Here I am again

[Linda]

Just got off the phone with my friends husband she is back in the hospital and it does not look good for her. The tumor has grown and she is in slot of pain. I know that God has a plan for her .But here I am struggling about smoking. What the help. My addiction mind is telling me when its your time it doesn't really matter what you do. This girl is the closest thing to a saint I know. Just sucks!!!! Just need to vent so I don't give into the addict saying F it. 

[jillar]

@Linda, you'll get past this one just like you did last time except this time DON'T GO BUY CIGARETTES!! I too believe when its your time its your time but going out an ex smoker will be much easier then dealing with needing a nicotine fix as well!

Vent and get it all out. Go read your thought of the day thread, go to Off The Record and post on our cuss thread. Just DON'T SMOKE!!! 

[Linda]

@jillar I know it won't make the hurt go away for her and her family but I am having a hard time shaking this I don't give a shit attitude!!!

[jillar]

Believe me @LindaI know that attitude BIG TIME! But I also know that if I did smoke I would still have that attitude but now I also have my addiction back. And quite honestly, no thanks! Have you smelled someone who has stale smoke all over them recently. Gawd I did and it was nasty! He stunk up our whole front porch

Our addiction is going to try to use any way it can to sneak back in and knowing this gives you the upper hand. Your life is no longer controlled by nicotine  

[Reciprocity]

We all had many times when we thought about or wanted to go back to smoking ... for various reasons. Stress, sadness, happiness; you name it!

The one thing that is universally true in EVERY case is that lighting up will not help the situation and in fact would put you in a deep dark place because you would have thrown away 5 months of hard work. I don't see the positive side anywhere to lighting up. It's junkie thinking for sure. Your addiction wants control again .... don't let that happen under any circumstances!

 

Sorry your friend is in a tough spot Please honor her by keeping your quit. I'm sure she would want to know you're making a positive change for your future.

[Lust4Life]

I think you do give a shit. By venting you have extended an arm.   Let this place pull you out of the dark pit.  Keep your quit.  Keep venting. 

[Mac#23]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I have to believe that I don't think she would want you to give up your quit. I have faith Linda, that you will fight through this. You are a fighter and I know you can do this.

[Gus]

Keep your quit Linda. Let it out. Keep speaking until you’ve said it all. You’ve developed a following. We are here for you. Newbies and old school alike. It’s time to prove to us that you stand by your words. That you believe what you say. Those words that have given so much encouragement to others. You don’t give a sh*t?! You are going to use your pain ridden, dying friend as an excuse to go back to your master? Those of us that you helped with your words? Your empty words that mean nothing to you? I know that you are angry, but you would do just as well to use your love of words and your ability to write to shoot off a round of letters to some tobacco companies or even to some of your government representatives asking for accountability to said tobacco companies. You don’t have to send them, but I can guarantee that you will not be wanting to give Nicodemon control over your life again by the time you are finished. Direct your anger and pain to the rightful party not upon yourself. 

[Linda]

@Gusi know your words are trying to help but, I really take offense by your words using my pain ridden, dying friend as an excuse to smoke.

[Gus]

Sorry, no offense meant. Frickin’ nicotine fries all of our emotional sensibilities sometimes. I truly hope you find peace concerning your friend and her family. I’m truly sorry that she and anyone that has to go through this with her—you know what? I watched my husband die a miserable death from cancer and their was no peace or understanding while that was happening, it didn’t come until afterwards. So, just keep on dealing with it as you are. You got through the initial two bad spots. Evidently, being a rage machine is your way of dealing with the worst life throws at you. So go for it!!! Rage at the machine!!! And seriously, I meant no offense above. I apologize. 

[Abby]

3 hours ago, Linda said:

 I am having a hard time shaking this I don't give a shit attitude. 

 

You can change it ... just a matter of doing it my friend.  

 

You can find positive even in the worst of times and pass those thoughts on to your friend and her family . I don't think she would want you to hear you are feeling like sh blankety blank or see you sad in her last days either . Sometimes life isn't fair I agree and we don't have the answers . We can still however try to help you keep your quit . Losing good friends or family is painful but let their lives be a reason for you to stay quit not give up . 

 

My niece has a brain tumour as well . It's only a matter of time because they couldn't remove it all . She is the most positive young women I know and I bet your friend is too .

 

Dont grieve long before it's time . One day at a time . 

 

Keep the quit as a pact between you ? She'll be so proud of you , as you are her . Don't give away your quit ok she would feel so bad on top of everything else . 

 

I have not read previous posts , I'm just wondering  is your friend terminal ? Is their a chance a second surgery will help ? 

 

 

Edited June 7, 2021 by Abby
Corrected mistakes and added to

[Linda]

@Abby Yes it is terminal surgery was never an option

[Abby]

I'm sorry to hear that Linda . My niece was 40 when she was diagnosed and had two little youngins at home . She has good days and bad , seizures of course too .. a lot of them . 

Its ok to feel the way you do. I know you are hurting , but don't hurt yourself to make the pain go away , do you know what I mean ?

Use this time maybe to do something for her family , be strong , maybe make some freezers meals so her husband and fam can be with her at the hospital and have quick meals when they get home . Make something to comfort your friend there in the hospital maybe write a friendship book with all the good and fun things you've done together and laughed about over the years . I don't know if you will have the opportunity to see her but if not maybe one day you can share that with her family just how special she was . 

You can get through this smoke free and by doing something for others you'll get through feeling better . 

[Linda]

@Abby So sorry about your niece it hard losing any love one but when there so young it is so much harder.

[Mee]

Linda, life is not fair and it is hard to lose someone so unexpectedly.  I know how you are feeling right now.  I lost my dearest friend to breast cancer a few years ago.  She was too young and too great of a person to be taken.  When I went to see her in hospice, she looked at me and said everything would be alright.  She always was that friend that always told me everything would be alright.  That last vision of her always pops into my mind when I am struggling and, I realize she is there with me letting me know that everything is going to be alright.  

I know your friend has given you many things that you can hold onto.  Try to draw strength in that.  The temptation to smoke always tends to creep in when we are at our lowest.  Keep reaching out and letting us know you are struggling so that we can let you know how awesome and strong your are.  

Linda, know that I am praying for you and your friend.  

Edited June 7, 2021 by Mee

[d2e8b8]

Hi Linda, I hesitate to speak because the situation is so sensitive and delicate that I fear I'll say something to make it worse (which happens to be what I do quite often it seems).

 

I'll just say this - do you want to face this situation a slave to nicotine or a master of it?  

 

When I was going through my own issues in life (and I was angry about a lot of things), the one thing I decided I wouldn't allow was to be a slave to addiction and used my anger to make it my enemy and fight it.

 

I hope you find a way that works for you to fight it also.  

[Lilley]

3 hours ago, Linda said:

@Gusi know your words are trying to help but, I really take offense by your words using my pain ridden, dying friend as an excuse to smoke.

 

But this is the biggest truth in this thread. That is exactly what you are doing. While you "don't give a shit" your friend is doing everything to have another day with her loved ones. 

[Doreensfree]

Linda ...I'm truly sorry your having to go through losing your dear friend ...a few years ago I was exactly in your shoes ...my friend and I had been by each others side for over 60 years ....

I watched her take that last pull on a cigerette hours before she died ...

It was the most pitiful sight ,and I still have that vision ....

I promised my family ,I will never put them through that ...

Watching her... made my quit stronger ....

I know Linda your friend would be very upset if you gave away your precious quit ...

I bet she is very proud of you ...keeping your Quit is to honour your friend ...like mine was ....

 

[Abby]

Looks like a lot really care about you here Linda , the responses are amazing , how are you doing today ? Still thinking about ya . Hope you never made smoking an option and looked after you .

[Linda]

@Abby Thank you, yes there are a lot of wonderful people here. I appreciate all of the wonderful support and kind words

[Linda]

@Abby Thanks for the advice I did make spaghetti, salad and garlic bread to take over to my friends family tonight. I did that before when she was in the hospital. Felt better this time

[Dianne]

Just thinking of you Linda. No magic words no magic wand. Please just stay on the quit train with the rest of us and vent as needed. 

[Linda]

@Diane I'm still here haven't jumped off yet . Last night I was on the caboose though. Thanks for thinking of me

[Kate18]

It is heart-breaking to think that a person would ever think that smoking cigarettes has anything to do with making a pain feel better. That is only addiction speaking. Ach, my heart aches for you. 

[nichole7338]

I am a registered nurse and baccalaureate student. I am here to learn more about patient experiences and their challenges with tobacco use. I am not able to provide any medical advice, but would love to chat and get to know more about your experiences with quitting and the hardships along the way. 

 

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Best,

Nichole