quit thoughts

[darcy]

just sitting here reading and crying.

would like to get up and go swim.

afraid I'll cave in and get cigarettes, if I leave the house.

 

[Linda]

@darcy  You are doing so well do not give in

to the monster. Deep breath,eat something sweet

drink some water anything but smoke. I have been 

where you are and gave in to it and I can tell you that 

you will feel worse if you do!!! Good job on posting!!

You can do this!!

[DenaliBlues]

Oooo, I’ve been there too, @darcy… stir crazy, brain foggy, feeling like a peeled carrot emotionally, wanting desperately to smoke. It gets better, I promise. If you feel in danger of buying smokes, stay home and avoid known triggers till you feel stronger, but sone kind of exercising really can help burn off the wobbles. Distract yourself any way you can. You are totally doing the right thing to post here… keep it up! You’re almost thru the worst part!

[darcy]

Thank you for your support and belief in my abilities.

I have all but caved in at this juncture.

Yes, I realize it is a commitment to slavery....odd since I can not (unwilling, unable to ?) commit to living the life I desire.  Why is it so easy to feed the self loathing and fear?

Yes, there is no demon....just  me...still hating myself and stuck in the loop.

 

I truly find this forum one of the best possible resources for people who are able to risk and quit and LIVE a FREE life.   Thank all of you for being here and reaching out to people.

 

[DenaliBlues]

Yes, I have found quitting to be oddly counterintuitive. Am I giving up nicotine? Giving up bondage? Yes and yes. But most of all, what I am casting off is the self condemnation, the feelings of constant failure, the never-ending torment of lovinghating smoking. Being free of all that junk is priceless. Give yourself the gift of enough time without smoking to feel the glimmer of THAT freedom. Right now, the initial chemical withdrawal is clouding your calculus of whether you can do this and whether it’s worth it. You can and it is. Hang in there till you get to the other side of the first DTs and can feel it for yourself. 

[darcy]

Threw it away.....

Struggling to want to start again.  struggling to smoke.   struggling in all manners.

hoping i'll sit back down. very little faith I will.

going to swim and do life things, since I'm smoking anyway and stuck in the hate/hate relationship, I may as well do stuff that makes life go......

yes, I hear how ridiculous that sounds.

 

I will continue to hang around the board and post....a tenuous thread to hope and beliefs that support the LIFE i want.

Hold your quits close and cherish your ability, desire and courage.  May you LIVE FREE.

[Linda]

@darcy Sorry to hear you caved!! Do not beat yourself up!!

I have been there and known I was disappointed in myself, when I gave in.

You posted which tells me you want to quit!! So keep trying do not give up!!!

You can do this!!

[intoxicated yoda]

@darcydon't condemn yourself just yet.  this is a big change and there will be some failures along the way.  I can't even count how many times I failed until I didn't.  I'm sure most here had their failures as well.  It's not how many times you get knocked down that matters, it's how many times you get back up.

[DenaliBlues]

Absolutely agree with what @Linda and @intoxicated yoda said, don’t beat yourself up. It’s a process. Stand up, dust yourself off, ask yourself what you can learn from what happened, and try again. You belong on the Train!

[jillar]

@darcy, you can't be so quick to cave to a crave if you want to succeed. I stayed home my whole first month quit because I didn't trust myself to not stop and buy a pack. Then when I did go out I brought someone who didn't smoke with me to keep me on my quit. I also used my air cigarette whenever I craved and was surprised at how well an invisible cigarette was at tricking my mind into thinking it was getting the real thing.

Quitting is going to suck for a bit but then it's over with and you're done stinking, wasting money and further damaging your health. And like Denali blues said you'll be:

3 hours ago, DenaliBlues said:

casting off is the self condemnation, the feelings of constant failure, the never-ending torment of lovinghating smoking. Being free of all that junk is priceless.

 

[Doreensfree]

Hi @darcy....

I'm sorry to hear you threw your quit away...but good  to see you back here ..

I lost thousands of quits ..like you ..I had one foot in .and one foot out ...

it's wasn't till I faced having both feet amputated I knew this quit would be my last ...

You have to want it ...more than you want to smoke ...

Yes ..you will have your battles ...but you have to fight ..it's you against the Nico Monster ...

You are stronger than him ..he,s only a thought ...

Go back to the Main Smoking Board and read all the posts pinned with green ...

You can do it ...you just have to want it bad enough .

[darcy]

Thanks for your continued encouragement.

Massive headache due to smoking, ...duh.

Going to bed. may be there until spring.

Changed my quit date in the system and tried to put a ticker on my page....shows up in the profile , not in posts.

destroyed the pack......little comfort.

water and bed and crap TV for me.

glad my husband and cats are supportive.

Wasn't terribly successful at water aerobics class.....couldn't coordinate my movements to the excercises. Lol

Glad I wasn't doing laps and trying to coordinate breathing....more laughing and crying.

Thanks for hanging with me.

READ GREEN TAGGED items on board per Doreen. Thanks Doreen.

Dear Intoxicated Yoda,

 

If I free my ass, will my mind follow?

[Linda]

@darcy Good job jumping back on the train!!!

Stay close to the post and buckle up and reach out

for the support when you need!!!

[intoxicated yoda]

7 hours ago, darcy said:

 

Dear Intoxicated Yoda,

 

If I free my ass, will my mind follow?

If your mind is imprisoned does it really matter what happens to your ass?  You are only ever one decision away from being a non smoker or a smoker, the key is understanding that you have to make that decision over and over again, sometimes multiple times a minute until your ass gets it.  You can get there and when it seems like all hope is lost just view the GIF below and keep watching until you realize that you CAN be happy without cigarettes.  Then they will lose there grip on you.

 

[darcy]

Many green pinned items read and reread.

Will read and reread more.

 

[Gus]

Don’t give up! No matter what it takes. No matter how many times you have to quit to be be quit. The freedom quitting gives you and the feeling of liberation and satisfaction are undeniable and so very much worth the suffering of withdrawal. I’m glad that you are still here with us. Battling for your life! And although we can’t quit for you we can dang sure be here for you to help you along the way. I hope that you have a way better day today!

[DenaliBlues]

Really glad to have you back with us today, @darcy!! I love that you destroyed your pack and are re-starting your quit.

 

Reading and re-reading is a great strategy in the early hours and days of your quit. I did that, too. What else will you do to support and distract yourself? You might try making a list of things you can do instead of smoking when the cravings strike. I know it sounds corny to make a list, but it helps to be prepared (things to do with your hands, things to do with your mouth, mindless tasks, exercise snacks, physical comforts). Otherwise, Addict Mind will go blank and tell you that nothing but smoking will suffice.  

 

When things get crunchy, remember...

• Cravings really suck, but they will pass.
• A craving is a commercial, not a command.
• The feeling of "Other people can quit but I cannot" is a withdrawal symptom, NOT an accurate assessment of your ability. During the early stages of withdrawal, our addicted brains tell us all kinds of crazy s--t that isn't true. During that time, trust what you read here on the board, don't trust Addict Mind. It's not your friend. 

Keep us posted - let us know what's on your list and how you're feeling!

[darcy]

Hello Folks,

 

   Plugging along today.

DenaliBlues, I made three lists before I decided to quit (one for each level of my house).  The one I can see from here says....

Choose:

brush teeth

write

love on someone

shower

call someone

watch TV

breathe

QT

read list "why"

pet cat

hydrate

sit

yoga

 

The two on other floors are similar with some repeats, but with items easy to do on that level of the house.

 

That said....what's working well today is my air cigarette. Many thanks, Jillar.

Really appreciate having you folks to bounce around with.

Too brittle to really look at what my reservations may be. Commitment is not my long suit...but FREEDOM is.

 

[Doreensfree]

Great list Darcey...

Jigsaws  reading,music  all helped me along ..we have games and funny animal pics to take your mind away from junkie thinking .

Keep busy ..throw in s number or two in tbe sticks and chicks game .

There is so much you csn do ..and only one you carnt...

[DenaliBlues]

GREAT list!!

You’re so right about the freedom… 

[overcome]

Congrats @darcy !

[Linda]

Good job @darcy

[darcy]

Here I am.

Not sure how I'm doing.  Most of the time I am okay and easily get through the crave or "habituated smoke time" event.

I seem to be noticing that the really difficult times are when I am in some kind of upheaval or tired.  Been grateful to be able to just stop and do nothing.

Feeling very much toddler developmental level with words and negotiating, communicating abilities.   Perhaps that's really my developmental state anyway and I am just noticing now.

 

Really appreciative of those who are riding with me and posting....and those who may be reading. 

 

[Linda]

@darcy One day, one minute, one second at a time

what ever it takes to get over the crave. It will get better

[jillar]

Hey @darcy, we call that brain fog and its only temporary so keep up the good work and you'll be through it in no time. Glad the air cigarette is working for you