Week 2

[Molly2310]

Hi everyone, here I am approaching the end of week 2 and I have to admit it’s been a really tough time.  I did what I’ve always done, I shut down and pushed everyone away.  A lovely lady messaged me because I haven’t been around.  Grief is a funny thing, it sits in the background and becomes a part of you for most of the time, like the fridge making a noise that you know is there but don’t acknowledge for the most part.  I had a really bad year from August 2020 to August 2021.  I lost one of my dogs aged 15 in August 2020, a really good friend that I spoke to every single day in February 2021, my Dad who I looked after and the last of my family where I live 12 weeks later in May 2021 and my other dog aged 16 in August 2021.  All of these have passed 2 years or are coming up 2 years and grief has been roaring at me.  The thing is that everyone around me are cognisant of the first year, hardly anyone notices the second year.  It’s something that can hit you.

 

My life changed utterly in the space of a few months,  I went from being needed 24/7 to not at all in what felt like overnight.  That was a huge learning curve for me.

 

smoking was tied into my identity as “that person” so now I’m dealing with remembering who I was and who I am now but celebrating is hard for me.  Who I am now is without them which makes me incredibly sad if that makes sense.

 

I’m sorry to ramble, I guess I’m trying to say sorry for disappearing, I felt sad. 
 

I realise now that when I struggle I need to be here, not so much when I’m happy and ok.

 

Thank you everyone, and thank you especially to a very special lady

[Brioski]

Hi Molly, 

I’m Bria, and your post stood out to me.  I am a brand new “stopper” (lol), and you’re 2 weeks more than me, that’s something to be incredibly proud of. I totally get the sadness, and especially the grief…I lost my dad in dec 2021, had two miscarriages last year, my dog passed in august, and now stopping smoking.  It’s definitely different the second year, and so on…the planet seems to move on but for me/us, it’s like the same year all the stuff happened still. Plus all the schtuff that comes w stopping, I’ve read it gets better, I can’t wait until I and you too friend get there. 
anyway the fog is real gf so forgive my weird rambling. Time for a gummy snack or something lol. 
take care

[Molly2310]

Hi Brioski, we are kindred spirits and you have shown me even more reasons to reach out when times are tough.  I am so very sorry to hear about your losses.

 

I am also extremely proud of you to have set out on this journey, you are a terrically strong woman.

 

I would like to think that you and I can walk this road together.

 

We rock Brioski

[jillar]

Hey @Molly2310 and @Brioski, I was years quit when my beloved car got t-boned and totaled by a red light runner in February 2019,  I lost my mom in November 2019, had respiratory failure and came home on oxygen in January 2020, my baby girl Cookie died in October of 2021 of pancreatitis at 15 years old, best dog ever. Then my California mom died in May of 2022. Oh and my husband of twenty years decided he no longer wanted to be married!

Let me tell you both one thing, I never wanted a cigarette EXCEPT when my real mom died and I brought out my JAC (jillars air cigarette) and had my fill of air.  That's alll I needed to get rid of that crave. If you can even call it that. More like an itch that wanted a quick scratch. 

Bad things are going to happen and the farther into your quit you are you will see how much easier things will be for you to get past without smoking.... 

You guys are doing AWESOME!  

[Brioski]

I agree, Molly, I’m extremely proud of us, and I’d love to walk this road w u, gf!  Along with our other friends too (hi!) lol. 
It’s definitely weird how little synchronizations line up in strangers’ lives.  Here for u!! 

[Brioski]

@jillar, 

 

that was some good insight gf, thank u

[overcome]

@Molly2310 being here on the train with everyone is where you really need to be , especially early on in your quit. 

I have no words of wisdom except to say you can do anything except smoke right now.

When I quit, I was watching the minutes, hours, then the days and now the weeks, sometimes back to days but seems to get easier with time. 

You are worth the struggle, stick with it, you no longer need to be a slave to nicotine. 

[Brioski]

4 minutes ago, overcome said:

When I quit, I was watching the minutes, hours, then the days

Literally this!! One of the best tools I’ve found for me is an analog, not digital, clock! Bought a nice one from home goods and I love watching the hours like yeaa one more down lol.  Ohhh boy Im losing my mind huh. 

[jillar]

@Brioski, you should consider making yourself a ticker for your signature. There's a tab at the top of the page to click on and make one. You'll be able to watch the time, .money saved and cigarettes NOT smoked since you quit. I loved seeing mind each morning when I logged on that whole first year. Super inspirational

[Gus]

5 hours ago, Molly2310 said:

I realise now that when I struggle I need to be here, not so much when I’m happy and ok.

Your words are truth and there will always be someone here for you. Someone to help you along whenever needed. It’s good to have you back with us.

[DenaliBlues]

Hi, Molly and Bria. I’m sorry that things are difficult for you both right now. I can relate to being clobbered by multiple deaths and sorrows - that happened to me in 2021 and 2022. It can feel relentless sometimes - still terribly raw, despite the passage of time. Haunting. But I am more than the sum of my losses. So are you. 

 

When my mom was dying last summer, several people on the Train asked me if smoking ever really fixed anything? As much as I desperately wanted to smoke, I had to honestly answer “no.” Smoking never mended anything broken, never brought anyone  back. So I keep my quit and I muddle thru as best I can.
 

It’s not a linear process, but I can absolutely promise that the quit muscles get stronger with time. There are gifts to quitting that gradually start to bloom. It’s a courageous and beautiful thing you’re both doing, to walk toward them.