My temper

[beacon]

As a smoker, I did have a temper and I was quick to boil but then I would feel bad and calm down.  Now as a nonsmoker I think my interpersonal skills are not as good any more.  I am over the general rage I felt in months 3-5 or so but now I feel that I am just not getting along with people like I used to and I am fighting more with others.  Most of my conflicts occur at work but still I am having some dificulties too with my family.

 

What do you think? Maybe smoking covered up a generally cranky part of me in some way? :(  :angry:

[El Bandito]

Beacon...

 

Are you a nutter?

 

Only kidding. :D

 

I know that I am grumpier now than I used to be, but I think it is just a privilege of being over 21.

 

I even manage the odd 'harrumph' now and again.

 

Intensely satisfying!

[Tink]

beacon i think i remember you saying you didnt like your job but i might be off track here but being unhappy somewhere will make you a lot more grumpier and it has a knock on effect in other areas of your life

 

i find at the moment i have less patience with people than usual but i think thats personal stuff not quit - life reflection because of quit has something to do with it maybe?

[beacon]

I think mostly I get mad when I can't have my way.  I guess I am a nonsmoking three year old.

[Tink]

oh dear i hope its curable ;)

[Ladybug]

They make me have a temper, they all changed. I just found out that my husband can be annoying, the dogs are on my nerves, don't get me started on my neighbors and my customers! Annoying ...all of them! Sales people, strangers in stores...all are annoying!

 

Ok that's not all true. My temper is fine,  but my patience level went down. Waiting lines in stores or slow checkout lines are killing me. Asking for my ID when I want to buy a bottle of wine makes me roll my eyes for minutes ( that happened to me 2 days ago in a small store in KY..seriously do I look like I  might be under age -give me a break) . 

 

You just made me realize that I changed! Crap!

[Doreensfree]

If I laid back any more I would fall over.....I never get angry......

But.....there was a few weeks early on in my quit.....I was a bit short with everyone.....my hubby and adult son.....

Thought it was funny....which made me worse.....I'm ok now......

[Jenny]

This has been the case for me as well.  It has lessened over time but I think when I smoked I used it as a way to blow off steam by leaving the situation and "taking a break" that I didn't really know how to handle things very well.  I've had to really pay attention to my reactions and take a break, walk etc....when I normally would have smoked.  It's helped.  Also, sometimes we just have less patience and/or people push our buttons more than usual.  I'm sure that has to do with it also.

[babs609]

Meditation.

 

Accept the people I cannot change

Courage to change the one we can

Wisdom to know its me.

 

I say that over and over sometimes.

 

We were smokers and I think there's a level of codependent tendencies in many smokers that doesn't disappear when we stop smoking

 

Same as when someone stops drinking. You can't just stop. Behavioral changes must take place and in order to do that....change the way you think.

 

Who says your way is the right way?

 

(Not saying that to you personally beacon...it's words I say to myself).

 

Doesn't always work. But they are tools available to me to use and I'm successful about 90 percent of the time, which is better then before. Takes practice.

 

When it comes to things I cannot change....arguing with the fact is like trying to teach a cat to bark...at the end of the day...you are miserable and exhausted---and the cat is still a cat.

 

Meow.

[Soberjulie]

I too am quick to get snappy. Just generally less tolerant and understanding since quitting.

Here's what makes sense to me:

When I began smoking, I ceased looking for/learning other ways to cope with life's stressors.

I truly bought into the idea that smoking was how I relieved stress and anxiety, so when I felt anything, I lit up a smoke.

Non-smokers around me learned to incorporate exercise or guitar playing or gardening as a method of stress relief......and while I DO some of those things, my brain hasnt adjusted to the idea that these are healthy ways to deal with daily stress.

I'm relearning. But it's a slow process.

I smoked for 27 or 28 years.

I've only been a non-smoker for 2months and 19 days.

I figure......as long as I'm attempting to move forward, learn new things, and don't hit or bite people.....then I'm good :)

[Frezflops]

I have always been a bitch at times (can I say that? dont know going for it lol) even with smoking lol........I think I used to use smoking as an excuse to get away from a situation that was pissing me off (not a healthy way to deal with that at all) now I have had to learn how to deal with it without smoking and it has been a learning curve and I have improved but still the bitch comes out occasionally.

[baffled]

I have always been a bitch at times (can I say that? dont know going for it lol) even with smoking lol........I think I used to use smoking as an excuse to get away from a situation that was pissing me off (not a healthy way to deal with that at all) now I have had to learn how to deal with it without smoking and it has been a learning curve and I have improved but still the bitch comes out occasionally.

 

Oh yeah.  This pretty much sums me up.   I can be a bitch at times.  When people made me mad, I'd go and smoke.    People must have made me mad all the time because I started smoking all the time toward the end.  Maybe its a function of age.  When I was in my 20s, I wanted to be liked by all.  In my 30s, I still tried to please but not as much.  In my 40s, started to think, why? But still wanted to keep face.  I just turned 49.  I am pretty much entering, who gives a shit stage.  Its kind of scary.  I need to bring it in a bit.  I don't want to go alienating everyone now.  What if I have to move?  Who will I call?  Need to think ahead people.

[Frezflops]

omg I almost choked on my snickers bar Baffled.....too funny maybe we can move in together and just be bitchy and yell at the younguns to get off our lawn!!! lol that is true and so me also I am less about pleasing everyone and more about screw it I am going do what I want!!! lol Ah the joys of aging, hopefully it will slow down otherwise I will be the crotchety old lady in the nursing home yelling at everyone.......

 

[leahcaR]

As a smoker, I did have a temper and I was quick to boil but then I would feel bad and calm down. Now as a nonsmoker I think my interpersonal skills are not as good any more. I am over the general rage I felt in months 3-5 or so but now I feel that I am just not getting along with people like I used to and I am fighting more with others. Most of my conflicts occur at work but still I am having some dificulties too with my family.

 

What do you think? Maybe smoking covered up a generally cranky part of me in some way? :( :angry:

Ditto. But I came to the conclusion that the people at work decided to start annoying me more than usual :)

[Nicole Diver]

Beacon you should be able to show your feelings! Sometimes I think we pushed them to the back of our thoughts and went and had a smoke. That is not mentally or physically healthy.

You are lovely and if you are not always happy, that is ok!

[leahcaR]

Meditation.

 

Accept the people I cannot change

Courage to change the one we can

Wisdom to know its me.

 

I say that over and over sometimes.

 

We were smokers and I think there's a level of codependent tendencies in many smokers that doesn't disappear when we stop smoking

 

Same as when someone stops drinking. You can't just stop. Behavioral changes must take place and in order to do that....change the way you think.

 

Who says your way is the right way?

 

(Not saying that to you personally beacon...it's words I say to myself).

 

Doesn't always work. But they are tools available to me to use and I'm successful about 90 percent of the time, which is better then before. Takes practice.

 

When it comes to things I cannot change....arguing with the fact is like trying to teach a cat to bark...at the end of the day...you are miserable and exhausted---and the cat is still a cat.

 

Meow.

Love it.

[Still winning]

Oh guys, I love this thread. Beacon the humpy 3 year old and baffled whose gonna be billy no mates! I too soked to control myself, now I just go mad, or cry - whatever, people will adjust or leave I guess :)  I'm still only 38, perhaps I peaked early?!?! Anyway, I am working on the finding something to just give a bit of space too, if any of you find the answer first please share.  In the meantime we will just be a bit more cranky from time to time while we adjust.. we were mostly smoking a long time so it takes as long as it takes to find a new practice right. xx

[El Bandito]

Am I the only one slowly tiptoeing backwards away from the screen?

 

very very scary ladies here

 

just very very

 

quietly move back away

 

​shhhhh....don't wake the cranky ones...

[Pippa]

Oh yeah.  This pretty much sums me up.   I can be a bitch at times.  When people made me mad, I'd go and smoke.    People must have made me mad all the time because I started smoking all the time toward the end.  Maybe its a function of age.  When I was in my 20s, I wanted to be liked by all.  In my 30s, I still tried to please but not as much.  In my 40s, started to think, why? But still wanted to keep face.  I just turned 49.  I am pretty much entering, who gives a shit stage.  Its kind of scary.  I need to bring it in a bit.  I don't want to go alienating everyone now.  What if I have to move?  Who will I call?  Need to think ahead people.

 

Omg - baffled are you me by another mother ??? We are even the same age !

 

I think we used to use smoking as a way to get out of a situation - now we have much more time to say what we think

 

Oh well - one of the privileges of age

 

Now el Bandito - not sue but I think I heard you say something - care to repeat ??

[Soozie]

I have always been a bitch at times (can I say that? dont know going for it lol) even with smoking lol........I think I used to use smoking as an excuse to get away from a situation that was pissing me off (not a healthy way to deal with that at all) now I have had to learn how to deal with it without smoking and it has been a learning curve and I have improved but still the bitch comes out occasionally.

Hi Frez ... I've just lost it reading this, absolute gold ... lol

[El Bandito]

Omg - baffled are you me by another mother ??? We are even the same age !

 

I think we used to use smoking as a way to get out of a situation - now we have much more time to say what we think

 

Oh well - one of the privileges of age

 

Now el Bandito - not sue but I think I heard you say something - care to repeat ??

No Ma'am.

 

Im just over here making tea.

 

Very quietly.

 

Very very quietly.

 

Honest.

[rww]

Weird, I have noticed that ever since I quit I have become much much calmer. Don't get me wrong, I still have quite the temper and I'm probably (definitely) more quick to blow up than the average person, but it's not nearly as bad as it was before where I spent most of the time just being angry/irritated/annoyed and generally enraged by everything and everyone.

 

I have no idea why, it's probably something to do with the smokers being in the constant state of the withdrawal from all those chemicals? Anyhow, I'm happy about this change.

[Holski]

Oh boy, I know just where you are coming from, Beacon.

It is a bit disconcerting to me sometimes. I don't want to be a grouchier person! :(

I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you except that I'm going to keep

not smoking, taking deep breaths and figure my body/mind is still adjusting.

:)

[Donna10]

Oh wow, are you telling me this doesn't go away?? I am only a month into my quit but I hate the rage I feel. I am such a miserable soul half the time I can't stand myself. All because Im not smoking.

[Holski]

Awww Donna, no. For alot of people, they are whistling dixie by now.

I sometimes whistle dixie but just not as much as I'd hoped by now.

I am not nearly as crazy grouchy as I was in the first months.

:D

Don't despair!

Remember, we all have different quits. :)