Hello There!

[robin0212]

Hi everyone! I am new to the forum today. I am 4 days free after a 14 month relapse following a 2 year+ quit. I started smoking more than 30 years ago. I had been feeling tired, needing to take deep breaths at times, finding it difficult to get through a typical workout. Monday I decided that's it. I need to be done with this. I had more than 2 years of blissful freedom and I caved.  A family issue presented itself, I was so stressed. I felt like such a failure, such an addict buying that pack.

I've been really tearful and angry and bored and tired. Like I don't want to do anything. It feels like I'm giving up my best friend. Does anyone else feel that way? The grief is so real.  The first time I quit Allen Carr's book really helped me. I'm going to read it again. Have any of you read his book? What do you think of it? 

[jillar]

Welcome aboard @robin0212, sorry to hear you relapsed. Just goes to show how insidious this addiction is to suck us back in at our most vulnerable moments. The important thing is you're back to quitting. And our gang of quitters are just the support you need to see you through these tough times.

In answer to your questions, lots of us feel like we're giving up our best friend and go through the grieving process, I did. I was mad that others got to smoke and I had to quit because my breathing was so bad. But it was my support that made me realize that they didn't GET to smoke, they HAD to smoke. BIG difference!

We've also got a lot of members who read Alan Carr and swear by it. I was already quit for three weeks when I found my first forum so I didn't read it but I'm told its worth the read.

We've also got a ton of information about our addiction as well as a video forum if that's more your thing so give yourself a good look around and again welcome aboard

[robin0212]

Thank you for the warm welcome@jillar! Will definitely look around.  The breathing is scaring me the most now. 

[jillar]

I hear you @robin0212, it's why I quit too. If you find your breathing getting a little worse initially while your lungs are working on cleaning out that crap from smoking you may want to ask your Dr for a rescue inhaler. 

[robin0212]

Hmm..I never thought of an inhaler, thanks! First quit I had pneumonia three weeks. Was like bedridden! Hoping not this time

[Doreensfree]

Welcome aboard Robin...

Sorry you gave up a great quit,but glad your here .

I am one if those peeps who read 

Allen Car...

It sure opened my eyes ..I never considered i was a addict.

I thought i was a lady who liked to smoke ..who earned a bit of pleasure 

Burued my head in the sand for 52

years.

Go back to basics ,we have tons of great reading imfo..video,s..

Lets get you a sticky Quit  

Edited June 2, 2023 by Doreensfree

[Brioski]

Hi Robin! Congrats on four days! That’s a big deal, any amount of time not smoking is a big deal. I’m a newbie too, and also quit bc of breathing problems. My oxygen would go low, and I would go to the hospital bc it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I knew I had to quit too even though I felt like I wasn’t ready. I also felt like Jillar that others “got to smoke” but for lengths of time, like Im 38, I only got to smoke for 20 yrs (lol wackadoodle). But I also had some breathing and oxygen issues when I first quit…it came and went for abt a month and now I’m totally good w breathing. I also read Allen Carr for years (lol yes literally years) and while it’s great info, it wasn’t a “magic pill” that made me instantly want to quit. It has helped others here though!  I also totally felt what you described too the grief, losing a best friend, I would cry sobbing guttural sobs and also get so so angry, had some depression which I never felt before where I couldn’t even leave my couch. 
It does totally get better…and I’m still a newbie at 3 months.  Best of luck to you gf you’re doing awesome

[DenaliBlues]

Welcome, Robin! So glad you found us. This is definitely the right place to come to get insights and support.

 

I love what you shared in your post about feelings of grief, boredom and anger. Those are all valid and natural feelings to have. I think coming to terms with them is an important part of building a quit that sticks. So kudos to you for acknowledging those experiences.

 

I, too, lost a long quit (7 years). My story at the time was that my father in law had died and that I smoked because of the stress. But looking back on it now, I think it more accurate to say that I lost that quit because I never came to terms with being an addict. I thought I could smoke just one smoke, or just one pack… just at the funeral… just on special occasions. I was wrong. I was back to a pack a day in a flash. 
 

When I quit again last Feb, I felt the grief and loss you describe. It was wrenching to lose my one pleasure… my friend… my solace and part of my identity, having been a smoker for 40+ years. I had terrible grief about quitting, and also struggled to cope with other feelings I had tried to suppress or keep at bay thru smoking. It was not pretty!

 

A good part of that despair is a distortion. It is the addiction trying to regain control. Fight back with these truths: true “friends” don’t imprison us and hold us in chemical bondage. They don’t feed us poison in the guise of comfort. True friends don’t fill our heads with falsehoods and shame while slowly killing us. Lean on some new friends here on the Train, instead!
 

You are doing such a powerful thing by quitting, Robin. Those feelings of loss and “something being missing” do ease. After a while, your brain chemistry and emotions recalibrate. Life starts to get better. You begin to enjoy other things. Freedom normalizes and recovery (physical and emotional) starts to take root.

 

In the meantime, hold tight to your beautiful new quit. It needs you to cherish, nourish and protect it. Stand up for it. Soothe and distract yourself as best you can. Stay busy and read everything you can on this forum. Ask questions. Knowledge is power.

 

And keep us posted on how you are doing… We want to know, and we want to help!

[QuittingGirl]

12 hours ago, robin0212 said:

Hi everyone! I am new to the forum today. I am 4 days free after a 14 month relapse following a 2 year+ quit. I started smoking more than 30 years ago. I had been feeling tired, needing to take deep breaths at times, finding it difficult to get through a typical workout. Monday I decided that's it. I need to be done with this. I had more than 2 years of blissful freedom and I caved.  A family issue presented itself, I was so stressed. I felt like such a failure, such an addict buying that pack.

I've been really tearful and angry and bored and tired. Like I don't want to do anything. It feels like I'm giving up my best friend. Does anyone else feel that way? The grief is so real.  The first time I quit Allen Carr's book really helped me. I'm going to read it again. Have any of you read his book? What do you think of it? 

 

Hi Robin,

 

Welcome!  I am new here as well.  I have been smoke free for over 10 days now and my story is similar to yours as this is my 2nd time quitting.  The first time I quit for 6 years using Chantix and then unfortunately went back.  I also had a family issue and couldn't handle the stress so I went back to smoking.  But, at least we decided to quit this time.  This time I did the weaning method.  After I had that last cigarette I felt the same way like you, like I was giving up my best friend!  Same exact thing, but it does get better as my cravings are much less this week than they were last week when I had a couple of meltdowns.  The people on this forum are great!  They are so understanding, sympathetic and helpful.  So stick around and read a lot of the information and whenever you feel the need to vent, we are all here to help you! 

[robin0212]

@Sandi149

I guess we just can't look back. I feel like looking back makes me feel so guilty and then I want to smoke the guilt away! Sometimes it feels like such a natural wave rolls over me "time for  cigarette. I need it now" and then it passes. So weird. 

[jillar]

Totally normal @robin0212, we have a LOT of triggers to get past from all the years of smoking....

[DenaliBlues]

Yeah, the urge to smoke IS really weird! The “time to smoke” thing is deeply programmed into us physically and psychologically.

 

At first it felt like a hard shove. I had to literally shake my head, arms and legs to fight it off for the first couple of weeks. Thank heavens I work remotely so I could do that with privacy, though it did scare the heck outa the cats LOL! Then the shove became a weaker tug. Then a more wimpy kind of wave. 
 

I understand the guilt and regret. But I think you are smart to focus on today. You are doing a brave and beautiful thing to quit now. Gather your strength around that and take pride in your new resolve!

[QuittingGirl]

45 minutes ago, robin0212 said:

@Sandi149

I guess we just can't look back. I feel like looking back makes me feel so guilty and then I want to smoke the guilt away! Sometimes it feels like such a natural wave rolls over me "time for  cigarette. I need it now" and then it passes. So weird. 

 

Yup, it's totally normal.  All the emotions and cravings you are feeling are normal.  All part of the quit process, but like I said in my previous post, it does get better as time goes on.  I believe each day will get easier.  Last week I was keeping cinnamon sticks or plastic straws in my mouth and it helped me.  You might want to try that when you get the cravings.  Hang in there and best of luck!  You can do it!! 

[robin0212]

@DenaliBlues

I did jumping jacks last night so I can relate!

 

@Sandi149

I will try that!

[QuittingGirl]

I am still struggling Robin!  It's so difficult, as you know! I try my best but it's not easy at all!  I think one day it will be, but you and I are newbies....so my suggestion is just  be on this site every day!  That is what I do, and if you need to post that you are struggling, just post it!!!  I may post something tonight, I have see how I feel.  Just post here, nobody will judge you, everyone will understand you!!! 

[robin0212]

I'm sure I will be posting often! Thanks everyone for all the support!

[robin0212]

@Sandi149

I was just bouncing around the forum and saw what may have been your first post? Congratulations on giving up those last couple of cigs a day!! Amazing work! If you can go 10 days you got this!  I think for me  I need to focus on keeping myself busy. And not eat every 5 min!

[jillar]

Here's something to keep you busy, create a ticker for your signature  

You'll get to watch the time, money saved and cigarettes NOT smoked add up, it's VERY encouraging to see those numbers get bigger and bigger. Most of us have them  

https://www.quittrain.com/tickers/

[overcome]

A big congrats to you @robin0212 what you are doing is freaking amazing, you are no longer a slave to nicotine and never have to go back. 

This is a nasty addiction far worse than I ever thought, still cannot believe how much of a life sucking addiction it is. 

 

I agree with @jillar and @Doreensfree on reading Allen Carrs book - The Easy Way - I started reading it a few days into my quit and it really helped me make sense out of what I was going though. Hang in there you are worth the fight. 

[QuittingGirl]

3 hours ago, robin0212 said:

@Sandi149

I was just bouncing around the forum and saw what may have been your first post? Congratulations on giving up those last couple of cigs a day!! Amazing work! If you can go 10 days you got this!  I think for me  I need to focus on keeping myself busy. And not eat every 5 min!

Thank you, but believe me Robin, it's not easy for me at all.  I still get cravings even after 10 days, it's just not as bad as the first few days.  I am always hungry and I'm trying to lose weight because I am a prediabetic, so I have lots of negative things going for me.  It's so difficult for sure!! Yes, keeping busy is key!  I'm retired but I still have my husband and 30 year old son that lives with me, and they keep me busy for sure...sometimes way too busy!!  If I can give you just one piece of advice, is to take one day at a time, or even a couple hours at a time, or 1 hour at a time!  I don't look beyond tomorrow, I just take it slow and every day is a day in the right direction.  I know it's so hard, one of the hardest things that we all have done, but in the end it's worth it and it won't be hard anymore.  Since I have quit before and you have as well, we both know that eventually all the urges and difficulties will be gone.  But, since we fell off the train, it got hard again.  So, Robin, let's just take this slow, and every day that we make it without smoking, is a total accomplishment!!!  You can do it and so can I!!! 

[robin0212]

@overcome

Thank you! I'm going to read tonight. I'm also looking forward to waking up in the morning without anxiety attacks.  What an awful feeling.

This is a great group.

[robin0212]

@Sandi149

I hear you! I could eat all day! We have to stay distracted and agree one minute at a time.  

[Doreensfree]

Understanding and Patience...

Understanding this horrible killer addiction ,in what keeps us hooked

Once we know what we are fighting it becomes a little easier.. 

Patience ..we have to undo decades of feeding many brain altering chemicals ..

From the minute you put down that last cigerette ,you are a none smoker..

Feel Proud and excited,a new life is waiting ..

Life is so much better without that 

Feeling of where and when is my next fix .. 

[overcome]

On 6/2/2023 at 6:53 PM, robin0212 said:

@overcome

Thank you! I'm going to read tonight. I'm also looking forward to waking up in the morning without anxiety attacks.  What an awful feeling.

This is a great group.

 

How are you doing @robin0212 ? 

[robin0212]

Caved!!! Couple a day since Thursday. Ugh. I wish I could be that couple of day person forever.