Rationalizations

[KEL]

I've been seeing a psychiatrist to help with some issues unrelated to smoking cessation. We were talking today and he said, "I just hope you didn't quit smoking in order to punish yourself further." I explained that smoking had "turned" on me and quitting was the best thing I had done for myself. Even though it seemed to serve as a consolation for so many years and I quit during a really challenging time on all levels of my existence, I now understood how it actually made the challenges worse.

I am sharing this as it could have gone in the direction of justifying picking up again, i.e. "well, my doctor (and he is an MD) thinks that I might have quit too soon so maybe I should pick up again so I won't feel so 'punished.'"

I did ask him whether he had ever smoked. He said he tried but it "didn't take." He followed up with, "I can see how quitting would give you a sense of accomplishment." 

Oh and last night I had smoking dreams all night! Seems I am still subconsciously romancing the smoke.

I am sharing this with my QT buddies to keep myself completely honest in my addiction. 

Thank you for listening-blessings to all for a peaceful and smoke-free day.

K

 

 

[jillar]

I am shocked that your Dr would ask that?! My dr was thrilled by my quitting and said that stories like mine are why he came out of retirement!  Glad you didn't use that as an excuse to relapse Kel, I'm proud of you  

[Sunnyside]

Good for you for standing firm. I too am surprised that your Dr would say that. 

[KEL]

Me too. But remember, this is what I HEARD. I am sharing this to demonstrate how tricky our junkie mind can be. 

My experience of this doctor is that he is wholly loving and kind. So its out of character and maybe that is just what part of me WANTED to hear? Maybe it was just to get me to think about how grateful I am that I quit and how many blessings flow from that choice?

Don't know. But what I do know is that the demon is rearing its ugly head and its not a frontal assault. So I remain vigilant.

 

Edited February 25, 2022 by KEL

[Kris]

What a hard thing to hear (or even think you heard that).  I can relate to what you are saying because of issues I went through in therapy after my husband passed. It is easy to get turned around in your thoughts when you have so much turmoil going on in your head.  Sometimes you don't know which way to turn.  I think you are doing the right thing. Do not turn, keep going forward in your quit. The true fact is you have done something to safeguard your health and life.  Focus your therapy to the other issues you want to resolve.  You have done this one all by yourself and should be proud of your commitment. 

[Sunshine]

KEL the remark truly stunned me. Cannot believe any doctor would make a remark such as that. Quitting smoking in no way is a punishment. Sorry you are going through some tough times besides your quit. I can see by your posts that you are a very strong person. You keep going as you are winning this battle. Stay strong. 

[Rozuki]

I look at it this way: In the beginning of my quit, it did feel like I was torturing (punishing) myself! I would see people everywhere smoking and I would think...why do they get to smoke and I can't? Well, I knew I couldn't as it was seriously affecting my health. As I educated myself more about the "addiction" and battled the craves, I read something that really resonated with me.

 

Instead of when seeing others smoking (usually huddled outside in the cold, wind, rain or heat) realize it is not "they get to smoke" it is "they HAVE to smoke" and that is something I no longer have to do because I have quit putting poison sticks in my mouth and lighting them on fire! It gave me a feeling of immense pride at the start of my quit and still does today!!

 

 

[jillar]

25 minutes ago, Rozuki said:

why do they get to smoke and I can't? Well, I knew I couldn't as it was seriously affecting my health. 

That was me too roz! I remember making a post about it too at qsmb and I was told the same as you: "they don't get to, they have to!"

[Doreensfree]

There is never a too early time to rid yourself of taking in hundreds of poison,s every day ..

I'm thinking Quitting smoking does wonders for your self esteem ....

That huge sense of pride ....A massive  achievement.........

I still feel it today ....

Up and onwards Kel....quitting is the best thing you can do for yourself ....

[KEL]

Thank you everyone. Great discussion-digging deep. This monster does not want to go easily. 

I have had that experience @Rozukibut not with this quit. This board and all of the people who have shared over the years really opened my eyes.