Closing thought of the day

[garry mhudson]

Sorry for your loss.

[DenaliBlues]

22 hours ago, intoxicated yoda said:

a momentary pleasure that ultimately leaves you feeling sick, unfulfilled and in pain

Thanks - that's one of the most apt definitions of addiction I've seen in a while. I'm sorry for your loss, @intoxicated yoda. Wishing peace and equilibrium for you. 

[intoxicated yoda]

i'm seeing a lot of new folks coming and going lately.  seems like most don't stick around very long.  i hope it's because after a few months the smoking demon has left them and they have become true nonsmokers.  if you are a non smoker why would you need to hang out on a quit smoking forum, right?  anyhow, I just wanted to take the time to sincerely thank all the long time quitters that maintain a consistent presence on this board to assist all us trying to beat this addiction.  Im sure your efforts do not go unnoticed by the Creator.  Unless of course you happen to be an atheist, but I still notice and appreciate you 

[jillar]

26 minutes ago, intoxicated yoda said:

i'm seeing a lot of new folks coming and going lately.  seems like most don't stick around very long.  i hope it's because after a few months the smoking demon has left them and they have become true nonsmokers.  

From what I've seen having been on another forum before this one is that its pretty normal. People get gung-ho and sign up with the best intentions to quit and just aren't ready yet or like you said after a few months they feel secure enough to stop logging on. 

Unfortunately we also see a lot of relapses from people who let their guard down too early and quit coming on. 

But if we can help just one get their forever quit then it's all worth it

[Doreensfree]

We would love to see every person that joins ,reaches thier Freedom ...

I know by all my passed failed quits ,how positive in the morning i was ,,by evening I was smoking again ...

If only I had known then ,what I know now ...You have to be fully committed a 100%..

All it takes is the desire to want to be free...

Plus the knowledge and tools to work with ....Understanding this killer addiction is so important....

I stay because I want to let the poor smoker know ...It can be achieved...

I still get that buzz....from Seeing a Newbie ....to a Lido Party....

[Boo]

14 hours ago, intoxicated yoda said:

 I just wanted to take the time to sincerely thank all the long time quitters that maintain a consistent presence on this board to assist all us trying to beat this addiction. 

 

My head was all over the place when I hopped on the Train.  Veteran quitters showed me the way.  I am forever grateful and indebted to all the folks who took time to show greenhorn Boo how it's done.  Now that I'm one of the veterans, I try to be a steady hand on the wheel for folks just starting out.

 

The veterans help the greenhorns.  The greenhorns energize the veterans.  It's a symbiotic relationship we've got going here.

[DenaliBlues]

+1 to what Yoda said. As a comparative newcomer in this mix, I just want to say that the support you veterans are giving me isn’t merely theoretical. It’s real. And it helps. Never doubt it.

 

I hang out in this forum because I know that my nicotine addiction is waiting for me in the tall grass. I’m under no delusions about being able to be complacent. I’ve quit before – sometimes for quite a while. I always lit up again eventually. But I didn’t have you people then. Now I do. And you’re helping me build a much stronger quit.

 

So save me a spot on the Lido deck. I promise to pay it forward.

[intoxicated yoda]

I had a smoking dream last night.  It was very lucid.  In my dream I finished the cigarette and thought to myself it was only one or was it one pack?  I was ok with one but the idea of a pack put me in a panic.  I don't remember the context of why I was smoking in my dream.  Hopefully that's the last one I have.

[intoxicated yoda]

more smoking dreams last night and I've been battling a pretty bad depression.  I'll assume this is just another stage to the quit.  or maybe it's me reacting to something unrelated.  for now I'll just keep plugging along and hope for better days.  

[DenaliBlues]

Hi, @intoxicated yoda. I am sorry to hear that things have been tough for you. On top of quitting I remember that you're coping with the recent loss of your father. Your head and heart are processing a lot right now.  So it double-sucks that smoking haunted your sleep last night.

 

Using dreams are common with addiction recovery. I've had some smoking dreams since I quit, and when she got sober 17 years ago, my partner had lots of using dreams. The brain is a complicated thing, and detaching from the chemical + psychological dependency of smoking is gonna cause some havoc with the subconscious for a while. Even though I understand this intellectually, I still find the dreams pretty disturbing. But it's what we do when we're AWAKE that counts, right? We guard our quits, even when we feel lousy.

 

Hang in there and take good care, Yoda - I'm wishing you ease.  

[jillar]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time Yoda, I agree with Denali that it's to be expected after the loss of your father.... 

[Gus]

I’m so sorry that you are having such a rough time right now @intoxicated yoda. I do believe that it can be pretty much expected right now, but as Denali says, ‘it’s what we do when we are awake that matters. ‘ I sure hope this passes soon for you. 

[intoxicated yoda]

Time for a monthly update.  Not sure what triggered the smoking dreams but I haven't had any for the past couple of nights so that's a good thing.   I've made back the lost ground from all the detours i've had in losing my quit weight so hopefully I am back on track and can stay there until I hit my goals.  I quit coffee again this past week.  Not sure how many attempts this makes but it is as they say what it is.  One would think it wouldn't be difficult since I was drinking decaf exclusively for a while but guess what...decaf isn't totally decaf and the addiction mechanisms are the same as with cigarettes.  The difference this time is that I didn't get the headaches and insomnia like I have the last attempts.  I'm starting to see some benefits with my digestive issues from quitting coffee.  As far as craves go, I still think about smoking a lot more than I should at this point but I can't say I really crave it.  I miss it kind of like I miss my ex girlfriend.  And by that I mean I miss who she was, not who she is now, and the cigarettes are the same.  I miss the old days of smoking but they are gone and there is no going back.  Anyhow, as hard as things had gotten for a while in my quit it seems like things are leveling out at this point.  I'm sure there are still challenges to face but for now all I can see that's left to do is get the rest of my quit weight off.  

 

A few of the extra benefits I've noticed since quitting smoking and finally getting off the sugar and carbs.  My palette has changed. No drink tastes as good as water now.  My appetite is finally getting under control.  My nails are starting to get stronger and less brittle and my nail beds are healing.  My digestive issues are starting to normalize.  Bloating is the exception now and not the rule.  The depression is easing off a quite a bit and lastly I feel like I'm not as inflamed as I had been.  

 

Happy Memorial Day everyone.  Be safe and be kind yourselves.  

[jillar]

What a great update @intoxicated yoda, I'm really happy for you

[Gus]

You are doing an excellent job of maintaining and chronicling your quit @intoxicated yoda! You sure have helped me along my journey. Thank you! 

[intoxicated yoda]

i played a round of golf today with a friend of mine who quit "smoking" 5 or 6 years ago.  I always give him grief because he was about to choke me out with his cigar smoke.  Funny how someone can claim to have quit smoking and still smoke cigars.  All we can do is just accept people for who they are and don't let them influence us.  Usually when we play there is a 3rd person who smokes so those 2 will ride together and I get a cart to myself so I can avoid the smoke.  Today it was just us two.  Not gonna lie, the smoke smelled pretty good but damn did it give me a headache.  Anyhow, no desire to take a puff.  Shot a 94 which isn't to bad for me.  Hopefully once my shoulder fully recovers I can get that back down in the 80's.  It would also be pretty cool if tobacco smoke repulsed me, but for now I have to settle for the headache.

[jillar]

Don't be hard on yourself for liking the smell @intoxicated yoda, I like it still too but it doesn't mean I want to smoke. Just like I like the smell of my shampoo but I'm not going to drink it lol.

I think when we quit we have this idea that we're supposed to hate everything about it but sometimes that's just not the case and that's ok....

[intoxicated yoda]

that's a good point @jillar  I'll let that one sink in for a while. 

[Gus]

On most days the smell of burning tobacco doesn’t bother me. I like it. It doesn’t trigger the desire for a cigarette. It does trigger a runny nose, watery eyes, scratchy throat, sneezing, and headache though. 

[intoxicated yoda]

made some crab cakes yesterday.  over did it on the seasonings.  gonna try it again tomorrow and use about a quarter of the amount of seasoning.  it will be my last endeavor with it though as the seasoning irritated my guts pretty bad.  I should leave it alone now but I know it will be worth the discomfort one last time.  Crab is still ok for me to eat as long it is with melted butter only.  Cleaning up the diet has really made me aware of all the things that I react to.  I'm finding out that there is a lot of stuff that I never should have been ingesting.  unfortunately beer is one of those things

 

I hit a milestone on the getting rid of the quit weight this past week.  Bottomed out at 176.  That's down 23 lbs from where I started and 26 lbs from my peak.  I had stalled in the 181 to 185 range for weeks but quitting the coffee I think got me over the hump.  10 lbs of fat left to get off my arse and i'll be back down to my pre quit weight.  The lighter I get the better my joints feel.  Still have an issue with my hip so i'm off to the chiro tomorrow to see if there is an answer for that little nagging problem.

[intoxicated yoda]

shot 82 yesterday on the golf course.  3 birdies on the front 9 and 1 birdie on the back 9.  swing is starting to come back around and endurance in the heat is getting much better.  If gas doesn't get to much higher I'll head down to georgia as there are a couple of courses down there I want to play again.  maybe later this summer or sometime this fall.  we shall see.

[Reciprocity]

I make it a point to golf once a year.

I don't recall what I shot though (or if I shot at all?)

[intoxicated yoda]

10 month update.  scale bottomed out at 174.  waist measurement is at 39.5.  The cravings for pretty much anything have been reduced down to nothing more than a passing thought.  Some thoughts do pass much much slower than others but at least I'm not obsessing over them.  Played golf yesterday with my cigar smoking friend.  We got paired up with a couple that smoked.  At first I thought it was cute the way they would share a cigarette, but then I realized it was about as cute as Romeo and Juliet sharing a cup of poison.  I did catch myself staring at one of their cigarettes like a starving dog looks at a ribeye steak but I got over that pretty quick and felt pretty good about myself later on for being able to turn away and not even think about it again.  

 

anyhow, the journey continues.  stay strong everybody

[Doreensfree]

You won that battle Yoda....This is how you win the war ...Well done !!!!

[intoxicated yoda]

Went to play golf today.  Needed to fine tune my swing as I've started shanking the ball more often than I should.  The idea was to play by myself so I don't have any distractions and can hit a particular shot a few times if needed to dial in that contact.  As it turned out I was invited to play with a threesome waiting on the 2nd tee box.  All three of them smoked...a lot.  Fortunately I was in my own cart so I wasn't getting choked out by being right next to someone smoking.  313 days ago I was any of those three guys.  taking that lit cigarette out of my mouth and throwing it on the ground, never even giving a thought about the fertilizer, deer doo doo and squirrel piss it might be landing in.  And then pick it back up after I hit my shot and gleefully put it back in my mouth and suck on it like a toddler on a titty.  Part of me wanted to join them in a smoke and the other part of me just had sympathy for them.  Any reasonable person would ask..."yoda, why do you go play golf when you know your going to be around smokers?"  The answer is that I do enjoy the game.  It was my distraction in the early part of my quit.  It was the activity that I learned to enjoy without having to smoke.  It kept me distracted from the hell I was experiencing during the worst part of my quit.  And now, it's the repetitive stress of abstaining around other addicts that keeps me humble and on my toes lest I forget what I went through to get to where I am.  So tonight I celebrate 313 days of no smoking.  313 days of NOPE.  313 days closer to freedom and most of all, one prayer that was answered.  Thank you God for a wonderful day and beautiful gift.