Breaking the Invisible Chains

[DenaliBlues]

Sorry to hear that you smoked, @Shymaid. It's happened to all of us one way or another before our forever quits finally stuck. This addiction is wily and persistent and it wants to survive. Good for you for your immediate recommitment. You're doing the right things to talk about it here, re-immerse yourself in the literature, pledge NOPE (as often as needed!), and post yourself a reminder in the SOS column. Come up with a list of 100 things to do instead of smoking and use it when the urges surge. Also, notice what was or was not going on in your head or your heart right before you picked up... Was it a physical craving? Was it a strong emotion? A rationalization? Whatever it was, double your guard on that "door" to keep the nicotine demons out. Keep marching forward... you can do this!

 

[Gus]

I’m sorry that this happened to you @Shymaid. It’s great that you’ve hopped right back on the train though. Next time post an SOS and get some help riding out the crave. There is almost always someone on here and I don’t think there is anyone here that wouldn’t want to help someone else through a crave or with any problem you might be having really. Fighting the Nicodemon is all out warfare. You need to have an arsenal and you need to be prepared to use it. Try and do anything that keeps you from lighting up. Also, such easy accessibility to smoking materials while trying to quit is never, ever a good idea. But all in all, I am thankful that you decided to get right back on the train. 

[Shymaid]

Thank you, @DenaliBlues and @Gus!

 

There were several triggers at play at once, I suspect; the main two being

1) Lost in my own thoughts, and then I tend to go on autopilot

2) The availability of cigarettes in the house

 

I will have to hold myself in better check from now on! I really don't want to smoke anymore, and that is one reason to more or less just jump into it as fast as I did. Didn't have the patience to wait a few days to read a bit more or anything, just jumped. Not giving up! I did so well, so overall that is more encouraging than not. I can manage this without taking off for the wilderness which then just postpones the hard part - getting back to civilization and facing the truth of the quit.

[Shymaid]

So, tomorrow I'll be more careful with the coffee. I think that contributed today, but mostly with me confusing a caffeine-buzz with withdrawal pang. Perhaps that's why I've previously thought the pangs go on and on forever, almost? Not thought that hard on the connection between nicotine and caffeine before, other than my personal mental association between the two. That might help.

The sleepiness throws me off a bit; today I was tired again 1,5 hours after getting up and I thought it a waste to go back to bed. After all, I was already up! And as said before, I'm a bit afraid of throwing off my sleeping pattern. But listening a bit more to my body, keeping more of a mental tab on what's going on, etc. I am still very optimistic, though!

 

Also, getting blood sugar under better control will probably help!

Edited May 29, 2022 by Shymaid

[jillar]

Glad you're right back after your relapse. I thought your ticker was acting up until I read this. Hopefully next time, if there is one, you'll try using our SOS forum. It really has helped a lot of us

 

[Shymaid]

1 minute ago, jillar said:

Hopefully next time, if there is one, you'll try using our SOS forum.

Hopefully I'll be a bit more aware of what I'm doing so I can actually USE the SOS forum

 

Alas, it was not just my ticker acting up. I might be at the start of new three days, but I don't feel like I am where I was on Thursday, so that's good!

[jillar]

That's good @Shymaid. Don't forget to change your quit date too

[Shymaid]

Oh, there's that as well! Confused it with the ticker, lol

[feeling_patchy]

Good luck @Shymaid I'm sorry to hear about your relapse and really hope that you have a better experience today

[Shymaid]

Thank you, @feeling_patchy!

Was a rough start to the day; one of those where everything seems to go wrong and everything is done just to make you angry Including the internet being down for some hours. But I've managed so far at least

[feeling_patchy]

Well, stuff like that's enough to make anyone angry! I think many are addicted to the internet without realizing it and it would be easy to link internet withdrawal symptoms to nicotine and panic! ... At least you haven't let it get to you by the sounds of it, well done! That in itself is something to feel proud of!

[Shymaid]

Oh, yes! Internet addiction is not only real, but very prevalent! I think many don't realize because it's not a physical drug; or they know/suspect but don't take it seriously because it's not something physical. In many ways similar to nicotine addiction, which is taken less serious than other drugs. I'm very aware of it in myself, though, and try to take periods off the computer and immerse myself in analogue life. Today it was mostly as some of the resources I use to keep my mind off nicotine and strengthen my resolve, is on the internet. This place, Allen Carr's book, videos etc. So I became a bit panicky about that. Not to mention my yoga is online, and as this is my 150th day I most certainly do NOT want to miss it just because some BLOODY FOOLS can't do their job properly!!! We changed service provider today, and they mixed something up in the transfer. I had resigned to the fact that it might not be back until tonight, when I suddenly saw it was fixed!

[feeling_patchy]

Could I also please reccomend you try Gillian Riley's How to Stop Smoking and Stay Stopped for Good. I read Allen Carr's books too (the tiny one, the regular one and the very thick one!) and whilst they're excellent at dispelling the myths about smoking, I still found something lacking--well, in that I never found it easy to quit! They did help me very much to understand the two monsters, though, and how little cigarettes actually give to you. I do still use them daily in my mind! ... Gillian's book resonated more easily with me, though. She is very pragmatic and easy to understand. It's a far gentler and less dramatic approach I found and I've come away feeling very relaxed and in control of my quitting. If nothing else, it's well worth reading the first part to get a good basic understanding of nicotine addiction and why it's so difficult to break free. If, like myself, you felt lost, it helps you to stabalize and feel in control again--no matter how many times you've failed in the past.

[Shymaid]

4 hours ago, feeling_patchy said:

Could I also please reccomend you try Gillian Riley's How to Stop Smoking and Stay Stopped for Good.

If this attempts fail, I might try that. I don't want to mix and match too many methods, and right now it's going well. Second half of the day has been fairly good (might be because I've been shopping, though ), and the pangs hasn't been too bad. Including after eating a huge burger! A slight after-meal-pang, but it wasn't hard at all to sit through.

[feeling_patchy]

Yes, absolutley, go for it! And don't use my reccomendation as an excuse not to--the book even states that the biggest part of the battle is learning confidence yourself in dealing with cravings, so you're following it's advice anyway! Well done on eating the huge burger too! I'm so glad, for you, that you've had a much better day!

[DenaliBlues]

Well done, @Shymaid... I mean well done on conquering the after-meal smoking urge, unless your burger was well done, too?  The more experience you gain in not smoking, the stronger your quit will get. Keep going!

 

 

[Shymaid]

1 hour ago, feeling_patchy said:

Yes, absolutley, go for it! And don't use my reccomendation as an excuse not to--the book even states that the biggest part of the battle is learning confidence yourself in dealing with cravings, so you're following it's advice anyway! Well done on eating the huge burger too! I'm so glad, for you, that you've had a much better day!

Yes, confidence is definitely a part of it for me! The cravings has always seemed so scary to me, and the fear of failure.

I'm glad you've found a resource that works for you! Sometimes you just have to find the message conveyed the right way for you! I'll keep the book in mind if I find I need more to keep me going, so thank you for the recommendation!

1 hour ago, DenaliBlues said:

Well done, @Shymaid... I mean well done on conquering the after-meal smoking urge, unless your burger was well done, too?  The more experience you gain in not smoking, the stronger your quit will get. Keep going!

 

 

Well, the burger was well done! But I think I've done well as well, haha!

[Shymaid]

Much easier today than when I first started! Several things has changed for it to be that way, and I've learned a lot in how to deal with the cravings.

 

- Apparently anger will drain the body of nicotine, so that explains the VERY strong urges I had Saturday when I was fuming. Also as I've dealt with that by taking a cigarette before, so I have to find better ways to deal with that emotion. The anger today gave me much less cravings, showing how the body has rid itself of the vast majority of the nicotine.

- I've only had 4 cups of coffee today (the measurement cups, not actual mugs I drink from! They are way larger!) and I used a smaller cup to see if that helped by tricking me to think I'd had more than I had. That didn't work, the coffee was gone in no time. But I switched to tea instead for the rest of the day, and had 3 cups of that. It really improved the cravings, or rather what I'd thought was cravings. It really was the buzz from the caffeine I'm no longer used to feeling, and so mistook that for nicotine cravings.

- It helps doing stuff I don't normally do, but I don't think that's a long term answer. I have to go back to my normal life sooner or later, so I have to learn to deal with it in my normal situation. But perhaps it will help during these first few days at least. Also I'm looking forward to wash down everything to get rid of the staining!

 

All in all I think the first three days will be much easier now than my original three first days. Most of the filth is out of my system by now, so the hardest detox part is probably over. Mucous is starting to come out as well, less fun, hehe! But not too bad. A bit more cough and a bit more stuffy in my sinuses. Blood sugar has started to normalize; the first days I got a wolf hunger about every second hour - which I am NOT used to! But that has mostly gone now and been replaced by a more normal sense of hunger. I knew the cigarettes affected my hunger, but didn't realize how much! Also my head is a bit more in place now, though sometimes I zone out a bit still. It's fairly exciting to find out how my body will work without regular administrations of poison!

Upward and onward!

[jillar]

Glad to hear you're having better days already @Shymaid, that's awesome Its true that after three days pretty much all the nicotine is out of your system but your body has lots more work to do to rid all the other 1000's of chemicals we ingested when we smoked. 

The damaged cilia begin to repair themselves and then get to work cleaning out all that gunk which could take a few weeks. Some people find that their breathing gets worse before it gets better because of this.

[Boo]

6 hours ago, Shymaid said:

 I've only had 4 cups of coffee today (the measurement cups, not actual mugs I drink from! They are way larger!) and I used a smaller cup to see if that helped by tricking me to think I'd had more than I had. That didn't work, the coffee was gone in no time. But I switched to tea instead for the rest of the day, and had 3 cups of that. It really improved the cravings, or rather what I'd thought was cravings. It really was the buzz from the caffeine I'm no longer used to feeling, and so mistook that for nicotine cravings.

 

Nicotine doubles the rate that the body depletes caffeine.  Something to consider going forward.

[Shymaid]

7 hours ago, jillar said:

Glad to hear you're having better days already @Shymaid, that's awesome Its true that after three days pretty much all the nicotine is out of your system but your body has lots more work to do to rid all the other 1000's of chemicals we ingested when we smoked. 

The damaged cilia begin to repair themselves and then get to work cleaning out all that gunk which could take a few weeks. Some people find that their breathing gets worse before it gets better because of this.

Oh, I know it's just the beginning of the journey! Thanks for the warning, though, with the breathing. I'm just glad my body has been able to tell me it's much happier without it before anything like that might kick in - and that I'm able to hear it as I'm not hysterical Like some breathing pain I didn't really notice (or steadfastly ignored...) until I took that one cigarette on Sunday, then I remembered I've had that for a time. Also I feel cleaner inside in general, which is a great relief! I've had a need to "get clean" inside for quite a while now, so it's gratifying to finally start moving toward that!

 

1 hour ago, Boo said:

 

Nicotine doubles the rate that the body depletes caffeine.  Something to consider going forward.

Yeah, I found that out the hard way Hadn't seen it mentioned anywhere in what I'd read, but found out on Sunday. It's really a good thing, as I drink way too much coffee anyway and have been wanting to cut down or go off completely. Easier when your body doesn't tolerate it anymore!

[Doreensfree]

Your doing great @Shymaid....

Your body is making huge changes just now ...it's been used to having a load of poisons every day ...

be kind to yourself...

alot of us felt anger at the beginning ....I had a punching pillow ,that flew through the air on many occasions.