Fighting Against Relapse in Times of Stress

[DenaliBlues]

My quit is really being tested right now. My mother is lying in a hospital bed with seven staples in her skull after taking a bad fall. My urge to smoke at this time is ferocious, it's a pulling sensation deep in my body.

 

I can hear the siren song of my nicotine addiction so loudly. I want to smoke away my feelings of helplessness and anxiety. I want the “ahh” sensation of having a chemical craving satisfied. Smoking would help me to gather myself. It would be soothing, it would help me cope…

 

That is all a load of crap, of course. A web of falsehoods and illusions spun by my ingrained addict mind, romancing the smoke to lure me back. Time to dig deep to defend my quit. Instead of lighting up, I will visit this Train and ask for help. I will make a list of the reasons it’s worth fighting against a relapse. Maybe hammering them into a keyboard can hammer them into my head, too. I choose not to smoke today:

 

1. Because there is no such thing as smoking “just one” cigarette. One would inevitably lead to more. That’s the way nicotine addiction works.
2. Because there is no true solace or gratification to be found in smoking. That’s a false narrative created by my nicotine addiction. The reality is that smoking would trigger an endless cycle of chemically induced “chasing”… chasing a sensation of completion that never actually arrives. Been there. Done that. No thanks.
3. Because withdrawal was awful. I don’t want to go through it all over again.
4. Because I would feel lousy about relapsing. And I don’t want to feel lousy. In my current situation I don’t have the bandwidth for it, actually.
5. Because it’s a lot easier to navigate hospitals without being a smoker. Though I would rather not have made this discovery, it is a silver lining. No more biting my nails till my next chance to smoke. No more missing doctor’s rounds because I was off somewhere feeding my addiction. No more dashing multiple blocks through the rain to get off the nonsmoking campus, no more sucking down a few frantic and pathetic puffs, no more dashing back cold and drenched and stinky.
6. Because if I’m honest with myself and tell junkie mind to shush for a minute, I can't recall that smoking ever actually fixed anything that was broken.

 

I know I’m not the only one who’s had to make it through hard times without smoking. How did you make it through? What were YOUR reasons for not relapsing? How did you protect your quit?

 

Part of the magic of this community is helping each other rally… thanks for letting me lean on some of that collective strength today.

[jillar]

@DenaliBlues, I'm so sorry your mom is hospitalized. Sounds like a bad fall I'll be thinking positive thoughts for a speedy recovery.

Its times like these that I used my air cigarette (JAC). I just pretended I was holding an actual cigarette in my fingers and went through the motions of "smoking" it. It worked wonders at tricking my mind into thinking it was getting the real thing.

I also posted like you did asking members for their support. Just typing it out is all I needed a lot of times to start feeling better. 

Hopefully you're starting to feel a little better and the cravings are diminishing. You've listed great reasons to stay quit and every one of them is spot on.

[Doreensfree]

@DenaliBlues....

I'm sorry your Mom has had a nasty fall....wishing her a speedy recovery ❤

Well done for coming here and sharing ...and understanding smoking wouldn't change any situation...

All it would do is make you more miserable because you lost your precious quit ...

I was fighting to keep hold of my two feet...they and myself were on the way to be parted ...

So I knew smoking no matter what was out of the question ...

I did what you did ...I would come to the board ...for help....to help me stay focused ....

I would let the oldies here talk me through it ....

You have given a great list of reasons for keeping your Quit ....well done ..

 

 

[johnny5]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom, @DenaliBlues and I am also wishing her a speedy recovery.

 

People's quits definitely can get tested by stressful situations and I really like the list you put together for reasons NOT to relapse.  I made several attempts to quit before quitting for good and each relapse I allowed myself to be fooled by the lie of the "ahh" sensation of the chemical craving sensation being satisfied that you described.  I also told myself that I would just quit again later.  I did make several quit attempts again but each time was harder than the last.

 

After finding a support group similar to this, I realized that I was simply driving myself crazy by going through the cycle of quitting and relapsing, quitting and relapsing, etc.  I really did have a tough time with this until I accepted the fact that it was best to stop torturing myself and fight to keep my quit.  Whatever life threw my way,  I could not allow it to impact my quit.

 

Board member Cristobal has an excellent post entitled "Your Quit & Your Life - The Proper Sequence" which sums up how you should never let the events of life give you an excuse to light back up.  Please read the link below.  I hope it helps.

 

 

Edited June 5, 2022 by johnny5

[intoxicated yoda]

@DenaliBluessorry to hear about your mom.  I hope she will be ok.  In times like these I would ask myself what would change if I smoked?  would the situation improve?  and the one question that always got me...why are you thinking about smoking right now?  there are problems the size of mountains that need your attention and you're thinking about smoking?  What the F*** is wrong with you?  That would usually shame me into putting aside the smoking thoughts and get to the mattes at hand.  Hope this is of some help.

[Gus]

Hoping your mom has a speedy recovery! I get through my worst trials always by practicing my deep breathing. It just grounds and centers me. I just focus on my ability to breathe. I notice how deeply I can breathe and I feel my lungs expanding and I release it all in an ever so slow exhale of appreciation because I did it without a cough. Smoking a cigarette would take that from me. And that just wouldn’t do because I had only one quit in me. I would never survive another quit. Keeping that list of reasons you quit smoking in the first place and the tools you used to assist yourself in your quit handy helps a lot. Getting on here to immerse yourself in reading or to vent or to SOS are also on my list. Keep fighting to keep your quit and yes, by all means, hold your quit as being sacred to you. It is a part of who you are now. It is who you are now and you’ve shown that by getting on here for support instead of lighting up. Hugs for you! 

[Boo]

Sorry to hear about your mom Denali.

 

Congratulations however on recognizing that even in the most challenging times there is no good reason to smoke.  The ability to differentiate between the realities of smoking and the delusions of addiction is a major milestone in every successful quit.