Sad ramble-lost another to COPD

[c9jane29]

She was a pistol, that's for sure.  Hard as crystal, never minced her words. I loved her like my mother, her son was like my brother.  

Another taken too soon.

From her smoky room, one cough, two cough...I hear from the door.  Three cough, four... It's worse than before.

Hey, friend, can you hear me?  I push thru the door.

We're scared as the final moments come

as fluid fills her lungs

...then breaths don't come, not anymore.

Hey, friend, I love you. Hey, friend, it's okay to let go. No oxygen tank to take, no wheelchair to fold, where you're going, friend, there are streets of gold.  

She was nothing but bones when they took her away. COPD stole her soul, Covid paid her toll.

Every memory I have, there's a cigarette in her hand. It doesn't make me love her less, but it does make me mad.  Her grandbabies will never know the woman I knew...a fighter, a joker, a friend always true.

If I know one thing, if you don't quit, smoking will kill you too.

[c9jane29]

She was a really good lady, just "could never quit" because "she loved smoking".  After I quit, I secretly hated going to her house because she couldn't get outside anymore so her house smelled awful and the walls were yellow.  We knew the end was close but she wouldn't go into hospice care because of Covid-19 regulations would keep her friends and family from being with her and she didn't want to die alone.  We took turns, the lot of us, spending the night, having bbqs, popping by...she was loved and never alone so I'm not sad; just mad.

 

I hope you are all well and remember to wash your hands! 

 

[jillar]

My heart goes out to you and all her family and friends Jane xoxo

[Reciprocity]

Sucks big time Jane 

Keep the good memories close because that's what your relationship with her was all about.

I remember having to clean up my sister's house after she died from a combination of smoking and alcohol abuse. Her bedroom walls, where she lay and smoked all day and night, were a disgusting yellowish-brown. Stained from years of cigarette smoke. Made me wonder what her lungs looked like yet I continued to smoke myself for another year. Who knows, maybe that did something to tip the scales for me. Can't say but now as a nonsmoker, looking back on that makes me mad too so I know where you're coming from. Congrats to all us quitters for taking the steps to shape our own futures!

[c9jane29]

@reciprocity Thank you for sharing that with me. It is awful. 

Her friends were going in there that night before she passed smoking with her... holding the cigarette up to her lips, giggling like little girls that she could manage even a tiny puff.  It was just...idk...morbid? Sickening? I'm always baffled and taken aback in those moments, speechless even (doesn't happen often) but to each their own. 

This is the truth of smoking tho, and that's why I post it bare and unfiltered. It's not the quitting (because you can quit) it's not the staying quit (because once you quit that's all there is)...it's not even the dying... it's the people you are leaving behind. Grandbabies with no memories of their grandparents, daughters having to have her wedding at hospital bedside because you're not going to make it home, husband's selling retirement dreams to pay for your funeral...

Man. I hate cigarettes. 

 

Rejoice, rejoice in the quit! Stand strong knowing that you only truly have to do it once. 

If you still smoke, please know there is light at the end of the tunnel...just put out that cigarette, get on the train and ride to it, my friend! 

[Mee]

5 hours ago, c9jane29 said:

I hope you are all well and remember to wash your hands! 

Jane, so sad to hear of your friend but glad you popped in.  I miss you lady.  You were such a huge help in my quit.  I hope you are all settled in you new home and surviving the pandemic.

Much love linda

[Doreensfree]

Aww Jane ....

I too have felt your pain ...lost my life long friend of over 60 years.. die of a horrible death due to smoking ..

Watching her beg for that last cigerette broke my heart ...

Also my hubby last year lost his fight after suffering for years with Emphysema....

I'm  so sorry for your loss ....

I too hate smoking with a passion .....

Hugs Sweetheart

[Angeleek]

Thank you for sharing your story, C9jane. It's a great reminder of why we quit smoking. I lost my mom to COPD a year and a half ago. It's a gruesome way to go and something I don't want for my future and a huge reason why I finally quit.

 

It's hard to understand how a person can keep smoking through lung disease, cancer, etc, especially with loved ones who care about them or depend on them still in the world.  I can only guess that my mom was so depressed without her cigarettes that she just had to smoke, as nothing else successfully alleviated her depression, in her opinion. It doesn't make it better, but it helps with understanding.  

 

May we all avoid the disabilities caused by smoking by stopping now and staying quit!

 

Lovely poem. What a heartfelt way to tell your story. Thank you.

Edited July 6, 2020 by Angeleek