This is going to be tough.

[OregonGirl]

I started smoking at age 47! Stupid. I'm 49 now. My parents both smoked when I was a kid, quit when I was around 16. As an adult I never smoked cigarettes, although a few years ago my partner and I would sometimes enjoy a cigar. It wasn't ever anything I craved, or did often (one or two a month). My Mom died of lung cancer 4 years ago -- many years after she quit smoking. (I know not all lung cancer is not smoking related.)

 

Then I started dating someone who smoked cloves (Djarum Blacks). First I'd just have a few on the one or two nights we'd see one another. Always his. Then I would have some when we went out and others were smoking. Then I bought my own and would smoke one when we were on the phone. And then... 

 

Fast forward to now, and when left to my own devices I will smoke at least a pack a day. I've been known to smoke two. 

 

I know these are worse than regular cigarettes (more nicotine, tar, other elements). And when I look at HOW MUCH TIME I spend doing this, it's ridiculous. I sit and flip through Facebook or TikToc for HOURS while I smoke, often just chain smoking when by myself. This is not the life I want. 

 

What am I doing to myself, and why!? My god. 

 

The odd thing is... I can go a day without and not feel bad. I can go a few days without if we are traveling and I'm around non smokers. I don't sneak out, I don't obsess about having one... and at home if I can distract myself, I can do without. 

 

Until I can't. And then it's one after the other after the other... 

 

God, I wish I'd never bought that first pack of my own. I wish I had one or two a weekend and it wasn't a thing. 

 

I've got to stop. And I'm terrified I can't. 

[jillar]

Welcome aboard @OregonGirl and congrats on deciding to quit this nasty habit. The good news is that you have nothing to be terrified of. Everyone can quit, you just chose not to smoke anymore  You are lucky in that you are able to already go those lengths of time without one. That'll serve you well with going everyday without. When I used to get a bad crave I would do something that I never did smoking and the crave would almost instantly go away. Try that. Over and over and over again until the days add up. Also keep reminding yourself that you can smoke, you just don't want to. 

And use the support you can get here to help you. We have great forums filled with information on the addiction and support from members all over the world so there's almost always someone here 24/7. And in all stages of quitting so not only will you have support from the people walking along side you but also from those that have traveled that path and who stick around to pay it forward  

[Mee]

Well thank goodness you realize now that you have to quit.  Many of us smoked for way too many years before we finally realized the need to quit.  I am not familiar with what you are smoking but anything unnatural that goes into your lungs is not good.  The toughest part of quitting is the withdrawal but fortunately it only takes a couple of days to get it out of your system.  Stay close to the forum, educate yourself and get to know us.  We are here to support you on your quitting journey.

[Linda]

Welcome @OregonGirl it will be tough but doable. You came to the right place for help!!

There is a lot of support and great people here! So stay close and join the team

[Gus]

Welcome OregonGirl! I’m so glad that you’ve joined us! You can do this! Keep posting! It’s like talking your way through your quit and believe me, every word you say will be read by so many others who are struggling to quit and who knows how many your words will help over time. Stay close!!!

[Boo]

21 hours ago, OregonGirl said:

God, I wish I'd never bought that first pack of my own.

 

What's done is done.  None of us could go back in time and not smoke that first one.

 

What we did do is: we smoked our last one.  Never bought another pack.  Never lit up again.

 

The past is what it is.  The future is whatever you make it.

 

21 hours ago, OregonGirl said:

I've got to stop. And I'm terrified I can't. 

 

Fear not.  You can quit.

 

This forum is full of people who successfully quit.  It's been done so we know it can be done.

[Doreensfree]

Welcome aboard...

You fight the Monster with knowledge.....

Learn all you can ...start on our Main Smoking Discussion Board....pinned with green ...

This will be a great place to start ...Also take our daily pledge ...you quit one day at a time ...

Don't over think .....

It's doable...I'm a 52 year smoker ....all you need is the desire to free yourself ...

Stay close ...

[JustinHoot99]

@OregonGirl How goes it?