Hovering? Relapsing? Wondering if You Can Truly Quit?

[Kate18]

I started at the QSMB. (Which acronym I've forgotten what it stands for.)

 

I quit and relapsed so many times on QSMB -- and each time I was honest, 'fessing up -- and one prominent member snark-ily told me that maybe I shouldn't be there. (May her name be obscured in history.)

 

My spirit was crushed. Of course, she was right. I shouldn't be there.  My bipolar depression was triggered full-on.  I shouldn't be on a site where people are trying to quit and I try, but don't stick with my pledges. I felt that I was a blight and a negative influence on other people trying to quit. I'd never be able to quit forever.

 

I almost deleted my profile and disappeared forever....but I think that it was our dear @Doreensfree who stepped in and said, "no, you should be here."

 

And so I came back and stuck it out. I knew from setting goals in business that I must find a strong enough "WHY?'  Just loving my children wasn't enough (how terrible does that feel?!)

 

Then Covid starting trekking across China, and I knew it was coming here. I "knew" that I'd get it and, if I were still smoking, I'd get pneumonia and die. I worked in an infectious disease (ID) clinic and everyone in the ID community knew it was only a matter of time before we had another pandemic of some sort. I was sure that this was "The Big One."

 

That was my "why." I stopped on February 22nd (or maybe the 21st). The following week, the first case in the USA was discovered and diagnosed about 15 miles north of me at a skilled nursing facility. I felt vindicated in my belief that this was "The Big One," and felt confident that I could stay quit.

 

There were a few "Help," moments, when I'd post on the forum, but I stuck with it.

 

What is your WHY? If you are hovering like a ghost, not posting, wondering if you can quit, wondering if you should disappear from the forum if you've relapsed ... stick with it. NEVER stop trying to quit. ALWAYS keep your nonsmoking-future self in mind. FEEL PROUD of quitting, even if you're not there quite yet. 

 

I believe in you, even though we've never met. No one has relapsed after a pledge to quit more times than I have. (Probably)

 

Quit today. Maybe today is the last time you'll pick up a cigarette. Evoke the lion spirit in your soul.

 

Team Fearless - Fearless Motivation. I listen to these men (sometimes there are women, but I like the men's voices) for at least an hour a day, during my commutes to and from work.  I don't know where I'd be without Doreen's support and the messages from Team Fearless.

 

 

 

 

Edited June 28, 2023 by Kate18

[Gus]

Wonderful post Kate. It will help so many. I am thankful that no one ever made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to quit. That I was doing it wrong. I only ever received the greatest support from you and so many others. I want to name everyone, but scared to death that I would leave someone out. My fellow “Draggin’ Slayers” are the best co-quitters I could have had though!  

[DenaliBlues]

What an important story, @Kate18! The message of “all are welcome here” definitely hits home. For so long my ambivalence about quitting was a huge obstacle, like my quit was not “legit” if I had so many doubts. But you and all the other good people here helped me understand that mixed feelings were part of the process, part of addiction, and that I could succeed at quitting anyway. Being accepted and supported was crucial. Much gratitude!!