Hi, I am new here and I am glad I found this forum

[Doreensfree]

That book doesn't work for everyone ....

Maybe if you come here and talk through the concerns you have ....

We have been asked most questions I'm sure ...nothing will shock us ...

Before I Quit I never saw myself as a addict ....I was just a lady who liked to smoke ...

It wasn't until I came to understand I was in the grip of a addiction ,same as any other ...

It wasn't a lady who enjoyed a smoke ....I was a addict who could stop ....

It's understanding this addiction ,what keeps us hooked and why ....

Once my junkie brain got it ....I knew what I had to do ....

Never Take Another Puff ....

[jillar]

@11better11, have you tried watching any of the videos in our video library? Maybe there's something there that will click for you? 

[11better11]

47 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

That book doesn't work for everyone ....

Maybe if you come here and talk through the concerns you have ....

We have been asked most questions I'm sure ...nothing will shock us ...

Before I Quit I never saw myself as a addict ....I was just a lady who liked to smoke ...

It wasn't until I came to understand I was in the grip of a addiction ,same as any other ...

It wasn't a lady who enjoyed a smoke ....I was a addict who could stop ....

It's understanding this addiction ,what keeps us hooked and why ....

Once my junkie brain got it ....I knew what I had to do ....

Never Take Another Puff ....

Same. I saw myself as a lady who smoked and now I see myself as Fag Ash Lil (as Mr. Carr puts it lol).

 

I do love Joel's library though. The Law of addiction is very well put. Although thinking that I will always be "in recovery" and addiction can only be arrested is making me depressed. 

Edited July 19, 2022 by 11better11

[11better11]

36 minutes ago, jillar said:

@11better11, have you tried watching any of the videos in our video library? Maybe there's something there that will click for you? 

 

Yes, many. I am also reading Joel's blogposts. I can't seem to push forward though. What is the point of knowing all this theory when I cant put it into practice.

[Doreensfree]

You have to want to Quit ...more than you want to smoke ....

I've referred to a quit as doing the hokey kokey....you have to put your whole self in ....

Not in and out ...

It's all about commitment.....you make that promise to never smoke again ...and stick to it ....

You can have all the tools to help you ...you can read,watch ...but at the end of the day ,it's all down to you putting the work in ,and making it happen ..

[DenaliBlues]

Hi, @11better11. Glad to see you check in again today!

 

For what it’s worth, Allen Carr didn’t much help me, either. Each of us is different, and that’s okay - we all have our own reasons for seeking freedom and unique approaches that will work for us.

 

Addiction gives us a very bleak and distorted view of ourselves that is not accurate. One of my own motivations for quitting was needing to break out of that trap of feeling ashamed for my “failure” to self regulate. If you’re in a similar place, know this - you are not defective. You are more capable than your addiction would have you believe. 

 

You can follow a quitting plan, or simply pick something - anything - to do instead of lighting up. (Exercise, lozenges, games, chores… whatever works for you.) Keep us posted - we are rooting for you.

[jillar]

1 hour ago, 11better11 said:

 

Yes, many. I am also reading Joel's blogposts. I can't seem to push forward though. What is the point of knowing all this theory when I cant put it into practice.

 

You CAN put it into practice, we all are proof of that. Think of something else you had to quit doing, for me it was dirt bike riding, I equated quitting to just like I couldn't ride anymore I couldn't smoke. That was it.  I would remind myself over and over again that all (good?!) things must come to an end and smoking was that next thing. 

It really is more simple than we all make it out to be in our heads, you just quit. That's it. Don't buy anymore, don't bum anymore and realize that you will be uncomfortable for a bit while you withdraw the nicotine.

[Boo]

2 hours ago, 11better11 said:

What is the point of knowing all this theory when I cant put it into practice.

 

Why do you want to quit smoking?

 

Really think about your answer.

 

For some, it was health reasons.  For others, it was social pressures.  For me, it was the loss of independence.  Smoking controlled my life and was beginning to limit the places I would go.  If I couldn't smoke there, I didn't want to go there.  Every single successful quitter had a clear reason for quitting.

 

Once you are clear about why, you'll figure out how.

[DenaliBlues]

2 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

you have to put your whole self in

@Doreensfree, I agree that quitting is a serious undertaking and requires one to actually not smoke! "Dabbling" doesn't do it. However...

 

...the "whole self" and "100% commitment" ideas were very counterproductive for me for a long time. It was simply too high of a bar for me for starters. I put off quitting for years because I knew full well that I was not "100% all in." I wanted to keep smoking. My nicotine-flooded mind could in no way conceive of "never" or "forever." I felt like a loser not having a stronger desire to quit.

 

What ultimately helped me get out of this loop was to accept ambivalence as my baseline state while shifting my focus to the behavior of smoking. I stopped trying to eliminate my ambivalence and eliminated the physical act, instead - and all the wretchedness that goes with it. With nicotine no longer turning my head into a weird house of wavy mirrors, I can now tackle the longer term emotional and psychological aspects of recovery.  

 

All of which is to say, for anyone who is hovering in a place of competing longings - just try quitting. You don't have to attain a perfect state of readiness first. I wasn't convinced at the outset, but I'm happy to be learning that I can indeed experience a full and grateful life without nicotine. The longing is less powerful on most days. Hopefully it will die altogether eventually. But even if it lingers, I've got @jillar's dirt bike metaphor to get me through. Brilliant.     

Edited July 19, 2022 by DenaliBlues

[Doreensfree]

After countless of failed attempts ....I'd run out of time ....

Quit  or have both feet amputated was my only choice ....

Smoking effects every part of your body ....

Don't leave it too long ....

[Kris]

Let's pause and think about things in life that were not a choice, things we were forced to do even though we did not want to.  Illness, caregiving, death those things come to us all at one point or another. That will be something each one of face not matter what.  

 

For me, I did not want my son to have to deal with it again when he is so young.  He was here for the rollercoaster that was our life when his Dad got sick.

 

I hope to spare him a long ordeal.  I also want to have better health to I can be part of my grandsons life,.

 

Once you figure out the stuff you do want for your future, you can let go of the past. You will know that smoking is not the most important thing in your life.  Makes it much easier, it will be hard work but everything worth having is hard work. 

[AceWhite]

23 hours ago, 11better11 said:

Yes I read Allen Carr's book and it made me feel guilty and ashamed and I started smoking more. The moment of freedom and exhilration never came. Every no-smoking forum hails his book as the cure all but it had no effect on me. That big monster little monster analogy makes no sense. 

There is no "magic pill" which is what you seem to be looking for. Quitting an addiction takes hard work and commitment, and digging in when it gets tough. Knowledge is only a weapon when you use it.

[11better11]

3 hours ago, AceWhite said:

There is no "magic pill" which is what you seem to be looking for. Quitting an addiction takes hard work and commitment, and digging in when it gets tough. Knowledge is only a weapon when you use it.

Magic pill, correct. That is how people talk about the book. It isn't a magic pill and withdrawal is real. So easy to fall back, even increase nicotine consumption. 

9 hours ago, Kris said:

Let's pause and think about things in life that were not a choice, things we were forced to do even though we did not want to.  Illness, caregiving, death those things come to us all at one point or another. That will be something each one of face not matter what.  

 

For me, I did not want my son to have to deal with it again when he is so young.  He was here for the rollercoaster that was our life when his Dad got sick.

 

I hope to spare him a long ordeal.  I also want to have better health to I can be part of my grandsons life,.

 

Once you figure out the stuff you do want for your future, you can let go of the past. You will know that smoking is not the most important thing in your life.  Makes it much easier, it will be hard work but everything worth having is hard work. 

Thanks for sharing your story!

[11better11]

21 hours ago, DenaliBlues said:

@Doreensfree, I agree that quitting is a serious undertaking and requires one to actually not smoke! "Dabbling" doesn't do it. However...

 

...the "whole self" and "100% commitment" ideas were very counterproductive for me for a long time. It was simply too high of a bar for me for starters. I put off quitting for years because I knew full well that I was not "100% all in." I wanted to keep smoking. My nicotine-flooded mind could in no way conceive of "never" or "forever." I felt like a loser not having a stronger desire to quit.

 

What ultimately helped me get out of this loop was to accept ambivalence as my baseline state while shifting my focus to the behavior of smoking. I stopped trying to eliminate my ambivalence and eliminated the physical act, instead - and all the wretchedness that goes with it. With nicotine no longer turning my head into a weird house of wavy mirrors, I can now tackle the longer term emotional and psychological aspects of recovery.  

 

All of which is to say, for anyone who is hovering in a place of competing longings - just try quitting. You don't have to attain a perfect state of readiness first. I wasn't convinced at the outset, but I'm happy to be learning that I can indeed experience a full and grateful life without nicotine. The longing is less powerful on most days. Hopefully it will die altogether eventually. But even if it lingers, I've got @jillar's dirt bike metaphor to get me through. Brilliant.     

This makes a lot of sense. I am plagues with lots of doubts. 

 

Deep inside I want my quit process to be perfect and myself to be 100% ready. Cold turkey, NOPE, no pain of withdrawal, no cravings ever, just walk away free. But reality doesnt work that way. 

 

Your comment made me realise: am I putting off my recovery because of the fear of "not being perfect"?? 

 

I haven't even tried quitting for a long period. I am afraid I think. I can't even go more than 24 hrs I cave in and do it. Every night I smoke 5 and I am full of disgust. I brush my teeth and swear I wont do it in the morning. And yet as soon as I wake up I smoke.....even though I dont have ANY cravings. Its something else that makes me go light one up. Something which makes me feel I must have one. 

Edited July 20, 2022 by 11better11

[Doreensfree]

Something which makes me feel I must have one. 

 

Yes ...it's called Addiction ....

The only way to free yourself ...is make a commitment to never have another one ...ever....

There is no magic cure ...

We all here on the Train are not special snowflakes ..we just made that promise to ourselves ...

Only you can make it happen ...we can only support you through your journey ...

 

[11better11]

2 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

Something which makes me feel I must have one. 

 

Yes ...it's called Addiction ....

The only way to free yourself ...is make a commitment to never have another one ...ever....

There is no magic cure ...

We all here on the Train are not special snowflakes ..we just made that promise to ourselves ...

Only you can make it happen ...we can only support you through your journey ...

 

 Holy shit this puts everything into perspective. It isnt the actual physical symptoms that bother me its the mental "need." Its addiction. Got to start my day with it, need it when bored, need it when alone. 

 

Till now I only thought that the addiction was to the chemical. But no the addiction is also to the whole process of lighting up and inhaling. 

 

Edit: Now I understand it and wonder how I didnt realize it when it was in front of me all along. 

 

I am making a pledge today. The replies have given me confidence. Not another puff today. 

 

 

Edit 2: Reminder to self. The addiction is to:

1. The chemical

2. The process of smoking

3. The feeling of "mmm" that comes after smoking and lasts 2 seconds. 

 

 

Edited July 20, 2022 by 11better11

[garry mhudson]

It is an addiction and admitting that weakness in one`s self will give you the willpower to keep trying to quit. You want this and you have to fight for it. We all do and have done it. I think you can but you have to believe in yourself. Best wishes 11better11. 

[DenaliBlues]

Yes!
 

The addiction is 1) chemical, 2) psychological, 3) emotional and 4) ritual. All tightly tangled, all warping our sense of what’s possible.
 

FEAR = false evidence appearing real. Before I quit I was very afraid, too. Part of me truly thought I would keel over and die - or be perpetually incomplete - without nicotine. That was me being an addict, panicking about not getting my next fix. That part of my brain had plenty of tantrums when I quit, which really sucked. Still does suck sometimes. But I DIDN’T die. And I am NOT incomplete. I’m actually far more wholly myself than before.
 

I still lurch along one day at a time. “Not another puff today” is a great way to begin to break free!   You can do this!

[11better11]

8 minutes ago, garry mhudson said:

It is an addiction and admitting that weakness in one`s self will give you the willpower to keep trying to quit. You want this and you have to fight for it. We all do and have done it. I think you can but you have to believe in yourself. Best wishes 11better11. 

 

Thanks garry, your support and this forum has already started giving me strength. 

[11better11]

5 minutes ago, DenaliBlues said:

Yes!
 

The addiction is 1) chemical, 2) psychological, 3) emotional and 4) ritual. All tightly tangled, all warping our sense of what’s possible.

 Yes. Till today I never realised that this addiction is layered. For me:

1) chemical = nicotine

2)psychological = helps me relieve boredom

3) emotional = I feel lost without them

4) ritual = It feels good to do this on a break, in the morning, before bed, etc. 

 

[garry mhudson]

Keep trying and it will eventually stick but I believe you are much closer than you realize. You want this and you will find that you are stronger than the addiction. Keep busy and positive. Best wishes.

[Kris]

See, you are seeing it all, smoking is more that one thing, it has an effect on everything.  

That is what makes it so tough, your brain, body, and life have been all been given over to an addiction, that most of us did not even realize would happen.  There is no rehab for us like other addictions, we have to soldier through it ourselves.  Those that are lucky enough to find this board have been given a major opportunity to have others that offer support, advice and friendship while we struggle.  You can do this, you will be surprised once you get going.  Just reach out, everyone will hold your hand!

[Doreensfree]

Take time to watch our 3 Documentaries....They are a eye opener ....It was the turning point for me ..

The Light Bulb Moment !!!!!....

This is why we recommend you watch and read all you can here ...Knowledge is POWER.....

And this is what you fight this addiction with ...

You can do it ...

Edited July 21, 2022 by Doreensfree