Closing thought of the day

[intoxicated yoda]

Good Evening addicts...it's story time again and yes, yoda is once again Andy DuFresne,  belly crawling through a tube of shit towards freedom.  Funny thing about being in a crap filled pipe where there is no light, no clean water and putrid smells, when you do get a whiff of fresh air it stands out and makes a mark on your psyche.  And I did get a whiff of that fresh air today.  It didn't last long but it was a good sign...a welcome sign, like Noah having a bird return with an olive branch in it's beak.  I don't know where or how this part of the journey ends but I know the end is out there somewhere and I have more than just hope now.  I just gotta keep crawling until I get to it.  Which brings me to the point of this installment of Yoda's bed time story...does anyone know what the stats are on relapses as in what is the most common length of time someone quits then relapses?  Is it 2 months, 6 months, a year?  Just curious because even though we are all different we are all the same.  If there is a common thread in a relapse tied to how long someone has been quit there may lie some answers not only about the addiction itself but also about the psyche of man.  I figure if we are all going through this maybe we can do something even larger.  Don't get me wrong, I do so love to piss and moan about the struggle of quitting and some of the references I make humor me to no end.  (i write these posts for my own entertainment, if any of you enjoy them that's even better but when I write them they are for me.)  The real reason is to analyze what is taking place in my own mind and the associated physical response.  So, let's say someone has been quit for 6 months and doing quite well, then all of the sudden they get an attack of severe cravings.  Five minutes goes by and the craving is still there.  Hours and then days pass and the cravings just keep coming like the wave of a tsunami.  What causes that?  I has to be more than just mental or emotional.  I mean, after 6 months the nicotine is gone and most of the neurological pathways should be repaired.  Even after 2 months I have days that aren't so bad, like today, but I know by reading some of the posts on here that even 10 months or a year out people can get overwhelmed with a crave.  So what is taking place?  Why would the mind try to trick the body back into the trap?  Or is it something from the body triggering the mind?  I'm probably just overthinking this whole thing but I'm really wanting to be able at some point to quit quitting and start just being quit.  I don't want to be the guy living in a constant state of denial.  I want to be done with the demon sticks once and for all and right in this very moment I'm just not sure how to get there.  Regardless, the goal is still to become a non smoker.  Not just an ex smoker, but a new person that has never smoked.  If I can make the memory of the old person disappear then the vices of that old person should disappear as well.  I'll try and meditate on that this weekend, in the meantime I should probably try to not sleep to a marathon of Joe Dispenza videos.  But that idea that you can reprogram yourself into whatever you want to be intrigues me and I don't see why there can't be a formula to reprogram the smoker right the hell out of all of us.  And I'm not talking about cheating the system but understanding the system and using its full potential.  Anyway, I've finally gotten around to asking the question to the universe and all of you who read this.  I'll patiently wait for the answers I'm looking for and pray for wisdom to not reject the answers if they aren't what I want.  I'm sorry for rambling so much and damn was I all over the place this evening.  Good night addicts.  I do love all of you here and appreciate the interactions. 

Edited January 27, 2022 by intoxicated yoda

[Linda]

@intoxicated yoda I love reading your stories!!! We are all different, so I wish I had the magic  wand 

I would share it with all on the train. For myself it has been a struggle, I smoked for many years so I know

It will be along time to reprogram myself, I'm an addict for sure!!! It is doable for sure. So hang in there!!

You are doing great!!!

[intoxicated yoda]

@Lindayou are doing great as well my dear.  I feel honored to be following in the path of such magnificence and success.  Cheers to the both of us and may your quit always be 7 months longer than mine!!  

[jillar]

24 minutes ago, intoxicated yoda said:

does anyone know what the stats are on relapses as in what is the most common length of time someone quits then relapses? 

To my knowledge there's no "common" length of time but from my experience the first month was the hardest of my hard first year.

29 minutes ago, intoxicated yoda said:

Hours and then days pass and the cravings just keep coming like the wave of a tsunami.  What causes that?  I has to be more than just mental or emotional.  I mean, after 6 months the nicotine is gone and most of the neurological pathways should be repaired.  Even after 2 months I have days that aren't so bad, like today, but I know by reading some of the posts on here that even 10 months or a year out people can get overwhelmed with a crave.  So what is taking place?  Why would the mind try to trick the body back into the trap?  

 

The addiction causes it intoxicated yoda. You need to remember and keep reminding yourself that we smoked for A LOT of years so there's no possible way to get through all those triggers we created in just a years time.

The beauty with time quit though is that you've already been through the worst craves so you know and can remind yourself that this too shall pass. I used to tell myself that daily.

 

[intoxicated yoda]

@jillar  speaking of following greatness...and yes, undoing years of entrainment into an addictive habit isn't quick or easy.  I'm just really preoccupied with it being complete if that makes sense.  Perhaps as I go through this my perspective will change.  I'll revisit my story in a month and see if anything in it resonates still.  

[jillar]

3 minutes ago, intoxicated yoda said:

I'm just really preoccupied with it being complete if that makes sense

Of course it makes sense, I suspect we all felt that way our first year so its normal. Once I was past my first year I remember thinking back as I read my posts through that year, that it really wasn't that bad. It was horrible while it was happening though. The time passes fast and the older we get the faster it seems lol. 

You really are doing great

[Doreensfree]

Hi Yoda...

Over the years here,I've seen smokers relapse at all different stages ...there is no pattern ,even folks with a ten year quit have took that first puff and rewoke the monster ....

I think for me it was around the 9 month mark ...I started to believe I could actually quit after 52 years ..

I used to shout aloud a few slogans ....

Never take another Puff even if your arse is on fire ....

Take Smoking off the table no matter what ....

Never stick anything in your mouth and set fire to it ...

There is only one rule ...don't smoke ....if you break that rule ...well before you know if your back to where you were,and wishing you were back to where you are now .!!!!

One day ..not too far away ...it will all click together ...

Just think ..I come here everyday and talk about smoking ...do I ever think of smoking ....never ....

Yoda ..your just where you need to be right now ....

Take it one day at time ....don't worry about tomorrow....

Turn all your negatives into positives ...you are a non smoker ,the minute you stubbed out your last

 

[Boo]

16 hours ago, intoxicated yoda said:

 I want to be done with the demon sticks once and for all and right in this very moment I'm just not sure how to get there.  

 

You may not be exactly where you want to be right now, but you're on the right path.

 

With time and repetition, what feels weird today will become your new normal.

 

Relentless forward progress...it is the only way.

[Wayne045]

21 hours ago, intoxicated yoda said:

if you think you're not a junkie because you only smoke cigarettes, quit for 2 days and film it

I love this tag phrase.   Every smoker should see themselves desperate for their nicotine fix.   I have heard so many smokers say I’m not addicted, I like smoking.   Riiight, they like stopping the withdrawal that builds up between cigarettes 

[intoxicated yoda]

@Wayne045  one of the things that convinced me to finally go for it was when I decided to go one night without having cigs.  the shit i was doing that i don't even want to admit would have been funnier than anything any comedian could come up with.  I'm digging the synchronicity of the numbers on your ticker right now too.  I'll be there one day.

[intoxicated yoda]

Hello Addicts...it's story time again with yoda.  It's funny how certain things can impact your perception.  I spent the weekend trying to quit quitting for awhile and just be quit...you know, try it out and see how it goes.  It didn't go that well.  It wasn't terrible but it's still the dominating force in my life for now.  And of course as always the darker it gets outside the more I feel the desire.  Part of what story time with yoda does is keep me focused on the goal so I showed up here again to log my journey and hopefully entertain some of you as I stumble through my misery...but then my perception got changed.  I bet you all thought I forgot about that statement.  I saw a member had their 5 year anniversary today.  There is something magical about that 5 year mark for me.  There's no special reason for it other than the offhand comment I make to myself when I'm about to do something really stupid.  This person, today, gets to do the thing that I keep telling myself, look back and be so glad that 5 years ago they quit and stuck with it.  I put myself in that persons shoes for a few minutes tonight and ain't gonna lie, I got a little misty.  I cannot describe the feelings of joy I have for this person and the level of hope it has given me.  And there is the point.  If I can feel like this for someone else to accomplish my thought, what will it feel like if I do it?  I'll have to wait for that just like they did.  But the trail has been blazed again.  The groove has been worn in a little deeper so that should help all of us stay on course until we make it.  And as the more of us make the journey the more it helps the others coming behind us.  I'll tell you a little story about that.  I believe it's called the 100th monkey syndrome.  I could be wrong about the number but it does have to do with a population of monkeys and a syndrome.  It might be the 99th or 45th monkey syndrome.  It was years ago when I read about it but if you're interested in it you can google it.  Anyhow, after world war 2 ended, the army was doing a lot of tests with nuclear bombs out on some remote islands in the pacific.   On one of these islands they brought in some animal trainers to train the local monkey population to wash their food before they ate it to get the radioactive fall out off.  Well, as they began working their way around and across the island, training these monkeys, they came across a troupe of monkeys that were already washing their food.  None of the trainers had had any interaction with this troupe but yet they were washing their food just as if someone had taught them.  The next day as they continued they realized that all the monkeys on the island were washing their food.  They moved to a neighboring island to teach those monkeys and all of them were already doing it and there was no way they could have interacted with the monkeys on the first island to learn it from them and the trainers had only just arrived on that island.  So the consensus was that once a certain percentage of the population started a new behavior it spontaneously propagated throughout the entire localized population.  You see where I'm going with this...once enough people in our population quit it could trigger all the rest of the people to just spontaneously quit.  Do I believe that will happen?  Not really since we aren't monkeys but I do have hope.  And it doesn't hurt me at all to be a link in that possible chain.  But think about it, what if you quit and it was determined that you were monkey number 100. or 45 or whatever and literally kicked off a spontaneous quit across the globe?  Something to mull over.  Anyway addicts, time for me bring this to a close.  As always, I love you all and I believe in you.  We got this!  And congrats to hope2nope for remaining undefeated with a record of 1826 and 0 and still kicking azzz!!

[jillar]

Great post @intoxicated yoda and you never know you could be that monkey that sparks it   

[Boo]

Some monkeys take more time than others...

 

And if you're asking: Boo, did you just respond as an excuse to post this gif again?

 

The answer is: yes.

[intoxicated yoda]

28 minutes ago, Boo said:

Some monkeys take more time than others...

 

And if you're asking: Boo, did you just respond as an excuse to post this gif again?

 

The answer is: yes.

 

Talk about taking a pitch deep.  That's a walk off grand slam if there ever was one!!  LMAO

[Kris]

I met this monkey this morning, one of the pups must have had a upset tummie in the night.  I got out of bed dazed, walked to the den to turn on the TV and stepped in a big pile of S...then I had to hop one leg to kitchen to get paper towels.  Mind you that is not easy for an old lady with a recent hip replacement.  Blessed be that I got to make the hop on my good leg.  Little girl dog came out, did a sniff and ran back to bed.  So this morning I spent a good deal of time cleaning up after my little chunky monkey.  (I realized it was him after I saw his butt, somebody had to have a bath)

K

[Doreensfree]

51 minutes ago, Boo said:

Some monkeys take more time than others...

 

And if you're asking: Boo, did you just respond as an excuse to post this gif again?

 

The answer is: yes.

Another great post hits the gutter...

Theres a few cheeky monkeys on this Train .

Edited November 1, 2021 by Doreensfree

[intoxicated yoda]

Hello Addicts....I sincerely hope you are all doing well tonight.  I'm still in the fight, although I've got to do something get this monkey off my back...pun intended.  Thanks @Boo.  I wasn't expecting to be the miracle child of quitting but I thought at the 10 week mark things would get substantially easier to deal with but lucky me...over the last few days just getting through the day has gotten harder.  It feels more difficult now than it did the first week.  This isn't some psychological thing happening either.  These are still very real, very physical reactions.  The bloat I experience at times is off the charts.  Sometimes I worry that my skin will split up my spine cuz my gut has blown up so much.  It's like I pull the pin on the fat grenade and blow the F**K up!!!  .  The only thing that may actually be showing any sign of improvement is my digestion.  i've shit at least once a day for the last three days.  I can hear y'all now..."damn, yoda.  why you gotta go there?"  Well,, it's a big damn deal for me.  When you've had 6 or 7 dinners piled up in your colon and you gotta wear some strange flip flops you found to the walmart to buy shoes that don't need to be tied so you don't have to go barefoot cuz you can't bend over to tie your shoes, it's very meaningful.  Read that last sentence over and get louder and louder so you are screaming by the time you get to the last word and that's my mood right now.  I can at least wear socks again.  There's one positive.  But seriously, all the stuff I've read about the physical withdrawal being over in 3 to 5 days is utter bullshit.  It may be like for some and I'm happy for you if it is...and jealous AF...but for me this shit is dragging out.  I guess the reality is it hasn't been that long but like I said before, I know quitting has already made me live longer because the days just never end now.  so tonight...I'm still Andy DuFresne, crawling through shit.  But there is no turning back.  There is only one way out and that way out is through the shit.  Which takes me back to my very first post on this thread...The life I want is on the other side of the shit I don't want to do.   Wow, this whole post kinda went to shit quick.  Sorry about that.  Yoda ain't feeling the force tonight and sleep is rare commodity these days.  Anyway, I do love you all out there and pray for the supernatural spirit of your choice to bless you with the strength to endure whatever struggles you may be facing.  Goodnight addicts and Yoda be praying for all of us.

Edited January 27, 2022 by intoxicated yoda

[Doreensfree]

Aww Yoda...

You know we fed poisons in our bodies for decades...and then wonder why we don't function proper like 

Your body is going through some  massive changes just now ....it has to all unscramble....

Whatever is going on ..it's all temporary.....you,ll never have to deal with it again ...

Unless you smoke that is ....but I know you won't ...

Your right the only way is forward ..one day all this crap will be a thing of the past ...

Be kind to yourself ....and keep reminding yourself how flipping amazing you are ....

 

[Jryan19982]

On 10/21/2021 at 10:13 PM, intoxicated yoda said:

BTW...will weed through me off track or do you know?

 

or maybe even throw me off track?  

Oof.  The pure act of smoking pot gave me the desire to smoke a cig because that is what I did after.  I quickly found out that I had to quit drinking and pot to make this work and I have now quit for a substantial period of time.  To be honest, I did try edibles and they destroyed my stomach so I really think that I am over that as well.  I wouldnt recommend drinking or pot during your initial quit as they are usually triggers for lots of people.  Everyone is different though but to me the risk isnt worth it.    

[KEL]

Hey Yoda,

Hoping your night got more peaceful.

I, for one, appreciate the candor. Having been through a couple of quits, the "bloat" (especially for a woman because there is so much other hormonal nonsense going on) is a real physical side-effect of the lack of nicotine. Its really hard to feel positive about not smoking when your body seems to go to different states of hell after quitting. 

All I can recommend is exercise a lot, drink a lot of water, and eat a lot of dried fruit. Cascara sagrada is an herb that may also assist.

Again in my experience, it does stabilize with time. 

Wishing you strength.

[Kris]

Have to admit for me the alcohol does not bother me.  Currently sipping a margarita in the middle of the day while I am batch cooking for the freezer.  These things get me by, drinks as needed and batch cooking to fill the freezer so I do not have to cook all the time. The more I simplify it is easier to relax so when the cravings come I don't freak out.  

K

[Linda]

4 minutes ago, Kris said:

Have to admit for me the alcohol does not bother me.  Currently sipping a margarita in the middle of the day while I am batch cooking for the freezer.  These things get me by, drinks as needed and batch cooking to fill the freezer so I do not have to cook all the time. The more I simplify it is easier to relax so when the cravings come I don't freak out.  

K

@Kris in dinner ready? And another Margarita???

[Kris]

Have not figured out dinner, do you want hamburgers or chicken and wild rice with peas? I have plenty of goods for the margaritas when you are ready. Like they say it is five o'clock somewhere.

Right now working of soups for the freezer and breakfast stuff for the grandson. Is it cold there yet?

We just had our first so called chill, hence the soup prep for the freezer.

K

[Linda]

15 minutes ago, Kris said:

Have not figured out dinner, do you want hamburgers or chicken and wild rice with peas? I have plenty of goods for the margaritas when you are ready. Like they say it is five o'clock somewhere.

Right now working of soups for the freezer and breakfast stuff for the grandson. Is it cold there yet?

We just had our first so called chill, hence the soup prep for the freezer.

K

yes it is cold already!!! It was only 29 degrees when I got up this AM. Only made it to 40 today

Welcome to Michigan!! If you lived closer I would be there!!

[Kris]

In Texas (north) we get some cold weather but nothing like you do.  In my youth I loved the summer and the heat, but the older I get I love the cold.  I used to joke with a friend I should more to Alaska or Montana for a longer winter.  We did have one bad storm last year over the state where a lot of people suffered.  I was fine because I have a gas driven fire place and I could cook on my gas grill.  I really did not have problems but I did not have to leave my home because I try to be prepared for emergencies.  I always have a full pantry.  I am thinking I might invest in a generator for electricity failure.  I am fine for the winter but if the electric goes out in the summer I will be at a hotel for A/C.

Sorry you are not near by would be happy to have you for dinner and a movie.

K