Day 5

[Nana20]

Well day 5 and I woke up pissed off and really craving a cigarette. So as far as days go this is by far the worst. Got mad at my husband for something he didn't do and to top it off I yelled at him for it. Then I been having cravings like all get out. I am NOPE'ing my way through and  sticking close to the boards and staying away from everyone today.

[Mac#23]

That's it Nana, stand your ground. Nothing good in life comes easy. We usually have to work for it. Quitting smoking is no different. So, stay safe, make smart choices and always remember the NOPE pledge.

[Sazerac]

Hey Nana,

Hang tough.  Breathe through this and calm yourself.  Craves do not last all day.  Time them.  They are actually short lived.

 

In the beginning, I opted for obsessing over the crave which prolonged my distress. I had a few epic tantrums.

Then, I started to cut the thoughts loose

and purposefully change my thinking by looking at something beautiful or listening to something beautiful while in the throes of a crave.

 

Even though I was kinda sorta faking it,  my brain caught on and found more beauty to admire.

 

If you smile, even smile a fake smile, endorphins are distributed automatically.  I used this to great advantage.

Chocolate also, lol.  

 

Hang in there, Nana.  You won't be here ever again as long as you keep your commitment to NOPE.

 

[Nana20]

34 minutes ago, Mac#23 said:

That's it Nana, stand your ground. Nothing good in life comes easy. We usually have to work for it. Quitting smoking is no different. So, stay safe, make smart choices and always remember the NOPE pledge.

 

Oh yeah I know we definitely have to work at it. The ironic part is when you start smoking (the very first time the time that started this all)you have to work at doing it because it taste nasty, you cough, and you find it vile and disgusting. Then the nicotine monster starts to get its claws hooked in you and all. As the nicotine monster is doing his job you junkie voice kicks in saying you got this. They are starting to taste good now, they are starting to make you cooler, and you don't cough anymore. Then the junkie voice then tells you to keep on going you got plenty of time to quit. So you do. Now here you are damn near 30 years later and your stuck in this push and pull you want to quit so bad that every time you smoke a cigarette you pray that you could quit. Then something happens or you really start to think about it and you finally make the decision to quit. the whole smoking process is a battle. you battle to start, you battle to smoke. Whether it be your battling with yourself to quit or your lying to yourself and trying to convince yourself that you like it. It's all a battle. Then you battle to quit and then you battle to maintain that battle. If I am going to fight a battle it's going to be the quit battle and maintaining it. So I am choosing to maintain my quit by coming here and posting.

[Nana20]

9 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

Hey Nana,

Hang tough.  Breathe through this and calm yourself.  Craves do not last all day.  Time them.  They are actually short lived. Yeah I know... I actually have a day planned out of sitting in my bed with my daughter(17) (quietest place in the house is my room) playing Xbox and vegging and munching out.

 

In the beginning, I opted for obsessing over the crave which prolonged my distress. I had a few epic tantrums. Yeah I have had one tantrum where I just went completely berserk.

Then, I started to cut the thoughts loose

and purposefully change my thinking by looking at something beautiful or listening to something beautiful while in the throes of a crave. I will have to try this as a coping mechanism

 

Even though I was kinda sorta faking it,  my brain caught on and found more beauty to admire. Fake it til you make it isn't that what they say. You wanted your brain to see one thing so you continually told it what you wanted to see until it finally saw what you wanted and not what it wanted.

 

If you smile, even smile a fake smile, endorphins are distributed automatically.  I used this to great advantage.

Chocolate also, lol.  Yes I am not a real big sweets person, but lately I have noticed I am craving more sweets

 

Hang in there, Nana.  You won't be here ever again as long as you keep your commitment to NOPE. I plan on keeping my commitment to NOPE. I also plan on hanging in there that is why I came here instead of using my dream or my irritability as an excuse to do something I don't want to be doing. I would not have put myself through the last 5 days. I mean I am 9 hours and 10 minutes into day 5 and to me the struggles, the going a little crazy, this is what I signed up for. I haven't been through what I have gone through already to let a little dream and waking crave to give up. No I am going to use the struggles to help me through the upcoming struggles. I am going to keep reminding myself that NOPE got me through the last one and it can get me through this one.

 

 

 

 

[Sazerac]

So proud of you, Nana.  You are building yourself a strong and sturdy quit.  This is awesome to watch.

[JohnQ]

3 hours ago, Nana20 said:

... NOPE'ing my way through ...

 

You got this.  Treasure your 5 days quit Nana, stay on the Board. 

I'll be your quit mate, I'm looking forward to post anniversary celebrations at the same time with you every month, every year going forward.

Let's do this, NOPE all the way.

Edited June 10, 2020 by JohnQ

[Sazerac]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^this from @JohnQ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

is a huge part of what makes this place so great.  Newbies helping newbies.  Thank you for your encouragement to all of us, John.

[Nana20]

1 minute ago, Sazerac said:

So proud of you, Nana.  You are building yourself a strong and sturdy quit.  This is awesome to watch.

 

 

Yeah most of my post even though they are to other people are mostly about me working through my quit. It sure hasn't been easy. I am doing this quit so differently than I have in the past. I have kept for me what works, but I am building this quit off of me. Like normally I would be eating sunflower seeds until I just can't eat anymore and then I am forced to put them down, but the thing is all I did was transfer my addiction over to the sunflower seeds. So when I get to the point where I can't eat sunflower seeds I end up relapsing. I am not using sunflower seeds this time. My last quit I used Chantix and I quit smoking, I allowed my junkie side to persuade me into believing that a road trip would be to much to handle 5 months into my quit and said I will only smoke for the weekend and when I get back on Monday I would put them down. So I let my junkie side talk me into throwing that quit away. Not this time. When I get off the Chantix this time I am going to stay on Burpropion for at least a year to make sure it is a solid quit. I am taking what has worked for me in the past and helped me quit, but not aide in a relapse.

 

All I know is this. I can spout that I want to quit because I want to be healthier and I want this or I want that. The point of the matter, brass tax, or the truth IS I just don't want to smoke. I am tired of smoking. I am tired of always having to light up because I just need a fix. I don't enjoy the taste of it anymore. I mean not really once in a blue moon I would light a cigarette up and be like ohhh that taste so good. No that never really ever happened. There were times when I didn't mind how it tasted, but for the most part if I had to imagine what ass taste like it would be a cigarette. Even with that disgusting image in my head I still smoked. So to say that I am quitting because of that, no. I am quitting because simply I just don't want to do it anymore. An now I am having to fight, but I got this..

 

 

[Nana20]

15 minutes ago, JohnQ said:

 

You got this.  Treasure your 5 days quit Nana, stay on the Board. 

I'll be your quit mate, I'm looking forward to post anniversary celebrations at the same time with you every month, every year going forward.

Let's do this, NOPE all the way.

 

Lets do it. I am in need of a quit mate. So we will help each other out. Lets NOPE our way, all the way.

[Nana20]

6 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^this from @JohnQ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

is a huge part of what makes this place so great.  Newbies helping newbies.  Thank you for your encouragement to all of us, John.

 

 

Yes thank you!!!!!

[Doreensfree]

Nana.....

Our bodies have alot of healing to do ....we poisoned it for decades ....it takes time ....

Be kind to yourself ....

All is Temporary......

I Think having a quit buddy is great ......

[johnny5]

You are doing great @Nana20 and a lot of this is normal for someone in the early stages of their quit.

 

Keep up the awesome work.  Things will get much better.

[Nana20]

Thank you @Doreensfree I know that this is normal, and I think that is why I talk about it. I mean I talk about it so that way one you guys can tell me that its normal, but also for those newbies that are going to come in behind me and need to read these kind of post and be able to breathe easier knowing that they aren't alone and that someone has either gone through it before or is going through it now just like them, just like me. I also post because when I am down and I am needing some extra encouragement I come here and I read my post and I see the battles I have already gone through, but I can also see how I handled it, I can see how proud I felt, I can see my own strength in words that I have written. So I come here not only for support, but to keep a record of my strength. Because in the midst of a big crave we never feel strong, we always feel weak. and that in those moments we need to be reminded of our strength. OF our courage. Of our commitment. I also took the Pre-SOS post thing to a whole new level. I made a freaking video basically chewing myself out and building myself up reminding myself on why I want to quit. 

 

@johnny5 Thank you as well. I do understand that this is all normal. And I know the urges will ease up and eventually become non-existent. Obviously I am not over-confident because I am sticking close to the board today, but other than a few brief moments here and there it is easy. My concern a little to easy. IF you know what I mean. Although I am doing it and I am really amazed that I am doing so good. 

 

As I was writing my first blog, I have realized a few things. One I went into a complete meltdown on day two and didn't even consider smoking. I mean even though my whole body and my WHOLE mind was in a crave. I not once thought or said I should just smoke. my junkie voice didn't pop up didn't say anything. I mean I acted like a raving ranting lunatic, but smoking never crossed my mind. 

 

BUT... More than that I realized that I picked the most stressful, the most imperfect time to do this. I have had several people including my husband, my doctor, both best friends asking me if I was sure I wanted to quit right now. I realized something as I keep answering these people. I look at all the stress I am under. Lets start by naming them

1) Lost my job due to Covid-19

2) My Son lost his Job due to Covid-19 and decides to move to Florida where he wanted his son to be born. They move in with her parents and are good until about 3 weeks ago when they promptly kick them out. So here I am my son, his fiance and their 2 kids a 2 1/2 year old son and 2 month old son (my first bio-grandson(the 2 month old is my bio-grandson), second grandson(2 1/2)) they are taking over my house and the only one I don't mind being here is my 2 month old grandson and that's because he hasn't started moving around yet.(Once he gets on the move and until about 5 years old,  I don't have patience for them not anymore.) So here I am my house is overflowing with people right now. 

3) My daughter is 17 (6 months from 18) and well do I need to really say anymore about that....

4) have you ever watched 2 new parents(because even though my son's fiance has a 2 1/2 year old, She hasn't really raised her first son) is stressful. Watching how easily frustrated they get and how they have ZERO patience. Then you add my husband complaining about them and there parenting or lack there of and you got me trying to help get not just the newborn on a schedule, but the 2 1/2 year old on a schedule. Which you can't do if you can't get the mom to stop sleeping all day and staying up all night. letting the kids sleep all day or I should say the baby sleeps all day and is up all night. The 2 1/2 year old I get to deal with until my son gets home and he then takes over. 

 

BUT.........

 

YES, I WANT TO QUIT RIGHT NOW!!!! The reason is because it doesn't matter whether I wait for a less stressful time or not. I am still going to go through withdrawals. I am still going to have to learn how to deal with stress. I will most likely still have stress going on in my life. I am that person in my group that no matter what problems I have going on in my own life. I am the one people come to for advice, to vent too, to dump their baggage and there emotions on. Which I am glad I can be that person for my group of friends and family, So I am always stressed. I will always have a full plate. SO, YES I WANT TO QUIT RIGHT NOW.... I can do this. If I am strong enough to juggle my plate and everyone else's plate then I can quit and stay quit. I just have to be honest the entire way. I have to be truthful. Figure out what works and NEVER GIVE UP AND NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER AGAIN!!!!

[JohnQ]

3 hours ago, Nana20 said:

 

Lets do it. I am in need of a quit mate. So we will help each other out. Lets NOPE our way, all the way.

 

 

[Reciprocity]

Keep in mind that by fighting the quit battle, it does get easier and easier as time goes on and in terms of the battle to stay quit well, that just amounts to not doing anything careless or dumb once your quit is secure. I have never really thought of that as a battle. More just light maintenance - sort of like cleaning the house once in awhile  

[Doreensfree]

1 hour ago, JohnQ said:

 

 

Way -to Go..John ....

That's the right attitude ....

[Mona]

I thought that Chantix was supposed to make quitting easier.  You sound like me when I quit cold turkey 4 years ago.  Regardless, congratulations on 5 days Nana!  Hopefully the days will get a little easier for you soon!

Edited June 10, 2020 by Mona
spelling

[jillar]

Wow nana you REALLY do have a lot on your plate right now! You should be even more proud of yourself for standing your ground on keeping the awesome quit you have going.

I do take issue with your Dr asking if you're sure you want to quit right now. Covid is brutal on smokers lungs! And as far as your sons fiance sleeping all day so you have to take care of the kids, not cool! Time for you and your hubby to band together and make some ground rules if they want to stay. Could this be why they were kicked out of her mom's place?

Can't say enough about quit buddies. They are the best! I had several and one of the coolest things about having one or several is that you don't want to let them down by failing. So even on my worst days, I had a bunch, I knew I could reply on my quit buddies and the rest of the board I belonged to at that time to help me through.

You're doing great, you're all doing great so keep putting one foot in front of the other

[JH63]

@Nana20 HI!

 I am glad to hear that that you are dealing with your quit in the best way you can. Concentrate on staying as calm as you can! I know it's hard, but you can do it. When the cravings come deep breath your way through them. Long slow deep breaths! Find a spot where you can be alone to get your head together. Set some boundaries! I have needed that quiet time alone at points during my quit. But at other times I don't mind the distractions. They keep my mind off the cravings! I'm a walking contradiction! 

 

Make Quitting Smoking your priority right now. Those other issues will be there when you feel like dealing with them. I am sorry about the extra stress your under. But of everything you have described,  your quitting is the most important. Smoking won't fix anything!

 

Congrats on your fifth day Quit!

 Jeff

[Nana20]

4 hours ago, Mona said:

I thought that Chantix was supposed to make quitting easier.  You sound like me when I quit cold turkey 4 years ago.  Regardless, congratulations on 5 days Nana!  Hopefully the days will get a little easier for you soon!

 

Chantix does help making quitting easier and for the most part it is smooth sailing, but it doesn't mean quitting without struggles. You still have craves and urges.

[Mona]

18 minutes ago, Nana20 said:

 

Chantix does help making quitting easier and for the most part it is smooth sailing, but it doesn't mean quitting without struggles. You still have craves and urges.

 

OK, that's good.  I've never taken it myself but do know several people who have taken it with very good results.  Onward to day 6!

[Angeleek]

Hi Nana! Love that you made your own SOS video! Day 6 was the worst for me.  You can totally do this because it's your #1 priority right now.  Battle on!!