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Crazyness

Linda

By Linda
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Linda Grand Master

Linda

Posted
Posted

Have been sick the last few days, and what do I want???

The worse thing I know, but I want to smoke. It is what I think

will bring me comfort. How crazy is that? 

  • Sad 6
Gus Grand Master

Gus

Posted
Posted

The lies of addiction. One of my brothers came by to fix a burst water pipe last week and as soon as he was finished he lit up a cigarette. I stood there and remembered lighting up every time I finished up some task to celebrate its completion and how satisfied I was with my work. That could still be me. That cigarette smelled so good. But I know without a doubt that I will not light up again. I can’t. I will die if I do because there is absolutely no other quit in me. You are strong. You stepped off the train, but hopped right back on owning up to your bad choice. I would still be down on the line somewhere. I do hope that you are feeling better today. 200.gif

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jillar Grand Master

jillar

Posted
Posted

@Linda, don't feel bad, its normal. I used to want to smoke when I was sick too. I could tell if it was in my lungs by the way it tasted 😣 I'm so glad those days are over. 

I suggest just going with the craves and accepting that they're going to be around for a while just like the last time you quit. Hopefully that'll help. I'm glad you're posting these moments because you'll be able to go back and read them when you're feeling weak and remember you don't want to go through this again!

Hope you feel better soon 🤗

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Cbdave Grand Master

Cbdave

Posted
Posted

G’day 

some folk think it’s good to forget that junky thoughts.
No. Not this little black duck.

No complacency here. 

No romantic shit. 

I’m Not ever forgetting that I’m that addict. 
 

  • Like 5
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DenaliBlues Grand Master

DenaliBlues

Posted
Posted (edited)

So sorry you are ill and feeling skunky, @Linda.  I’ve felt the same way. This wily addiction sure likes to try and strike when we are feeling low or unawares. Stay strong!

 

Bear with me as I try to express something for you, for me, for all of us who suffer… there is something important about “comfort” that quitting requires us to reclaim. I think smoking hijacked our ability to feel comfort. Instead of receiving tender care, we received ugly toxins and the manipulative mind games that come with addiction. Smoking was much less gratifying than it was cracked up to be. But Addict Mind wants to smoke anyway. So it’s telling me (falsely) that I am bereft of all comfort.
 

The thing is, we are not bereft. We just need to reprogram how we’re habituated, to give ourselves ACTUAL kindness and care, not crappy chemical substitutes.
 

There are days when it feels impossible to experience being soothed without smoking. But I try. It’s a great creative challenge to find other ways. And when I simply can’t comfort myself, I benefit from attempting to give kindness or comfort to others. I have VERY happy cats since I quit… lol.

 

Take care, dear. 

Edited by DenaliBlues
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Kerry Explorer

Kerry

Posted
Posted

Sorry your not feeling well . But having a smoke will make u feel worse when you finished it . Its ten drags of a cigarette you can do this take some breathing exercises and be kind to yourself . You will feel so much better for not smoking . 

  • Like 6
Christian99 Collaborator

Christian99

Posted
Posted

So sorry to hear it's been difficult recently, Linda--we know exactly how you're feeling, and it's great that you posted.  I really like your formulation that smoking "is what I THINK will bring me comfort"--for me, the phrasing itself shows you analyzing the experience instead of just being subject to the crappy--even cravey--experience.  Doesn't make it any less uncomfortable, to be sure, but it's telling that you see the cigarette/comfort connection as the fiction that it is; and as Denali notes above, it takes time to establish more authentic forms of peace and pleasure.  Keep up the fabulous work, friend!

 

Christian99

21+ Years Quit  

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Kris Veteran

Kris

Posted
Posted

Linda, I get it. I have not felt well the last couple of weeks.  I have my next dr. appointment next week, that will be the fifth since the new year.  This is normal physical, blood work, sent off to see a doctor about my neck, MRI yada yada.  Probably wind up with steroid injections and more PT, It is frustrating when you don't feel well.

 

That smoking monster keeps sneaking up, whispering, making all these great promises, you will feel better, you will lose weight, you will be able to sleep at night. your anxiety, your fears will disappear in a cloud of smoke.....it keeps calling, I keep not answering.  We want relief for what ever the physcal or mental pain.  We want to run away from life, to try anything to relief the pain..  We both know smoking is not going to change or help anything.  The only way I am going to give up is if I decide to end my life, not by suicide but by giving up and smoking again.  It is a long drawn out painful suicide.  I guess that is the thing, we are all going to die someday but how will that happen. I don't want cancer, COPD, congestive heart failure.  I prefer my nice warm bed, go to sleep and wake up somewhere else.  What do you want for your future?

  • Like 3
Linda Grand Master

Linda

Posted
  • Author
Posted
8 hours ago, Kris said:

Linda, I get it. I have not felt well the last couple of weeks.  I have my next dr. appointment next week, that will be the fifth since the new year.  This is normal physical, blood work, sent off to see a doctor about my neck, MRI yada yada.  Probably wind up with steroid injections and more PT, It is frustrating when you don't feel well.

 

That smoking monster keeps sneaking up, whispering, making all these great promises, you will feel better, you will lose weight, you will be able to sleep at night. your anxiety, your fears will disappear in a cloud of smoke.....it keeps calling, I keep not answering.  We want relief for what ever the physcal or mental pain.  We want to run away from life, to try anything to relief the pain..  We both know smoking is not going to change or help anything.  The only way I am going to give up is if I decide to end my life, not by suicide but by giving up and smoking again.  It is a long drawn out painful suicide.  I guess that is the thing, we are all going to die someday but how will that happen. I don't want cancer, COPD, congestive heart failure.  I prefer my nice warm bed, go to sleep and wake up somewhere else.  What do you want for your future?

@Kris Thank you, it has been rough lately. Can't seem to get back to caring about what's important.

I know that sounds ridiculous but this winter has been a tough one. You post is very true.

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darcy Rising Star

darcy

Posted
Posted

Hello Linda,

   Hoping your seat is still warm on the train. If not, hop back on.

   I keep trying, succeeding, then self sabotaging.  I was telling myself I didn't have another quit in me.  Glad I am willing to try.

Hope you are feeling better and enjoying the FREEDOM of Being without smoking.

  • Like 2
Linda Grand Master

Linda

Posted
  • Author
Posted
56 minutes ago, darcy said:

Hello Linda,

   Hoping your seat is still warm on the train. If not, hop back on.

   I keep trying, succeeding, then self sabotaging.  I was telling myself I didn't have another quit in me.  Glad I am willing to try.

Hope you are feeling better and enjoying the FREEDOM of Being without smoking.

Hi @darcy Yes it is still warm,been a struggle latley. But hanging on. I too don't

think I have another quit in me. Glad you are sticking with us!! Buckle up and enjoy the ride😊😊

  • Like 2
Doreensfree Grand Master

Doreensfree

Posted
Posted

Take it one day at a time ..Don't think of long term ...

It gets easier as time passes ...this is different for everyone....

Our brains can be our enemies....so keep it simple !!

  • Like 1
Linda Grand Master

Linda

Posted
  • Author
Posted
6 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

Take it one day at a time ..Don't think of long term ...

It gets easier as time passes ...this is different for everyone....

Our brains can be our enemies....so keep it simple !!

@Doreensfree That's just it I thought I had it beat and keeping it simple

But I blew it and it so not as confident this time!!

darcy Rising Star

darcy

Posted
Posted

For me, I can not entertain that I will ever have this addiction beat. The demon may sleep, but it is still there.

Linda, take your shaky confidence forward one breath at a time in freedom.  Yay for being on the train.

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Doreensfree Grand Master

Doreensfree

Posted
Posted

 Linda...

Non of us have this beat ....

We all take one day at a time ...we are addicts ....

You let that sneaky Nico monster back into your life ....

Just stay vigilant ...and don't let him win again .

You got right back on the train ...be proud ...don't beat yourself up...your strong 🐸

  • Like 3

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