Day 2: Someone brought me a cigarette

[Fluffyyellowduck]

Someone brought me a cigarette. I explained I was quitting yesterday but they did it anyway to be nice, and I tried to hand it back and I said "I donʻt need it" and then they said "Just hang onto it." They wouldnʻt take it back.  FORTUNATELY, my 11YO was right next to me after they left, and said "Please donʻt! PLEASE donʻt!" so which snapped me a little bit out of a near out of body experience where I canʻt really think all that well. I put it out of sight so they could have it back. 

 

Iʻm trying and Iʻm hanging on but realistically even if I flushed it down the toilet, there would be more around in a few hours and life will always be that way so I canʻt really get mad about it.  You still have to be around people who smoke, so accessibility is never really over, it will probably always be offered and I will always have to resist, and I know that the mind has to be trained with self-discipline. 

I know in 48 hours if I stick with it I really wonʻt care that much and Iʻll feel normal ALL of the time and not just only after a cigarette. I know the temptation will be gone but it really does make me feel crazy. I know if I want to get sick and dizzy and tired then I might as well drink a half a jug milk and spin around in circles for 2-3 minutes. 

 

I know all of these things and yet my brain keeps trying to convince me that if I do it wonʻt big a deal and I can start over. 

 

AND I KNOW ITʻS A LIE

[jillar]

Well my first thought is that  that's not a very good friend! But then I remember that smokers hate losing one of their own because it shows them that they too could quit.

Listen to your awesome 11 yo who doesn't want to smell yucky smoke on you. Or watch your health decline, because it will eventually. Do you want your own child addicted to cigarettes? Both my parents smoked and two of their three kids took it up as well so the odds are good that your child will think if you do it it can't be that bad.....

I also think you should know that most of the nicotine is out of your system after three days but the habit is a longer process to break. That's why we suggest the one year pledge so that you can get through most of the triggers faced in any given year.

So please, pour water on that cigarette and any other that is given to you. You're taking back your life now and you don't need them anymore....xoxo

[Aine]

I smoked 3-4 packs a day for forty years. The two questions I had were, will I EVER lose the craving/ obsession to smoke? It was a constant clanging in my brain. I had close to six months off nicotine when I realized I hadn’t thought of smoking for a couple of days.It got progressively better after that. I also wanted to know WHEN that would happen. Everyone gave me the same answer. It’s different for everyone, but trust that it will happen. Stay close to the board, play the silly games, and wait it out. Find out how to make hummus. Slather it on veggies rather than the eating  donuts. And, start walking and drink lots of water right now. Be kind to yourself, as well as you can. It is so worth it. One of my biggest motivators was being around for my then 12 year old son. I also wanted him to have a non smoking parent. Kids tend to follow in parents’ footsteps, I think.

 

Not everyone gets a “do-over”.

 

[johnny5]

Good for you for not lighting up and also for reaching out for help.

 

It is a lie to say smoking is no big deal and you can just quit again later.  I told myself that lie many times and, looking back, I realize that it would have been much better to have fought through the temptation instead of throwing my quit away and having to go through those first few days of a quit again.

 

Your brain might try to tell you otherwise but that is the junkie thinking of a nicotine addict.

 

Keep fighting through these moments.  Things will get much better with time.

[Martian5]

Great job for not caving in.  I really liked how you faced this situation and see both the good and bad that came about.  With the help around you (the board here and your child as well as others) you not only did well you can continue to do even better -- Keep Strong!!!!

[Fluffyyellowduck]

Thanks everyone. Iʻm embarrased to say it but to be honest I slipped and have to restart again. Iʻm re-homing my favorite male cat in an hour. I know itʻs not an excuse but I didnʻt expect to have to do it today and I didnʻt prepare myself emotionally. I also didnʻt plan or prepare myself very well and I just kind of jacked up

[jillar]

So did smoking that cigarette change any of that? You set yourself up for failure the moment you accepted and kept that cigarette.....

[Mee]

48 hours smoke free is awesome.  Concentrate on going forward and don't look back.  If you give into the crave or allow someone to sabotage your quit,  you will just keep finding yourself at the same place.  As you build your quit, thinking of smoking will not consume your thoughts.  Stay strong and keep that quit going! 

[c9jane29]

You just have to want your quit more. Your quit is what you put into it.. it's the best most selfish thing you ever get to do for yourself. You get to do it your own way! There is no wrong way, but the only way is to never put another cigarette in your mouth ever again. That's the only rule, the secret, the magic...NOPE. 

Take this time to mourn, grow up and out of you smoking life, emerge as a new non-smoking butterfly and just say goodbye. Get educated on nicotine addiction; understand the chemical changes that you are going thru to help you cope with the early withdrawal. Learn about HALT (Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired?) 

You can quit, friend. You just need to get your head in the right place and understand that smoking does nothing for you.

[garry mhudson]

As you move forward on restarting your quit you know you will have to be around smokers eventually. I would not take a cigarette from them even if you don`t smoke. Tell them you don`t smoke anymore and leave it at that. That`s what you want right? i had to deal with customers when I worked that would step outside to smoke and knew me as a smoker. When i didn`t light up and they offered, I said no thanks I quit. Most were encouraging and said good for me. You have to learn to deal with it. Best wishes and hang in there. You can do this.

[Fluffyyellowduck]

Thanks everybody   No, a cigarette didn't help the situation. If anything it made it worse and after thinking about it for a while I think it's also true that I'm not taking it seriously enough and I'm not ACCEPTING how bad it is. There is a lot of cognitive dissonance going on. 

 

About ten years ago, I was out on the front porch with my grandmother (who partly raised me) smoking with her and she asked me to quit so that I wouldn't have to go through anything she did. (A tube in her stomach to eat and ONLY live off of ensures for another 17 years or so, her tongue replaced with a piece of her leg. I think she had lung and throat cancer, and breast cancer.) She still smoked. She made me promise to quit. I said yes. Then I left across the country to move back home for a while. That was the last time I saw her and she died a few months later from pneumonia and emphysema.

 

So I'll have to stop disconnecting myself from that moment and get back on the ball. I also made a commitment to learn about HALT, as recommended by c9jane29 and I will also be watching all of the Tobacco Wars documentaries, as it seems to be well-encouraged here... judging by the placement.

[jillar]

I'm glad to read that you're getting the seriousness of our addiction. A lot of us had or have family members battling smoking related illnesses. My dad and my uncle died within two years of each other from esophageal and throat cancer respectively and yet I continued to smoke for another fourteen years. 

My uncle had been quit for two years before he got diagnosed and my dad, well he had a cigarette in his fingers when the ambulance came for his last ride on earth

I know you don't want to have to watch your 11yo watch you dying from a smoking related illness like you had to with your grandma.

I hope you stick close, shout out when you need and DON'T take anymore smokes from anyone. Reset your quit date, maybe even get yourself a ticker for your signature and lets get you quit. What a awesome Christmas gift to give yourself right?!

[Cbdave]

G’day 

Whats with smokers not wanting you to be quit. Gets me.

I had a so called friend who continued to offer me cigs. (What part of NO don’t you understand!)

I was feeling strong and had to make a stand and took one.

No I don’t need a light!

I proceeded to pull it apart in front of him. Dropped the tobacco out of it and torn it too pieces.

When he asked “what I was doing “ I simply told him “I don’t smoke”

He never offered me another.

Yes I shock like a leaf. Couldn’t believe myself ....but did it felt good.

You betta believe it felt damn good.

Edited December 15, 2020 by Cbdave

[Fluffyyellowduck]

1 hour ago, jillar said:

IReset your quit date, maybe even get yourself a ticker for your signature and lets get you quit. What a awesome Christmas gift to give yourself right?!

You're totally right and I REALLY appreciate the support. I am having trouble with the ticker though... this might sound stupid, but how do I set the time? Every time that I've set it, the time has been way off. by 9-14 hours. I'm assuming it's military time so I entered the data as military time but it doesn't seem to like me all that much.
 

[jillar]

@Fluffyyellowduck, when you click in the time box a window pops up and you pick the hour and then the minutes and on the left you'll see am or pm so click on one of those and then click set and you're good to go

[sgt.barney]

PFFFT.   A cigarette in hand is not a problem, right? 
Sarge ... for some weird reason ... still has his last cigarette. 
It's in a little case ... and all dried out and nasty ... and the paper's turning yellow, even. 
It's a few months shy of a decade old right now. 

Smoking will always be there. 
There will always be folks smoking around you. 
Hell Mrs. Sarge kept smoking for damned near 3 years after TheQuit™ before she, too, quit. 
There were always packs o' smokes and ashtrays and lighters and all the paraphernalia layin' around. 
You've gotta learn to say "no" regardless of what's layin' around or onhand/close-by. 

You have to handle cigarettes and tobacco being around you and just bein' able to say: "Nope ... not for me ..." and move on with life.

**
On another note: 

You need to fix your thinking. 
You did not "slip". 
A slip is unintentional. 
You damned well meant to smoke and knew what you were doin' when you did it. 
Be honest with yourself. 
It wasn't a "slip". 
It was ******* ON PURPOSE, with full knowledge, intent, and awareness of the repurcussions. 
If you can't admit this ... you can't quit. 
Take some ******* responsibility, right? 

[Fluffyyellowduck]

30 minutes ago, jillar said:

@Fluffyyellowduck, when you click in the time box a window pops up and you pick the hour and then the minutes and on the left you'll see am or pm so click on one of those and then click set and you're good to go

Thank you I got it  Now I will just watch this Tobacco Wars documentary and do the things

 

24 minutes ago, sgt.barney said:

You need to fix your thinking. 
You did not "slip". 
A slip is unintentional. 
You damned well meant to smoke and knew what you were doin' when you did it. 
Be honest with yourself. 
It wasn't a "slip". 
It was ******* ON PURPOSE, with full knowledge, intent, and awareness of the repurcussions. 
If you can't admit this ... you can't quit. 
Take some ******* responsibility, right? 

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

I needed some tough love and it's true. Thank you

[Doreensfree]

Start afresh ...you know the pitfall now ....you smoked ....

One of my favourite sayings...Take Smoking Off the Table ...No Matter What ....

There will always be a excuse to smoke ....the grass is too green ,the sky is too blue...

We Are addicts ....

You have to make that promise never to smoke again ..no matter what ....

If it helps ..stay away from smokers for a while ..till you feel stronger ...

I smoked 52 years ...and I did it .....you have to want to grab it by both hands ...

If you need more proof now is the time ..go back and read my story ...

[johnny5]

How are you doing today, @Fluffyyellowduck ?

 

Relapses suck but the quicker you put the smokes behind you and commit to quitting for good, the better off you will be.

[Boo]

14 hours ago, Cbdave said:

G’day 

Whats with smokers not wanting you to be quit. Gets me.

 

Crabs in a bucket.

 

You get a group of crabs trapped in a bucket and the crabs that try to escape will be pulled back in by the other crabs.  If the crabs pulling the others back into the bucket expended that energy in trying to escape, they could all bust loose.  Instead, many crabs resign themselves to being trapped and don't want any of the other crabs to experience freedom from the bucket.

 

Don't let the crabs get you down.

[Fluffyyellowduck]

2 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

 

If you need more proof now is the time ..go back and read my story ...

Where do I read your story? I am interested. 

 

I'm doing okay now, I'm being kept busy. I'm being kept busy with bathing and grooming kittens to be re-homed. I don't know if any of you have ever bathed a cat before but if anything can keep you busy... it's probably bathing ten of them. I'm up to my ears in whiskers. Better than smoke. Fortunately I have a lot to do this week so I'll have a lot to distract me AND I have noticed that I suddenly become interested in eating raw carrots when cravings come around so maybe I'll get night vision like the pilots tried to do in WWII. 

 

[jillar]

9 minutes ago, Fluffyyellowduck said:

Where do I read your story? I am interested. 

 

 

You can go to any members profile and click on "see their activity".  Here's a link to one of Doreen's threads: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/2205-my-journeyand-what-it-means-to-me/

 

[Angeleek]

Sorry you relapsed but you can quit right away again! So sorry about your grandma too. Watching my mom die of COPD got me to finally quit for real.  I want to breathe when I am 65...not be hooked up to an oxygen machine and have to carry a tank of it around to go shopping.

 

I didn't even tell anyone right away that I quit. I feel like telling people you quit jinxes it somehow and brings all the temptation from smokers {and possibly the devil}.  I think I was 6 weeks quit before I told anyone in real life.

 

People offer you a smoke, tell them it's giving you stomach cramps so you're trying to cut back...or something. Smokers don't want you to quit successfully...it's not cuz they don't love you. They want a partner in smoker hell. 

 

Best of luck in your new quit and enjoy those felines!  

[Fluffyyellowduck]

48 minutes ago, Angeleek said:

I feel like telling people you quit jinxes it somehow and brings all the temptation from smokers {and possibly the devil}. 

I think you're right! I know Joel from whyquit that it is encouraged to share, and I respect his thinking and understand what he is saying entirely, but I think it is also depending on the type of people you're around. It might be easier to say "I'm not up for it right now"or something similar instead of "I quit." Because in my experience, along with "I quit"comes a tidal wave of a lot of negativity and discouragement. That, or I have negative and discouraging people in my life. (Fortunately it seems that the more you start working on yourself and those people tend to disappear, so I'll just keep doing that.)

There's a TEDTalk by Derek Sivers called "Don't Tell People Your Goals." I've kind of learned to stop telling people everything after that one and it has helped me A LOT. I try to keep things pretty quiet and private now. 
 

And thank you! I just got notice that someone is taking the last three of my 11-week-old felines tomorrow, but I still have my adults plus a new baby, so I will be loving them A LOT.  (PS I am from WA too!) 

Edited December 16, 2020 by Fluffyyellowduck

[johnny5]

How are things going, @Fluffyyellowduck?

 

The early days of a quit are tough, even if you are struggling to maintain a quit, but quitting is definitely worth it long term.