Closing thought of the day

[intoxicated yoda]

[intoxicated yoda]

I know without a doubt that I have extended my life by quitting smoking.  Ever since that first morning f***ing days just never end.

[jillar]

It takes time @intoxicated yoda, but you'll get there. You're doing great!

 

[Doreensfree]

Upwards and onwards !!!!

One day ...the magic will happen ....

[intoxicated yoda]

For all you addicts out there that racked up another day of going smokeless, congratulations.  You have my love, respect and support.  If you stumbled today you have my love, respect and support.  And if you get back on the train tomorrow I bow to the strength of your resolve.  Where ever you are be of good cheer, for it may be true that misery loves company, it's also true that the company can't get away from the miserable fast enough.  Have a great night all.  Stay strong and stay free.

[intoxicated yoda]

most of the time, it takes a lot of years to become an overnight success.  i stole that from someone who is much smarter than I, but I hope it's true in this case.  I still wonder sometimes why I'm putting myself through this misery.  I look at my ticker and think wow, it feels like it was a lifetime ago since i had a cigarette and I'm not even at 2 months yet.  I could make a case that the whole physical part being over after 72 hours is a load of shit then I think to myself does it matter?  A friend of mine told me that the cravings I have now are only psychological and my response was whoopty-*******-doo.  So what do you do about it?  Same thing you do when they aren't psychological.  You bitch moan complain eat and get fat as shit.  So the question is does it matter?  I don't think it does.  Physical or psychological it's still the same grind.  Now the purpose of me writing this is that when I'm at 5 years i can look back and see what an asshole I was going thru the darkness.  I do see how people fail though.  This daily battle of beating the cravings can and does wear you down.  Then I get the advice of don't use will power.  That's something I still don't understand and don't think I ever will.  What the hell else is there?  You want something, you crave it even, but you tell yourself no and stick to it.  That's willpower.  That's all we got.  If you're struggling like this know that you aren't alone.  Some people claim that quitting is easy and I'm happy for them, I ****ing hate them right now, but I'm still happy for them.  And just because if I were to find out that their dog shit in their mouth while they were asleep I'd laugh like hell doesn't mean I want that to happen them even though I really do.  It's more just me wondering what's wrong with me that makes me miss it so much.  Maybe I'm defective...."maybe I can't become invisible at all!!!"  That's from the movie Mystery Men.  Funniest movie ever made in my opinion, but I digress...where was I, oh yeah, something about sleeping dogs and mouthwash or whatever.  Crap, now I totally forgot what I was going to say next.  Anyway, for the rest of us addicts that have to scratch and claw until our fingers are bloody stumps just to gain a little bit of ground in this battle for what the hell ever we were doing it for...don't give up.  Don't ever give up because somewhere out there is a dick that wants us to fail and there will be nothing sweeter than for all of us to collectively piss in that MF'ers eye when we succeed.  Y'all have a blessed and peaceful night.

[jillar]

20 minutes ago, intoxicated yoda said:

Then I get the advice of don't use will power.  That's something I still don't understand and don't think I ever will.  What the hell else is there?  

Whoever told you that probably never got addicted to nicotine. My whole first year sucked too intoxicated Yoda so I know how you're feeling so I hope you believe me when I tell you to hang in there because it WILL and it DOES get so much better.

I also am a big fan of writing all you're feeling down. Every month I would read my old posts just so I could see how far I'd come and I wouldn't forget where I came from.

[intoxicated yoda]

It's good to have people like you to constantly let people like me know that at some point in time it will be worth it.  For that, I thank you.  These nightly posts are really just me rallying the troops.  Sometimes the troops are just me.  Sometimes the troops are lots of people, then I take my medication and it's just me again.  LMAO...don't where that came from but I thought it was funny.  BTW...will weed through me off track or do you know?

 

or maybe even throw me off track?  

Edited October 22, 2021 by intoxicated yoda

[jillar]

11 minutes ago, intoxicated yoda said:

BTW...will weed through me off track or do you know?

It didn't me. But alcohol didn't either. I made it a point to do both from the beginning of my quit just so it wouldn't. Now I just do edibles and like them much better than smoking it. Keep in mind that everyone is different so only you can know if it would throw you off track. 

[intoxicated yoda]

Thanks for the info.  and the conversation.    this always seems to be a tough part of the day.  maybe that will help me sleep   

[Kris]

I hate this too! It is a misery not to be able to smoke when it is something you have done for so long but we have arrived at a point that we cannot, should not do it anymore. I sometimes feel I am crawling out of my skin, I am going to lose my mind. Of course none of that is true but when you are crazy it seems true.  I just keep waiting and waiting for it to pass and sooner or later it does.  I do not like the fact that I live alone (without humans, only my pups) but I do not think a human would be able to tolerate my company and I would not want to have to deal with them. To say the least I am not the happy camper and I am not going to pretend.

K

[intoxicated yoda]

@Kris We will get through this.  One of the the problems that I have is that I'm more of a loner and one of the worst things you can do when dealing with addiction is to isolate yourself.  As we go through this journey we can start finding out who we really are without the nicotine and start becoming the people other people would enjoy being around.  But for right now, I feel your pain in that I really don't want to have to pretend to be sociable right now so meeting new people and making new friends in the real world probably isn't an option for me.  Good luck and congrats again on your 4 months.  

[Opah]

sugar free Carmel hard candies Kris, if that doesn't that the edge off, get a tub of your bests ice cream, your most beloved  movie curl up in your must soft and warmest blanket, close the curtains, lock the doors and have a me only day except for the Pups they can keep your feet and lap warm

[Linda]

On 10/22/2021 at 2:09 AM, Kris said:

I hate this too! It is a misery not to be able to smoke when it is something you have done for so long but we have arrived at a point that we cannot, should not do it anymore. I sometimes feel I am crawling out of my skin, I am going to lose my mind. Of course none of that is true but when you are crazy it seems true.  I just keep waiting and waiting for it to pass and sooner or later it does.  I do not like the fact that I live alone (without humans, only my pups) but I do not think a human would be able to tolerate my company and I would not want to have to deal with them. To say the least I am not the happy camper and I am not going to pretend.

K

@kris I know what you mean!! I live alone too!! Me and my dog!! Im sure I could tolerate your company, question would be could you tolerate mine lol

[Kris]

Wow! maybe I should just read instead of type.  This is kind of embarrassing.  See my recent post.

Pork chops and salad for dinner, waiting for your arrival. I may bake a pie later.

K

[Linda]

40 minutes ago, Kris said:

Wow! maybe I should just read instead of type.  This is kind of embarrassing.  See my recent post.

Pork chops and salad for dinner, waiting for your arrival. I may bake a pie later.

K

@Kris I would join you for dinner,if you didn't live so far away lol

Apple pie is my favorite

[Kris]

I love apple too, was thinking of a pumpkin but have decided not to bake.  I have been in migraine hell for about 36 hours with no sleep. I am waving the white flag and taking a pain killer in hopes to sleep.  I really appreciate your earlier post!

K

[intoxicated yoda]

Well, I had a great day today.  Nothing could make me feel any better than I felt earlier.  And now...massive cravings.  Not just thoughts of I'd like to smoke a cigarette, deep penetrating  feelings in the back of my throat and chest.  You know that feeling you get when you **** up and realize that the person you love more than anything else in the world is mad enough to leave you?  That feeling.  The feeling you get when you think one of your kids might be in serious danger or you can't find them?  That feeling.  And you know you can make it go away by just taking a little puff.  Yeah, the bloating and gas and everything else will still be there but that gnawing feeling will be gone.  Take that puff and the kids will be safe and the relationship will stay intact.  But as recovering addicts we don't have that option.  We have to go out and save the kids ourselves and we have to plea for forgiveness from our soul mate.  We have to save ourselves from ourselves.  My greatest enemy is me.  How does anyone conquer themselves?  Jesus did it.  Buddha did it.  They even left us clues on how we can do it if we are smart enough to understand it.  Tonight I'm not smart enough.  I'm not rational or logical tonight.  I'm desperate.  The one consolation I have is that a couple of folks on here have kept this thread alive.  I think that's cool and hope they stick around on it.  I hope they use this thread to journal their struggles and victories at the end of the day, or week or month if that's all they need.  It would be great to see someones story of success play out day by day.  I hope I can do that for someone else but for now I'm still in the struggle.  The quit garden still has weeds.  The cigarettes are still in charge...and I'm still Andy DuFresne, twenty feet in to a two thousand foot crawl through a tube of shit.  Please share your victory or struggle here.  You never know who you may inspire...

Edited January 27, 2022 by intoxicated yoda

[jillar]

Sorry you had a sucky day of cravings @intoxicated yoda, my first months were just as hard but I held on to the words of all those who went before me and told me it wouldn't be like that forever and they were right

That nicodemon is trying everything it can to win you back because it knows you're not backing down to it! You got this and tomorrow you're two months free so you really need to treat yourself to something just for you because you deserve it

Edited October 26, 2021 by jillar

[notsmokinjo]

It gets easier, every day, just doesn't seem it at the time. The thing is we aren't bullshitting about it, cos if we were it's not like you wouldn't work it out eventually...it's all true, it gets easier, it becomes not even a passing thought....how do I know, because I'm living the dream.

So here's my take, nicotine reprograms your brain, for fricking years, your conscience knows you have quit, you intelligence is screaming we made the decision why are we still craving this crap....but those nicotine receptors in your brain took a long time to get wired....you have to give them a bit of time to get rewired...until then they will from time to time rear their ugly head and manipulate your thinking and emotions to get the hit they need. 

But it gets easier.... those shit times get further and further apart until voila....no more smoking thoughts...

And thing is you will stop one day and think, I can't remember the last time I thought hmm I'd really like a gasper.

 

Did you smoke, NOPE, so don't be so hard on yourself, you're not wading through a river of shit, you're holding your head high in victory while you sit on the beach at Zihuatanejo.

Edited October 26, 2021 by notsmokinjo

[jillar]

11 minutes ago, notsmokinjo said:

you're holding your head high in victory while you sit on the beach at Zihuatanejo.

 

Here's a visualization if you need it @intoxicated yoda.....

 

Edited October 26, 2021 by jillar

[intoxicated yoda]

@notsmokinjoglad to hear you are living the dream.  I find that encouraging because that is my catch phrase.  Anyone I meet in the real world says hi how are you doing?  My reply is always the same.  I'm living the dream.  And I really am.  It's just those damn cravings come along and piss on my sunshine on a daily basis.  But seeing folks like you and jillar and the other people here that have gotten to the part where it's easier definitely helps keep me on track.  and you are right...i didn't smoke,  we still winning over here.  Thanks Jo

[intoxicated yoda]

@jillar  i don't know what's more hilarious...that picture in relation to the conversation or the fact that picture even exists.  I'll put that one in my tool bag cuz it cracks me up.  

[Doreensfree]

You win the war....by winning your battles .....

I used to visualize me and that Nico Monster in a duel....and when I conquered that crave I won ...

Your battles will get fewer ...and easier to win ...you just have to keep going ...

It's ok to Wobble....just make sure you don't fall over ...

It takes time to unscramble a mind that,s been poisoned for decades....

Be kind to yourself ....this is why rewards are so important....

You are amazing ...never forget that ...

[Boo]

15 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

Did you smoke, NOPE, so don't be so hard on yourself, you're not wading through a river of shit, you're holding your head high in victory while you sit on the beach at Zihuatanejo.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is only one question that matters when quitting: Did I smoke today?

 

If you answered "no," you're good to go.  If you answered "yes," you screwed it up and need to start over.