Jagged Edge Pill

[Gus]

Blimey y’all! I was pulled up out of a deep sleep because I was wanting a cigarette. I was drowning in the want of it. If I’d have had a pack close I would have probably chewed on one while I was trying to get another lit. What on the blinking bloody earth was that?! I mean Bible came to mind....pacing to and fro, looking for whom he might devour. I was kind of frightened there for a second! And my toes and fingers are constantly tingling! Driving me nuts! I know what that is, but it needs to stop. I need to get a sound sleep for once! I’m angry! I literally would smash someone’s face in if they were to talk to me right now and that’s being nice. And this is the one thing I remember from the only other time I ever tried to quit smoking. It’s why my husband drove to the store, bought cigarettes, came home, lit one, shoved it in my mouth and yelled smoke it, just smoke it at me! I could literally kill someone right now. And yet I never reached over, grabbed one of the nicotine patches that I had left and slapped it on. Why is that? Because I’m a quitter that’s why and quitters don’t quit, their quit!!!  
I was going to delete this before I click submit, like I do most of my posts, but I think this one needs to stay. For me. 
And now, I think I can find that deep, peaceful sleep that I’ve been longing for.
 

Disclaimer: I stole that title.

[PeachFuzz]

I feel like I could kill people most days! 

 

You sat with it.  Your emotions that is.  You made it. 

 

I'm glad you didn't delete your post. You are human. You kicked that Nicodemon in the nuts! 

 

Sweet dreams. xx

[Linda]

@Gus  I had many days like that, crying all the time and angry all the time and mean didn't even like myself some days little own any other people.

Good to come here and rant and get that out!!!! We all understand , I know I have done my share of that here that it what got me through to as far as I am. So hang in there you are doing great!!!

[AceWhite]

Yup- I have many days like that.......

 

 

 

 

Edited May 28, 2021 by AceWhite

[jillar]

Well done on getting past that one @Gus and I'm so glad you didn't delete the post. You're going to want this one to look back on!

Hope you're feeling better now. Fyi, I took a nighttime Bayer when I couldn't sleep. One was just enough to take the edge off and let me get a full nights sleep, maybe that would help you too

Edited May 28, 2021 by jillar

[Doreensfree]

Aww Gus ....

Your brain is still trying to unscramble being a addict ....it Sucks I know ....

You fought the monster and kicked his Butt.....

Your the Boss.....

And yes ,you did the right thing ..... getting it out ....that way ,when others tell you it's normal 

It explains things ....

Great Job

[Dianne]

Oh man that was a tough one. You should be proud of how you did not concede. That really is something to be proud of. You got this Gus this is your time to shine.  I glad you did not delete the post. It speaks volumes of how real the fight is and how we each can win it one day at a time. 

[Boo]

13 hours ago, Gus said:

I could literally kill someone right now. And yet I never reached over, grabbed one of the nicotine patches that I had left and slapped it on. Why is that? Because I’m a quitter that’s why and quitters don’t quit, their quit!!!  

 

These are the moments where quits are built.

 

The easy moments are welcomed, but it's those challenging moments where the rubber meets the road.

 

Good job Gus.  You passed the test.