New here - I finally quit!

[Jeanne Meier]

Hello there,

I am new to this site, I found it today when I experienced a rather tough craving or moment of wilting willpower. I stumbled on a post from someone that sounded eerily familiar to myself, trying over and over to quit to no avail. My heart told me that this person was doing the same thing I have been doing forever now, and that's building it up to something so big that the mission is doomed from the start. It's not that tough, it's not easy but not as big as some of us make it out to be. How do you eat an elephant? Yep - one bite at a time.

 

I am a newbie to the non-smoking world (almost 6 days now) but do beleive that I am here to stay, despite my slow learning and quick forgetting days. I quit on 6-18-14 at 2am in the morning; so basically I went to bed a smoker on 6-17-14 and woke up a non-smoker on 6-18-14.

 

My daughter will be 4 on August 5th, that's pretty neat - it took many years and happened late in life but God blessed me with a dandy! I have the baby they said I could never have, and actually tried to convince me to concede to a D&C since my body wasn't discarding the "miscarriage". She  is 100% healthy (and beautiful and smart). What is not so neat is that two weeks before her second birthday, on July 15, 2012, I buried her daddy - my husband of ten years. He died of cancer, from Mesothelioma and smoking. He tried to quit several times too but smoked up until he was too weak to smoke.

Rewinding the sickness, I lost my dad in 2002 and my mom in 2005, along with (literally) countless others before them - all lung cancer. Wayne State University in Michigan performed a 20 year study on our family to narrow down two genes and one chromosome (or vice versa) that runs ramped in our family leading most of us to succumb to lung cancer. I find it so odd now that the university never once made much of an issue out of the smoking, knowing the whole family smoked. And we are heavy duty, big time smokers - the kind that drag a canister of oxygen with us in one hand while clutching a pack of cigarettes in the other. My gosh, when my mom was in her last months (dying from cancer) she was left home alone briefly. During that time she fell and had to call an ambulance. Can you guess what she dragged herself over to before calling for an ambulance? Yea, they were less than impressed. And once my grandmother, (again cancer), had a mini stroke which caused her to fall and break her hip, she was completely out of her mind from the TIA. They wheeled her into the ER; the doctor examining her asked her what brought her in that day, trying to see the extent of her faculties. She said she just stopped in for a pack of cigarettes. Seriously, she was out of her mind, didn't know what year it was or who was president, but she remembered those smokes! could go on and on with similar stories outlining my family tree, like watching my grandfather, (whom died of cancer), throw himself on top of my 39 year old aunt's casket yelling that it should have been him; he was in total dismay that he lost his youngest daughter, (yep, cancer).  It is sick!

 

I can't say that I do not already have a lung related disease, that isn't something I choose to focus on, as the positive things will get me further. But I do know a few things. First, I have some lung damage, which is evident in my breathing, but hopefully this will get better in time. Second, if I have a lung disease I earned it, and it wouldn't be what it is had I given an honest effort to quit long before now. And, third, God will take me when He sees fit, but I am determined to do whatever I can to be here to raise my daughter, set a good example for her, and I won't go out as a  smoker. However, once I have established myself more as a non-smoker I will see my doctor and have some scans/tests done just to be on the safe side. I am actually excited to see him so I can tell him that I did it! I really did it! Granted, smoking was my own choice to start, but I did so before I knew that my option of such choice would be revoked rather quickly so with that I feel like I am entitled to be a little proud of myself.

 

So - that's kind of it in a nutshell. I am now a 42 year widow with a 3-1/2 year old child, and I just quit smoking. It took 33 years to drop the habit that I always grew up knowing I would have, since I watched all the adults do it since I was born. And in case you're doing the math.... Yes, I was the 10 year old kid that would walk around the park picking up and smoking discarded cigarette butts or sneaking puffs of my parent's burning cigarettes that they'd leave in the ashtrays. Like I said, I knew, like all the other kids in my family, that I would smoke when I got older. I just couldn't wait to get older and would sneak and do it. Then of course I went through the "I have to die from something" phase. Now I am in the "I would rather step out in front of the #3 bus than take a dive with cancer like all those before me" phase. I suppose this stage could also be referred to as a "I love my child more than myself and I caught her pretending to smoke a few months back" stage. I have drawn my line in the sand, I am not passing this obsession onto her.

 

This is the second thread that I have participated in on this forum, and I feel rather yappy. I think this is perhaps because I am in awe that I have quit and have found people that 'get it'. I finally got my perspective right, what an amazing feeling that is! And so many people have been so warm and friendly that I feel like I have the support I need. My family supports me but they're only able to offer limited support, it's almost like they're afraid. They are in the boat I just climbed out of, smoking was taught to them at a very young age and they don't know how to live without it. My hope is that my success will help them realize that they can do it too. This forum welcomed me enough that honestly, for the first time, I actually completed my profile, added a photo of myself instead of my dog or something, etc. I am all in!

 

Thank you for reading - I really am done talking and talking now. :P

 

 

Jeanne

[...]

Jeanne, I am so glad your here.  I am right with you on quitting.  You CAN do this.... and get this..... you ARE doing it !!!!  Doesn't that feel so good to say ? 

 

Welcome aboard and please post often.  Sometimes that's the only thing that keeps us sane.  We definitely have your back. 

[Jenny]

Welcome Jeanne!  So glad you found us.   Quitting can be such a daunting task but the hardest part is taking the leap!  If there was one thing I would tell you based on my own experience it would be to stay strong and keep with it even when you feel like you can't because it gets so much better once you have a little time between you and your last cigarette.  I can promise you that! 

 

So happy you are here.  :)

[El Bandito]

Jeanne. Thank you for that post.

 

A lot to learn from, and some wonderful positives.

 

Congratulations on quitting, undoubtedly the best decision.

 

Welcome Aboard!

[BAT]

Welcome Jeanne, glad you joined us. :)

[Still winning]

So pleased you found us!!  The support and lots of chatting helps. It's almost like, as we write it down it starts to make more sense to us and as a by product it often gives another person perspective.

 

I am sorry for all you've been through, it sounds like you've had to dig deep and be incredibly strong.  

 

I can relate a whole lot to the smoking family, to sneaking them as a kid.  Educating ourselves about what smoking actually does and the damage it causes helps a lot. It's almost like as smokers, we dug our heads in the sand, emu style. 

 

Above all that... YOU DID IT!!!  I am so happy for you, that's the most wonderful feeling in the world!! It doesn't even hurt does it :)  Uncomfortable thoughts are not the same but the power of the NEW example you are setting your daughter is immense, not to mention the benefits for you.

 

Look forward to sharing your journey. x

[Pippa]

Welcome Jeanne - congrats on a great decision to quit - take it one day at a time and you will rock this ! :-)

[MarylandQuitter]

Welcome, Jeanne!  Glad you decided to join and even more so that you're quit.  Thanks for sharing about yourself.  Much, much wisdom in your words.  I enjoyed reading it so yap away. :good3:

 

I'm sorry about your husband.  I can't even begin to imagine.  The miracle of a little one when we thought we would never be given such a gift is an awesome experience.  I never thought I would have a child of my own and I finally did when I was in my late 30's.  She's 5, wonderful, beautiful, cute, smart and the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

When my grandmother was on life support and in and basically in a coma, the only thing she would do was go through the actions of smoking a cigarette.  The image of my comatose, dying grandmother slowly raising her arm and hand to her mouth to take a drag when there was nothing in her hand, on a breathing machine and hours away from death, will forever be etched in my brain.

 

A lot of what you wrote sounds just like me.  Everything from picking up cigarette butts when I was 10 to I'd rather be hit by that bus I always referred instead of dying from some smoking related disease.

 

Welcome aboard and looking forward to reading more of your posts.

 

PS, since you're form TN, is it safe to assume you're a Cash fan?  I mean who isn't anyway?  :)

[Frezflops]

Welcome :) and congrats on quitting :) 

[action]

Wow Jeanne, what a powerful story... After all the hurt you've been through, you still manage to see the good.

 

Without knowing it, you have given me such hope that I may have a family of my own someday, so thank you :)

 

You have certainly come to the right place, there are a lot of people here who will be able to relate to you and I am looking forward to sharing this journey with you.

 

Congratulations on becoming a non-smoker, and in very pleased to meet you :)

[Tink]

Hi Jeanne welcome, you are amongst people here with similar circumstances and all ex smokers education and support is the key to a sticky quit oh and the want to quit of course

 

Keep reading and keep posting

 

Some of us goof around for fun and distraction and take a poke at each other for kicks but we,are,all serious about quitting and are here to support each other the best way we can x

[JackiMac]

Hi and Welcome on Board Jeanne, thank you so much for sharing you story and journey so far, you have already been through so much and I am so glad you are here now so we can share the rest of your journey with you, we are the ones who are in control of our quits and we can choose to make it as hard or as difficult as we like, its an exciting and rewarding journey there will be some pitfalls or maybe not!  But reach out as often as you like, talk and share as often as you like we are all here to help and support with some laughs, tears and a lot of screaming lol   Well Done xx

[Paul723]

Quitting is all in! Bet everything! Smoking is bluffing, it's got nothing.

[Fay]

Hi Jeanne and welcome!  Thank you for your post.  You can do this - just remember NOPE - Not One Puff Ever!!

[babs609]

Welcome Jeanne....thank you for sharing your story with us.  

 

You are going to love your freedom from the slavery of addiction. What our futures hold in regards to health and diseases....we can't control that.  But we can free ourselves from the insanity of putting things in our mouth and lighting them on fire.  From the withdrawal pang that occurs after putting out that last cigarette.  Freedom of choosing to stay at the table after dinner, completing a movie without a smoke break...time with your precious daughter without thinking about when you'll get your next fix.

 

I didn't quit smoking to not die...I quit smoking so I can live.  Life is good and such a gift.  No more poisoning our bodies. 

 

Happy you are here!!

[jimmy]

welcome aboard Jeanne congrats on quitting  it may seam tuff at first but you can do this      youll be glad you did   post often talking to others helps a lot    :D

[Doreensfree]

Hi and a huge congrats with your quit....

Your post brought me to tears....I am so sorry for your loss......

You will get heaps os support here,amd make wonderful friends....

My best

Doreen

[Doreensfree]

Wow Jeanne, what a powerful story... After all the hurt you've been through, you still manage to see the good.

Without knowing it, you have given me such hope that I may have a family of my own someday, so thank you :)

You have certainly come to the right place, there are a lot of people here who will be able to relate to you and I am looking forward to sharing this journey with you.

Congratulations on becoming a non-smoker, and in very pleased to meet you :)

(((((((((( hugs )))))))))

[Nancy]

Welcome!  So glad you joined us...you can do this!!

[BonnieJ]

Welcome Jeanne!

 

It sounds like you are right on track for a successful quit. You will be a non smoker from here on in.

 

Stay close to the boards, we are all here for you when you need to vent or get some advice.

 

Not One Puff Ever. You can do it!

[Holski]

Hi Jeannie, so glad you are here!

I am 42 also and my one and only baby boy is 6.

You can and are doing this and that is so cool!

:D

[Nicole Diver]

Welcome Jeanne!

I'm late but I wanted to say I am so awed by your post.

My hat is off to you for the strength and wisdom you have shown, even just at the beginning of your journey.

 

We are here for you!

I think most of us thought for sure we couldn't quit.

[action]

Hi Jeanne, how are you doing today?!

[sharonsiff]

Hello Jeanne and a very warm welcome to you. Post away and yap away I say ;) So glad you found the fabulous people here. Just take it a day at a time......xx

[Still winning]

Hey Jeanne, waiting to hear from you my lovely? How's it going? x