Giving up my car for 3 weeks this time.

[nicotine_free]

One thing that seems to be helping me is replacing my thoughts of smoking.

 

So when I think "I want to smoke" I immediately replace it with "I want to breathe fresh air" and

 

when I think "I need to smoke" I replace it with "I need to breathe fresh air"

 

It allows me to be proactive instead of debating the issue.

[Kris]

I don't want to replace or debate the issue.  I feel like if I do not face it straight on, go through the loss, the anger, the fear, the grief of leaving a part of me (mind you a bad part) in the past.

 

When I can come here and honestly say I have no desire what so ever, I will know I am nonsmoker.  That will take a long time.  What I have to remember is it is okay, as long as I wake every day with commitment to the goal, I am more likely to achieve it.   

 

I often think of those who have had a relapse. The question that makes me really think is how do they have the strength to start over?  Why don't they just use that strength to not relapse? I am not judging, I wish I had the strength to relapse, but I know I don't have courage to start over.  When you remove the that option, things become clear.

[KEL]

@KrisI'd say yes. But also be careful not to punish yourself. We have to know when to stop grieving the "loss" of something and focus on what is still left standing. I have no idea when that happens as each person is different. But I have spent a lifetime wishing things were different and they are not. I think the easier way is to accept what is and go from there.

Being an addict is not a bad thing in my opinion. We are all addicts as it is the nature of the human condition to want or need something outside of ourselves to feel okay. And very few of us have much ability to moderate-it just manifests in different ways for each of us. Humans can turn anything into an obsession-we are that good at it.

What I have found is the addiction forces me to confront things I don't like about myself and strive to do better, to be a better version I think without that impetus (the life or death thingy that smoking/addiction represents for us), its easy to get complacent and live a life (I heard someone say this last night and it struck me) UNLIVED. Rather lived in the shadows of what we could be if only we were willing to confront our demons.

 

 

 

[jillar]

28 minutes ago, Kris said:

When I can come here and honestly say I have no desire what so ever, I will know I am nonsmoker.  That will take a long time.  What I have to remember is it is okay, as long as I wake every day with commitment to the goal, I am more likely to achieve it.   

Well said Kris  

 

 

[Kris]

@Kel, I do accept how things are.  That is why I am struggling through my addiction. I smoked for 40 plus years, it was a part of me. Trust me, I have suffered many losses that I did not choose but had no choice in the matter.  People told me the pain would be less as time went on.  It was not. The sooner you sit in the pain, however long it takes, the more you can understand your feelings.  They are only your feelings, no one else has to know, only you have to deal with the decisions you make.  Right or wrong, in the big scheme of things we are only responsible for ourselves.  There is no one to blame but me.  I am the only one that can change things. I do not punish myself in any way. I have quit smoking because I had to.  There were medical tests that made that made it a priority. So here we are.  I hope that my honesty will help our younger members quit before there are medical reasons.  Let's take a look @Boo, a young man recently married and building a family.  He is reaping the rewards on quitting an early age. We need to foster that.

 

 

[JustinHoot99]

2 hours ago, Kris said:

 One word "action" speaks to me.  The action for me is I wake up every day and I am breathing. I am also not hiding from the fact that I am addict.  I want to face it and struggle through it.  For me, doing this will teach me that only I can change it.  I still admit that I want to smoke.  I want to embrace the pain so much that I never want to feel it again. Is that an "action"?

It comes down to semantics and how one personally defines "action", which won't be the same for everyone.  When I lost my job 6yrs ago, I immediately too action.  Updated resume, signed up for a couple classes at local college, contacted head hunters and friends.  When my weight pass the point I am willing to tolerate (180lbs is my trip point), I take action.  Replace bad food choices for good, increase activity level, etc.  These are what I call "actions".   Concrete steps necessary to achieve a goal.  Some of the things I do to quit are actions like having my wife hide keys, getting my podcasts update on phone so I'm ready for long drives when I get my keys back, etc.  But really, the main action to me is not an action.  It is "not doing something" which is the opposite of my definition of action.  

However we get there and however we define things, the goal is the same.  No more nicotene.

[Kris]

You are doing great.  I am retired and I would not like to go through the struggle of finding a new job.  It is rare that you find it all in one place, something you enjoy at a fair wage with good benefits.  You have it all over me on the weight thing.  I gained weight in the years since my husband passed.  Does not mean much to me until the doctor complains.  

 

Maybe it does not compute to you as an action but you are doing plenty of actions to keep your quit.  That is all that matters, does not matter what you do as long as you don't smoke.  Your action is saving your life, the greatest action of all!

 

[JustinHoot99]

Start of day 3. My previous early morning routine was to walk to the gas station to get my soda, and of course  have a cigarette along the way.  I would then do some of my job work for an hour or 2, then go to the woods and do my workout, of course having cigarettes before and after the work out (If I was just hiking and not doing a bunch of freebody exercises, I might have some during as well).  Today, I put my check on the 1mth calendar I printed out, come straight to my desk and get on here.  In about 20min, I will be going to do my workout.  I have to be creative because I can't drive for 19 more days so I can't get to the woods where I work out.  Have to find things to do locally and have been going to the nearby grade school where the police will eventually stop and question me.  Very natural thing to do since they will not be used to seeing a 60yr old man doing rolls over tables, jumping on and off things, and climbing on the playground equipment at 6am in the dark. lol  My normal workouts consist of hiking w/ some short slow jogging thrown in, lifting heavy stuff (rocks and logs), free body exercises like pushups/pullups/situps, and movnat ground exercises (which is mobility oriented).  Oh yes, and I do "old man Parkour", which basically consists of an old man jumping on/off low objects, simple vaults and rolls, climbing on/over things, and balance work.  The old man Parkour is what I'm sure will attract the police.  (I'm perfectly fine w/ them doing that by the way and I believe they should.)

I wish stopping smoking gave me the kind of dopamine high that exercise does.  For me, exercise is a habit.  I simply never miss a day.  Quitting smoking is simply taking away something.  It's kind of like the difference between dieting and exercising.  Dieting is basically the elimination of crap foods that give us a "high" in one form or another.  Exercising is the addition of a high.  Which is why I find it much easier to exercise consistently that eat "right" consistently.  Some will point out that quitting smoking is the addition of clean fresh air, removal of stink, easier breathing etc.  The thing is, I don't have trouble breathing and the air doesn't taste any different.  There is no immediate "buzz" associated w/ quitting smoking like there is exercising.  I'm not quitting for better air, etc.  I'm quitting because I want to reduce my chances of getting cancer and to save money (and so I can stop scheduling my day around finding time to sneak off an smoke).  The saving money is a small buzz, but I'm in a position where I can afford the monetary price of smoking.

Well, I don't know even know where I'm going w/ this.  I'm just meandering which has distracted me from my major morning crave and that was the whole point of getting on here.
I wish you all a smoke free day.

[Sunnyside]

13 hours ago, Kris said:

I don't want to replace or debate the issue.  I feel like if I do not face it straight on, go through the loss, the anger, the fear, the grief of leaving a part of me (mind you a bad part) in the past.

 

When I can come here and honestly say I have no desire what so ever, I will know I am nonsmoker.  That will take a long time.  What I have to remember is it is okay, as long as I wake every day with commitment to the goal, I am more likely to achieve it.   

 

I often think of those who have had a relapse. The question that makes me really think is how do they have the strength to start over?  Why don't they just use that strength to not relapse? I am not judging, I wish I had the strength to relapse, but I know I don't have courage to start over.  When you remove the that option, things become clear.

 

For me I releapse not because of any cravings. My partner and some of my friends smoke weed, every so often they would say do you want some when passing a spliff around I would always say no. But as they keep saying I'm sure the odd puff wouldn't hurt. Every now and again I would give that though some head space. That was my first mistake. 

 

So one day I did I had a couple of puffs it was nice. I had no cravings after. None at all, that was my second mistake. A couple of month after that walk on a nice summers day with my partner, I shared a spliff with him. This Time  while he was smoking on the weekend I had another. These odd puffs knocked me out and made me happy for the night. But then I started thinking I could just buy a bit for the weekend. Then it started I would have one after work. Then I needed more because those hits weren't strong enough to get me as high as the initial first smokes. 

 

I would never have chosen to start this journey all over again. After my last long quit. I always said I wouldn't have the strength to do that again. For me I using the fact that I know what is was like to be quit and free of this addiction before, and I want that again. I know all what these lovely supptive people on hear say is true, it happens different time for different people but one day smoking will not consume you. It won't even bother you that someone is smoking near you. But always remember that we are all one puff away from smoking. Those smoking receptors will always be there, just asleep. One puff wakes them up. 

 

Didn't mean to ramble on so much lol

 

 

[intoxicated yoda]

@JustinHoot99you are correct about the posts.  The purpose of posting is to distract from the thing we are avoiding.  they don't need to go anywhere or be profound although sometimes they are.  You know how to do this...quit for today, then rinse and repeat tomorrow

[JustinHoot99]

6 minutes ago, Sunnyside said:

 

Those smoking receptors will always be there, just asleep. One puff wakes them up. 

 

I agree.  A  person who has never smoked can easily have one cigarette and not want another the next day.  In fact, it will probably make them a little sick.  But once the receptors and pathways are created, you are an addict and always will be.  You can control your addition, but "just one" is no longer and option for you.  Have one and your brain instantly lights up those pathways and demands another.  Thats the difference between an addict and a non-addict.

[Doreensfree]

This is true .....

One puff wakes up that sleeping monster.....this is why NOPE is so important ....

We are addicts ... There is NO such thing as ...One won't hurt ...

[d2e8b8]

@JustinHoot99 glad you're back and trying again.  This is the most insidious addiction and it has ability to derail especially when we stop being on guard for a moment.

 

Feel free to write meandering posts here - a lot of us have likely done it.  As long as you're here, it's all good.  Which ... next time when the urge hits, please do post an  SOS- it is one of the best mechanisms to keep the quit.

 

 

[Kris]

@JustinHoot99  @Sunnyside @intoxicated yoda I don't post as a distraction.   I am just trying to relate my feelings and struggle with my quit.  We are all different in our thoughts and our quits.  That is what is so helpful about this board.  We can say how we feel, our deepest darkest thoughts.  We need to address those things without judgement. Through others I have realized there are so many things that I have never vocalized, even in my mind. Things I had never even thought of.  Things that I have done or would do for the habit.  The truth, the thing for me at this point is I am older, my smoking is a problem, it has been verified by tests and my doctor.  I have got to figure out how and why I want to go forward in my life. 

 

I have smoked weed many times over many years but I always enjoyed cigarettes after.  I would enjoy it now to help with my migraines. I don't do it now as I am an  old lady because it is not legal in my state and I would have no idea how to get it even if I wanted.  I will say, that I think one day I will have that choice legally but I will go with the edibles like @jillar. My lungs have had enough of anything I have to inhale. Never think I don't get it because I do. My husband did not have lung cancer but skin cancer that went to his lungs. He never smoked cigarettes but really enjoyed the other. I was there through all the treatments, chemo, surgery, oxygen tanks, concentrators and portables. All the travel for clinical trials. You never think that something will come and tear apart your whole world that you have worked so hard to build. He was only 46 at diagnosis, 51 when I lost him. It made no sense, I was the smoker in our family.  That I have seen up close and personal.  I have been the caregiver to that person.  I don't want my son to ever have to be that person with me. He was only 17 when this happened to his Dad. He was forever scarred by it.   I share these things because it is important for people to understand it does happen. Don't think it could not happen to your family.  I don't want any child to lose a parent early. I don't want any husband or wife to go through the heartbreak of losing their spouse. 

 

If you continue to smoke, accept the risk and prepare for the future.  My husband and I did not come from money. We worked hard and made good financial decisions for retirement. My son was able to go to a good college, with no student loans, our home had been paid off and I am safe and comfortable. We had planned and saved for all of this.  What we did not expect that he would not be here.   Just another truth that I can't change but I can quit smoking.

 

[Sunnyside]

2 hours ago, Kris said:

@JustinHoot99  @Sunnyside @intoxicated yoda I don't post as a distraction.   I am just trying to relate my feelings and struggle with my quit.  We are all different in our thoughts and our quits.  That is what is so helpful about this board.  We can say how we feel, our deepest darkest thoughts.  We need to address those things without judgement. Through others I have realized there are so many things that I have never vocalized, even in my mind. Things I had never even thought of.  Things that I have done or would do for the habit.  The truth, the thing for me at this point is I am older, my smoking is a problem, it has been verified by tests and my doctor.  I have got to figure out how and why I want to go forward in my life. 

 

I have smoked weed many times over many years but I always enjoyed cigarettes after.  I would enjoy it now to help with my migraines. I don't do it now as I am an  old lady because it is not legal in my state and I would have no idea how to get it even if I wanted.  I will say, that I think one day I will have that choice legally but I will go with the edibles like @jillar. My lungs have had enough of anything I have to inhale. Never think I don't get it because I do. My husband did not have lung cancer but skin cancer that went to his lungs. He never smoked cigarettes but really enjoyed the other. I was there through all the treatments, chemo, surgery, oxygen tanks, concentrators and portables. All the travel for clinical trials. You never think that something will come and tear apart your whole world that you have worked so hard to build. He was only 46 at diagnosis, 51 when I lost him. It made no sense, I was the smoker in our family.  That I have seen up close and personal.  I have been the caregiver to that person.  I don't want my son to ever have to be that person with me. He was only 17 when this happened to his Dad. He was forever scarred by it.   I share these things because it is important for people to understand it does happen. Don't think it could not happen to your family.  I don't want any child to lose a parent early. I don't want any husband or wife to go through the heartbreak of losing their spouse. 

 

If you continue to smoke, accept the risk and prepare for the future.  My husband and I did not come from money. We worked hard and made good financial decisions for retirement. My son was able to go to a good college, with no student loans, our home had been paid off and I am safe and comfortable. We had planned and saved for all of this.  What we did not expect that he would not be here.   Just another truth that I can't change but I can quit smoking.

 

 

Thank you for being so honest and open about your husband. I'm am so sorry that you had to go through that with him and your son. Life can be so cruel sometimes. I have a work colleague who is only 23. Two years ago his mum die of cancer, leaving him with no other family. It was really sad to see.

[Kris]

@Sunnyside I tell it for you and others here.  There are so many things we can learn from each other that will strengthen our resolve to quit.  I think this place has helped me so much to get through this.  I have had some very hard times but am on my own in this one for the first time. I have always had some one here in the house to keep me busy but my son and his family were able to buy a home of their own.  My Mom was here until she got really sick.  She has since passed. There is no one to look after but myself and the pups. My son knows I have quit but does not know how hard it is for me. I don't intend to tell him.

[Kris]

Good Morning @Gus!

[Gus]

9 minutes ago, Kris said:

Good Morning @Gus!

[JustinHoot99]

Woohoo, Start of day 4.  It's 6am and time to go out and get my morning workout done.  Going to add more core work this morning.  If I could work only one muscle group outside of normal daily activity, it would be the core exercises.
Just got back from working out.
One thing I forgot to mention I started Mar 1 was a daily check list of activities I must achieve each day.  These are habits I wanted to embed.  Some are things to stop, some are things to start, some are things I was already doing sporadically, but wanted to make daily.

What I found was that when a craving starts, I go do one of the things on my list and it distracts me.  Each MUST be done daily.
Log my weight 1st thing
Enter the # of non-smoking day it is (yay, today is 4)
Movement snacks: hanging leg lift, pullups, and pushups
No nighttime junk food
No chips w/ lunch
Floss
I've got these on spreadsheet for each day of the month and its sitting on table where I work.
Just having this printed list (reminder) I have to complete each day (routine) and then getting the little attaboy of putting a check mark (reward) next to each one each day helps distract me from wanting to smoke.

 

[Sunnyside]

You sound like it's going well at the moment. Good for you  

[Kris]

@JustinHoot99You are the go getter done guy.  Don't know if it helps but I don't want you to get questioned at the grade school. I live 3 houses from ours.  They do welcome everyone at the high school football practice field.  There is a quarter mile track for running or walking. A lot of people also use the bleachers for stair work. You might check and see if they welcome people in off school times.  You can go ours early morning or afternoon and evening.

[intoxicated yoda]

@JustinHoot99that's the way to do it.  It seems you have a plan and a plan beats a goal every time.  I just got back from my second 10 minute walk this morning.  I try to do 3 a day.  Building or keeping your strength and mobility is so important as well as maintaining body composition.  Stay strong, you got this. 

[JustinHoot99]

2 hours ago, Kris said:

Don't know if it helps but I don't want you to get questioned at the grade school. They do welcome everyone at the high school football practice field.  There is a quarter mile track for running or walking. A lot of people also use the bleachers for stair work. You might check and see if they welcome people in off school times.  You can go ours early morning or afternoon and evening.

I'm not really worried if I get questioned.  Probably they will just ask whats up.  But if they ask me not to workout there at 6am, I will understand.  The grade school has lots of tables, bike racks, and outdoor activity things for me to do my "old man parkour" on. 

[JustinHoot99]

Ending day 4.  Checked off all the boxes on my list for the day.
Bigly News:
I drove my car tonight.  Yes, I had to get some miniblinds from Menards that I special order 4wks ago.  So I had my wife get the key she hid.  Of course she was by the door when I returned and didn't say anything but I knew she was checking to see if there was a hint of smoke on me.  This would have been a 3 cigarette trip in the past.  Gave her my key to hide again.  Won't need car again till next Wed when I have to go to the dentist.  

I feel like such a putz for feeling great for having driven my car w/o inhaling burning leaves.  Such is the life of an addict.  Celebrate every win.

 

[jillar]

That's a HUGE accomplishment @JustinHoot99, you should be super proud of yourself. Now each time you drive will get a little easier

Edited March 5, 2022 by jillar