Snapped back by a smell !

[Opah]

Man I have been without triggers and urges for maybe a couple weeks now and then this morning I com in to work and there are people smoking in the smoking area,  I catch a whiff and GAME ON bid time. I still am trembling my lings still have that vacant  need to fill them up with something feeling.

Thank Goodness for that Inhaler Man I may becoming addicted to it 

to be gain with when ever I had a trigger or urge I would take a couple good strong snorts on the inhaler and I was back on my way worked every time  A nd I tell you I needed it this morning.

I know this is a pretty common thing but for how long  Years ?

[jillar]

What kind of inhaler opah? You have to remember that we smoked for a lot of years so it could be that we have triggers for the rest of our lives. The difference is that with time quit they are just small annoyances and easily pushed away  

[Opah]

It is a all natural, Non- decongestant , I believe it is mint ?

I cannot take  De contestants anymore because they increase th Heart rate and that increases the blood pressure and that puts stress on my arteries and that can cause me to have one of the widow maker heart attacks.

I was joking about the addition part it just works really good at keeping my synouses clear to breath.

 

 

  

[Gus]

So sorry that you had to struggle today @Opah  I’m glad that you were able to make it through though. I don’t really have any triggers that I am aware of. I just have like a barely registering feeling of tension every once in awhile. Hadn’t had one in days, but I had several today. Other than the initial onset I am able to ignore it. Hoping they go away eventually.

[Opah]

the great news is that I go see the retinal specialist  Thursday to measure my Lens for the new ones.    My Doctor sent me a certificate of outstanding accomplishment for bringing my A1c from 11.6 to 6.7 in just 90 days.

You believe that ?

But I will be honest it is right up there next to me quitting as a great accomplishment.  for me.

My biggest issue is accepting that I must do something, never got along with words such as must,  it is an order word, some Jack ass baking in my ear. my mind goes into auto FU mode.  I guess that is why I think Tough love is crap I figure most are like myself and its is either going to knock them down or piss them off, I don't see that in any way it will encourage them or me.

My Grand Father had the Patience of a saint and my Dad was a authoritarian, I remember my dad lining us up now I was 7 and my younger brother around5 and that man swatted us each with a belt over and over and over until we had burses. across out legs back and butts.

Now it does take a brain surgeon to figure out a 7 and 5 year old could not climb up on the roof and shoot out the street lights on our street, or even how to load the rifle used., but he beat us just the same. 

Tough love ? I will hate him for that for the rest of time, he is dead and gone and I still hate him for that.  yes tough love, corporal punishment, hazing,   its all abuse in my book,   Not sure where or why that all came out and I do apologies if any found this offensive.  I guess that sniff of smok this morning thru my emotional trigger back on or I Guess I have Father issues.

[Gus]

You say anything you need to say. It helps to voice that stuff. It took me a long time to figure that out. Sounds like we had the same dad. 

[Opah]

WOW just read the above talking about a flip from happy to GRRRRR. for no reason.

Back to the emotional dumping, , what 5 months and this can still happen?

Linda I need some words of wisdom, I think I will go thoughts for today and look.  

Thank you Gus

[Linda]

Opah you can hate him all you want ,I would if I was you. But the past is the past that is why the windshield in a car is so big and the rearview mirror is small ,we have to keep looking forward. I learned along time ago from people that have hurt me I had to forgive them ,not for them but for myself. Didn't mean I liked what they did or approved. The forgiveness was so I could be at piece with myself and let go of the anger and the resentment, that I was carrying that was not good for me. Hope you day gets better.

[Linda]

1 hour ago, Opah said:

WOW just read the above talking about a flip from happy to GRRRRR. for no reason.

Back to the emotional dumping, , what 5 months and this can still happen?

Linda I need some words of wisdom, I think I will go thoughts for today and look.  

Thank you Gus

@OpahForgiveness is  not forgetting its letting go of the hurt

[Opah]

I understand what you are saying Linda, But remember that the rear view mirror may be small but it has a vast view, it provides you advance warning of what is coming up behind you, it reminds you where you have been.

In my rear view is a image of what I never want to be, and the memory of that reinforces my determination to not be that way.  Yes I am moving forward but you bet my eye is always checking out the rear view !

 

Edited May 8, 2021 by Opah

[Linda]

2 minutes ago, Opah said:

I understand what you are saying Linda, But remember this the rear view mirror my be small but it has a vast view, it provides you advance warning of what is coming up behind you, it reminds you where you have been.

In my rear view is a image of what I never want to be, and the memory of that reinforces my determination to not be that way.  Yes I am moving forward but you bet my eye is always checking out the rear view !

 

@Opah Its ok to remind oneself where we have been. I'm sure you will never be that way I can tell you have a kind soul

[Opah]

I guess that is why we have more than one rear view mirror, you pick from which direction you want to look thru.

 

[Linda]

That is true Opah, thank you for sharing,hope I didn't offend you but I have learned from not  so pleasant memories. I need that piece and serenity.

Edited May 8, 2021 by Linda
Spelling

[Opah]

You are correct Linda, Before I stand in front of saint Peter my heart must be free of hate and all that goes with it.  I will forgive those I have refuse to, I will set my self free of the burden and cleanse my soul.

 I will look back after and think I should have done this years ago.  

 

Thank you Gus, Linda, and Jill 

[Doreensfree]

Opah....

Tough love .....abuse ...Two different things ....

As long as we learn by this ,and don't carry it forward .....

I wish you well....

Linda ...Wise words ....The Serenity Prayer comes to mind .....

[Lilley]

@Opah I am so sorry for all you have been through. Personally I don't believe abusers deserve forgiveness. I hope this article helps 

 

https://medium.com/publishous/do-you-need-to-forgive-your-abuser-to-heal-faf20303be87

 

 

[Opah]

Thank you Lilley

I really understand Suzanna and where she is coming from.

Yesterday was a weird day for me, these emotions just welled up inside me.

Sometimes you believe you have dealt with and issue just to have it pop up and rear its ugly head again.

I really appreciate the support from you all.

As for Tough love we'll let that dead dog lay, Doreen,  no need to discuss our opinions. from here forward. 

 

Edited May 8, 2021 by Opah

[Opah]

As for today I plan to California Dreaming

 

[Opah]

Well half way thru my day today and all seems well except for be tired.

Been out turning some wrench with my guys, and staying busy, but just ate a meal and feel it is time for a nap.

Yesterdays emotional dump seems more like a dream now than reality.

I do remember my first time quitting after several years, before then I could stop basically when I wanted without any issues, but allways ended up smoking again down the line.

The first real time I had the emotional ups and downs, My wife was not understanding and it was tough, so close to a year and  feeling strong I decided just one ten another and a couple weeks another and once I bought the first pack that was it.  Back then it seemed like there was a lot more of us quitting and making plans to getting on the lido deck.

This time around it wasn't so tough but I did have the Tools to work with and you marvelous supporters, and Jill. she knows me really well and I trust in her advice.  I am listening more and BSing less and also hanging very close to the forum  Well I got to get and get moving or I will end up napping and that wouldn't be a g good thing.

A little bit later