I'm Not New...

[Nana20]

I'm not a newbie. I have been here before. Normally I go the Chantix route. This time I am going cold turkey. I can give all the excuses in the book as to why I relapsed this time. My marriage ended, I started a job and within the first 3 weeks I was promoted (which is a good thing, but still stress on top of the emotional stress I was already under) I moved a 1000 miles away from all of my support. My kids, my grandson. But at the end of the day they are all excuses. Excuses doesn't change the fact that here I am relapsed at the end of October. I was quit for a year and a half. So for the last 4 months I have been smoking, I have kicked myself in the butt from day one. So I came back to the one place that has always helped me when I was going through the thick of it. I came here. I hope that I am welcome, but will understand if I am not. I come because I don't want to smoke with every cigarette and every pack I say this is it. No more. I don't want to smoke. After this pack I am not buying no more and I am done. Then the next thing I know is that I am at the store buying another pack of cigarettes. So instead of going to the store this morning. I decided to come here and post. The only way I am going to quit is to take accountability. SO here I am.

 

Nana

[Gus]

It’s great that you knew where to come for support Nana. We are here for you! I’ll be a year quit March 17! I’m sorry to see that the stress of life caused you to pick up smoking again, but you can beat this. You have done it before. You seem ready to just do this and angry enough with yourself to be your own drill sergeant. Nicodemon doesn’t have a chance. Post and read as much as you can. It truly helps. See you around! 

[Sunshine]

Hi Nana and welcome. So sorry you lost a quit.  I can't offer much advice as I am new here.  Glad you are starting over with a new quit. Stay strong.  You can do this.

[intoxicated yoda]

Hi Nana.  I'm sure most of the people here have had similar experiences.  I know I have so there is no shame in having to come back.  so take a seat and ride the craves out.  It will suck for a while as you know but you can do it.

[DenaliBlues]

Hi @Nana20. I can relate, I've fallen off the quit wagon before, myself. Rather than seeing that as a failure, I'm trying to see it as "equipment" to make this quit stick. I know more about what to expect. I know all the wily tricks the nicotine addiction will try to play on me, especially when I am stressed or vulnerable or feeling something I'd rather not feel. I know that instead of smoking, I need distractions and contact with other people - like you - who understand my experience. Staying locked in my own head is NOT a safe neighborhood right now. I can hear your determination and ferocity, Nana, and I love it! It's helping me this morning, so thanks for sharing it. I'm only on day 18, myself, and those first three days were absolutely horrible - I thought I would literally fly apart. But I didn't. I got through them. Hang in there! 

 

DenaliBlues    

[jillar]

Welcome back nana, sounds like you've had quite a few lifestyle changes! Congratulations on the promotion. Glad you found your seat on the train, give us a shout if you need us

[Sunnyside]

Welcome Nana. I relapsed recently too. There is no excuse but it is easily to do.

 

You are back on the train and we will support you all the way

[KEL]

Hi @Nana20. Thank you for coming back and sharing your experience. We all know there are no excuses or justifications for a relapse yet there are reasons. And, at the time (at least for me), they seemed "valid." I do believe in the adage "relapse is part of recovery." I think it takes enormous courage to  show back up and share so big gratitude to you and @Sunnyside. 

I'm a bit sad that you thought you might not be welcome. One of the things I love about this site and all of the moderators is how non-judgmental, accepting, encouraging and compassionate they are. 

The only reason to kick anyone out is the fear that it might not work for me. So then we only have 'success" stories which creates an unrealistic expectation about what recovery from drug addiction actually is. Not linear. 

I am reminded of an ism in Course (in Miracles) which is words-to-the-effect-of we have no idea of what is going on; sometimes what we perceive to be our greatest successes are actually not and our greatest "failure" is the lesson we actually need to ensure future peace. Or something like that.

You have helped me by just showing up today so thank you.

Blessings to you today and everyone on the QT.

[Boo]

5 hours ago, Nana20 said:

 I hope that I am welcome, but will understand if I am not.

 

We saved your seat Nana.

 

Welcome back on the Train.

 

[Doreensfree]

Hello Nana ,I remember you well.....you will always be welcome here ....

We have a great bunch of Newbies here ,that will travel along the tracks with you ...

Dust down ....let's get you back to Freedom ....