Struggling To Get Back To Quitting

[Lilley]

Hi Everyone. I'm here today to ask for some help.

 

I was a constant relapser on the forum and then managed to hit my one year. Not long after that I threw away my quit and went back to smoking.

 

I know why I relapsed. It's because I genuinely believe I love smoking.  I know in my heart that's not true but it's the one part of nicotine addiction I can't seem to overcome. That is why for the whole year I never really celebrated because deep down I knew it was only a matter of time.

 

There are so many benefits to being a non smoker and I regret lighting that first cigarette.  

 

I know it's REALLY hard to find the stamina to keep encouraging someone like me. It's draining to keep saying "you got this" only to find days/weeks/months down the line they let you down ......again.

 

I'm feeling regretful that I threw my quit away but instead of using that feeling to quit I'm using it to keep smoking. 

 

I don't even know what I'm asking from you.  Maybe to stroke my brow and tell me it's all going to be ok, or maybe I need to hear some real home truths and tough love. People in my life tell me how wonderful I am for going a year. They don't see my failure they just see that achievement and so I'm not getting the encouragement I need to quit.

 

Sorry for the long ramble but just needed to come here and get that all out  

[Reciprocity]

So you know you CAN quit for a substantial period of time because you did that for a year so learning quitting tools isn't the issue here. What seems to be at issue is the you have never really quit in your mind. You're just abstaining and missing it all the while. In my opinion, that's the part you need to work on. Changing your mindset when it comes to smoking. Education about what smoking can do to us will help with that. We all avoid seeking out that sort of information when we quit because .... we don't want to know. Why not start researching that subject now. Reading about the link between smoking and all sorts of life ending diseases will help recondition your mind. If there are specific things you think you "love" about smoking, come here and say so. People can perhaps give you different perspectives on that. Make a list of the things you like about smoking. As I said, others may be able to give you a new outlook to focus on. And, what about the benefits you gained when you were quit? Maybe try to focus your mind on those next time you quit. 

 

Any one of us can change their way of thinking about something. That's the part you need to work on in my opinion.

[Mac#23]

Hi Lilley,

 We will support you in every way we can. From gentle encouragement to tough love if that is what it's going to take. It's hard work giving up smoking and kicking nicotine to the curb. People who have never smoked or had any type of addiction do not understand how difficult it really is to quit. Everyone hear on quit train understands . They have all been where you are . There are people in different states of their quit willing to help and encourage you. The big question you need to ask yourself is "Do you really want to be a non smoker and are you willing to fight for it". There is a lot of videos and articles here to help you in the right direction but you have to be willing to put in the effort and commit to 100% smoke free. So, stay safe, make smart choices and always remember to Nope ( not one puff ever).

[jillar]

How's this for encouragement lilley, I waited to quit until my breathing was so bad some days I couldn't walk to the mailbox without getting winded. My pulmonologist told me it was asthma but every time I got a cold my breathing got worse. Now four years after quitting I'm sitting here on oxygen, diagnosed with severe emphysema. Something as little as a chest cold can send me to the hospital or worse.

If I had of quit BEFORE my breathing issues started I probably could of staved off most of this, at least for a few more years if nothing else. Don't be stupid like me. Instead of thinking about what you like about smoking think about what you like about being quit. 

As far as your friends and family not seeing your failure, they do see it. And if you want to know what they honestly think, ask them. 

[Mona]

Hi Lilly, I remember reading all of your posts when you were trying to quit last year.  To me, it always seemed that you depended on other people too much.  You wanted people to tell you the magic words to make you quit.  Then you wanted people to tell you things to make you happy that you had quit.  Looks like you are still doing this:

 

16 minutes ago, Lilley said:

People in my life tell me how wonderful I am for going a year. They don't see my failure they just see that achievement and so I'm not getting the encouragement I need to quit.  

 

This just sounds so wrong.  You don't need encouragement to quit.  You need to make a decision and stick with it.  You need to do the work yourself.  Nobody can do it for you.  Nobody can quit for you.  Nobody can make you happy that you quit.

 

Do what you have to do to wrap your head around your addiction.  Do what you have to do to get happier...to me it seems like you may suffer from depression.  Then come up with your quit plan, commit to it, and do it!

[Doreensfree]

Lilley 

We have been around the block a little with this .....I seem to remember you got angry when tough love was given ....wrapping it up in cotton wool will not help you understand this addiction ....

Your a nicotine addict ...as we all are ..!!!! You don't love smoking ...your hooked .

Your still believeing all the lies ...

You had a great quit going ....but it does sound as if you still hadn't got it set in your thinking smoking will do nothing for you ...

Once you have COPD ...there is no cure ...none....I have just watched my hubby die of Emphysema.

It doesn't just happen to everyone else ...it could happen to you ....

Go back to basics Lilly.....

But it does have to come from you !!!!.....we can support you as much as humanly possible ....

But we carnt quit for you ..

 

[Lilley]

Thank you 

1 hour ago, Mona said:

Hi Lilly, I remember reading all of your posts when you were trying to quit last year.  To me, it always seemed that you depended on other people too much.  You wanted people to tell you the magic words to make you quit.  Then you wanted people to tell you things to make you happy that you had quit.  Looks like you are still doing this:

 

 

This just sounds so wrong.  You don't need encouragement to quit.  You need to make a decision and stick with it.  You need to do the work yourself.  Nobody can do it for you.  Nobody can quit for you.  Nobody can make you happy that you quit.

 

Do what you have to do to wrap your head around your addiction.  Do what you have to do to get happier...to me it seems like you may suffer from depression.  Then come up with your quit plan, commit to it, and do it!

 

Thanks @Mona Yes I am looking for encouragement to quit and when I do I will want people to to tell me how great I'm doing and why I should be happy I've quit.  I thought that was the whole purpose of the board ie to keep us all going.  

 

Just for the record I'm definately not depressed.

 

I was looking for tips rather than a character assassination

[Lilley]

2 hours ago, jillar said:

How's this for encouragement lilley, I waited to quit until my breathing was so bad some days I couldn't walk to the mailbox without getting winded. My pulmonologist told me it was asthma but every time I got a cold my breathing got worse. Now four years after quitting I'm sitting here on oxygen, diagnosed with severe emphysema. Something as little as a chest cold can send me to the hospital or worse.

If I had of quit BEFORE my breathing issues started I probably could of staved off most of this, at least for a few more years if nothing else. Don't be stupid like me. Instead of thinking about what you like about smoking think about what you like about being quit. 

As far as your friends and family not seeing your failure, they do see it. And if you want to know what they honestly think, ask them. 

 

I'm really saddened to read this @jillar  I knew you had asthma but I never expected to hear that.

[Lilley]

15 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

Lilley 

We have been around the block a little with this .....I seem to remember you got angry when tough love was given ....wrapping it up in cotton wool will not help you understand this addiction ....

Your a nicotine addict ...as we all are ..!!!! You don't love smoking ...your hooked .

Your still believeing all the lies ...

You had a great quit going ....but it does sound as if you still hadn't got it set in your thinking smoking will do nothing for you ...

Once you have COPD ...there is no cure ...none....I have just watched my hubby die of Emphysema.

It doesn't just happen to everyone else ...it could happen to you ....

Go back to basics Lilly.....

But it does have to come from you !!!!.....we can support you as much as humanly possible ....

But we carnt quit for you ..

 

 

Hi @Doreensfree  I did get angry but that was the addict in me not wanting to hear the truth.  Back to basics sounds like a good plan  

 

 

[Lilley]

2 hours ago, reciprocity said:

So you know you CAN quit for a substantial period of time because you did that for a year so learning quitting tools isn't the issue here. What seems to be at issue is the you have never really quit in your mind. You're just abstaining and missing it all the while. In my opinion, that's the part you need to work on. Changing your mindset when it comes to smoking. Education about what smoking can do to us will help with that. We all avoid seeking out that sort of information when we quit because .... we don't want to know. Why not start researching that subject now. Reading about the link between smoking and all sorts of life ending diseases will help recondition your mind. If there are specific things you think you "love" about smoking, come here and say so. People can perhaps give you different perspectives on that. Make a list of the things you like about smoking. As I said, others may be able to give you a new outlook to focus on. And, what about the benefits you gained when you were quit? Maybe try to focus your mind on those next time you quit. 

 

Any one of us can change their way of thinking about something. That's the part you need to work on in my opinion.

 

Looking back I think you're spot on @reciprocity I didn't really quit I just abstained.  That is something I need to think about more and try and work out why I did that  

[Doreensfree]

This is tough love Lilly...

Don't look at it negative .....if we didn't want to help we wouldn't have been bothered to answer your post ...

Look at it as a positive response ....

We are giving you support the best way each of us can ....

So take your seat ..buckle up ....and read and watch ....

If it doesn't sink in first time ..read it all again ...until the light bulb goes on ...

You have quit ....you just needed to enjoy being a non smoker ...and believe in yourself ....

Take the daily pledge ...get a ticker ....join in the board Newbies helping Newbies ...it helps your own quit more solid ...

Have you quit Lilly ....or you still smoking ???

 

[Lilley]

2 hours ago, Mac#23 said:

Hi Lilley,

 We will support you in every way we can. From gentle encouragement to tough love if that is what it's going to take. It's hard work giving up smoking and kicking nicotine to the curb. People who have never smoked or had any type of addiction do not understand how difficult it really is to quit. Everyone hear on quit train understands . They have all been where you are . There are people in different states of their quit willing to help and encourage you. The big question you need to ask yourself is "Do you really want to be a non smoker and are you willing to fight for it". There is a lot of videos and articles here to help you in the right direction but you have to be willing to put in the effort and commit to 100% smoke free. So, stay safe, make smart choices and always remember to Nope ( not one puff ever).

 

 @Mac#23  thank you. You are doing great and have the attitude I'm working on getting  

[Lilley]

4 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

This is tough love Lilly...

Don't look at it negative .....if we didn't want to help we wouldn't have been bothered to answer your post ...

Look at it as a positive response ....

We are giving you support the best way each of us can ....

So take your seat ..buckle up ....and read and watch ....

If it doesn't sink in first time ..read it all again ...until the light bulb goes on ...

You have quit ....you just needed to enjoy being a non smoker ...and believe in yourself ....

Take the daily pledge ...get a ticker ....join in the board Newbies helping Newbies ...it helps your own quit more solid ...

Have you quit Lilly ....or you still smoking ???

 

 

I'm still smoking @Doreensfree which is why I came here today. I thought it would be easy to quit again but it's harder than it was before.

 

I am going to read and set my quit window. I can't just stop as I need a plan in my head.  My window is quit by 01 July.

[Doreensfree]

I knew if I lost this quit ...I probably wouldn't have it in me for another....I had lost hundreds of quits ...

The difference this time is knowing I couldn't smoke ..no matter what was happening in my life ...

Take smoking Off the Table ...my junkie brain took this on board ....

I can understand you leading up till the 1 st July...but I think that's worse watching that day come close and closer ...knowing your smoking days are coming to a end ...

It's like leading up to some thing huge....

My advice ..don't over think ..just trash the ciggs you have ....might as well start now ...

Why wait ...????....why put more poison in your body ..just to get rid of it days later ...

Make the positive decision ...you Quit !!!!.....

You refuse to kill yourself slowly any more ...don't give those companies your money any more ...

They get rich ...you die ....

 

[Lilley]

15 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

I knew if I lost this quit ...I probably wouldn't have it in me for another....I had lost hundreds of quits ...

The difference this time is knowing I couldn't smoke ..no matter what was happening in my life ...

Take smoking Off the Table ...my junkie brain took this on board ....

I can understand you leading up till the 1 st July...but I think that's worse watching that day come close and closer ...knowing your smoking days are coming to a end ...

It's like leading up to some thing huge....

My advice ..don't over think ..just trash the ciggs you have ....might as well start now ...

Why wait ...????....why put more poison in your body ..just to get rid of it days later ...

Make the positive decision ...you Quit !!!!.....

You refuse to kill yourself slowly any more ...don't give those companies your money any more ...

They get rich ...you die ....

 

 

I hear what you're saying and I do get it but if I did it right now I would feel I wasnt making the choice.  I know that probably sounds like the words of a full blown addict but it's not. I was diagnosed with OCD a couple of years ago and having a plan is essential for me.

[Sazerac]

4 hours ago, Lilley said:

Hi Everyone. I'm here today to ask for some help.

 

I was a constant relapser on the forum and then managed to hit my one year. Not long after that I threw away my quit and went back to smoking.

 

I know why I relapsed. It's because I genuinely believe I love smoking.  I know in my heart that's not true but it's the one part of nicotine addiction I can't seem to overcome. That is why for the whole year I never really celebrated because deep down I knew it was only a matter of time.

 

There are so many benefits to being a non smoker and I regret lighting that first cigarette.  

 

I know it's REALLY hard to find the stamina to keep encouraging someone like me. It's draining to keep saying "you got this" only to find days/weeks/months down the line they let you down ......again.

 

I'm feeling regretful that I threw my quit away but instead of using that feeling to quit I'm using it to keep smoking. 

 

I don't even know what I'm asking from you.  Maybe to stroke my brow and tell me it's all going to be ok, or maybe I need to hear some real home truths and tough love. People in my life tell me how wonderful I am for going a year. They don't see my failure they just see that achievement and so I'm not getting the encouragement I need to quit.

 

Sorry for the long ramble but just needed to come here and get that all out  

 

 

40 minutes ago, Lilley said:

I am going to read and set my quit window. I can't just stop as I need a plan in my head.  My window is quit by 01 July.

 

 

Lily,  Your 'quit window' has been open for many years. 

 

Every damn day you smoke, you could be free.

Every cigarette you light could be your last one.

 

Start at the beginning again even if you think you know it all because if you are still smoking it hasn't sunk in AT ALL.

 

10 Ways To Effectively Use This Forum To Stop Using Nicotine

 

People come and go.  Some quit, some relapse, it is the nature of Nicotine Addiction. 

 

If you are here to build a sturdy, successful quit and being Honest and Kind, we will be here for support.

 

[Lilley]

3 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

 

 

 

 

Lily,  Your 'quit window' has been open for many years. 

 

Every damn day you smoke, you could be free.

Every cigarette you light could be your last one.

 

Start at the beginning again even if you think you know it all because if you are still smoking it hasn't sunk in AT ALL.

 

10 Ways To Effectively Use This Forum To Stop Using Nicotine

 

People come and go.  Some quit, some relapse, it is the nature of Nicotine Addiction. 

 

If you are here to build a sturdy, successful quit and being Honest and Kind, we will be here for support.

 

 

The last paragraph is exactly why I'm here @Sazerac I promise you that.

 

I will go and read the link now  

 

 

[NADA]

My advice is simple. Stop looking for an excuse why you keep failing and start looking for the commitment required to succeed.

 

[JohnQ]

7 hours ago, Lilley said:

...I know why I relapsed. It's because I genuinely believe I love smoking....

t

4 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

...Your a nicotine addict ...as we all are ..!!!! You don't love smoking ...your hooked .

Your still believeing all the lies ...

 

So true, we really need to comprehend this fact to kick this addiction.

 

 

 

2 hours ago, Lilley said:

 

I hear what you're saying and I do get it but if I did it right now I would feel I wasnt making the choice.  I know that probably sounds like the words of a full blown addict but it's not. I was diagnosed with OCD a couple of years ago and having a plan is essential for me.

 

Hi Lilley, I'm really sorry to break to you, but the sad truth is that you are an addict, and so AM I.  We're both Nicotine addicts.

Like most smokers I've been denying it for years, but accepting this fact has been helping me to fight this addiction.  I now realize I didn't really enjoy smoking, I smoked to feed the Nicotine addiction. 

 

I used to plan for all my previous quits as well, birthdays, new year resolution, anniversary, etc.  But I believe all those plans were just excuses to smoke longer, again probably due to the "perception" of enjoying the smoke.  I've done too many of those "planned" quits, they don't work if you still think you're "giving up" smoking on that date. 

On June 1st, I realized how pathetic I was with all the excuses, so I said to myself "the hell with the plan! ", I dumped all my vaping stuff, torches, cigars, etc., including 2 packs of Cuban cigars worth over $300. I guess I've had enough.

 

If I had stayed with my planned quit, I would still be smoking right now instead enjoying 3 glorious weeks of Nicotine free so far.

 

So the real question is:  Do you really want to quit?  If you do, right now is the best time to quit.

Edited June 25, 2020 by JohnQ

[Mona]

It's great if you can spontaneously quit but I have never been able to do that.  I picked a date three days out.  I used that time to get mentally prepared for the big day.  As long as you don't keep pushing the date further out, I don't see a problem with it.

[c9jane29]

Yes, start again with the basics. 

Get yourself a quit box...fill it up with the good stuffs: water, juice, CHOCOLATE (this will give you that happy/sugar let down that mimics what you want), gum, coloring books, a plant to nurture...you know the drill. Put that box where you will see it every day, write your quit date on the outside of it because no excuses! Write out your quit list...put yourself at the top. You are important to us, Lilley. You are important to the people you love and we hate that you are stuck in the self destruct cycle. 

This is where I'm changing it up for you tho...every time you pass that box, you tell it something nice..."I already love you Quit." "This is it! My last Quit!" "It's you and me against the world Quit!" Speak that bad boy into existence. Give your Quit an identity that is separate from you. Name it if you have to, take care of it, grow it, love it, live it, enjoy it...it's a beautiful journey when you enjoy the ride.

Get yourself some motivation music, a play list of sorts for when you're cleaning out your closets for the 5th time.

We want you to succeed. You are worth it.

[d2e8b8]

I had to try a few times until I got the final quit.  Just go for it again.  As insidious as it is, you can beat the addiction.  There are many of us here who were able to quit after years of smoking and we are all ... just like you.

[Nana20]

@Lilley I am going to give you some tough love here. You need to make the decision on if you want to quit or not. We can give you support and encouragement all day long and all night long. We can sit here and hold your hand and help you through it. IF you let us, but you didn't let us. You chose to light a cigarette up instead of coming here. If you decide to quit you have to figure out how to come here when you are in danger of a relapse. Not just when you need us to get through a craving, but all of the time. YOU have a wealth of information at your fingertips, YOU have a group of people here who will sit and talk all night with you if that is what it would take to keep you on the train of quitting, YOU have to make the decision, with YOUR heart, YOUR head, YOUR body, with every ounce of who and what you are. That is the ONLY way it will work. 

 

Also I remember 

21 hours ago, Lilley said:

I know why I relapsed. It's because I genuinely believe I love smoking.  I know in my heart that's not true but it's the one part of nicotine addiction I can't seem to overcome. That is why for the whole year I never really celebrated because deep down I knew it was only a matter of time.

 

I don't know you from adam, but I do know that this here is a complete line of Bull crap. You see you truly don't want to smoke. Because I have never seen anyone trying to give up something that they just genuinely love. They just don't. So all those times you quit and relapsed. Is yourself trying to tell you through the fog of addiction that it is done with the smoking, it is tired of smoking, it wants to be free of the smoking, then the fog comes in and that voice gets dimmed. All you can hear is the roaring of the addiction, "you love smoking, one won't hurt", but if you were to listen to yourself. You would know that what you truly genuinely want is to be free. We can be here for you, but you got to make the decision to let us be, not just when its new and fresh, but when life is getting back to whatever the new normal is and you think hey I got this. and the addiction decides to rear its ugly head. 

 

The decision is yours. TO be chained, or TO be freed.

[Mona]

On 6/25/2020 at 2:00 PM, Lilley said:

 

I'm still smoking @Doreensfree which is why I came here today. I thought it would be easy to quit again but it's harder than it was before.

 

I am going to read and set my quit window. I can't just stop as I need a plan in my head.  My window is quit by 01 July.

 

It's almost 01 July @Lilley !

[Mee]

Oh Lilley, I am so sorry you relapsed.  I have a hard time understanding the quitters who relapse after a long period.  I am so grateful that I quit, I never want to go back there.  I do know that self esteem had a big play in my smoking.  As you travel the journey of quitting,  you have to build on that self esteem.  Know that your life is so worth saving and you have to want to do it.  Don't quit smoking thinking about the cigarette you won't get to smoke.  Quit knowing that you are stronger than the next crave.  You can do this.