I actually got back in the shop and was half looking for a lighter, I felt something needed to give then went in the Motorhome and sat flipped on the tv and the urge subsided....

This is the very condition's how I lost my last quit.

I am ok today and back in my right mind, but the conditions and the addiction were so very strong. I know that time under the belt is key and how far I've come is more than I want to lose along with the heart and life itself being threatened by cigarettes but WHOLLY SHIT that sneaky addiction sombitch.

Yes, this morning I went out and threw her butts in a bucket of water sifted the water and dumped the little bucket and everything in the garbage. 

Moral of the story may be to NEVER believe you are too strong and that you have total control, because the second you let your guard down and start junk thinking is the second the addiction could sneak back into your life. Remember it only takes one!!!

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Stewbum Grand Master

Stewbum

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Jillar thank you to the bestest bunny.

Yea a 45 year relationship along with a 38 year marriage and 2 children. Pretty much it's a 10-12 year challenge chasing the past wonderful life and trying to help her disease.

Problem over the last years has been keeping secure my children's inheritance. But death from stress is a worse prospect. 

Ya know looking back when you and Stew the Basket Case first talked (September 8th 2016), as you know this issue was there then.

Einstein said the explanation of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well that's a good definition for what i do. I could apply this to the smoking addiction for myself and my previous quits and also trying to chase the past with my wife's addictions.

It is always going to be the person themselves that needs the convictions to quit any addiction. Input from others is a benefit but the root has to start within.

 

 

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Reciprocity Grand Master

Reciprocity

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Glad to hear you avoided caving to the crave. 

 

Unexpected upsets are always a very dangerous thing when they occur early in our quit process because our mind automatically goes to "Gotta have a smoke!!" 

 

Of course we all know that having that smoke under those circumstances only destroys your quit and does nothing to help what ever it is that's going off the rails in real life. Smoking is never the answer. 

 

The good news is that once you've been through something like this and managed to get through without smoking, you'll not be in such a panic next time something happens. Getting through situations like this truly make your quit stronger - Good Job Stew!

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Doreensfree Grand Master

Doreensfree

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Aww Stew..sorry about your health scare ..wishing you spedy recovery 

You are dealing with alot my friend 

So pleased you have kept your quit.

This is the one thing you in charge  of .Your wife has to find her way .

You won that battle ..im proud of you  x

.

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robin0212 Community Regular

robin0212

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@Stewbum , sorry to hear about your health and nightmare night. You  should be so proud of yourself you did not smoke after all that stress and the urge being as strong as you describe! Each time we pass the test it gets a little easier? (I hope!) I agree with you, we can't allow any wiggle room for complacency to settle in. Celebration well deserved for pushing through this.

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DenaliBlues Grand Master

DenaliBlues

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Hi, @Stewbum. Gosh, you have been through the grinder! I am so sorry for the trauma you are going through. Well done on defending your quit… anger and feelings of helplessness are big triggers, but your commitment is up to the task! 

 

I’m sorry to learn that your wife suffers. Alcoholism is a disease that takes a terrible toll on spouses and loved ones, as well as the addicts, themselves. So much chaos. But “first things first”… keep your quit and help yourself heal from your cardiac procedure.

 

Hang in there!

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