I Just Want to Say Hello

[stzr500]

Hello Everyone !!! It has been quite some time since I posted in here that I just wanted to let everyone know that I didn't forget this place and how it was my sanctuary for quite some time. I am so glad to see the forum is still up. I started when I believe it was Quit smoking or something like that. I am still holding strong on my mind thought on seeing how long I can go without nicotine and smoking. I didn't use the word quit when I put my pack down and away. Quitting sounded so final, the human mind doesn't like things that it enjoyed to be final. So I just convinced myself I am going to see how long I can go without smoking. I have a craving once maybe twice a year if that, to be honest I really don't think about it. Maybe that's why I haven't checked in for some time now. My only advice and I am being serious on this, you have to go through sheer hell and torcher to become stronger and not to look back. I am not lying when I say it was the hardest thing I ever attacked and came out on top so far. The one problem is once you let your guard down just a bit evil temptation comes knocking. The thing is though you get so use to keeping your guard up that it becomes a natural thing everyday. Meaning you have children, a pet, or even a parent, you are going to protect them at all costs sometimes. The problem I believe is we don't or at least I didn't care about myself in that manner. I have things to be thankful for, I am 57 smoked daily since I was 18. I will not get into the medical end of things because we all know the risks by now, that is why we are here. The only true advise I can give anyone and I will take it to my grave is, Believe in Yourself !! Three simple words you can have all your 12 step process and all that other stuff that addictions create. At the end of the day it comes down to you. I see and read, I don't have the strength, I Can't do this, I feel so horrible, ect, ect. You need to turn that negativity into positivity. Probably saying, sure easy for you to say..The F-CK it was !! I took the walk and I am still on the path but the path becomes much more open and clearer as time goes by. Yes it get's blocked every now and then but you find your way to clear it. Seriously nicotine is out of your system in a week, think about that 1 week yes just 1. Then the real battle begins and you dam well better be ready because it can become relentless at times. I will not sugar coat anything nor lie about anything I have been through. My nicotine addiction was my best friend and companion. Saw me through so much in my life was with me ever step of the way. Hey buddy that was good, let's light one up or OMG I can't believe that happened, I really need my buddy now to calm me down. Yeah light me up. Then a light went on in my head before it was to late and I realized these dam things may or may not kill me but spinning a revolver may or may not kill me either but the more spins I choose the less my odds become of survival. I really don't and still don't give a crap about society and how smoking is frowned upon. We have much bigger issues to worry about. Your social standard to me is you can kiss my ___. I respected that you didn't smoke and smoked only where I could, I get that but don't throw your non sense of how gross smoking is and how you should take care of yourself bla bla bla. Mind your own business and don't judge me, you are not my creator or my superior. Some should take a hard look at themselves.  Nicotine use is a personal choice that you chose at one time to try or to be cool, there again society placing it's evil grip on you. Anyway as I was saying, it became a habit and a companion as nicotine took control over you and me. Simply put, it did. Now it's your turn to demand your life back and teach yourself how to handle stress,death, birth, marriage, divorce and everything you and your nicotine buddy did together. Now a new victim comes along and doesn't want their bestie around anymore because you really are that best friend my parents or other friends warned me about and to stay away from. Guess what, to late I didn't listen. So one day you decide enough is enough already it's time to part ways. The problem is that bestie just won't stay away, keeps knocking at the door all the time. Keeps following you every where you go for a week or so and then when you think it's not following you it starts to play the manipulation gig. You need me, you can't live without me, what did I ever do to you, I always made you feel better..the list goes on and on. That's the mind set I had to lose. I am not saying everyone is the same but that's where it was for me. Reprogramming the mind is hard, but not impossible nor will it kill you. Medicine along the way to help you, why not ? Nicotine is a drug that messed you up in the first place. Just one foot note, I did have withdraw when I stopped nicotine. Headaches, nausea, shakes, little night sweats, emotional up and downs, coughing, but the biggie was the Anxiety. That was the kicker and that is where the positive mind set plays such a key role. I can remember one day I had such a panic attack that I thought I was going to pass out or die. First of all you won't die from a panic attack, that is for sure. Passing out I didn't but I though if I did that would be great because then I wouldn't have to deal with this shit for a moment. I never did pass out and the panic attacks I can't remember the last time I had one. Everyone is different though. I am just giving you my time frame, anxiety was the longest to stick around. I may still have it, I just learned how to control it. Thing about anxiety that I learned and was helped with is that, anxiety is a natural emotion. Check this out, which I never realized until my doc pointed it out to me on one of my physicals. Anxiety is a natural emotion like anger, happy, sad the emotions we all are aware of. The problem with anxiety is that it's a fight or flight sensation that we have suppressed in the modern day society. We as humans at least most of us (lol) have become civilized where we feel protected and secure. That being said over time we put the anxiety emotion tucked away because we developed ways to make ourselves comfortable. We have a military that protects us, tv's and sports that entertain us and so on. We forgot about the fight or flight like a wild animal still has. My brother Scot (yes one "t") is a pharmacist and he told me anxiety medicine is top 5 seller along with heart and cholesterol medicine. I refused to take medicine for my anxiety because it was an emotion as bad as it feels at times, I needed to keep myself in check. Over time I have learned to manage it and keep at bay. I am by no means telling anyone else how to deal with it but anxiety and depression are your top major causes for addictions. Now I could go on and on but I am running out of steam. I just want to say, you can do this, you got it and God Speed be with you !! Believe in yourself.

 

[Gus]

Thanks @stzr500! I just love it when the veterans with so much time spent without nicotine in their systems drop in with an update. It gives us all so much hope. I remember reading some of your comments while I was doing some deep diving on this board  during my initial quit and because of that I can give you credit for the assist in my own quit. I’m glad that you dropped in. For myself but especially for those who are just beginning their journeys. Take care!

[jillar]

Great post @stzr500 and great to "see" you  

[Breath-of-Power]

great post!

[Doreensfree]

Hi ...Great to see you ..

I remember you well..

Congratulations on a great Quit ..

Thank you for the great post ,im sure it will help our newbies!!