My Resistance to NOPE

[DenaliBlues]

It took me a long time to start doing the daily NOPE pledge: Not One Puff Ever.

 

When I first quit, I was a basket case. I could barely tie my shoes, let alone come up with a whole new life plan. If I had tried to figure out how to stop smoking “forever” at that point, my brain might have exploded. After 42+ years of smoking, I simply couldn’t conceive of life without cigarettes. Truth be told, I didn't want to. And I was very afraid that I’d fail. (Again.)

 

To make it over those starting hurdles, I took things one craving at a time – then one hour, and then one day at a time. That incremental approach worked better for me. It kept things simpler, more attainable.

 

Small steps also disarmed the ambivalence I had about quitting. Part of me still desperately wanted to smoke. If I had waited to quit until I was 100% certain, I would have put off quitting indefinitely. I needed a way to quit anyhow, despite those mixed feelings. No puffing TODAY was that ticket for me. NOPT aint poetic, but it worked. SNOTT (Smoking’s Not on the Table) was helpful, too.

 

My early quitting journey was much more gritty than pretty. There were dark times. Cravings definitely sucked. But they didn’t kill me. Every small victory mattered - minutes, then hours and days that I didn’t smoke. They built my quitting skills. And they helped me find my determination, too. Each moment without smoking was hard-won and precious, something I’d earned that I didn’t want to throw away. I began guarding them. I started to feel just a wee bit fierce. And the days started adding up sooner than I thought they would... 

 

It turned out that there was light waiting for me on the other side of withdrawal, light that I couldn’t see before. My addiction to nicotine had spun a story that I was a lost cause, that quitting was impossible for me, that only misery lay ahead if I quit. But that was an illusion, a withdrawal temper tantrum. By taking things one hour and one day at a time, evidence pointing to a different reality began to stack up. Quitting IS possible. Freedom CAN happen. I am gradually coming to believe in a forever quit for myself. 

 

These days, the daily NOPE pledge helps me stay committed and accountable. And vigilant. Sometimes I still have a strong longing to smoke. NOPE reminds me not to fall down the “I could have just one cigarette” sinkhole. Because I am an addict, one smoke inevitably leads to more. NOPE keeps me off that merry go round of misery.

 

I’m so grateful to everyone here who does the NOPE pledge. It’s great reinforcement for the importance of actively tending my quit – like watering a garden. It’s a tiny celebration that helps me avoid complacency. And it’s positive reinforcement, reminding me that there are lots of other people walking this path, finding their own ways to freedom.

 

If you’re lurking on the platform of the Quit Train station, unsure about hopping on board, give quitting a try. It’s possible. If NOPE feels beyond reach for any reason, toss in a NOPT or a SNOTT, instead. Whatever works for you. Amazing things can happen one day at a time.

Edited February 11, 2023 by DenaliBlues

[Doreensfree]

What a great post Denial....

Thank you for sharing ...it will help our Newbies to learn what a powerful tool those daily p!edges are ..

I know for me ...once I had made that promise to myself and the board ..there was no going back that day .

[jillar]

I agree this is a great post @DenaliBlues and we've had many members who felt the same as you did I'm sure. For me when I NOPED each day I did so because for that day I did feel like I would never take another puff ever. I didn't allow the word ever to keep me from using what was a powerful tool for me.

 

Edited February 26, 2023 by jillar

[Boo]

On 2/11/2023 at 11:31 AM, DenaliBlues said:

 If I had waited to quit until I was 100% certain, I would have put off quitting indefinitely. 

 

Same here.  I spent a lot of time procrastinating about finally quitting.  I didn't call it procrastination, I called it "planning."

 

Finally took the dive.  Flew by the seat of my pants for a while...turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.

[intoxicated yoda]

yep, quitting isn't glamourous fer sure.  you don't quit because it's easy though.  you quit because it's necessary.  

[Christian99]

So beautifully and thoughtfully expressed, Denali--so much of what you say resonates with me and my experiences.  For me, the critical challenge (and the concept that I just couldn't authentically accept) was the idea that one's (positive) mindset was the thing that was necessary to succeed in this endeavor.  And, finally, after some years of discomfort with that (and confusion regarding why I couldn't seem to adopt the "right" mindset), I sort of decided that, for me, it would be about action(s)--the little actions and the larger behaviors that would enable me to make it through each hour without lighting up.  And even if I were miserable or if my mindset sucked (which was quite often), simple abstinence would be the thing that mattered to me.  Through this (often very painful and definitely lengthy) process, I kind of quit my way into certainty, peace, pride, and, well, a positive mindset.  Ultimately, I'm pretty convinced that this is only way it could have happened for me.    

 

For whatever reason, I've never participated in daily NOPE posts, which were also important features of the online quit community I was a part of in the first couple of years of my own journey.  But you make a compelling case for joining the thread and using it in whatever way feels comfortable.  There's so much power in solidarity and collective accountability, but as you rightly suggest, one can participate partially, messily, indioscyncratically.  And my own experiences tell me that those gestures, repeated every single day, can slowly change "NOPT" and "SNOTT" to full-throated and unambiguous expressions of "NOPE."

 

Thank you so much for your post--newer quitters here are served so well by your insights and inspiration.

 

Christian99

21+ Years Quit  

 

 

 

K 

[DenaliBlues]

8 hours ago, Christian99 said:

I kind of quit my way into certainty, peace, pride, and, well, a positive mindset.

^^^^^ Me, too.
 

At the outset, I had no identity as a “nonsmoker.” (Still don’t.) But I could identify as a QUITTER. Quitting was so bleeping hard that every hour/day that I didn’t smoke became something I wanted to guard and defend - I became protective and proud of them. That initial abstinence approach eventually created the space and grace to begin working on healing and recovery, which is the work I am doing now.  
 

Abstaining alone won’t cut it for me… past relapses have taught me that. I need to proactively attend to deep healing from addiction. But abstinence was the first essential tool I used to punch through the walls of my nicotine imprisonment. Sort of like those home renovation TV shows. Demolition before renovation!

 

 

Edited February 25, 2023 by DenaliBlues

[Brioski]

This is a whole different way of thinking about this journey and I LOVE it! It’s really helping me and, I hope, others too.  I relate to this so much, @DenaliBlues & @Christian99.  Brilliant. Thank you
 

 

[Christian99]

4 hours ago, DenaliBlues said:

^^^^^ Me, too.
 

At the outset, I had no identity as a “nonsmoker.” (Still don’t.) But I could identify as a QUITTER. Quitting was so bleeping hard that every hour/day that I didn’t smoke became something I wanted to guard and defend - I became protective and proud of them. That initial abstinence approach eventually created the space and grace to begin working on healing and recovery, which is the work I am doing now.  
 

Abstaining alone won’t cut it for me… past relapses have taught me that. I need to proactively attend to deep healing from addiction. But abstinence was the first essential tool I used to punch through the walls of my nicotine imprisonment. Sort of like those home renovation TV shows. Demolition before renovation!

 

 

You make a really good point about a singular focus on abstinence--I'm told that AA has a concept called being a "dry drunk," which has some relevance here.  I was actually concerned that this was what I was experiencing in the first year of my quit (in part because one or two people [supportively] noted that I sounded like one in my regular whining, uncomfortable posts).  I really don't know if I fell victim to that, but I do know that my daily exercise and dramatic changes to my diet helped to slowly develop the new healthy persona I was creating.  In fact, this reminds me that from the outset I think I shifted my goal from becoming a "non or ex smoker" to becoming a "healthy person who didn't smoke."  But, again, you're right, I think, to reflect on and resist a fetishization of abstinence and/or to see it as only the initial step.  

 

I'm grateful for your insights and experiences, in part because I'm dealing with (unrelated though fairly substantial) health challenges right now--just like when I had my cardiac issues, I'm trying to use my quit experiences to better navigate these difficulties. 

 

Christian99   

[Cbdave]

G’day 

My quit started with not smoking for hours. That became days and those days became weeks and months. At first I resisted making the NOPE pledge simply put….. I was afraid of embarrassing myself and smoke.

I’d smoked and ruined to many quits in the past. I had to come clean with myself and fess up to being that nicotine addict. 
Not One Puff EVER was important for me. Things had changed quit smoking had become more important that smoking. 
Some things never change I’m still that addict nearly 8!years later.
Difference is I don’t smoke. 
I look at that box. Pleas tick. Smoker? Non Smoker? I’d like to take my pen and change the Non to Not Smoker cause that’s were my heart is. 
Life’s good. I’m happy with my not smoking self.

Chris

[Doreensfree]

The NOPE thread was a life changer for me ..This was my last chance to quit .Or face the consequences..

Once i made that promise i knew i would stick to it ,so it was important to me ..in all my other failed quits i hadnt made any commitments...

It worked for me..i needed the Ever !