It's all good !!!!!

[...]

I have made it home after passing one store after another.  And each time I thought about pulling in, I would reinforce the idea that I am a non smoker.  I don't need anything from that store. 

 

Today has admittedly been a white knuckling kind of day.  It's been an every 10 minute SNOT day.  But I'm home. And I even thought about getting drunk.  But I decided against that too cause I was too weirded out that I might go to my weakest link (the neighbor) and bum that infamous "just one" smoke and ruin everything.  Instead, I sent my little guy to one of his friends and I'm just going to lose myself in tv tonight.  I think I'm going to go into work tomorrow to keep me busy and preoccupied.  We are short of staff and they can use the help.  That's my plan.   

 

While we were on vacation, I took the kids to a water park.  Every time we go to one, I buy this waterproof little case to store my cigarettes in so they don't get wet.  Well we walk in and I head straight to the counter and tell the lady what I want.  She rings me up and about that time, my daughter comes in and asks me what I'm doing.  I tell her and she says to me...... "why do you need to get one of those ?"  I started to tell her why and for the life of me, I started stuttering...... I couldn't think of why I needed it.  My daughter busted out laughing.  She thought it was the funniest thing..... she starts telling EVERYONE that I was buying it cause that is what I'm used to doing so that my smokes don't get wet.  But that I don't smoke anymore !!!!  I just left the store and didn't buy it.  And my daughter was laughing her ass off. 

 

The whole point of that is..... I'm still struggling on internalizing this whole not smoking lifestyle.  

 

I can't even begin to tell you all the thoughts that have been invading my innocent little brain today. It's been relentless but I don't want to smoke. And I'm still holding on to that. 

 

Thanks everyone.  I read each and every post on here and I cannot begin to tell y'all how much I needed to hear what y'all said.  Tomorrow is going to be a new day.  And I will make it to tomorrow. 

 

As a matter of fact, tomorrow will be 36 days !!!!  I have only made it to 36 days one other time and I ended up smoking on that day.  So tomorrow I will be making history.  lol

[MarylandQuitter]

You're awesome, Tiffany.  You keep holding on to us because we're not letting go.  36 days is awesome!!!

[mtbjay]

Fantastic. Very well done! Funny story about the protective case! 

[Pippa]

Hey Tiffany - late as always .. I blame time zones ! So glad you are staying strong and I know you can do this ... Great job posting an SOS - remember we all want to support you whenever you need it !

[Still winning]

I was so happy to read this from you tiff and I assume this is now a new day for you too, when you wake. 

 

Let's set some history for you today, 36 days of freedom my lovely. xx

[El Bandito]

Brilliant Tiff. You did amazingly.

 

Every single part of my day was punctuated by smoking and every single routine had to change. Getting up. Going out. Driving. Shopping. Working. Not working. Drinking. Eating. Vacationing....and on and on

 

Then, when you feel you want to celebrate making some changes...bang! You want a cigarette. It can seem relentless.

 

It is not relentless. You are winning, defeating triggers one by one. It gets easier and easier and the benefits keep building.

 

Sometimes 'sheer bloody mindedness' is all we have as Marti posted elsewhere.

 

Today will be better Tiff.

 

Well done.

[Doreensfree]

I spent my entire adult life smoking....

When I quit I was like a toddler learning for the first time......

Everything was new to me with out a cig in hand.....

Well done tiff.....you have won a battle.......

Hugs

[sharonsiff]

So glad to read your update Tiff.

 

If it helps any I too found it tricky to internalise the no longer a smoker part, even while I was vaping which must seem ridiculous, but sadly it was non the less very true.

 

Maybe if you can't do both just deal with one thing at a time? You've done the physical not smoking part and just accept and trust that the mind will eventually catch up. I would say to you read this, read that and of course that might help you, but, if like me you've been reading Allen Carr and this and that since 97 then sometimes it can be best to just trust and accept that you physically have to have first gone through the hell of it and then the mind just catches up and finds everlasting peace.

 

Just don't smoke Tiff and the rest will follow.

[Nancy]

Tiffany, I just know that you are going to make it!!  Stay close, and keep us posted!