I need more than a frying pan

[Tara smith]

I am back again.  Not even sure where to start other than to admit I am a nicotine addict and to start over.  Being a closet smoker doesn’t help this scenario.  I need some mighty strong support from y’all.  I knew exactly that I would bum a smoke from our handyman when he was here to do some work the other day.  Of course it didn’t stop there.  It never does.  So now to get my head on straight.  Nicotine.  I despise that word. I despise the hold it has on me!!  I might be here every hour.  Stay tuned. I need a ton of support.  Thank you.  I am trying again.  

Tara

[Linda]

@Tara smith  Come here every minute if you need to. There is always someone willing to support you!!

That is how we all got here one day at a time!! You can do this!!!

[Tara smith]

Today is already a humbum day along with frazzled nerves. I did this to myself.  It’s a day of many urges.

So here’s my strategy for the rest of this day one (and I am still in my 1st 2 hours…grrr).  Step one:  I think it might be good for me to look in the mirror often today and say, “I love you.”   I think it’s time to love myself more!  I do a little more self-loving when I’m not smoking.  One minute at a time.  There. I’m not smoking.  

I am going to be doing a lot of talking to myself in the mirror today.  I just can’t imagine looking at myself in the mirror and saying I love you with a cigarette in my mouth.  

[jillar]

@Tara smith, I was glued to the forum for the whole first year of my quit and reached out for support every time I felt I might cave to a crave. This is what I recommend for you too. 

We will talk you off the ledge if you just let us. Our whole purpose for being here is to help each other quit this insidious habit. 

I love your plan to tell yourself i love you and you could even go a step further by leaving positive sticky notes on places like your mirrors or doors. Tell the handyman you quit and ask him not to give you anymore cigs no matter what. I used an air cigarette (JAC) for months that REALLY worked at tricking my brain into thinking it was getting the real thing. Just pretend you're holding an actual cig and then go through the motions of "smoking" it. Some people use cut straws, pens, even licorice

 

[Gus]

You can do this Tara! Just reach out. It doesn’t matter how often you need to. Reaching out takes a lot of strength and I know that you have it in you. Just get on here and type til your hearts content. Whatever it takes.

[Boo]

4 hours ago, Tara smith said:

Nicotine.  I despise that word. I despise the hold it has on me!! 

 

I know the feeling.  More than health concerns, or any other factor for that matter, I quit because I hated the loss of control over my own life.  It began to feel like nicotine was at the helm and I was just along for the ride.  

 

You break the hold by breaking the hold.  It requires a relentless commitment.  It requires feeling a bit uncomfortable at times.  It can require looking at things you accepted as gospel truth and realizing that it's actually a load of bullshit.  The process is straightforward and can feel demanding, but it will give you far more in return than it takes from you.

 

You can do this Tara.  See it though and you will never regret it.

[Tara smith]

Hugs to all of you!  Thank you so much for being here for me!!!  I have tears in my eyes. I am grateful to be here and I really don’t want to smoke!!  Here I am rolling into my first 24 hours.  This is probably my 1000th first 24 hours.  Mornings are always the worst. And when I crave the most!  So here it is morning.  And here’s my routine as a smoker: After my husband leaves for work I have been going out shortly after to buy myself my daily ration of cigarettes (about 5) in which I come home and proceed to smoke one right after the other.  Oh, and the rest of the pack I have crumbled and discarded so I won’t smoke anymore for the day.  Sometimes I’ll leave the open pack of cigarettes at the store on top of the trash can so somebody else can grab the rest of the pack.  Gheez!  Ok, so today I won’t be running to the store.

 

 I know all too well what smoking does to your health.  I had a health scare 1 and a half years ago.  I had my right lower lung removed because I was diagnosed with stage 1 cancer.  Yes, I quit smoking.  I have quit and started at least 3 times since my cancer diagnosis.  I quit at least 10 times before my diagnosis for various amounts of time.  At 65 years old I don’t have a whole lot of chances left.  Yesterday I almost used fear as my reason to smoke.  I have my 6 month scan the end of this week.  I sure would feel a lot better about going if I had successfully quit smoking sooner.   Like I initially said, I did this to myself.  Time to go look in the mirror and say, I love you!  Time to dig and find more reading on quit train.

[Linda]

@Tara smith Good Morning!!! Morning  were hard for me also. I had to try and change my routine.

You can do this, one day at a time!! We are here for you so stay close read and post when you need too

[garry mhudson]

Stay close and post when you need to. Tara, you are stronger than this addiction and can beat it for good. I was a long term smoker and quit for good about 5 years ago for health reasons and just tired of being controlled by the habit. You can do it. Best wishes. 

[Mac#23]

I applaud you Tara for making the decision to take your life back. You deserve to be smoke free. We will help you every step of the way. You just have to believe in yourself. You can do this. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Welcome aboard the train to a happier and healthier life. 

[Tara smith]

Today’s outlook thus far is much better than yesterday.  I think I best stay right here.  Somehow. Someway.  With all these quits under my belt it sure would be nice to figure out why the constant relapses.  I sure would like to figure out my brain to better prepare for the next time I quit the quit.  
And it sure would be nice to offer someone else some guidance in their quit because honestly I obviously ain’t got nothing.

thank you!  I won’t be straying too far away.

Tara

 

 

[Linda]

@Tara smith Hang here with us!! Play some silly games,read some of

the thoughts for the day. The problem is we are addicts to nicotine. We

have all been through what your going through. You can do this!!!

[Paul723]

1 hour ago, Tara smith said:

 I sure would like to figure out my brain to better prepare for the next time I quit the quit.

 

How Nicotine Works - https://www.quittrain.com/topic/10196-how-nicotine-works/

 

 

This short film that is pinned gives a good overview.  The part of the brain that nicotine goes to is not controlled by rational thoughts but is able to signal a dump of adrenaline into our body (the "antsy" feeling we get when having a crave).  Don't let this part of your brain make the decision to smoke.  Before lighting up, wait, then give your rational brain a chance to offer an opinion on whether or not you should throw away a quit.  Understanding this helped me a lot.

Edited November 3, 2021 by jillar
Fixed link

[JustSomeGuy]

Hey Tara.  Glad you're quitting again.  I know how you feel...I was a closet smoker for a long time too, cuz I felt the shame.  I know you can do this and make this one stick!