How do you stay in control and handle your anti-supporters?

[Fluffyyellowduck]

What I'm talking about is those people who always have something negative to say, or when you're getting on a good path, and you feel like you're doing good then they kind of say whatever they can say to knock you back down. 

This is my problem every single time I want to quit. I am making it work and I'm doing well, but then the verbal abuse comes around the corner and knocks me back down. It isn't a "walk out of the room" situation or "avoid this person" possibility because I'm just sort of stuck with it at this time but I could really use some advice on how to be the peace in the storm without suppressing my emotions with nicotine. That has always been my "brick wall" self-defense mechanism.

[jillar]

Being around negative people is exhausting. I'm in a negative situation myself atm fluffyduck and what I do is call someone who is positive and has nice things to say. I also remind myself that those people who don't have anything good to say don't have the power to bring me down. And then if that fails....I eat an edible

The more you improve yourself the more insecure a negative person close to you will be because its the start of you seeing your true self worth and the beginning of the end of their mental abuse...

[johnny5]

First off, I'm curious if these negative people you are talking about are smokers.  I know that when I was a smoker, I often got defensive when one of my smoking friends attempted to quit.  I didn't try to sabotage their quit but I definitely felt threatened.  Looking back, I realize that I was envious of people who were trying to quit and might possibly be successful.  If these people who are negative to you are smokers, fight past their negativity and realize that they might just feel threatened by you quitting smoking.

 

If they aren't smokers and are just jerks, then try to use their negativity to prove them wrong.  Don't let them bring you down.  I know that is easier said than done but realize that smoking will not make anything better.

 

The trap I always fell into when trying to quit smoking was feeling that smoking somehow calmed me or helped me cope.  The reality is, the only thing it did was feed an addiction to nicotine.  Introducing nicotine into your body actually makes you more stressed and doesn't make anything better.

 

Nicotine really does nothing at all positive for you.  It is all negative.  

 

Dealing with a--holes is tough but smoking will not make it any better.  It is best to fight through these type of situations.  Every time you fight through them, your quit gets stronger.

[Mee]

Fluffyyellowduck you are giving those people the power to control your life.  I came from a very dysfuntional family that was emotionally draining to me.  I lived a life full of put downs and I wasted so much time trying to have a normal life with them.   As I travelled my quit journey, I became stronger and did not allow my family to control every aspect of my life.  Of course, as you gain strength, the people who abuse you are going to fight harder to keep you down.  If your friends  or family aren't serving your best interest, sometimes it is better to walk away.  When you are finally at the right place in your own life, you will find that they can't control you anymore.

[Fluffyyellowduck]

1 hour ago, johnny5 said:

First off, I'm curious if these negative people you are talking about are smokers.  

Yes but it isn't really just about that. It wouldn't really that way all of the time. It wouldn't matter what I was doing if I was doing something positive to work on myself it would be considered as "selfish".

I am trying to not let it get me down. I don't want to end up ruminating and feeling bad all day and I didn't know what to do with my emotions, but fortunately I have ADHD, so I am taking advantage of that by joining a Python course that I might not actually complete to occupy my brain. If I spend all this time distracted and not smoking, then I still have gotten something out of it. 
 

[Boo]

Don't take it personally.  What other people say and do is not about you.  Negative people act negatively towards you because of the negativity in their own life.  That's not your problem...unless you take it own as your own which is entirely your choice.

 

Welcome to the Quit Train Fluffyyellowduck.  You have made a great decision for yourself by quitting smoking.  Don't let anyone or anything distract you from taking your life back.

[johnny5]

24 minutes ago, Fluffyyellowduck said:

I don't want to end up ruminating and feeling bad all day and I didn't know what to do with my emotions, but fortunately I have ADHD, so I am taking advantage of that by joining a Python course that I might not actually complete to occupy my brain. If I spend all this time distracted and not smoking, then I still have gotten something out of it. 
 

 

I can't speak for ADHD but I do know a number of people here have quit who had ADHD.  Quitting smoking is very doable.

 

I do know of people who have distracted themselves by immersing themselves in learning a new skill.  Python, or other programming languages is a great way to distract yourself.  Someone here took online courses to learn Spanish during their quit.  Keeping yourself occupied mentally with something positive during your quit is a great way to keep your mind occupied and not thinking about smoking.  Replacing something negative (smoking) with something positive (learning new skills) is a great thing.

Edited December 13, 2020 by johnny5

[Doreensfree]

Think Positive .....

We can give you all the support ,love , strength you need ....in abundance .....

This Quit is your baby ....you look after it ike a newborn ..it need lot,s of nurturing....

As you go along your journey here ,you will gain strength , confidence,you never knew you had ...

I will give you a pat on the back 

 

[Wayne045]

If they’re smokers trying to “get you “back” just ignore them.   You’ll have the last laugh when you successfully quit and maintain it.   They are envious of you for having the Will power to quit and stay quit

 

if it’s anyone/everyone else giving you grief.  Are they giving you grief because you quit and might me anxious or slightly irritable for a few weeks.   Again I say just ignore them.  Politely end the conversation or encounter and turn/walk away.

 

if it’s your boss that’s a different problem altogether.  Check into your workplace conduct policy or guidelines or with HR

[Doreensfree]

Remember Fluffy ....

Deep down every smoker would love to be where you are ....even if they don't admit it ....

Don't worry they are so jealous your smoke free

[Angeleek]

Narcissists and negative Nancies would rather tear others down than better themselves. Sometimes it's chronic pain or mental illness.  Either way it's not about you, and no amount of convincing on your part will give them a change of heart. Stay firm and focused on the person you are, your goals and the positive outcomes of your actions.  Give the narcissist / negative person as little ammunition as possible, and try not to let it get you down. They are miserable and can't help it.