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[Reciprocity]

You'll soon get to the place where you'll pity people who smoke. I remember that happened to me when I went to Vegas about 7 months after I quit. Oh WOW! People smoking all over the place ... even in the pools there! That did it for me. That experience really drove home that smoking was both a compulsive addiction and an individual's choice. I remember thinking at the time; boy oh boy, these people have to smoke. I no longer do  

 

Ever since that moment, I've only felt pity for people I see smoking. That now sometimes turns to anger if their smoking/vaping impacts my personal space. 

[Brioski]

Thank you all for your supportive words last week…as always   
I am having a very hard morning, one of my former students passed tragically yesterday…he was 7. I had him in kindergarten and first grade.  I’m just in shock. This morning I got up and was frantically patting counters, trying to find my pack. It was weird, still is weird. All I want to do is smoke but I know that won’t do anything.  I can’t imagine what his parents and sister is feeling.  So sad. 

[QuittingGirl]

1 hour ago, Brioski said:

Thank you all for your supportive words last week…as always   
I am having a very hard morning, one of my former students passed tragically yesterday…he was 7. I had him in kindergarten and first grade.  I’m just in shock. This morning I got up and was frantically patting counters, trying to find my pack. It was weird, still is weird. All I want to do is smoke but I know that won’t do anything.  I can’t imagine what his parents and sister is feeling.  So sad. 

Ohhh I'm so sorry to hear that Brioski!!  That is just terrible.  We are here for you all the time so just vent and cry!!  Nope the smoking won't help and certainly won't bring that little boy back! Such a tragedy! 

[Reciprocity]

1 hour ago, Brioski said:

Thank you all for your supportive words last week…as always   
I am having a very hard morning, one of my former students passed tragically yesterday…he was 7. I had him in kindergarten and first grade.  I’m just in shock. This morning I got up and was frantically patting counters, trying to find my pack. It was weird, still is weird. All I want to do is smoke but I know that won’t do anything.  I can’t imagine what his parents and sister is feeling.  So sad. 

OMG! That's so upsetting Brioski  My sincere condolences to you his family and all that knew him. So sad. I can't imagine having to deal with that as a parent. Something like that would certainly bring a sudden & strong craving to smoke as we used smoking to calm & sooth us for all the years we smoked. Proud of you for not acting on the urge.

 

Please be kind to yourself for the next while.

[jillar]

I'm so sorry to read this @Brioski, it's so sad We're here for you...........

[Doreensfree]

Oh B

How tragic. My thoughts are with you and all who knew this beautiful 

Little boy ..

You are strong to come through this...

Lean on us ...we are here for you 

Sweetheart x

 

 

 

[DenaliBlues]

So sorry to hear this news @Brioski. Shocking and sad! Sending virtual hugs your way.

 

And yes, feelings of grief and powerlessness are big triggers. Glad to hear you quit commitment remains immovable. We used to smoke to numb ourselves in the face of hard feelings. But now that we’ve quit, we need to find other ways to comfort ourselves, cope with restlessness, and temporarily escape. Like @Reciprocity said, be extra kind to yourself as you trudge through this tough time. 

[robin0212]

@Brioski How awful,  I'm so sorry to hear this. I can see why you'd be pacing etc as we always medicated all these terrible feelings. Everyone is here to support you through this. You are stronger than you know.

[Brioski]

Thank you guys, I don’t even know what to do. I’m going to reach out to the family tmrw.  I’m going way back and forth w emotions, craves, anxiety. Blegh. Ty so much for well wishes and support, so incredibly sad. 

[Brioski]

Literally crying bc I want to just want to smoke. I want to go buy a pack.  I’ve felt really shitty emotions pop up more frequently and feel like cigarettes will help, inhaling smoke. I can almost feel it.  This ******* sucks. 

[Gus]

Let those tears run their course Bri. You will be stronger for it. I know you will stick with your quit. You’ve overcome so much. I hope that you are feeling much better now. I hate that you posted this a good while ago and that no one has been on to respond. Please let us know how you are doing. 

[robin0212]

57 minutes ago, Brioski said:

Literally crying bc I want to just want to smoke. I want to go buy a pack.  I’ve felt really shitty emotions pop up more frequently and feel like cigarettes will help, inhaling smoke. I can almost feel it.  This ******* sucks. 

I feel your pain Brioski (I've been crying for 2 days!), but..you have come too far. 5 plus months!! We are learning to cope girl! We never had coping skills. Well we did, but that was SMOKING! So now, we cry. It will get better. It has to right? It took a year my last quit before I began to feel comfortable in my own skin. We have to own this and move forward. You got thru a tough time this past week and you are still grieving that little boy. Your mind is trying to trick you. Smoking will only lead to feeling sh*tty. And then starting over will TOTALLY SUCK. This is temporary and you are strong enough to handle being a little uncomfortable. Let's just cry it out and move on. You can totally do this.

[Brioski]

Still feeling shitty. I don’t think I’ll go buy anything. These feelings really really suck. Also in an argument w hubs.  I hate this shit. 

[jillar]

Oh @Brioski, I'm so sorry to be late to respond too. You've had a rough time because of the death of that little boy and his funeral. These are the times that nicotine tries the hardest to worm its way back in. Just stand your ground like you have been doing. You can do this! Please let us know how you're doing.....

[robin0212]

5 minutes ago, Brioski said:

Still feeling shitty. I don’t think I’ll go buy anything. These feelings really really suck. Also in an argument w hubs.  I hate this shit. 

Don't go buy. Tomorrow will be better.  Make a list of all the great things about not smoking and shut those negative thoughts down

Edited July 23, 2023 by robin0212

[jillar]

Believe me brioski, we all hated it, that's why we keep our quits so that we don't have to go through it again!!

[DenaliBlues]

Grief and anger… what a duo of triggers you are having!! I am so sorry for your tough times. Stay strong, dear.

 

I know the “Screw it I’m in a lot of pain and everything sucks so I might as well smoke” feeling all too well. I threw away a multi-year quit in a moment like that, at my father in law’s funeral. “Just one” led to another and another, and before I knew it I was in bondage all over again. The temptation to smoke waits for us in the tall grass and pounces when we are vulnerable. 
 

But smoking did not stop the pain. All it did was make me feel even more wretched. Smoking never brought a loved one back or solved an argument. And poisoning myself brought no comfort. 
 

So hang onto your beautiful, precious quit, even when things around you seem grim. You can do this. Hang in there!

 

 

[Reciprocity]

I like the point @robin0212 made about making a list, even if just mentally, of all the good things you're experiencing since quitting. That's a big part of getting past those thoughts that smoking again will somehow help us deal with crap going on in our lives that upsets us.

You know, those thoughts about smoking helping us deal with problems & stress in our life is actually complete BS but our junkie brain has been trained to believe a smoke helps for years and years. All a smoke does is relieve nicotine withdrawal stress and gives us some time to think about how to solve out real problems. In reality, after being quit for some time, I've found dealing with life's problems & stress is a lot easier and more efficient without smoking! I no longer have that additional issue to deal with ... you know; the monkey on your back whispering "have just one ... it'll make life wonderful again"  LIES, all lies!

 

Take stock of what you've done to date! It's incredible!!! Don't ever let that go to waste. That would be a travesty and it would truly crush you! Fight to live another day smoke free. It'll be worth it!

 

[Christian99]

Keep grinding, Brioski.  These extended periods are terrible--I still remember them more than twenty years after the fact.  One of the things that helped me through them (at least a little bit) was my honest assessment that if I failed to maintain my quit I was not sure when or even if I would be able to quit again.  Given how much I had invested in the process, that was a frightening thought, even more frightening I guess than the horrible current reality and the uncertainty of when (and IF!) things would get better.  It had to be now, and the quit would take the shape (and include the misery) that it would.  But it had to be now. 

 

And things DID get better--better than I could ever have imagined.  That freedom and joy are waiting for you, too; in fact, I'd argue that you're developing even greater capacity for them through the very challenges that you're currently experiencing.  That's not at all meant to minimize the difficulties themselves (I know, they SUCK), but it is meant as a reminder, a promise, and an expression of admiration of the transformation you are making.  You're doing it, friend; keep grinding.  

 

Wishing you strength and peace--

 

Christian99

21+ Years Quit  

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Doreensfree]

Aww B 

Sorry im late  time difference sucks sometimes ..

Be extra kind to yourself  rewiring our brain takes time ,we have to learn how to cope without our addiction ..you will sweetie .

Turn a negative into a positive 

You are a strong woman..who has come through stress smoke free 

Time heals ,give yourself the time .x

[QuittingGirl]

You will come through this Brioski, you have been doing so well!!  You know that smoking won't bring that little boy back.  It's a terrible tragedy but please don't smoke!  It won't help you and you will feel horrible afterwards.  We are all here for you to help you get through this.  I gave into my 6 year quit back in 2015 because my husband was having a heart ablation and I was so scared and nervous.  Well, thankfully he was fine but I became addicted to cigarettes again.  Me smoking didn't make him coming through the surgery.  All going back to smoking did was take a really good  6 year quit away and make me an addict again!  You are doing so well, please stay on the train.  We are all here for you!!! 

[Brioski]

Ty,guys. Really. I’m still on/off crying and still want them this morning but just trying to do other shit to keep mind off it. 

[overcome]

Good job @Brioski hang in there.

[DenaliBlues]

Smart strategy. Distraction is a mighty powerful tool. 
 

I think making it through the first major crisis of our quits is tough. The longing to revert is really strong. Even though the notion that smoking will soothe us is a lie, as Reciprocity said, the pull is there.
 

The nature of that first crisis is different for everyone. (For me it was the sudden and painful death of my mom 4 months into my quit.) But we do emerge on the other side with stronger quits and without situations made worse by relapsing.

 

Crying is a natural and healing response to the kind of difficulties you are going through. I sometimes feel like smoking arrested or thwarted the process of healing from hurts. But now - free from that limiting force - moving through the process of metabolizing grief and anger WITHOUT smoking eventually allows for deeper healing to happen, like Christian said. 
 

In the meantime, stay busy, be kind to yourself, and protect that precious quit. 

Edited July 23, 2023 by DenaliBlues

[johnny5]

Great job, Brioski.  You are doing great in your quit, do not let anything take it away from you.

 

I'm sorry that you are struggling but we all know a cigarette will not solve anything.  It will just make things far worse.

 

Keep up the great work in protecting and keeping your quit.