Feelings

[beacon]

Now that I have very few vices left such as smoking, there is nothing left to use as a crutch to distract, stuff down, avoid feeling whatever is bothering me.

 

Instead I get to feel the uncomfortable strong feeling. As someone who has made it a habit to avoid actually feeling strong feelings, this aspect of quitting has been one of the toughest. I am struggling to control myself, to not lash out at others, to relax and not react immediately, and to know tomorrow the problem may look different. I have become a person who is less anxious but more grim.

 

What I wonder is if quitting will make me a better problem solver, and whether I will as a result make changes in my life rather than blow smoke at my issues until they are hidden from my direct view.

[Tink]

I think beacon as time goes on we do deal with our issues some going back into the past and i think this is where sometimes the anger comes from as its all been stored away

 

over time you will sort things out one by one i am sure

 

maybe its just time 

 

(((hugs)))

[Colleen]

I think it will make they way you handle things better, in the long run.  It takes time getting use to.  We used cigarettes to avoid facing situations, as well as our emotions.  Exercise helps to relieve stress, you can always do more ;)   What you are feeling is normal, you are doing great!

[Jenny]

Great post!  I too never realized how much I hid behind my smoking.   Even though it's uncomfortable at times to live this life without a crutch I am so happy I quit.  When I smoked I always felt inadequate.  I knew that I was not giving what I should be to anyone or anything.....because my smoking came first.  I even put it before playing with my own children at times.  I would rather be uncomfortable getting used to this new life, than be that person any day of the week. 

[Holski]

Hmmm. I don't know Beacon. I'm sure it will be good, though. It has to be.  

We get to learn how to deal with stuff without smoking. I never thought that

smoking suppressed anything. I think it is kind of weird that it does/did.  

 

I think a lot of the progress we make is apparent when we look back at it, not necessarily when it is happening.

[Holski]

Oh, and I forgot...

 

(((Beacon)))

 

:)

[beacon]

:)

[sgt.barney]

"Feelings ..."

 

... are over-rated.

 

 

 

 

Easy PEasy

[Still winning]

((Beacon)).

 

I get this post.  It's like you turn off smoking and turn on the "STFU" setting lol.   I worked out my issue was I never learnt to manage emotions, I just smoked from a young age -is this like your story too?

 

Posting on the swear thread helps. Pillow punching. Walking. Meditation. Taking some time out. Writing things down (blog/diary). Basically, these things work better when you move them external rather than leave them inside of you. 

 

xx

[Pippa]

((( Beacon ))) - I can't add much and I agree that searching for an alternative way to deal with the emotions instead of disappearing for a smoke can be frustrating ! Not much help I know - but at least I can send some hugs your way !

[El Bandito]

Wow.

 

Deep.

 

The joys of being as deep as a puddle (like me) is that these things never even occur to me....

 

Im going to think about this a while....

[action]

Everyone already seems to have said similar things that I would have said - I used smoking to hide or mask over things... now they are no longer hidden, I have to deal with them accordingly.  And even if it is hard, it is one millions times easier than than being a smoker.

 

(((Beacon)))

[Susana]

 

 I never thought that smoking suppressed anything.

 

 

I don´t think smoking suppresses anything, or nicotine. It is a bit of junkie thinking to give smoking the power to actually "do" something. It only does one thing: keep us addicted. A non smoker going through a crisis will not think "hum, the accounts don´t balance, I´ll smoke a cigarette and see if I think more clearly" Only a smoker would think that... because he is an addict and he doesn´t think like a "normal" (as in "non-smoking") person.

 

But I did notice something when I quit last year after 20 + years smoking 2 packs a day. I could call it "enhanced self-awareness".

 

On those 20 + years, how many times did I hear "that will kill you" "you are killing yourself" "that is bad for you"... how many people around us have we SEEN die of smoking, how many times have we read "smoking kills"... For 20+ years!!!!! Yet we still smoke another one, and another one, and another one...

 

To be subject to this constant "attack" and still carry on smoking, we must have had to suppress some self-protection resort inside our brains. Suicidal people don´t kill themselves slowly, they go for quick and painless deaths. And sometimes they don´t die and it is like "OMG what was I thinking of???" We are killing ourselves slowly. We know it. We chose to do it... surely we have suppressed something up there. It is not a moment of obfuscation, it is one day, and another, and another... 20+ years.

 

When I quit I suddenly started feeling "different". Actually I started "feeling". Somethings I felt I liked, like I felt more self-esteem and started looking after my appearance better, somethings I felt I didn´t like, like I realised my marriage was over and had been for quite a while. But I did feel more alive than I had done in a very very long time. In fact I discovered I had some health issues that had gone unnoticed... not because they were not noticeable but because I wasn´t even paying attention. "I am killing myself slowly and I will die of smoking in a few years, so what is the point of looking inside things anyway?" (sort of) And then you start feeling. And you feel things that are not right and you feel that you can make them right.

 

And that spreads to other areas of life.

 

So yes, we have quit. We are back to normal and can live life to the full like non-smokers do... hang on... only we have a plus point over them. We have actually quit. We are at the "OMG what was I thinking of??? stage. Heightened awareness.

 

Sorry about the rant. I have this problem with words... why use two if two hundred will do? :P

[El Bandito]

Thought about it...

 

Susana's post rings the most true with me. I wasn't suppressing anything - hiding from anything.

 

I was self-delusional - in terms of "I'll quit next year", "You only live once" etc...but that's all.

 

Did quitting make me feel powerful?

 

Oh yeah baby....it makes me feel that I can do anything - anything I want.

 

But I didn't have the issues described in the early posts. That must be quite a big thing to discover - but I am absolutely certain that you gals will defeat those issues with the same grace and gentle strength that you quit smoking. B)

[REZ]

I agree with all of the above.

Smoking literately hid the issues for us under the cloud of smoke.

Now we will be a mentally stronger person eventually, nothing to hide under!

It takes a little time to get stronger mentally, just like beating this addiction,
just like working out does for the body

Stay the coarse and everything will fall in to place for you!
 

[Still winning]

For me it really did cloud my judgement. Brain felt permantly "fugged" and smoking bought me thinking time. 

 

I do not want to smoke, for sure that's a no - but I struggle to put something else in it's place that gives me the ILLUSION (I know it's an illusion which is progress) of coping. 

 

It also transpires that people really piss me off more!! Or perhaps it's that we tolerate less now due to higher self worth etc? 

 

Interested in the thread and answers tbh.

 

x

[bakon]

I don't think smoking hurt my thinking. Been an idiot whole life. Ask anyone. Mom " you idiot go to your room". All the way to now people point out how I should have done something else. I say forget about it (with accent like a New Jersey gangster).

I have always been an over thinker. Nice to kick back and just let it be what it is. Quit caring what others think altogether after second wife. Just don't mean anything. But how has quiting changed anything.... Like burrito I am only deep to those close to me. Just a puddle to everyone else. Step an move along.

So I think just as much, used to smoke and decide what to do, now I just take a moment without a shitstick. But like the pimp and Rez or anyone else quiting makes the body feel better and mind follows. So more possibilities exist now. Can think just as good but physically can act on more.

 

It doesn't change your personality to quit smoking. If you are a buttface before,

, guess what you still are?

But you beacon are truly a beacon to se here. You have proven it is possible to grow an not talk about cats/cat avatars. Your strength and new mental abilities give hope to the entire short bus.

[Leanna]

Beacon, I think I understand what you're saying. Over time, it gets easier to manage.

 

I turned into a hypochondriac. When I was a smoker, I felt invincible. I never worried about illnesses and even smoked while sick. Now I struggle to not Google every "symptom" I have. (Google is evil btw; do not Google symptoms!)

 

I'm starting to get over that, but it's just taken time to do so. I have a habit of thinking about all the terrible things I've done to my body by smoking, but I realize that my body has started to repair itself. I have also realized that I get sick less now that I don't smoke!

[bakon]

Annal again your backwards. You should feel better now with less symptoms. Get your tongue of the window and move towards back of the bus