Hello again 👋

[Brioski]

Hello train members,

 

I was here just about a year ago, after a hospital stay that gave me a five day head start, stayed free for about 18 (?) days and relapsed. I felt so embarrassed and like a loser, I never logged back in to quit train. Smoked all the way until Monday night at 8:45pm.  Woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was being choked, went to er, and they kept me for just shy of two days for observation.  I have panic disorder/anxiety, but I also have asthma. Whilst smoking, how dumb dumb is that.  It’s time to stop.  What am I doing to myself. I’m on day 3 right now.  I’ve just been reading here (officially logged in today though) and also reading on another platform that rhymes with schmeddit (hope that’s ok to say lol) to pass the time.  Also eating and watching tv, went to some dr appts, and a friends’ moms funeral.

 

I don’t know how I feel. I don’t want to be woe is me. But it’s a little woe/woah.  I’m not sure what to do. I know what not to do. Sorry if this is wrong to say but I loveee smoking, I just hate being a smoker. It’s done for me right now. And I feel like I also can’t say “nope” yet, bc it’s literally hour by hour, day by day. I saw, I think it was denali, that said not one puff right now or today or something and I related to that.  
 

thanks guys
 

[jillar]

Welcome back @Brioski and congratulations on day 3. I loved smoking too but knew I needed to quit. I thought about it as all good(?!) things must come to an end and then would think about the things I don't do anymore like riding dirt bikes or amusement rides or smoking.....

 

[Brioski]

Thank you @jillar  You are an incredibly kind and insightful person  

[overcome]

A big congratulations @Brioski for the courage to come back and start over again, that is awesome.

Don't give up you are worth the effort and no longer a slave to nicotine.

Wow great job! 

 

Edited February 24, 2023 by overcome

[Gus]

Welcome back @Brioski! It’s good that you have hopped back on board with us! You will always have a seat here. We have an SOS forum you can reach out on if you ever feel that you are going to cave to a crave. Let us help you get through these first weeks and months of your quit. Stay close!

[DenaliBlues]

Welcome back, Bria! One hour/day at a time is a smart strategy. Staying busy and distracted helps, too. 
 

It’s not wrong to say that you love smoking. Total honesty is needed for a successful quit. But as your quit grows, you may find that the internal, “I love smoking” idea is unmasked as a romanticized false narrative. For me, I realized that it was more accurate to say, “I am an addict who feels antsy without my fix and smoking is my drug.”  Sheds a different light on things.

 

Anyhow, good on you for coming back. You can do this!!

[Doreensfree]

Welcome back on the Quit Train.

Congratulations on your 3 days Quit ..all the nicotine has left ,it just you and your brain now...

Get ready to fight the monster 

We have so much great info to read and great video,s to watch .

Take a seat with our Newbies  and help each other along your journey !

[Brioski]

Thank you, friends.  Your words mean a lot to me .  @DenaliBlues I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. You are incredibly strong and resilient for keeping your quit, my jaw literally dropped when I read that.  And I’m sorry really for everybody’s losses and/or hardships, big or small it’s so hard.  

 

I have questions too but I have da fog so bad right now I can’t even think lol. Having my coffee and watching the news.  I also (try not to use too often but) have a “BAC”…like Jillar’s JAC .  It’s a couple straws w a piece of cotton ball in it.  Helped yest in the car. 
 

oh I remember some…

-I get cravings and sometimes/lotta times cry, but it’s over in a min or two. Already seem to be getting less.  I’m scared it’s a fallacy and it’s gonna get way worse in 2-3 weeks, few months, etc.  I figure it’s different for everybody but did anyone brace themselves like nervous it’s gonna get worse?

-I never really knew this but recently have learned ppl could still get horrible lung/smoking related diseases after they quit, even years after. This makes me very anxious.  Even Jillar you mentioned this, which I’m so sorry abt.  
-I read a lot about the science of this addiction, etc. and one thing I read abt was dopamine…that “ahhh” feeling is what made me cave last time and I fear I’ll never experience that “ahh” feeling again.  Will I? Do you? What’s up w that, just the stupid nicotine cycle messing w the dopamine thingies in our brain? 
 

I’m sure I’ll have more q’s but it’s time for a cold slice of pizza for breakfast lol. 

[garry mhudson]

Hang in there. It will get better as you know from before but it can be tough. Stay positive and busy. Your able to do this as you know from before. Different for all of us but you can do this. Stay close and S.O.S if need be. Best wishes.

[overcome]

2 hours ago, Brioski said:

 

-I get cravings and sometimes/lotta times cry, but it’s over in a min or two. Already seem to be getting less.  I’m scared it’s a fallacy and it’s gonna get way worse in 2-3 weeks, few months, etc.  I figure it’s different for everybody but did anyone brace themselves like nervous it’s gonna get worse?
 

 

Good morning - for me the 3rd and 4th day were the worst, I was set for the cravings to be way worse after that but it never happened.

More like the cravings came at different times from different directions (triggers). These triggers I had thought I prepared for came from all unanticipated directions.

All I had in the instant was a NOPE and mints which so far have been enough.

At least until I make it back on board the safety and sanity of the Train. 

 

In Allen Carr's book  (The Easy Way) he describes the big lie - which is the thinking that quitting is much harder than it really is, this is in line with my experience so far. 

 

You can do this, just believe in yourself.

Edited February 24, 2023 by overcome

[beazel]

You are not a loser by any means. You are an addict. You are tough as nails or you wouldn't be here.

 

Many of us with severe anxiety issues have successfully quit.

Don't think of tomorrow or next week, that can be too overwhelming.

 

Life hands us some pretty tough stuff at times, and we can get through them without cigarettes. It's true.

 

Take it a day at a time, post often, read lots and lots, watch the videos.

Post an SOS if you need to, it really does work!!!!!!

 

You are doing great. 

 

 

[Gus]

Those first days were the worst for me. I suffer from severe anxiety and depression and they were definitely triggered when I was going through initial withdrawals. It was horrific to say the least. Somewhere during that haziness my brain knew it would get better and also because of the countless testimonials on this site that state it does get better and because of the countless posts of members episodes and incidents in dealing with the battles fought during their early quit. You’ve got this and we are all here to see you through.

[Brioski]

Ouchhh, my heart literally hurts from the outpouring of friendship and encouragement lolol!

cmon guys, I thought this was supposed to be hell week, not omg I’m so grateful and I feel good (ish) week!

thank you

 

[Mac#23]

Welcome back, deep down you want to be a non smoker. So, sit back and enjoy the ride to a happier and healthier lifestyle. It will not be an easy journey but it is 100% doable. All you need to do is believe and have faith in yourself because you got this.

Edited February 24, 2023 by Mac#23

[jillar]

I'll try to answer some of your questions @Brioski

 

5 hours ago, Brioski said:

-I get cravings and sometimes/lotta times cry, but it’s over in a min or two. Already seem to be getting less.  I’m scared it’s a fallacy and it’s gonna get way worse in 2-3 weeks, few months, etc.  I figure it’s different for everybody but did anyone brace themselves like nervous it’s gonna get worse?

Most of us have heightened emotions in the early days of our quit. Some cry a lot and others get angry or irritated a lot. I got irritated lol. Luckily it didn't last long so don't worry it'll soon pass  

-I never really knew this but recently have learned ppl could still get horrible lung/smoking related diseases after they quit, even years after. This makes me very anxious.  Even Jillar you mentioned this, which I’m so sorry abt.  

I never knew it either until it happened to me but let me tell you that (1) I quit way later than I should have with how badly my breathing was and (2) I was misdiagnosed by both my primary and my pulmonologist as having asthma and allergies. I wasn't getting the proper meds for an emphysema flair up and my lungs failed. 
-I read a lot about the science of this addiction, etc. and one thing I read abt was dopamine…that “ahhh” feeling is what made me cave last time and I fear I’ll never experience that “ahh” feeling again.  Will I? Do you? What’s up w that, just the stupid nicotine cycle messing w the dopamine thingies in our brain? 

I got the same "ahhh" feeling by tricking my mind with my JAC. But you can try ice cream, candies, etc. 

 

 

 

Our bodies are hard at work cleaning up the mess smoking left behind so treat it to whatever it needs to do the job. I craved sweets and went through tubs of soft peppermint puffs my whole first year quitting lol. 

PS. nice ticker, look at those numbers already!

Edited February 24, 2023 by jillar

[Doreensfree]

Jillar is right we fed our bodies hundreds of poisons at regular intervals every day .

Is it any wonder it goes berserk wnen we suddenly stop the supply .

It takes time and patience to catch up ..

Be kind to yourself ..what your achieving is wonderful ..

[johnny5]

Welcome back @Brioski  I'm sorry you relapsed from your quit but you are doing a great thing by quitting again.  You can do this.  Stick close to this site, lots of help and support here.

[Brioski]

Ty so much friends  

[catlover]

Welcome back Brioski, it’s great to see you on  the train again. Keep thinking positive thoughts, keep busy, and don’t forget to give yourself lots of rewards, you are doing something great for yourself.

 

[WeegieWoman]

Hey @Brioski nice to meet you and welcome back Are you day 7 today, how are you getting on? 

[Brioski]

Hey @WeegieWoman and all   Yes, today/tonight is day 7, feeling ok.  Just had a bout of anxiety/panic attack about 2 hrs ago. Couldn’t breathe, oxygen went lower than normal (I have that finger oximeter thingy) and w my recent hospital trips I got nervous and made it worse I think. I even looked up and said “why?! I’ve been stopped smoking for 7 days! Why?!”
I’m good now, went for a drive and ended up at my fiancés business (luckily no one else is here since I’m in pjs and mascara running down my face lol). I have no idea why it came on today. I have had crying episodes some these past few days bc of not being able to smoke but it passes relatively quickly and I do deep breathing which really helps….it was not like the attack today.  also all the reading I’m doing is so helping with helping me understand and know that healing is on its way.  Ugh sorry for the run on post. I think I’m doing pretty good w the ‘I’m not smoking today’, feeling good when I get into bed at the end of the day, etc. my next steps are starting to relearn to do things without the cig ie cleaning, organizing closets etc.  oh and my convenience store amount of candy I have in my stash lol is helping, too. 
 

anyway, hi friends, hope everyone’s having a marvelous, not manic, Monday

[jillar]

@Brioski, wow sounds like you had quite a scare today. As someone with breathing issues I can relate to how scary it is to suddenly not be able to breathe. The anxiety goes through the roof which only makes trying to catch my breath harder to do. Instead I've found that if I stay still and do pursed lip breathing while telling myself I'm ok it helps calm me faster. You might give that a try to see if it works for you.

If your anxiety or SOB gets too bad you can ask your Dr about a temporary anxiety med and a rescue inhaler until your system gets back to normal

 

[Doreensfree]

Sorry you have had to deal with what was a scarey time for you.

Folks here who have suffered with 

Anxiety attacks swear by deep breathing exercises..

Well done on your 1st week smoke free.

[Brioski]

Thank you @jillar   I have an anti anxiety med for as needed/rescue and I’ve also just been put on a daily anxiety med like 2 weeks ago so hopefully those help. I’m also ashamed to say I have an inhaler and nebulizer for breathing stuff, which I was sometimes using and then shortly after go smoke *cringe*.  I never told anyone that. Man, do I feel like shit knowing what I was/am doing to myself.  Hopefully I’m on the track to freedom. I am committed, but saying that “ever” is just daunting and grim to think about forever. Idk.  I sound like a basket case, huh. 

[jillar]

@Brioski, I should have quit way sooner than I did too but we're addicts and didn't. We can't go back so we just have to accept what was and be glad for the changes we are making now.

Be sure to use your inhalers as needed. I found my breathing actually got worse for a few weeks before it started getting better so don't be surprised if that happens to you. Not that it will but it may....