Hi

[KEL]

Hi everyone.

I have been reading your posts over the last several days and wanted to thank you all for sharing the challenge. Its provided me some much needed support. Rather than lurk in the background, I am posting. For the first time ever on any site. I am not on social media and am a Luddite sadly.

Like most, I have a long history with addiction. Will celebrate 21 years of sobriety from alcohol (God-willing) in a month but picked up smoking again (after a ten year quit) when circling the drain with that monster. I've had several quits since but nothing stuck for more than a couple of months.

I read Allan Carr's book ("Easyway for Women") over the summer and went to an in-person session in September. Unfortunately, hit a crisis point 9 days in and relapsed. Got back on it with a follow-up video seminar and have been free for over a month now.

Again like most everyone who struggles with this addiction, I have tried all sorts of tricks to negotiate the demon including NRT, hypnotherapy, meditation, 12-step, "moderation." This time I made flashcards with key points from the seminar/book. These help me when I get into the "blank-spaces," when picking up seems like the solution to whatever imaginary problem my mind can concoct. Rather whatever excuse the addiction manufactures to convince me that smoking is a jolly-good idea.

What struck me most from the Carr book is the understanding that I smoke to feel like a non-smoker. Like all addicts, I am trying to get back to the feeling I had BEFORE the first hit (age 16). Not understanding that the instant I ingested nicotine, I bought a one-way ticket to hell. 

This time I was able to get that I was in withdrawal the entire time I smoked. That understanding has really shifted things for me. Its so damn obvious these things, right? Except the junkie mind is so good at avoiding the obvious.

I thought it helped with depression which is a huge relapse trigger for me. But it seems that tobacco, on balance, may in fact contribute to the depressive state to begin with. At least studies suggest a link. I am still exploring this but after a month completely nicotine free, I actually am feeling happier or more at peace than I have maybe ever? Its a pretty big statement and I still have difficult moments but I am going to go with unbridled optimism. On a Wednesday no less.

Because, if I am completely honest, all moments when I was smoking were difficult. I just told myself they weren't.

Stream of consciousness. Just wishing each and everyone of you Godspeed.

Karen

 

 

[Boo]

Welcome aboard the Quit Train Karen.  Good call on giving up the smokes.

 

12 minutes ago, KEL said:

What struck me most from the Carr book is the understanding that I smoke to feel like a non-smoker.

 

That was one of the two revelations that really hit home for me.  The other being: I smoke because I'm addicted to nicotine and I'm addicted to nicotine because I smoke.  Recognizing the futility of it all made it easier to quit.

 

15 minutes ago, KEL said:

For the first time ever on any site. I am not on social media and am a Luddite sadly.

 

Same here.  Fortunately, we have members who are far more technologically adept than I.  If you have any questions there are friendly folks here who will walk you through what it is you want to do.

 

Enjoy the ride.

[JustinHoot99]

Luddite definition: "The Luddites were a secret oath-based organisation of English textile workers in the 19th century, a radical faction which destroyed textile machinery through protest."
Oh wait, it also means adverse to technology. lol

 

Welcome to the group.  I just lost a 44day quit a week ago and am on day 3 now.  Not because I thought I could handle just 1 or any of the other reasons that jump into your head.  I don't believe anyone honestly believes they can handle just one at some point. They simply say screw it cause they want the mind to stop bugging them to have one. And now I'm extremely depressed for having done it.  Maybe the thought of the depression will wake me up the next time I think "just screw it".

 

Cigarettes are on of the oddities in the drug world.  I binge drank at parties and did a lot of other "stuff" that had no addictive affect on me. Some drugs have no addictive affect on some but others they do.  Cigarettes on the other hand are pretty much always addictive.  There is the occassional person you hear about who only smokes at a party or something, by far, most are a slave to nicotine after a very short period of use.

[jillar]

Welcome aboard @KEL, Karen and congratulations on being a month quit already!

You'll get all the support you need/want here both for our addiction and navigating our site. So have a look around, lots to do here from educating ourselves with threads and videos to Socializing when you want to take your mind off your quit but still stick close

[notsmokinjo]

G'day Kazza....an congrats on being 1 month in. 

[johnny5]

Welcome @KEL and congratulations on 1 month smoke free.  That is awesome.

 

50 minutes ago, KEL said:

Except the junkie mind is so good at avoiding the obvious.

 

The addiction, and the junkie mind, really pushes you to avoid the obvious.  The obvious thing is that you are way better off physically and mentally without having your life ran by nicotine addiction but the addiction doesn't want you to see that.  It just cares about your next nicotine fix.  You seem to understand that which is great. 

 

Stick around.  You can get a lot of support and knowledge here to help you.  Congratulations on 1 month of freedom, again.  You are doing a great thing in quitting.

[Doreensfree]

Hello and welcome aboard ....

Congratulations on 21 years sobriety....

Maybe quitting here ...with group support will help you quit for good....

Join in ..play games ...read all you can ...so much information here ....and Post a SOS if you need extra help

You already have a fabulous month in ...well done .

[KEL]

Thank you so much for responding. Means a great deal to me.

I appreciate all of the suggestions. Don't know how to respond individually but in reading Justin's post my response is: don't be hard on yourself. I did read your relapse post and you made a decision to use again. As I did in every one one of my relapses whether from booze or smokes. We absolutely know we are going there and, as you said, just get so ******* tired of fighting it.

In retrospect, each relapse gave me very necessary information. Each time, I felt as though I was being deprived of something that was valuable, a tool that allowed me to live life on my terms. Ironically, addiction is the exact opposite because it controls us.

This time thanks to Allen's writings (so ironic he dies of lung cancer 26 years after quitting and helping so many to quit), there is the firm understanding there is NO BENEFIT WHATSOEVER to smoking. 

So figure out the trigger, work through it and trust it need not be as hard the next time. I always remember long-time AA members telling us relapse is part of recovery. I don't like that much but its true.

Again, thanks for all the support.

[Doreensfree]

Allen Carr was a major part of my Quit ...and the Quit Train ....

I smoked for 52 years and never considered myself a addict ...just a lady who like a smoke ...

It was reading I was a Nicotine Addict ,it was a light bulb moment ...

It's all about choice ...whether we take that first puff or not ....

Never stick anything in your mouth and set fire to it ....One rule ...it's easy ..but not always easy to do ...

Glad you found us

 

 

 

[Gus]

Congratulations on your 1 month quit @KEL and I’m so glad that you’ve joined us!

[garry mhudson]

Welcome aboard Kel and congratulations on the 1 month mark. best wishes and stay strong and hang in there.

[intoxicated yoda]

Howdy Karen...glad you found your way here.  Here's to you and your first of many many more months being quit.

 

[JustSomeGuy]

Welcome Karen.  You've come to the right place.  Lots of great people to help us find the will power to avoid smoking.  Congratulations on being a month smoke free.  And congratulations on being 21 years sober!  What an amazing accomplishment!

[KEL]

Thank you! And you too. Fellow Canadian although my people are from Vancouver.

I did get to your town many years ago and it was cool.

Let's be free from this monster, no?